This morning's Today featured a segment about speed dating with a twist: To participate, the men must possess lots of cash, and the women must be worthy to mount a catwalk. When asked how he came up with the idea, the founder said, "Well, men want a woman who's beautiful, and women want a man with a lot of money."
Sigh.
I'm aware a market truly exists for this nonsense. I had a good friend who qualified as a perfect 10 (long blonde hair, blue eyes, perfect features, great body, and so on) who rarely dated guys unless she'd inspected their W-2 forms first. Not surprisingly, she went out with a bunch of rich guys who wanted to be seen with a gorgeous girl.
She qualified as the most miserable woman I've ever met. Money didn't make up for the fact that most of the guys she ended up with were hopelessly boring (I'm not saying all rich men are boring, but she tended to attract the ones who were) or had intolerable breath. It didn't help that she had a sneaking suspicion that if she ever suffered a disfiguring accident, they'd dump her in a hurry.
At one point, she fell for a not-rich guy, who just didn't return her affection. When he broke up with her, he told her, "You're drop-dead beautiful, but I don't think we have much in common," which pretty much trounces Mr. Innovation-in-Speed-Dating's theory.
Money and looks are great. Hey, I'd rather have them than not, but I'd take a kind, honest, fun guy over some self-entitled, boring loser with a big bank account. And, as for being beautiful, who among us doesn't want to be? But isn't it better to be wih a guy who makes you happy and loves you for you, and not because you're the human equivalent of a luxury car?
Experience has shown me that all women don't want a rich man. All men don't want a beautiful woman. I remember reading a quote by Gene Wilder about his attraction to one particular woman (it may have been Gilda Radner). He said something to the effect of, "She's not the prettiest one in the room, but she's the one for me."
Charm beats beauty, and it outlasts it, too.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
More on Love and The Law of Attraction...
To further the point of my previous post, I found this email from Mike Dooley in my inbox:
Not events, Terry, but outcomes. Visualize outcomes.
Not the cracking of the bat, but gliding over home plate.
Not the inking of the deals, but the kind of life you'll lead.
Not the scale, the diet or food, but the admiration you have earned.
And not the whens, the wheres, and hows, but the laughter, high-fives, and wows.
Not events, Terry, but outcomes. Visualize outcomes.
--The Universe
After the man of your dreams shows up, know how to talk to him.
Not events, Terry, but outcomes. Visualize outcomes.
Not the cracking of the bat, but gliding over home plate.
Not the inking of the deals, but the kind of life you'll lead.
Not the scale, the diet or food, but the admiration you have earned.
And not the whens, the wheres, and hows, but the laughter, high-fives, and wows.
Not events, Terry, but outcomes. Visualize outcomes.
--The Universe
After the man of your dreams shows up, know how to talk to him.
Chemistry, Romance, and The Law of Attraction
I love your blog, Terry.
Is it possible to find a man you feel chemistry with, and who is available? Seems like most of the men I find (I'm in my 40s) who are available at my age are boring or losers. I am a romantic and refuse to give up on sexual chemistry and romance. But I'm just not excited about the men I've met. And I don't feel it's because I'm picky. I believe that most of the good men in my age range are taken, and will be unless their wives die. And I WON'T settle!
There are no bargains out there.
I understand where you're coming from. I dated my share of losers, or guys who who were very nice but bored the hell out of me. The only thing that changed things (and it certainly did change things) was:
1. Writing a list of what I did not want in a man (that was easy).
2. Writing a list of the opposites of what I didn't want, which gave me a definite idea of what I did want.
3. Bringing a man with those specific qualities to life in my imagination (using all five senses and really feeling it. It didn't happen at first, but the more I practiced the easier--and more detailed--my vision became).
4. Repeating #3 morning, noon, and night (and whenever I was, say, trying to avoid making eye contact while riding the subway).
It took a little while, but then really attractive, fun, and available men started to come my way. I married one of them. Almost 15 years later, we're still married and actually happy about it.
The Law of Attraction works.
If you believe "there are no bargains out there," that's what you're going to get. You must believe that there's at least one guy on this vast planet of ours who possesses the qualities you want, desires a relationship, and is emotionally and legally available to have one.
Bring him to life in your imagination. Keep it up and see what happens.
I used to hate Valentine's Day.
Is it possible to find a man you feel chemistry with, and who is available? Seems like most of the men I find (I'm in my 40s) who are available at my age are boring or losers. I am a romantic and refuse to give up on sexual chemistry and romance. But I'm just not excited about the men I've met. And I don't feel it's because I'm picky. I believe that most of the good men in my age range are taken, and will be unless their wives die. And I WON'T settle!
There are no bargains out there.
I understand where you're coming from. I dated my share of losers, or guys who who were very nice but bored the hell out of me. The only thing that changed things (and it certainly did change things) was:
1. Writing a list of what I did not want in a man (that was easy).
2. Writing a list of the opposites of what I didn't want, which gave me a definite idea of what I did want.
3. Bringing a man with those specific qualities to life in my imagination (using all five senses and really feeling it. It didn't happen at first, but the more I practiced the easier--and more detailed--my vision became).
4. Repeating #3 morning, noon, and night (and whenever I was, say, trying to avoid making eye contact while riding the subway).
It took a little while, but then really attractive, fun, and available men started to come my way. I married one of them. Almost 15 years later, we're still married and actually happy about it.
The Law of Attraction works.
If you believe "there are no bargains out there," that's what you're going to get. You must believe that there's at least one guy on this vast planet of ours who possesses the qualities you want, desires a relationship, and is emotionally and legally available to have one.
Bring him to life in your imagination. Keep it up and see what happens.
I used to hate Valentine's Day.
Icky Men to Avoid
Radar Magazine offers an eye-opening expose on fellows to stay away from (unless you have access to a good supply of penicillin). Click on Colin Farrell's digitally-enhanced bare chest to read it.
Warning: If you're easily offended, do yourself a favor and don't.
How to avoid toxic bachelors.
Warning: If you're easily offended, do yourself a favor and don't.
How to avoid toxic bachelors.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
How to Get a Second Date
Hey, Terry-
I've had bad relationships in the past, which have broken my self esteem . There is this new guy who is so cute. I feel he is way to good for me, but I know that's the wrong way to think, so please help me. I'm in real need ro rebuild my self-esteem. Thanks so much for your time.
-D.
Hi, D.-
I wrote the following article with people like you in mind:
Okay, you’ve scored a date with a sexy somebody for Saturday night, and you’re terrified you’re going to blow it. Don’t worry; if you follow these tips, you’ll do just fine. The bonus? None of them involves getting plastic surgery or renting a Jaguar for the evening.
1. The key to being a great date is to love yourself. Nothing is more attractive than an individual who regards himself highly. It doesn’t matter of you’re short, fat, bald or hairy in all the wrong places. You’ve heard the maxim, “You can’t love somebody until you love yourself,” and it’s true, but nobody else is going to love you until you love yourself, either. Self-love attracts love like a magnet.
2. Resolve to be yourself and only yourself. Don’t tell me you’re not interesting enough, good-looking enough, smart enough. Ask yourself: Do you want your date to like you for somebody you are or for somebody you aren’t? Right. Now, be yourself, and understand that maybe your date will like you and maybe he or she won’t. Either way, you’ll live. I promise.
3. Visualize quiet confidence. For several days before your date, visualize yourself sitting with him or her and feeling calm, cool, and attractive. Really feel it! See, hear, and feel yourself laughing easily. Feel yourself smiling. Practice this while you’re waiting to order your coffee in the company cafeteria. Do it in the Laundromat. Feel it until it feels real.
4. Make a list of all the things you have going for you. A great sense of humor? Compassion? Beautiful teeth? Are you an executive at an up-and-coming company? Write down your desirable qualities and read the list several times a day. Let it sink in. Knowing what makes you special will give you confidence and an inner glow on the big night.
5. Now that you know what makes you wonderful, keep it to yourself. No need to turn the date into an infomercial: Avoid mentioning that you’re considered the unofficial mayor of your town because you’re so popular. Don’t brag about how you trounced Texas Tess in the chili competition. Allow your date to make little discoveries about you. Trust him or her to see that you’re an excellent catch.
6. View your shortcomings as positives. A healthy person will be drawn to you despite the fact that you drive a 1987 Chevette, as long as you’re kind, considerate, and funny. If you’re ten pounds overweight, there are people who will find you sexy because they’ll perceive you as being slightly indulgent. If you’re a man who’s balding and consider it a disadvantage, decide to make it an advantage. Many women see a disappearing hairline as a sign of virility.
7. Have reasonable expectations of the other person. What’s more revolting than a paunchy guy who expects his girlfriend to look like Paris Hilton? Or, a woman in a dead-end job who turns her nose up at the guy driving the 1987 Chevette? If you want to find somebody who will like you for you, be sure to return the favor.
8. Don’t stereotype. All women are not desperate to get married. All men do not fear commitment. Purge your noggin of the nonsense the media have fed you about the opposite sex. Look your date in the eye and treat him like a human being, not like somebody you must manipulate. Treat your date as you would have him or her treat you. You will be successful beyond your wildest dreams.
9. Remember, it’s a date, not a job interview. Don’t view this person as a potential spouse. Remove the pressure. See him or her as an acquaintance you’d like to turn into a friend. That’s it. Break the ice with a compliment, but avoid making overly personal remarks like, “Wow, you look hot in those pants.” Something non-threatening like, “Nice shirt,” works well because it conveys that you think your date has good taste!
10. Stay away from sex. I don’t care if you’re a man or a woman, sex on the first date is bad news. Don’t even think about it! Having sex on the first date sets up all sorts of weird and uncomfortable expectations. Furthermore, you could end up with a deadly disease. Hit the sheets only after you’re sure you’re both healthy, and that you actually like the other person. It makes for much better sex.
11. Accept the possibility that you’ll be rejected. Maybe you and your sexy somebody will hit it off. Maybe you won’t. When I was single, I often reminded myself that even Bruce Springsteen (the biggest, sexiest rock star of the time) faced rejection by the opposite sex at one time or another. So have Britney Spears, Brad Pitt, and all the other luminaries we’ve been trained to envy. Everybody faces rejection. Everybody. Not just you!
After the date is over, decide whether you’d like to see this individual again. Stop fretting that you didn’t make a good enough impression and ask yourself if you even liked him or her. Review the evening dispassionately. Is he or she someone you would choose for a friend? Did you feel good around this person?
If not, it’s probably best to move on.
If the answer is yes, proceed accordingly.
-Terry
Tongue tied? Learn to flirt with the best of them.
I've had bad relationships in the past, which have broken my self esteem . There is this new guy who is so cute. I feel he is way to good for me, but I know that's the wrong way to think, so please help me. I'm in real need ro rebuild my self-esteem. Thanks so much for your time.
-D.
Hi, D.-
I wrote the following article with people like you in mind:
Okay, you’ve scored a date with a sexy somebody for Saturday night, and you’re terrified you’re going to blow it. Don’t worry; if you follow these tips, you’ll do just fine. The bonus? None of them involves getting plastic surgery or renting a Jaguar for the evening.
1. The key to being a great date is to love yourself. Nothing is more attractive than an individual who regards himself highly. It doesn’t matter of you’re short, fat, bald or hairy in all the wrong places. You’ve heard the maxim, “You can’t love somebody until you love yourself,” and it’s true, but nobody else is going to love you until you love yourself, either. Self-love attracts love like a magnet.
2. Resolve to be yourself and only yourself. Don’t tell me you’re not interesting enough, good-looking enough, smart enough. Ask yourself: Do you want your date to like you for somebody you are or for somebody you aren’t? Right. Now, be yourself, and understand that maybe your date will like you and maybe he or she won’t. Either way, you’ll live. I promise.
3. Visualize quiet confidence. For several days before your date, visualize yourself sitting with him or her and feeling calm, cool, and attractive. Really feel it! See, hear, and feel yourself laughing easily. Feel yourself smiling. Practice this while you’re waiting to order your coffee in the company cafeteria. Do it in the Laundromat. Feel it until it feels real.
4. Make a list of all the things you have going for you. A great sense of humor? Compassion? Beautiful teeth? Are you an executive at an up-and-coming company? Write down your desirable qualities and read the list several times a day. Let it sink in. Knowing what makes you special will give you confidence and an inner glow on the big night.
5. Now that you know what makes you wonderful, keep it to yourself. No need to turn the date into an infomercial: Avoid mentioning that you’re considered the unofficial mayor of your town because you’re so popular. Don’t brag about how you trounced Texas Tess in the chili competition. Allow your date to make little discoveries about you. Trust him or her to see that you’re an excellent catch.
6. View your shortcomings as positives. A healthy person will be drawn to you despite the fact that you drive a 1987 Chevette, as long as you’re kind, considerate, and funny. If you’re ten pounds overweight, there are people who will find you sexy because they’ll perceive you as being slightly indulgent. If you’re a man who’s balding and consider it a disadvantage, decide to make it an advantage. Many women see a disappearing hairline as a sign of virility.
7. Have reasonable expectations of the other person. What’s more revolting than a paunchy guy who expects his girlfriend to look like Paris Hilton? Or, a woman in a dead-end job who turns her nose up at the guy driving the 1987 Chevette? If you want to find somebody who will like you for you, be sure to return the favor.
8. Don’t stereotype. All women are not desperate to get married. All men do not fear commitment. Purge your noggin of the nonsense the media have fed you about the opposite sex. Look your date in the eye and treat him like a human being, not like somebody you must manipulate. Treat your date as you would have him or her treat you. You will be successful beyond your wildest dreams.
9. Remember, it’s a date, not a job interview. Don’t view this person as a potential spouse. Remove the pressure. See him or her as an acquaintance you’d like to turn into a friend. That’s it. Break the ice with a compliment, but avoid making overly personal remarks like, “Wow, you look hot in those pants.” Something non-threatening like, “Nice shirt,” works well because it conveys that you think your date has good taste!
10. Stay away from sex. I don’t care if you’re a man or a woman, sex on the first date is bad news. Don’t even think about it! Having sex on the first date sets up all sorts of weird and uncomfortable expectations. Furthermore, you could end up with a deadly disease. Hit the sheets only after you’re sure you’re both healthy, and that you actually like the other person. It makes for much better sex.
11. Accept the possibility that you’ll be rejected. Maybe you and your sexy somebody will hit it off. Maybe you won’t. When I was single, I often reminded myself that even Bruce Springsteen (the biggest, sexiest rock star of the time) faced rejection by the opposite sex at one time or another. So have Britney Spears, Brad Pitt, and all the other luminaries we’ve been trained to envy. Everybody faces rejection. Everybody. Not just you!
After the date is over, decide whether you’d like to see this individual again. Stop fretting that you didn’t make a good enough impression and ask yourself if you even liked him or her. Review the evening dispassionately. Is he or she someone you would choose for a friend? Did you feel good around this person?
If not, it’s probably best to move on.
If the answer is yes, proceed accordingly.
-Terry
Tongue tied? Learn to flirt with the best of them.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Anna Nicole Smith Is Dead
And it's not funny.
Watching her at award shows two years ago wasn't funny, either, but countless TV and newspaper "journalists" thought otherwise. Hey, the girl sold papers. Guys like Pat O'Brien owe their careers to her.
This morning, Today featured an Anna Nicole Death-a-Thon, for which they brought in a panel of people who never even knew her to speculate about why she died, what the hell was wrong with her to begin with, who would get custody of her new baby, what her relationship was like with her mother, and so on.
Between panel discussions, Matt Lauer implied to Anna Nicole's former boss at Trim-Spa that he'd seen her demise coming all along. Mr. Trim-Spa gently reminded Mr. Lauer that the subject had been a "human being."
Clearly, Anna Nicole Smith had problems. She needed help. She didn't get it. People sure made a lot of money on her, though.
Watching her at award shows two years ago wasn't funny, either, but countless TV and newspaper "journalists" thought otherwise. Hey, the girl sold papers. Guys like Pat O'Brien owe their careers to her.
This morning, Today featured an Anna Nicole Death-a-Thon, for which they brought in a panel of people who never even knew her to speculate about why she died, what the hell was wrong with her to begin with, who would get custody of her new baby, what her relationship was like with her mother, and so on.
Between panel discussions, Matt Lauer implied to Anna Nicole's former boss at Trim-Spa that he'd seen her demise coming all along. Mr. Trim-Spa gently reminded Mr. Lauer that the subject had been a "human being."
Clearly, Anna Nicole Smith had problems. She needed help. She didn't get it. People sure made a lot of money on her, though.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Be a Good Woman
One thing I hate about being married with children are the multitudes of magazine drives I am subjected to on a bimonthly basis. I mean, how many magazines can a person read?
I subscribe to everything from Vanity Fair to Vegetarian Times, and quite frankly, my house isn't big enough to accommodate the deluge of glossy bound paper that Gary the Postman hurls into my box.
Still, my daughters continue to come home with mimeographed guilt trips from various organizations, along with descriptions of rags that will improve my life in countless ways. Like a dutiful parent, I tend to order them.
Just about the only thing I hadn't yet subscribed to the last time around was Woman's Day, so I ordered it. Yesterday, the March 6th issue arrived, and it blew my mind. After I finished reading it, I needed a nap (and I took one, too).
Two articles set my hair on fire:
"Perfecting the Juggling Act," which offered coping strategies for worn-out working mothers. Chief among them: Change your perspective. "Say to yourself, 'I can handle it,'" you little whiner, you.
Don't dare ask your husband to ever wipe the kitchen counter. Do not suggest that the people to whom you gave birth make their own lunches (Woman's Day tip: Do it yourself, Sister--the night before)
and
"Inner You: Ditch the Scorecard," which warns women to stop focusing on what their husbands do wrong. The author offered this charming little story about her aunt, Lois, who endured 42 years of marriage to her uncle, Tip:
"How do you put up with him?" I asked her. "Uncle Tip can be so mean! Remember the time he sold your pretty new car while you were in the grocery store? It was gone when you came out!"
"I know your uncle loves me, and I love him. That trumps everything else," Aunt Lois said. "When I get mad, I say why, then get right back to loving him. I don't keep score, he doesn't either."
Let me tell you, if my husband ever drove over to Stop & Shop and sold my car from under me, I'd consider it my duty to take him in for psychiatric evaluation.
Is it any wonder why two of my good friends are stuck in emotionally abusive marriages when the media consistently reminds them how lucky they are to even be married? Here's the message: It's your job to take crap! Tell yourself you can handle it, and you will handle it!
Interestingly, this very issue also featured a big piece on the number one killer of women, heart disease. It didn't list resentment as a cause.
Attract a man with the cajones to wipe a counter.
I subscribe to everything from Vanity Fair to Vegetarian Times, and quite frankly, my house isn't big enough to accommodate the deluge of glossy bound paper that Gary the Postman hurls into my box.
Still, my daughters continue to come home with mimeographed guilt trips from various organizations, along with descriptions of rags that will improve my life in countless ways. Like a dutiful parent, I tend to order them.
Just about the only thing I hadn't yet subscribed to the last time around was Woman's Day, so I ordered it. Yesterday, the March 6th issue arrived, and it blew my mind. After I finished reading it, I needed a nap (and I took one, too).
Two articles set my hair on fire:
"Perfecting the Juggling Act," which offered coping strategies for worn-out working mothers. Chief among them: Change your perspective. "Say to yourself, 'I can handle it,'" you little whiner, you.
Don't dare ask your husband to ever wipe the kitchen counter. Do not suggest that the people to whom you gave birth make their own lunches (Woman's Day tip: Do it yourself, Sister--the night before)
and
"Inner You: Ditch the Scorecard," which warns women to stop focusing on what their husbands do wrong. The author offered this charming little story about her aunt, Lois, who endured 42 years of marriage to her uncle, Tip:
"How do you put up with him?" I asked her. "Uncle Tip can be so mean! Remember the time he sold your pretty new car while you were in the grocery store? It was gone when you came out!"
"I know your uncle loves me, and I love him. That trumps everything else," Aunt Lois said. "When I get mad, I say why, then get right back to loving him. I don't keep score, he doesn't either."
Let me tell you, if my husband ever drove over to Stop & Shop and sold my car from under me, I'd consider it my duty to take him in for psychiatric evaluation.
Is it any wonder why two of my good friends are stuck in emotionally abusive marriages when the media consistently reminds them how lucky they are to even be married? Here's the message: It's your job to take crap! Tell yourself you can handle it, and you will handle it!
Interestingly, this very issue also featured a big piece on the number one killer of women, heart disease. It didn't list resentment as a cause.
Attract a man with the cajones to wipe a counter.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Christianity and 'The Secret'
In case you didn't know, Oprah will feature some of the cast of The Secret this Thursday (The Secret is the movie that introduced millions of people to The Law of Attraction).
However, Christians have questioned whether the The Secret endangers the soul.
Energy Therapist Carol Tuttle will address this subject in a free call this Thursday. Here are the details I received yesterday:
"If you are a person that believes in God, prays to God and worships God Christ, I feel it is critically important that as you study the law of attraction that you make sure you include God and Christ in the formula!
If you know others who have stayed away from the writings and works of others and rejected learning about the law of attraction because it seemed "new age" or too metaphysical due to this critically important information not being included in their work, this teleconference call will help you learn more about putting the law of attraction together with your belief in God.
Send me your questions. Please make them only 1 or 2 short sentences. Send them to carol@caroltuttle.com
I will only be taking questions via email and they need to be sent by 5 p.m. MT, Thursday, Feb. 8th.
Join me Thursday evening for "God and The Law of Attraction"
Thursday, Feb. 8th
6 p.m. MT (8 p.m. ET, 5 p.m. PT).
To join the Teleconference call:
Dial 712-432-3000
Enter Bridge # 513200"
When should you pick up the phone and call a guy?
However, Christians have questioned whether the The Secret endangers the soul.
Energy Therapist Carol Tuttle will address this subject in a free call this Thursday. Here are the details I received yesterday:
"If you are a person that believes in God, prays to God and worships God Christ, I feel it is critically important that as you study the law of attraction that you make sure you include God and Christ in the formula!
If you know others who have stayed away from the writings and works of others and rejected learning about the law of attraction because it seemed "new age" or too metaphysical due to this critically important information not being included in their work, this teleconference call will help you learn more about putting the law of attraction together with your belief in God.
Send me your questions. Please make them only 1 or 2 short sentences. Send them to carol@caroltuttle.com
I will only be taking questions via email and they need to be sent by 5 p.m. MT, Thursday, Feb. 8th.
Join me Thursday evening for "God and The Law of Attraction"
Thursday, Feb. 8th
6 p.m. MT (8 p.m. ET, 5 p.m. PT).
To join the Teleconference call:
Dial 712-432-3000
Enter Bridge # 513200"
When should you pick up the phone and call a guy?
Law of Attraction
Readers ask me if I truly believe in The Law of Attraction. Hell, yes! I have plenty to thank for it, too.
But I'm like anybody else. I occasionally forget about The Law of Attraction and struggle for things. I'll beat my head against the wall for a couple of days (or weeks, or whatever), and then I'll say to myself, "Well, what is it you really want? What outcome are you shooting for?"
Most of the time I haven't given it real thought.
At this point, I decide what I do want. Then I affirm and visualize that I have it. The hardest part is the next part, which is the allowing part. Allowing means trusting. Removing doubt. It means letting go, so that the desired result can come to pass.
It helps me to steep myself in material about The Law of Attraction to get through the dicey doubtful stages. I've already mentioned my affection for Joseph Murphy's The Power of Your Subconscious Mind and Norman Vincent Peale's Positive Imaging, but I just found a wonderful little book that explains how to use The Law of Attraction so simply even a child could do it (in fact, author Michael Losier devotes a chapter to teaching the subject to children).
I definitely recommend you check it out:
Think you can't bewitch a man? Oh, yes you can!
But I'm like anybody else. I occasionally forget about The Law of Attraction and struggle for things. I'll beat my head against the wall for a couple of days (or weeks, or whatever), and then I'll say to myself, "Well, what is it you really want? What outcome are you shooting for?"
Most of the time I haven't given it real thought.
At this point, I decide what I do want. Then I affirm and visualize that I have it. The hardest part is the next part, which is the allowing part. Allowing means trusting. Removing doubt. It means letting go, so that the desired result can come to pass.
It helps me to steep myself in material about The Law of Attraction to get through the dicey doubtful stages. I've already mentioned my affection for Joseph Murphy's The Power of Your Subconscious Mind and Norman Vincent Peale's Positive Imaging, but I just found a wonderful little book that explains how to use The Law of Attraction so simply even a child could do it (in fact, author Michael Losier devotes a chapter to teaching the subject to children).
I definitely recommend you check it out:
Think you can't bewitch a man? Oh, yes you can!
Monday, February 05, 2007
Attract the Love of Your Life
Get Ready For Love Radio Host Viveca Stone-Berry asked me how to do it, and I told her. Listen here.
If you want good love, you gotta make room for it!
If you want good love, you gotta make room for it!
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Rejected!
Finally heard from the agent who'd asked to see a partial manuscript of my novel, The Once and Future Sheila O'Connor. She informed me that that my characters aren't "very appealing."
Ouch! I like my characters, particularly Sheila.
I unleashed my angst in a post to an online writer's group and received two lovely reassuring messages, one of which came from Mary Castillo, the published author of In Between Men and the forthcoming Names I Call My Sister.
Mary told me she'd been rejected 17 times before her first book found an agent. Two more rejections managed to crawl their way into her mailbox even then.
Check out her website. Clearly, nobody's rejecting her anymore.
Stop wasting your time with men who don't cut it.
Ouch! I like my characters, particularly Sheila.
I unleashed my angst in a post to an online writer's group and received two lovely reassuring messages, one of which came from Mary Castillo, the published author of In Between Men and the forthcoming Names I Call My Sister.
Mary told me she'd been rejected 17 times before her first book found an agent. Two more rejections managed to crawl their way into her mailbox even then.
Check out her website. Clearly, nobody's rejecting her anymore.
Stop wasting your time with men who don't cut it.
The Man Presumes Too Much
Hi, Terry-
I'm not sure if this is the right place to pose a dating dilemma....if not, I apologize.... I find after about 5 months of spending time with a truly glorious man....he is going to take orders across the country in about 6 months...this is not something we previously discussed, and came as a surprise because I know he is due to retire in 2 yrs time and assumed his current duty station was his last... Being a rather direct woman, and realizing I'd made a faulty assumption....I asked what I wanted to know, "are you open to something long term or we just dating till you leave?" It occurred to me that since he'd known all along he was leaving, we might have been looking at all this differently.... His response was that he'd previously been married for 16 yrs and was still very cautious....that he wasn't experiencing the depth of emotion that I was....that he didn't think he was moving as quickly as I was and was concerned that because of that I'd be hurt....he also wondered whether I would resent he hadn't proposed yet...but of course he still wanted to see me.... I was horrified, said very little during the whole exchange.....yes, I've been out of dating for a while, but I'd never point blank ask someone if they were in love with me, or did they want to marry me!!!!....I only wanted to know if he'd been looking at the relationship as limited from the start, you know? I do like him tremendously (and sure, I think he's got great marriage potential)....which is why I'm even more concerned that this whole situation has crossed some line that you should never cross...can things be normal after things like this are said? Is this a lost cause?
-Wondering
Hello, Wondering-
Communication is vital in any relationship. Asking this guy whether he wanted to continue your romance or break it off when he relocates qualifies as a natural and justifiable question.
You did nothing wrong.
He overreacted when he presumed that you are more emotionally involved than he (not to mention clamoring for a marriage proposal!). He should be ashamed of himself.
It floors me that he knew all along that he'd be leaving. It's a bit dishonest, don't you think? Put it this way: If you knew you'd be hitting the highway in six months, would you have waited until now to spring it on him?
I wonder if he's ever heard of The Golden Rule.
I don't think there's any point in discussing this matter further with him. He certainly has a very high opinion of himself.
Whether you continue to see him until he heads off in six months is entirely up to you. I'd be friendly but keep him at arm's length myself.
To your happily ever after,
Terry
Attract a man who's worthy of a change.
I'm not sure if this is the right place to pose a dating dilemma....if not, I apologize.... I find after about 5 months of spending time with a truly glorious man....he is going to take orders across the country in about 6 months...this is not something we previously discussed, and came as a surprise because I know he is due to retire in 2 yrs time and assumed his current duty station was his last... Being a rather direct woman, and realizing I'd made a faulty assumption....I asked what I wanted to know, "are you open to something long term or we just dating till you leave?" It occurred to me that since he'd known all along he was leaving, we might have been looking at all this differently.... His response was that he'd previously been married for 16 yrs and was still very cautious....that he wasn't experiencing the depth of emotion that I was....that he didn't think he was moving as quickly as I was and was concerned that because of that I'd be hurt....he also wondered whether I would resent he hadn't proposed yet...but of course he still wanted to see me.... I was horrified, said very little during the whole exchange.....yes, I've been out of dating for a while, but I'd never point blank ask someone if they were in love with me, or did they want to marry me!!!!....I only wanted to know if he'd been looking at the relationship as limited from the start, you know? I do like him tremendously (and sure, I think he's got great marriage potential)....which is why I'm even more concerned that this whole situation has crossed some line that you should never cross...can things be normal after things like this are said? Is this a lost cause?
-Wondering
Hello, Wondering-
Communication is vital in any relationship. Asking this guy whether he wanted to continue your romance or break it off when he relocates qualifies as a natural and justifiable question.
You did nothing wrong.
He overreacted when he presumed that you are more emotionally involved than he (not to mention clamoring for a marriage proposal!). He should be ashamed of himself.
It floors me that he knew all along that he'd be leaving. It's a bit dishonest, don't you think? Put it this way: If you knew you'd be hitting the highway in six months, would you have waited until now to spring it on him?
I wonder if he's ever heard of The Golden Rule.
I don't think there's any point in discussing this matter further with him. He certainly has a very high opinion of himself.
Whether you continue to see him until he heads off in six months is entirely up to you. I'd be friendly but keep him at arm's length myself.
To your happily ever after,
Terry
Attract a man who's worthy of a change.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Viveca Loves Herself, Too
Here's how she does it:
1. I feed myself delicious, healthy food instead of coffee for breakfast, something fast for lunch, and who-knows-what for dinner
2. I married a man who adores me, loves me, likes me, and supports me instead of ....
3. I put myself in bed by 9:00 p.m. and get a full 8 hours of sleep, instead of getting by on as little as possible
4. I surround myself with healthy friends who love, respect, support, and inspire me vs. bar room friends, or second-guessing friends, or energy vampire friends or ...
5. I make time to pray and pause during the course of my days to connect with spirit instead of getting by on self-will and trying to control everything on my own. Note: Prayer works particularly well on the golf course!
6. I exercise and “shake it up” with different activities to keep it fun and fresh. (Just added stretching every night before I go to bed.)
7. Discipline myself and set up healthy boundaries vs. constantly overextending myself personally and professionally and ending up on my last nerve (and everyone else's!)
8. I “bookend,” literally, each day with an inspirational reading and fill my mind with hope and my spirit with sweet dreams and expectations instead of "news," gossip, crime, murder & mayhem!
9. I get rid of clothes that no longer look good on me instead of trying to make what looked good in the past fit me in the present
10. Go to the dentist three times a year because it hurts less if I do. My comfort is worth the extra time and money vs. skimping and reliving that marathon man scene ...
11. I handle uncomfortable situations as quickly as possible vs. avoiding conflicts and building up resentments, debts, illnesses or self-destructive “imaginings” in my mind
12. I read the comics or tune into something funny vs. being so serious about everything, everyone, all the time
13. Make a point to doing things well instead of perfectly because I know that perfectionism is a form of self-abuse.
Why don't you pay Viveca a visit?
1. I feed myself delicious, healthy food instead of coffee for breakfast, something fast for lunch, and who-knows-what for dinner
2. I married a man who adores me, loves me, likes me, and supports me instead of ....
3. I put myself in bed by 9:00 p.m. and get a full 8 hours of sleep, instead of getting by on as little as possible
4. I surround myself with healthy friends who love, respect, support, and inspire me vs. bar room friends, or second-guessing friends, or energy vampire friends or ...
5. I make time to pray and pause during the course of my days to connect with spirit instead of getting by on self-will and trying to control everything on my own. Note: Prayer works particularly well on the golf course!
6. I exercise and “shake it up” with different activities to keep it fun and fresh. (Just added stretching every night before I go to bed.)
7. Discipline myself and set up healthy boundaries vs. constantly overextending myself personally and professionally and ending up on my last nerve (and everyone else's!)
8. I “bookend,” literally, each day with an inspirational reading and fill my mind with hope and my spirit with sweet dreams and expectations instead of "news," gossip, crime, murder & mayhem!
9. I get rid of clothes that no longer look good on me instead of trying to make what looked good in the past fit me in the present
10. Go to the dentist three times a year because it hurts less if I do. My comfort is worth the extra time and money vs. skimping and reliving that marathon man scene ...
11. I handle uncomfortable situations as quickly as possible vs. avoiding conflicts and building up resentments, debts, illnesses or self-destructive “imaginings” in my mind
12. I read the comics or tune into something funny vs. being so serious about everything, everyone, all the time
13. Make a point to doing things well instead of perfectly because I know that perfectionism is a form of self-abuse.
Why don't you pay Viveca a visit?
Self-Love and You
No, I'm not talking about the sex toy variety but, instead, the healthy affection for oneself that attracts all sorts of good things, including satisfying jobs, fun and loyal friends, and thrilling men.
(I firmly believe that if everybody loved herself or himself adequately, we would suffer no wars, corporate power plays, gossip, or addictions.)
Do you love yourself? What are the little things you do to show you care?
Here's what I do:
1. I take myself out to enjoy movies my children and husband don't care to see.
2. I fill my stomach with delicious, nourishing food. I do not allow trans fats, high fructose corn syrup or other manufactured products to enter my body.
3. I read for pleasure.
4. I visualize achieving my goals while listening to my favorite music and working out on my treadmill.
5. I surround myself with people who enjoy my successes.
6. I avoid people who gossip.
What do you do?
Viveca Stone, of Get Ready for Love, and I want to know! Post a comment here, and zip it over to Viveca, too, if you're so inclined. No need to sign your name if you'd rather not. Initials will do.
(I firmly believe that if everybody loved herself or himself adequately, we would suffer no wars, corporate power plays, gossip, or addictions.)
Do you love yourself? What are the little things you do to show you care?
Here's what I do:
1. I take myself out to enjoy movies my children and husband don't care to see.
2. I fill my stomach with delicious, nourishing food. I do not allow trans fats, high fructose corn syrup or other manufactured products to enter my body.
3. I read for pleasure.
4. I visualize achieving my goals while listening to my favorite music and working out on my treadmill.
5. I surround myself with people who enjoy my successes.
6. I avoid people who gossip.
What do you do?
Viveca Stone, of Get Ready for Love, and I want to know! Post a comment here, and zip it over to Viveca, too, if you're so inclined. No need to sign your name if you'd rather not. Initials will do.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Spread the Love
Lennon and McCartney said it best: "The love you take is equal to the love you make."
Please give your love to the people of Darfur. It's free, and it doesn't hurt. Here's why you should do it:
It has been almost four years since the violence started in Darfur. More than 400,000 innocent people have been killed and more than 2.5 million have been displaced.
President Bush must take immediate action to end the violence by:
Engaging world leaders to enforce the no-fly zone already approved by the United Nations Security Council;
Working with the United Nations to speed up the deployment of a civilian protection force;
Enacting tougher, targeted economic sanctions and punitive measures;
Instructing his administration to play a major diplomatic role in supporting renewed, multi-party peace efforts;
Cooperating with Congress to ensure sufficient funding for peacekeeping and humanitarian aid.*
Please call President Bush at 202-456-1111. He's waiting to take your call.
*Thanks to David Rubenstein, Save Darfur Coalition
Please give your love to the people of Darfur. It's free, and it doesn't hurt. Here's why you should do it:
It has been almost four years since the violence started in Darfur. More than 400,000 innocent people have been killed and more than 2.5 million have been displaced.
President Bush must take immediate action to end the violence by:
Engaging world leaders to enforce the no-fly zone already approved by the United Nations Security Council;
Working with the United Nations to speed up the deployment of a civilian protection force;
Enacting tougher, targeted economic sanctions and punitive measures;
Instructing his administration to play a major diplomatic role in supporting renewed, multi-party peace efforts;
Cooperating with Congress to ensure sufficient funding for peacekeeping and humanitarian aid.*
Please call President Bush at 202-456-1111. He's waiting to take your call.
*Thanks to David Rubenstein, Save Darfur Coalition
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
How Much Drama Do You Need?
If you're in a relationship with someone who treats you like garbage, stop making excuses for him (or her!). Cease crabbing about him to every poor soul with the misfortune to possess a pair of ears.
Unless the guy is willing to get counseling, he's not going to get better. Talking about him, or analyzing his behavior with your friends will not ever make him a) be nicer to you, b) appreciate all you do for him, or c) love you. Admit to yourself that you have absolutely no control over anybody but yourself.
It's time to flee, Sister. Do what you have to do and get away from the guy. Stop telling yourself you "love him to death." Stop making him the air you breathe. You will never be happy until you do.
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change..
Unless the guy is willing to get counseling, he's not going to get better. Talking about him, or analyzing his behavior with your friends will not ever make him a) be nicer to you, b) appreciate all you do for him, or c) love you. Admit to yourself that you have absolutely no control over anybody but yourself.
It's time to flee, Sister. Do what you have to do and get away from the guy. Stop telling yourself you "love him to death." Stop making him the air you breathe. You will never be happy until you do.
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change..
Friday, January 12, 2007
I Love Lewis Black
I met him after his show in Levittown, Long Island a couple of years ago, and he's the most gracious man on the planet (well, after Peter, anyway). He's also one of the smartest comedians out there.
If you haven't checked him out yet, please do. If you have, give him your vote for the Comedy Central Stand-Up Showdown!
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
If you haven't checked him out yet, please do. If you have, give him your vote for the Comedy Central Stand-Up Showdown!
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Meet Men Part 3
The last of a 3-part series detailing the considerable social benefits of becoming the Hostess With the Mostess. More answers about entertaining to meet men follow:
I’ve been to so many parties where people just sit around with plates in their laps. How do I avoid hosting one of those?
My mother, a fantastic hostess with a gift for facilitating merriment, had a rule: Fewer chairs than guests. If you have six chairs in your living room, get rid of two of them. If you’ve invited 20 people, don’t fret about having 12 chairs. Your goal is for people to circulate. I can’t tell you how many hostesses have killed a good time by offering too many chairs. The result is a coffee klatch, not a party.
Serving food buffet-style will also encourage your guests to mingle. Let them use your kitchen counter and the top of your bookcase for tables. Trust me, they won’t complain about it.
If you notice a cluster of boredom brewing, break it up immediately. For example, if you overhear some married couple droning on about their children’s accomplishments, call the husband away and enlist him to lift something heavy. Or get his wife to lift something heavy. Just shut them up.
After all the preparation for this party, I’m going to be wiped out. How can I look and feel my best?
Keep things simple, and you'll look rested and gorgeous. Think quick food, clutter-free house, festive drinks, and music (or football). That’s it. If your house isn’t beautiful, trust me, nobody worthwhile is going to give a damn. They’re just looking for a day out of the house, and you’ve given it to them. So take the pressure off. Now.
A week before the party, start reading food labels. If a package lists MSG, drop it. MSG makes you look old and puffy. Rev up your water intake. If you can't take it straight, squeeze a little lemon into it. Nobody likes going to the bathroom 90 times a day, but when you wake up on party day looking younger than springtime, you'll be glad you did.
That morning, apply cool green tea bags to your face and eyes for 20 minutes. Please lie down first. Green tea’s anti-inflammatory properties eliminate puffiness and clarify pores. Try it after you wash your face and before you slide on the moisturizer .
I dread the morning-after cleanup. I’m not sure this is all worth it.
It is worth it. Ask my husband’s friend (the guy who’s now happily married to the woman he met at his own party), and he’ll tell you. Look, I hate cleaning up, too, so wait until morning. Ask a good friend to help you. Let happy memories of the night before get you through it, as well as the knowledge that you’ve established yourself as a fun, welcoming person other people would do well to get to know.
The bonus? At least one of your guests is bound to reciprocate, opening the way for you to meet even more people—and even more men.
You met a great guy. Should you call him?.
I’ve been to so many parties where people just sit around with plates in their laps. How do I avoid hosting one of those?
My mother, a fantastic hostess with a gift for facilitating merriment, had a rule: Fewer chairs than guests. If you have six chairs in your living room, get rid of two of them. If you’ve invited 20 people, don’t fret about having 12 chairs. Your goal is for people to circulate. I can’t tell you how many hostesses have killed a good time by offering too many chairs. The result is a coffee klatch, not a party.
Serving food buffet-style will also encourage your guests to mingle. Let them use your kitchen counter and the top of your bookcase for tables. Trust me, they won’t complain about it.
If you notice a cluster of boredom brewing, break it up immediately. For example, if you overhear some married couple droning on about their children’s accomplishments, call the husband away and enlist him to lift something heavy. Or get his wife to lift something heavy. Just shut them up.
After all the preparation for this party, I’m going to be wiped out. How can I look and feel my best?
Keep things simple, and you'll look rested and gorgeous. Think quick food, clutter-free house, festive drinks, and music (or football). That’s it. If your house isn’t beautiful, trust me, nobody worthwhile is going to give a damn. They’re just looking for a day out of the house, and you’ve given it to them. So take the pressure off. Now.
A week before the party, start reading food labels. If a package lists MSG, drop it. MSG makes you look old and puffy. Rev up your water intake. If you can't take it straight, squeeze a little lemon into it. Nobody likes going to the bathroom 90 times a day, but when you wake up on party day looking younger than springtime, you'll be glad you did.
That morning, apply cool green tea bags to your face and eyes for 20 minutes. Please lie down first. Green tea’s anti-inflammatory properties eliminate puffiness and clarify pores. Try it after you wash your face and before you slide on the moisturizer .
I dread the morning-after cleanup. I’m not sure this is all worth it.
It is worth it. Ask my husband’s friend (the guy who’s now happily married to the woman he met at his own party), and he’ll tell you. Look, I hate cleaning up, too, so wait until morning. Ask a good friend to help you. Let happy memories of the night before get you through it, as well as the knowledge that you’ve established yourself as a fun, welcoming person other people would do well to get to know.
The bonus? At least one of your guests is bound to reciprocate, opening the way for you to meet even more people—and even more men.
You met a great guy. Should you call him?.
Meet Men Part 2
Part Two of a 3-part series detailing the considerable social benefits of becoming the Hostess With the Mostess. More answers about entertaining to meet men follow:
I’d really prefer not to throw a party around the holidays. I have enough to do already.
Throw a party during a dead spot on the calendar, like February. After the holiday crush, many people like to hibernate. By February, they're ready to have fun again. Unfortunately, February is difficult for people who don't like Valentine's Day, or who have no one to celebrate it with.
Come to the rescue by throwing a Winter Blues party. Invite lively singles and couples and be sure to tell 'em to bring a friend. Serve blue drinks. Stock your CD player with upbeat music and sprinkle in a couple of blues selections from Billie Holiday or B.B. King. Buy frozen mini quiches and dim sum in bulk at Costco. Heat and serve.
I’m such a slob. I’m embarrassed to invite people over.
I’m a reformed slob, so I can relate. Scour the Internet for a quick guide to de-cluttering and get cracking. It's easier than you think, and it’s absolutely worth it. An orderly home will free you in too many ways to list here, but you’ll be able invite people into your house without freaking out about it.
Even better, you can establish yourself as a hostess (banish June Cleaver from your mind; think fun, warm, party person everybody wants to know). Trust me, if you show people a good time, they’ll talk about you ---favorably. They'll want to introduce you around.
Another thing: If you want to attract a great guy, you need to make room for him. Get rid of the clutter.
How do I invite people? By phone or by email?
Neither. Email and phone invitations work well for last-minute events, but you’re better off sending a homemade or hip store-bought invitation that conveys fun and excitement three weeks before yours. The typical guest will stick it on his fridge. He’ll look forward to your party every time he gets a glass of milk.
Homemade invitations are cheap and especially effective. I had great success with one I’d put together from photos of my friends from various times, places, and events and photocopied them, along with party details. I also drew on a crude head-and-shoulders silhouette with the caption, “Picture your smiling face here.” The result? An apartment packed to the rafters.
When designing your invitation, play around with typefaces to get your message across. Certain fonts indicate a more formal event, while others tell your guests to feel free to wear a pair of jeans.
This all sounds very exciting, but I can’t afford to throw a party right now.
Organize a chic potluck. Miss Manners would disagree, but there’s absolutely wrong with it. Pick a theme and get going. If you're squeamish about asking people to bring food to a party, I assure you that most people really like to help out. They like to show off their cooking. They enjoy getting compliments. They also just want to get out of the house and have a good time. Make it your job to help them.
Get the step-by-step program to attract the man of your dreams.
I’d really prefer not to throw a party around the holidays. I have enough to do already.
Throw a party during a dead spot on the calendar, like February. After the holiday crush, many people like to hibernate. By February, they're ready to have fun again. Unfortunately, February is difficult for people who don't like Valentine's Day, or who have no one to celebrate it with.
Come to the rescue by throwing a Winter Blues party. Invite lively singles and couples and be sure to tell 'em to bring a friend. Serve blue drinks. Stock your CD player with upbeat music and sprinkle in a couple of blues selections from Billie Holiday or B.B. King. Buy frozen mini quiches and dim sum in bulk at Costco. Heat and serve.
I’m such a slob. I’m embarrassed to invite people over.
I’m a reformed slob, so I can relate. Scour the Internet for a quick guide to de-cluttering and get cracking. It's easier than you think, and it’s absolutely worth it. An orderly home will free you in too many ways to list here, but you’ll be able invite people into your house without freaking out about it.
Even better, you can establish yourself as a hostess (banish June Cleaver from your mind; think fun, warm, party person everybody wants to know). Trust me, if you show people a good time, they’ll talk about you ---favorably. They'll want to introduce you around.
Another thing: If you want to attract a great guy, you need to make room for him. Get rid of the clutter.
How do I invite people? By phone or by email?
Neither. Email and phone invitations work well for last-minute events, but you’re better off sending a homemade or hip store-bought invitation that conveys fun and excitement three weeks before yours. The typical guest will stick it on his fridge. He’ll look forward to your party every time he gets a glass of milk.
Homemade invitations are cheap and especially effective. I had great success with one I’d put together from photos of my friends from various times, places, and events and photocopied them, along with party details. I also drew on a crude head-and-shoulders silhouette with the caption, “Picture your smiling face here.” The result? An apartment packed to the rafters.
When designing your invitation, play around with typefaces to get your message across. Certain fonts indicate a more formal event, while others tell your guests to feel free to wear a pair of jeans.
This all sounds very exciting, but I can’t afford to throw a party right now.
Organize a chic potluck. Miss Manners would disagree, but there’s absolutely wrong with it. Pick a theme and get going. If you're squeamish about asking people to bring food to a party, I assure you that most people really like to help out. They like to show off their cooking. They enjoy getting compliments. They also just want to get out of the house and have a good time. Make it your job to help them.
Get the step-by-step program to attract the man of your dreams.
Meet Men Without Leaving Home
If you're looking to meet new men, you can do it without ever leaving your home. How? By throwing a party. You don't have to be Martha Stewart to do an event people will talk about for months; hey, you don't even have to be Rachael Ray. You just have to be you.
In this 3-part series, I'll answer a few of your questions about why you should entertain. I’ll also show you how easy it can be.
How the heck can I meet guys by throwing a party? Am I supposed to hand out invitations on a street corner?
Please don't. Instead, invite people you know and like and ask them to bring along somebody they know and like (the bring-along doesn't need to be single or male, but he or she may introduce you later to somebody else who is).
My husband's good friend, B., met both a long-term girlfriend and, later, his wife at his own parties. And then there's L., a habitual hostess, who once opened her door in Queens and found actor Matt Dillon standing on her doorstep. He showed up at one of her soirees after being invited by another guest. While I can't guarantee that Matt Dillon will make an appearance at your party, I can't guarantee he won't, either.
I can't cook.
Well, you do eat, don't you? If you like to take out, check out the restaurant's catering menu. Whether you want Chinese, Indian, Italian, or a Bloomin' Onion from The Outback, you can get it for your party. Pick up the phone, order, and set out some colorful paper plates and flatware. You're good to go.
I'm freakishly shy.
Hey, I've been there. Sometimes I'm still there. If you're terrified being forced to carry a conversation, arrange the party around an event like a football game. Turn on the TV. The background noise will fill in gaps in the conversation, and you can always talk about the game.
Here's a bonus: Football games call for casual food and drink. Pop a few trays of frozen potato skins in the oven, cut up a 6-foot sub, and pour some beers into a cooler full of ice. You’re set.
I hate football. In fact, I detest sports.
Then put together a holiday event. It's easy. Think Thanksgiving, Christmas, St. Patrick's Day, and The Fourth of July. Hit the party store and buy a few appropriate decorations.
Music is key. At Christmas, alternate traditional favorites with tunes from your guests' high school and college years. Nothing gets a party off the ground faster. If most of your crowd graduated around 1993, spin Nirvana, 10,000 Maniacs, and Pearl Jam. For the 1985 generation, try Simple Minds, early U2, and Jefferson Starship (particularly their ultra-cheesy, "We Built this City"). You get the idea.
For other holidays, return Bing Crosby to his CD case and change decorations accordingly. But, by all means, keep the music turned up.
Before you pick up the phone to talk to a guy, read this.
In this 3-part series, I'll answer a few of your questions about why you should entertain. I’ll also show you how easy it can be.
How the heck can I meet guys by throwing a party? Am I supposed to hand out invitations on a street corner?
Please don't. Instead, invite people you know and like and ask them to bring along somebody they know and like (the bring-along doesn't need to be single or male, but he or she may introduce you later to somebody else who is).
My husband's good friend, B., met both a long-term girlfriend and, later, his wife at his own parties. And then there's L., a habitual hostess, who once opened her door in Queens and found actor Matt Dillon standing on her doorstep. He showed up at one of her soirees after being invited by another guest. While I can't guarantee that Matt Dillon will make an appearance at your party, I can't guarantee he won't, either.
I can't cook.
Well, you do eat, don't you? If you like to take out, check out the restaurant's catering menu. Whether you want Chinese, Indian, Italian, or a Bloomin' Onion from The Outback, you can get it for your party. Pick up the phone, order, and set out some colorful paper plates and flatware. You're good to go.
I'm freakishly shy.
Hey, I've been there. Sometimes I'm still there. If you're terrified being forced to carry a conversation, arrange the party around an event like a football game. Turn on the TV. The background noise will fill in gaps in the conversation, and you can always talk about the game.
Here's a bonus: Football games call for casual food and drink. Pop a few trays of frozen potato skins in the oven, cut up a 6-foot sub, and pour some beers into a cooler full of ice. You’re set.
I hate football. In fact, I detest sports.
Then put together a holiday event. It's easy. Think Thanksgiving, Christmas, St. Patrick's Day, and The Fourth of July. Hit the party store and buy a few appropriate decorations.
Music is key. At Christmas, alternate traditional favorites with tunes from your guests' high school and college years. Nothing gets a party off the ground faster. If most of your crowd graduated around 1993, spin Nirvana, 10,000 Maniacs, and Pearl Jam. For the 1985 generation, try Simple Minds, early U2, and Jefferson Starship (particularly their ultra-cheesy, "We Built this City"). You get the idea.
For other holidays, return Bing Crosby to his CD case and change decorations accordingly. But, by all means, keep the music turned up.
Before you pick up the phone to talk to a guy, read this.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
The First Thing You Must Know About Men
The first thing you need to know about men is this: You don't need one. If you're thinking, "Hey, I want one," you're probably on the right track.
Wanting is one thing. Needing is another. When you need a man, you come off as needy. Needy people are unattractive. What's more, they often accept less than they deserve, whether it's in a man, a job, or a friend. They attract it. They might as well stick "kick me" signs on their backs.
When you feel good about yourself, you tend to want love and companionship. You don't necessarily need it. Emotionally healthy women tend to choose --and attract-- men who make them happy, instead of some guy who leaves them wondering if he'll call, whether or not he's coming home, or if he's getting a little on the side on his lunch hour.
Are you needy? Definitely you are:
-if you hate to be by yourself.
-if you believe that your life will be a failure if you don't marry and have children.
-if you think getting boob implants is the best way to get male attention (you'll get attention, all right, but not necessarily the kind that lasts).
An emotionally healthy woman enjoys her own company. She doesn't need a man--or even her friends-- around to have fun. As a result, people want to be around her. She's attractive. She knows how to have a good time.
If you're in the needy category and want to move out, decide to fall in love with yourself. Nobody is ever going to love you until you love yourself first.
Start by making a list of your good qualities and your talents. Stop taking them for granted. Not everybody has them, you know. Keep the list where you can see it, perhaps on your bathroom mirror. Buy yourself little treats. You shouldn't go into credit card debt, but do resolve to do small, lovely things for yourself.
Turn off the TV chatter and spend time listening to beautiful music over a glass of your favorite wine. Be daring and take yourself out to the movies once in a while (and if you get weird looks from people, realize that they don't have the confidence to do the things they want unless they have a willing partner in tow).
Stop hanging around people who gossip, particularly women who gossip about how other women raise their children, decorate their houses, and keep screwing up their relationships. Replace them with women who like other women. By all means, avoid any individual who implies that you're defective because you don't have a man in your life.
After you start loving yourself, you'll notice a shift in the circumstances--and people--you attract. Be warned: Those who don't have your best interests at heart will become annoyed with you and eventually drift away. You'll find yourself surrounded by more supportive people. Before long, you'll find yourself in the company of a man you want.
Lo and behold, he'll want you, too.
The step-by-step plan to attract a man who'll curl your toes.
Wanting is one thing. Needing is another. When you need a man, you come off as needy. Needy people are unattractive. What's more, they often accept less than they deserve, whether it's in a man, a job, or a friend. They attract it. They might as well stick "kick me" signs on their backs.
When you feel good about yourself, you tend to want love and companionship. You don't necessarily need it. Emotionally healthy women tend to choose --and attract-- men who make them happy, instead of some guy who leaves them wondering if he'll call, whether or not he's coming home, or if he's getting a little on the side on his lunch hour.
Are you needy? Definitely you are:
-if you hate to be by yourself.
-if you believe that your life will be a failure if you don't marry and have children.
-if you think getting boob implants is the best way to get male attention (you'll get attention, all right, but not necessarily the kind that lasts).
An emotionally healthy woman enjoys her own company. She doesn't need a man--or even her friends-- around to have fun. As a result, people want to be around her. She's attractive. She knows how to have a good time.
If you're in the needy category and want to move out, decide to fall in love with yourself. Nobody is ever going to love you until you love yourself first.
Start by making a list of your good qualities and your talents. Stop taking them for granted. Not everybody has them, you know. Keep the list where you can see it, perhaps on your bathroom mirror. Buy yourself little treats. You shouldn't go into credit card debt, but do resolve to do small, lovely things for yourself.
Turn off the TV chatter and spend time listening to beautiful music over a glass of your favorite wine. Be daring and take yourself out to the movies once in a while (and if you get weird looks from people, realize that they don't have the confidence to do the things they want unless they have a willing partner in tow).
Stop hanging around people who gossip, particularly women who gossip about how other women raise their children, decorate their houses, and keep screwing up their relationships. Replace them with women who like other women. By all means, avoid any individual who implies that you're defective because you don't have a man in your life.
After you start loving yourself, you'll notice a shift in the circumstances--and people--you attract. Be warned: Those who don't have your best interests at heart will become annoyed with you and eventually drift away. You'll find yourself surrounded by more supportive people. Before long, you'll find yourself in the company of a man you want.
Lo and behold, he'll want you, too.
The step-by-step plan to attract a man who'll curl your toes.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Don't Audition to Be a Guy's Wife
Three dates into a relationship, some women figure they've got a big fish on the hook, and they'd better reel him in fast. They start doing all sorts of wacky things, desperately hoping to make themselves indespensible to the guy.
This kind of woman wants him to see her potential as primo wife material right away, so she:
-Offers to pick up his dry cleaning
-"Makes up a plate" for him at barbecues and buffets, instead of letting him get it himself
-Cooks for him instead of going out for dinner
-Makes his bed
-Slowly but steadfastly moves her belongings into his house and takes over the housework
-Offers to babysit his nieces and nephews (or his children), so he can see what a spectacular mother she'd make.
Females who choose this route usually get taken for granted. They're eventually discarded. Sure, certain guys may jump to marry such women, but they tend to be those who stay out all night with their buddies and refuse to change diapers.
A man who likes a challenge and enjoys the company of an intellectual equal will quickly grow bored. Challenging women are sexy. Women who chase after men with paper plates dripping with cole slaw are not.
Once a relationship is established (and what relationship is established after three dates? How long did it take you to get to know your best friend, for example?), it's fine to offer to pick up a guy's dry cleaning. But he should also offer to pick up yours every now and then.
Don't be quick to jump into sex roles. If the man likes to cook, congratulations. By all means, let him. If you like to fix flat tires, don't suppress the urge. Be yourself. Let him be himself. Allow your relationship to develop organically. Discover who a man really is before deciding he's "the one."
Take your time. The worst thing that can happen is that you won't wrangle yourself into a bad marriage. Remember: This is your life we're talking about.
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
This kind of woman wants him to see her potential as primo wife material right away, so she:
-Offers to pick up his dry cleaning
-"Makes up a plate" for him at barbecues and buffets, instead of letting him get it himself
-Cooks for him instead of going out for dinner
-Makes his bed
-Slowly but steadfastly moves her belongings into his house and takes over the housework
-Offers to babysit his nieces and nephews (or his children), so he can see what a spectacular mother she'd make.
Females who choose this route usually get taken for granted. They're eventually discarded. Sure, certain guys may jump to marry such women, but they tend to be those who stay out all night with their buddies and refuse to change diapers.
A man who likes a challenge and enjoys the company of an intellectual equal will quickly grow bored. Challenging women are sexy. Women who chase after men with paper plates dripping with cole slaw are not.
Once a relationship is established (and what relationship is established after three dates? How long did it take you to get to know your best friend, for example?), it's fine to offer to pick up a guy's dry cleaning. But he should also offer to pick up yours every now and then.
Don't be quick to jump into sex roles. If the man likes to cook, congratulations. By all means, let him. If you like to fix flat tires, don't suppress the urge. Be yourself. Let him be himself. Allow your relationship to develop organically. Discover who a man really is before deciding he's "the one."
Take your time. The worst thing that can happen is that you won't wrangle yourself into a bad marriage. Remember: This is your life we're talking about.
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Britney Spears Gets Too Much Press...
...and the people being massacred in Darfur are forgotten.
You can help them by signing this petition.
If the paparazzi were to catch Britney and Paris Hilton putting their pens to it (no underwear required), lives would be saved.
You can help them by signing this petition.
If the paparazzi were to catch Britney and Paris Hilton putting their pens to it (no underwear required), lives would be saved.
After the Disastrous New Year's Eve Party
You had your nails done, wore a smashing outfit, and gave your makeup a bit of sparkle. Even your hair looked like it came out of a shampoo commercial. You arrived at the party, nervous to meet new people but confident you'd loosen up and have a great time.
You didn't.
The host snapped up the stuffed mushrooms you slaved over with a quick thank-you and turned away. Your polite attempts at small talk with other guests fell flat. Nobody made you feel particularly welcome.
You began to feel like an bug in a jar. You itched to flee, but you promised yourself you'd get out of the house more often. You know you'll never meet a decent man if you're not at least willing to get out of the house more often!
So you beat your way to the drink table, making conversation with the person standing next to you, only to be rebuffed. You retreated to a corner of the room, sipping away in a desperate attempt to look casual (while ignoring the ever-tightening knot in your stomach), and fought off a fantasy about going home, getting into your pajamas, and pulling out your Bridget Jones DVDs.
Instead, you forced yourself to stick it out a bit longer, only to end up thinking, "I'm useless. All these people are having a great time, and I'm standing around like a giant pimple. What's wrong with me?"
There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. You merely accepted an invitation to a bad party.
"But," you say. "If it was such a bad party, why was everyone else having such a great time?"
The thing is, sometimes you'll end up at an event where other people have a good time because they know each other, and they don't have the manners or the inclination to include a new face in the merriment. (There will be other times, though, when you'll find yourself at an event where people know each other but gladly welcome you into the fold.)
And, remember, just because an individual hosts a party doesn't mean he or she knows the first thing about being a good host (which would be making sure that that no guest is propped in a corner feeling like a skin condition). Hosting a party is a responsibility. It's fun, but it's definitely a responsibility.
Bad hosts throw parties that are all about them. If you end up at one of these jerk fests, stick around for an hour. If things don't improve, say thanks (that is, if you can get the attention of the jerk to thank) and get out of there.
Then, instead of reliving the miserable time you endured, pat yourself on the back for getting out in the first place. Believe it or not, you've taken a step toward changing your life.
The next time you're offered an invitation, be bold and accept it. Better yet, show 'em how it's done and throw a party of your own. Super Bowl Sunday will soon be upon us. Make the most of it.
Get your house party-ready in no time!.
You didn't.
The host snapped up the stuffed mushrooms you slaved over with a quick thank-you and turned away. Your polite attempts at small talk with other guests fell flat. Nobody made you feel particularly welcome.
You began to feel like an bug in a jar. You itched to flee, but you promised yourself you'd get out of the house more often. You know you'll never meet a decent man if you're not at least willing to get out of the house more often!
So you beat your way to the drink table, making conversation with the person standing next to you, only to be rebuffed. You retreated to a corner of the room, sipping away in a desperate attempt to look casual (while ignoring the ever-tightening knot in your stomach), and fought off a fantasy about going home, getting into your pajamas, and pulling out your Bridget Jones DVDs.
Instead, you forced yourself to stick it out a bit longer, only to end up thinking, "I'm useless. All these people are having a great time, and I'm standing around like a giant pimple. What's wrong with me?"
There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. You merely accepted an invitation to a bad party.
"But," you say. "If it was such a bad party, why was everyone else having such a great time?"
The thing is, sometimes you'll end up at an event where other people have a good time because they know each other, and they don't have the manners or the inclination to include a new face in the merriment. (There will be other times, though, when you'll find yourself at an event where people know each other but gladly welcome you into the fold.)
And, remember, just because an individual hosts a party doesn't mean he or she knows the first thing about being a good host (which would be making sure that that no guest is propped in a corner feeling like a skin condition). Hosting a party is a responsibility. It's fun, but it's definitely a responsibility.
Bad hosts throw parties that are all about them. If you end up at one of these jerk fests, stick around for an hour. If things don't improve, say thanks (that is, if you can get the attention of the jerk to thank) and get out of there.
Then, instead of reliving the miserable time you endured, pat yourself on the back for getting out in the first place. Believe it or not, you've taken a step toward changing your life.
The next time you're offered an invitation, be bold and accept it. Better yet, show 'em how it's done and throw a party of your own. Super Bowl Sunday will soon be upon us. Make the most of it.
Get your house party-ready in no time!.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
It Worked For Me (How to Get Over an Old Boyfriend)
Some women have a knack for bouncing back from a bad breakup. It seems they give themselves a day or two to mourn the loss of the relationship before hitting the dating scene with gusto. Then they never look back. Their motto: Nothing helps you get over the last guy like the next guy.
Unfortunately, many women can't shake a lost love because they're unwilling to accept that the relationship is over. They replay old conversations in their heads. They obsess over what they should have done to avoid the breakup. They arrange to bump into the guy and convince him he's made a mistake. They fantasize about him constantly. They believe that he's "the one," and that the relationship was "meant to be." They fear that if they let go emotionally, they'll have thrown away their shot at true love.
But, really, it's holding on emotionally to an old boyfriend that amounts to throwing away true love. Two objects cannot inhabit one space at the same time. Giving an ex free room and board in one's heart makes it impossible for a new one to move in.
How does a woman get over an ex-boyfriend?
She must make a decision to get over him, and then she needs the discipline to carry it out. She must throw out every material item that reminds her of him. She cannot afford to entertain a single pleasant thought about the relationship. Instead, it helps to write a list of the things he did that drove her crazy (the way he kept sniffling instead of reaching for a tissue, for example, or his habit of using unnecessarily big words) and refer to it often. If a friend brings up his name, it's imperative that she change the subject. By all means, she should avoid speaking of him at all.
Certain smells (his cologne, or the fragrance of a special food she enjoyed with him) and sounds, particularly music, will bring him back into her head at the most inopportune times. Her best bet is not to remove herself from the triggers, but to immerse herself in them until they no longer remind her of him.
It helps if she hits the social scene often by meeting friends, taking classes, and going to bookstores. If a woman makes a point of meeting new people, she will meet new men. When she meets a guy with potential, it's critical that she give him a fair chance. Mentally comparing him to her ex is a mistake. She'd have been better off staying home watching Seinfeld reruns.
A woman can get over a lost love, but only if she's willing. She must consciously block him from her heart and mind. It's not easy at first, but it does get easier. Once she evicts the guy for good, she can move on to the passion and happiness she deserves.
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
Unfortunately, many women can't shake a lost love because they're unwilling to accept that the relationship is over. They replay old conversations in their heads. They obsess over what they should have done to avoid the breakup. They arrange to bump into the guy and convince him he's made a mistake. They fantasize about him constantly. They believe that he's "the one," and that the relationship was "meant to be." They fear that if they let go emotionally, they'll have thrown away their shot at true love.
But, really, it's holding on emotionally to an old boyfriend that amounts to throwing away true love. Two objects cannot inhabit one space at the same time. Giving an ex free room and board in one's heart makes it impossible for a new one to move in.
How does a woman get over an ex-boyfriend?
She must make a decision to get over him, and then she needs the discipline to carry it out. She must throw out every material item that reminds her of him. She cannot afford to entertain a single pleasant thought about the relationship. Instead, it helps to write a list of the things he did that drove her crazy (the way he kept sniffling instead of reaching for a tissue, for example, or his habit of using unnecessarily big words) and refer to it often. If a friend brings up his name, it's imperative that she change the subject. By all means, she should avoid speaking of him at all.
Certain smells (his cologne, or the fragrance of a special food she enjoyed with him) and sounds, particularly music, will bring him back into her head at the most inopportune times. Her best bet is not to remove herself from the triggers, but to immerse herself in them until they no longer remind her of him.
It helps if she hits the social scene often by meeting friends, taking classes, and going to bookstores. If a woman makes a point of meeting new people, she will meet new men. When she meets a guy with potential, it's critical that she give him a fair chance. Mentally comparing him to her ex is a mistake. She'd have been better off staying home watching Seinfeld reruns.
A woman can get over a lost love, but only if she's willing. She must consciously block him from her heart and mind. It's not easy at first, but it does get easier. Once she evicts the guy for good, she can move on to the passion and happiness she deserves.
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Coughing Hurts
Had a great Christmas, but I'm suffering from the worst cold in the world. Peter is on his way home, having stopped at Stop & Shop after work to pick me up some organic chicken broth.
Child One gave me the Corinne Bailey Rae CD yesterday, and it's beyond great. Listening to it now.
Child One gave me the Corinne Bailey Rae CD yesterday, and it's beyond great. Listening to it now.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Lindsay Lohan's Sex Life
This is such old news, but since the TV heads keep bringing it up, I feel compelled to comment.
Lindsay maintains, "Sex and the City changed everything for me, because those girls would just sleep with so many people."
So Lindsay sleeps with a lot of people.
And the media responded by calling her "loose" and "Firecrotch" and advising her boyfriends to get tested for STDs. This is a hilarious double standard. Nobody ever suggested that Colin Farrell's girlfriends get tested for STDs.
Sex and the City is pretty much b.s. (nobody I know who lives in Manhattan or anywhere else in New York City carries on like that). It's hardly a guide to modern living. It's entertainment, Lindsay.
However, Lindsay's disdain for monogamy may have less to do with her being like "a man," as she herself has suggested. It probably has more to do with the fact that she's 20 years old.
Sleeping around is not a great idea, but who the hell wants to settle down at 20 years old?
Attract a better man than Colin Farrell.
Lindsay maintains, "Sex and the City changed everything for me, because those girls would just sleep with so many people."
So Lindsay sleeps with a lot of people.
And the media responded by calling her "loose" and "Firecrotch" and advising her boyfriends to get tested for STDs. This is a hilarious double standard. Nobody ever suggested that Colin Farrell's girlfriends get tested for STDs.
Sex and the City is pretty much b.s. (nobody I know who lives in Manhattan or anywhere else in New York City carries on like that). It's hardly a guide to modern living. It's entertainment, Lindsay.
However, Lindsay's disdain for monogamy may have less to do with her being like "a man," as she herself has suggested. It probably has more to do with the fact that she's 20 years old.
Sleeping around is not a great idea, but who the hell wants to settle down at 20 years old?
Attract a better man than Colin Farrell.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
My Favorite Gift...
...is an Amazon gift card.
The cool thing is you don't even have to wait for it to ship. You can send it via email, allowing the recipient to order sundry items after discovering what's missing from his or her pile of Christmas loot.
In my case, it'll probably be a book. I love books, but Peter tells me he is buying me a laptop, so I'll have to get my own damn books. Right now, I'm lusting for Mysteries of the Middle Ages by Thomas Cahill. His Desire of the Everlasting Hills, a history of Jesus, blew my mind.
<
My very good friend, Daisy, planned to get me Enya's Amarantine for Christmas, but she's decided to get me something else instead.
Boo.
I bought her this one:
I got The Best of Morrissey on Saturday, and it's brilliant.
I'm dying to play "I Have Forgiven Jesus" from You Are the Quarry for my bible study group, but I'm pretty sure they'll throw me out.
It really would have helped to know this stuff when I was dating.
The cool thing is you don't even have to wait for it to ship. You can send it via email, allowing the recipient to order sundry items after discovering what's missing from his or her pile of Christmas loot.
In my case, it'll probably be a book. I love books, but Peter tells me he is buying me a laptop, so I'll have to get my own damn books. Right now, I'm lusting for Mysteries of the Middle Ages by Thomas Cahill. His Desire of the Everlasting Hills, a history of Jesus, blew my mind.
<
My very good friend, Daisy, planned to get me Enya's Amarantine for Christmas, but she's decided to get me something else instead.
Boo.
I bought her this one:
I got The Best of Morrissey on Saturday, and it's brilliant.
I'm dying to play "I Have Forgiven Jesus" from You Are the Quarry for my bible study group, but I'm pretty sure they'll throw me out.
It really would have helped to know this stuff when I was dating.
Dating a Married Man?
If it's such a bad idea, why do so many women keep on doing it? There's gotta be a payoff.
Not finished Christmas shopping yet, believe it or not, partly due to the fact that I hate malls and parking lots that force you to take chances trying to get out. I meant to do most of my shopping online, but I lost track of time.
I'll pull something off, I'm sure.
Attract a better man in 2007.
Not finished Christmas shopping yet, believe it or not, partly due to the fact that I hate malls and parking lots that force you to take chances trying to get out. I meant to do most of my shopping online, but I lost track of time.
I'll pull something off, I'm sure.
Attract a better man in 2007.
Friday, December 15, 2006
George Clooney Never Did It For Me...
...until now.
I tell you, I like him more and more all the time. So what if he doesn't ever want to get married? At least he knows it, is honest about it, and isn't wasting anybody's time.
I am so cranky today I cannot stand myself. I wanted to pop into Walgreen's to buy a Build-A-Bear gift card for some little kid, but the traffic was so bad, I gave up. Some old guy cut me off coming out of T.J. Maxx, and that was the end.
I came home, placed an order with Build-A-Bear's website, and keyed in the wrong shipping address. Oh! I had to call the 800 number to change the order and waited on hold for eight full minutes, while being subjected to some saccharine-crap song about the wonder of stuffed bears (which were no doubt manufactured by some 7-year-old Chinese kid who wasn't allowed to use the bathroom all day and was paid 10 cents for 12 hours' work).
It might be time for a nap.
If you need a good laugh like I do right now, check out Jim Gaffigan. He's hilarious.
Attract a man who makes you glad you were born.
I tell you, I like him more and more all the time. So what if he doesn't ever want to get married? At least he knows it, is honest about it, and isn't wasting anybody's time.
I am so cranky today I cannot stand myself. I wanted to pop into Walgreen's to buy a Build-A-Bear gift card for some little kid, but the traffic was so bad, I gave up. Some old guy cut me off coming out of T.J. Maxx, and that was the end.
I came home, placed an order with Build-A-Bear's website, and keyed in the wrong shipping address. Oh! I had to call the 800 number to change the order and waited on hold for eight full minutes, while being subjected to some saccharine-crap song about the wonder of stuffed bears (which were no doubt manufactured by some 7-year-old Chinese kid who wasn't allowed to use the bathroom all day and was paid 10 cents for 12 hours' work).
It might be time for a nap.
If you need a good laugh like I do right now, check out Jim Gaffigan. He's hilarious.
Attract a man who makes you glad you were born.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Is Your Cell Phone Killing Your Sex Life?
Let's hope not.
I'm very proud of myself because, not only are my Christmas cards written, I've taken a halfway decent photo of the offspring to send with it. (My brother, who is single, jokes that if he receives one more photo of somebody's kids, he is going to start responding by sending photos of himself.)
Christmas parties are fun when you know how to get noticed.
I'm very proud of myself because, not only are my Christmas cards written, I've taken a halfway decent photo of the offspring to send with it. (My brother, who is single, jokes that if he receives one more photo of somebody's kids, he is going to start responding by sending photos of himself.)
Christmas parties are fun when you know how to get noticed.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Poison 'Em Some More
I found this novel in a store yesterday and immediately picked it up, attracted by its striking cover. The synopsis on the backside read something like: "What are the chances of meeting a man who's straight, single, and willing to commit?"
Judging by the reviews on Amazon, the book is entertaining. But give me a break! Single, straight, and willing to commit men are hardly an endangered species, and I'm so tired of women's fiction that insists otherwise.
I know a cute single guy with a good job whose dates consistently ask him if he's gay (in case you're wondering, he doesn't possess any gay characteristics). Then they tell him that he has commitment issues because he isn't married. The fact is, the guy would dearly like to meet "the one" and get married, but he's hardly going to ask a woman who insists that he's gay or suffers from commitment issues for a second date. Who needs it?
He keeps asking me why women are so paranoid. I keep telling him it's because too many of them pore over In Touch Magazine every week and buy into the lack-minded crap promoted by the chick lit crowd.
Face it. If you don't believe that good men exist, you're going to dismiss the ones who are as as gay, commitmentphobic, boring, or too nice. If you can't see an opportunity, you'll miss it every time.
The world is full of wonderful men.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Poison 'Em Young
If you've ever wondered why some women are obsessed about having a man, keeping a man, when he's going to call, what he's thinking, and on and on and on, you need only check out the current issues of teen magazines. Girls are programmed to fixate on men from the time they get an allowance.
Teen's cover shouts, "How to Decode Your Crush," as if a girl should handle a boy the way MI6 deals with The Kremlin. I suppose actually talking to the boy would be out of the question. Read his mind instead. Then grow up and wonder why men can't "open up." Why should they open up when women have been trained to carry on entire relationships in our minds?
And then Seventeen counsels, "Make Your Crush Want You," as if that's possible (I know because I was a 13-year-old Seventeen subscriber once, and I tried). Forget about tips for getting into college; the magazine's other cover stories include, "405 Ways to Look Hot (At Every Party)," "Dress Like a Celebrity," and "5 Signs You're Addicted to Attention." Paris Hilton and a depressed-looking kitten serve as cover models.
CosmoGirl! tells impressionable readers how to "Party Like a Celebrity" (the cover features Party Girl Lindsay Lohan, hugging her little sister) and gives them "10 Ways to a Healthier, Hotter Body." My pick for the best cover blurb? "She Says She Was Raped...But Could She Be Lying?"
These magazines promote the idea that girls should take lifestyle and fashion cues from celebrities (the current Teen and Seventeen cover models are renowned for giving crotch shots to paparazzi) and drive themselves to distraction over some dork. If they have the misfortune of being sexually assaulted, they might be better off keeping their mouths shut. Who's going to believe them, anyway?
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
Teen's cover shouts, "How to Decode Your Crush," as if a girl should handle a boy the way MI6 deals with The Kremlin. I suppose actually talking to the boy would be out of the question. Read his mind instead. Then grow up and wonder why men can't "open up." Why should they open up when women have been trained to carry on entire relationships in our minds?
And then Seventeen counsels, "Make Your Crush Want You," as if that's possible (I know because I was a 13-year-old Seventeen subscriber once, and I tried). Forget about tips for getting into college; the magazine's other cover stories include, "405 Ways to Look Hot (At Every Party)," "Dress Like a Celebrity," and "5 Signs You're Addicted to Attention." Paris Hilton and a depressed-looking kitten serve as cover models.
CosmoGirl! tells impressionable readers how to "Party Like a Celebrity" (the cover features Party Girl Lindsay Lohan, hugging her little sister) and gives them "10 Ways to a Healthier, Hotter Body." My pick for the best cover blurb? "She Says She Was Raped...But Could She Be Lying?"
These magazines promote the idea that girls should take lifestyle and fashion cues from celebrities (the current Teen and Seventeen cover models are renowned for giving crotch shots to paparazzi) and drive themselves to distraction over some dork. If they have the misfortune of being sexually assaulted, they might be better off keeping their mouths shut. Who's going to believe them, anyway?
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Cameron Diaz Is a Commitmentphobe
Apparently, Cameron Diaz told Ellen DeGeneres that she won't marry Justin Timberlake because she's a commitmentphobe. Since the media and society in general assume that it's always the man in a relationship who avoids sealing the deal, I'm so glad Cameron set the record straight.
A lot of women fear commitment. I was one of them, but I only had the vaguest sense of it at the time. I had a gift for attracting (and being attracted to) men with similar issues.
Nobody has to get married. Let's face it; too many women end up with the wrong guy because other people imply they're losers until they have rings on their fingers.
I remember a newly engaged friend's father asking me, "And when are you going to get married?"
"I'm too young," I protested.
"Too young?" the man hooted. "You're already 24!"
You'd think I was hobbling around in orthopedic shoes.
At 27, I realized that I had a full-blown terror of commitment. Seriously. I took steps to resolve it, and I did resolve it. (My book has the details.)
But, unless they're inclined otherwise, people like Cameron Diaz don't have to conquer commitmentphobia. I'll say it again: Nobody has to get married. The last time I looked, it wasn't in the Ten Commandments.
How I got over my fear of commitment.
A lot of women fear commitment. I was one of them, but I only had the vaguest sense of it at the time. I had a gift for attracting (and being attracted to) men with similar issues.
Nobody has to get married. Let's face it; too many women end up with the wrong guy because other people imply they're losers until they have rings on their fingers.
I remember a newly engaged friend's father asking me, "And when are you going to get married?"
"I'm too young," I protested.
"Too young?" the man hooted. "You're already 24!"
You'd think I was hobbling around in orthopedic shoes.
At 27, I realized that I had a full-blown terror of commitment. Seriously. I took steps to resolve it, and I did resolve it. (My book has the details.)
But, unless they're inclined otherwise, people like Cameron Diaz don't have to conquer commitmentphobia. I'll say it again: Nobody has to get married. The last time I looked, it wasn't in the Ten Commandments.
How I got over my fear of commitment.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Do You Have a Vacation to Plan?
The following is an article I sent to my mailing list last year around this time. I've since contacted a reputable cruise planner and am thinking of organizing a short singles' trip to the Bahamas, possibly in the summer.
"The world is a book, and those who do not travel, read only a page."
- Saint Augustine
Does your employer owe you vacation time? If the answer is yes, you have an excellent opportunity to meet exciting new people! Travel for singles has become a booming industry, and for good reason.
Do you love art? History? Picture yourself strolling the ornate halls of Edinburgh Castle with the man who could become your husband. Love to ski? If you sign up for a singles' ski weekend, you could wind up finding the love of your life on the slopes (it happened to Nancy and Mike!). Does romance on the high seas sound appealing? Get thee onto a singles' cruise.
Men who travel tend to be educated and successful. Take Gary, a C.P.A who likes to see the world on two wheels and frequently signs up for singles' bike tours. In July, he rode alongside the crystalline waters off Nova Scotia's Cape Breton Island with scores of like-minded people.
And that's one of the great thing about singles' travel: You're bound to meet others with whom you have something in common. Check out a couple of tour providers, see what they offer, and discern the average age of their participants (make sure you don't end up with the under-30 crowd if you're hoping to meet a man over 40, and vice versa!).
Check the Better Business Bureau to ensure the provider has a record of excellent service, kept promises, and happy customers. Then, take a deep breath, decide where you want to go, and book a trip.
What if you don't have a friend to drag along with you? Swallow hard and book anyway. When I was single I took two vacations by myself (they weren't singles' tours per se, but I stayed in Bed and Breakfasts, forcing me to socialize over rolls and coffee in the morning). I had the time of my life, met fascinating people, and learned a great deal about myself at the same time.
Afraid of looking like a friendless loser by traveling solo? Worry not. You'll look every inch the winner who takes advantage of life's opportunities. If anybody asks (and I truly doubt anyone will) why you're traveling alone, you can say, "I needed a vacation." Who doesn't?
To get started, do a search for tour operators who cater to singles, or query your own friendly neighborhood travel agent for advice. Make sure the tour operator you choose has an excellent safety record, especially if you will be traveling alone.
Will you meet the man of your dreams on a singles' vacation? Maybe. But, chances are, you'll make exciting new friends, who'll introduce you to more new friends, new men, and happy new experiences. You'll also learn a lot about an attractive, confident, smart woman (you!) in the process.
Go for it!
Get noticed.
"The world is a book, and those who do not travel, read only a page."
- Saint Augustine
Does your employer owe you vacation time? If the answer is yes, you have an excellent opportunity to meet exciting new people! Travel for singles has become a booming industry, and for good reason.
Do you love art? History? Picture yourself strolling the ornate halls of Edinburgh Castle with the man who could become your husband. Love to ski? If you sign up for a singles' ski weekend, you could wind up finding the love of your life on the slopes (it happened to Nancy and Mike!). Does romance on the high seas sound appealing? Get thee onto a singles' cruise.
Men who travel tend to be educated and successful. Take Gary, a C.P.A who likes to see the world on two wheels and frequently signs up for singles' bike tours. In July, he rode alongside the crystalline waters off Nova Scotia's Cape Breton Island with scores of like-minded people.
And that's one of the great thing about singles' travel: You're bound to meet others with whom you have something in common. Check out a couple of tour providers, see what they offer, and discern the average age of their participants (make sure you don't end up with the under-30 crowd if you're hoping to meet a man over 40, and vice versa!).
Check the Better Business Bureau to ensure the provider has a record of excellent service, kept promises, and happy customers. Then, take a deep breath, decide where you want to go, and book a trip.
What if you don't have a friend to drag along with you? Swallow hard and book anyway. When I was single I took two vacations by myself (they weren't singles' tours per se, but I stayed in Bed and Breakfasts, forcing me to socialize over rolls and coffee in the morning). I had the time of my life, met fascinating people, and learned a great deal about myself at the same time.
Afraid of looking like a friendless loser by traveling solo? Worry not. You'll look every inch the winner who takes advantage of life's opportunities. If anybody asks (and I truly doubt anyone will) why you're traveling alone, you can say, "I needed a vacation." Who doesn't?
To get started, do a search for tour operators who cater to singles, or query your own friendly neighborhood travel agent for advice. Make sure the tour operator you choose has an excellent safety record, especially if you will be traveling alone.
Will you meet the man of your dreams on a singles' vacation? Maybe. But, chances are, you'll make exciting new friends, who'll introduce you to more new friends, new men, and happy new experiences. You'll also learn a lot about an attractive, confident, smart woman (you!) in the process.
Go for it!
Get noticed.
NBC's Warped Priorities
Although I'm sorry to hear that Greg from The Wiggles
is sick and quitting the group, I am a bit surprised that The Today Show ran the story at 7:20 this morning.
I somehow doubt that the children of Darfur are very banged up about Greg's departure when their parents, friends, and neighbors are being massacred every single day. (To be fair, NBC's Ann Curry is one of the few American journalists who's even covered the genocide.)
If you'd like to help, you can sign an online postcard and ask President Bush to promote peace in the region.
is sick and quitting the group, I am a bit surprised that The Today Show ran the story at 7:20 this morning.
I somehow doubt that the children of Darfur are very banged up about Greg's departure when their parents, friends, and neighbors are being massacred every single day. (To be fair, NBC's Ann Curry is one of the few American journalists who's even covered the genocide.)
If you'd like to help, you can sign an online postcard and ask President Bush to promote peace in the region.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
The Aladdin Factor
I bought this book several years ago, put it on a shelf, and forgot about it.
I developed a sudden urge to read it last week, so I scoured my 96 bookcases to find it. I have to say, it's absolutely amazing. If you're like me and sometimes hesitant to ask for what you want (for whatever reason), this book will help you. The first exercise alone blew my mind.
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
I developed a sudden urge to read it last week, so I scoured my 96 bookcases to find it. I have to say, it's absolutely amazing. If you're like me and sometimes hesitant to ask for what you want (for whatever reason), this book will help you. The first exercise alone blew my mind.
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
Monday, November 27, 2006
She Wants Her Ex Back
Dear Terry:
I have one for you: I was married to my ex for 25 years, and our divorce was tragic because we still loved each other. He remarried about two years ago, during which he and his wife have only lived in the same house for six months. They have issues regarding him and me.
Ex and I still love each other and have made an agreement to renew our friendship. I want him back as my husband, and I think he wants the same. We both got hurt very badly. I am able to forgive all that has occurred, yet I don't have a clue on how to regrow a friendship when, for me, the friendship never ended. We are both are cautious, and neither us desires to be hurt.
I have asked him to allow us to set new boundaries, and I could use some help. We are both are very opinionated and strong willed. We have four children and four grandchildren, and at one time we had a wonderful family and marriage. I need help in getting honest communication without manipulation. When my marriage ended, it was due to infidelity.
-D
Dear D-
I understand that you and your ex-husband may very strong feelings for one another. What concerns me is that he is married. If he were to leave his present wife to be with you, would this be a good thing? Would this raise doubts in your own mind about how capable he is of a successful marriage?
You don't say who was unfaithful in your marriage, but if it was he, has he ever examined his reasons for hurting you so profoundly? If it was you, have you thought about your reasons for hurting him?
Would he be willing to communicate more effectively, or at least learn how to do so? You say that you would be, which is a good first step.
If you and he decide that you do want to pursue a love relationship, counseling would be your very best hope. A good counselor could help you communicate and determine the reasons for the infidelity in your marriage, so that you are both less likely to be hurt again. He or she may be even able to help you develop the trust necessary for a happy relationship.
Since you do have children and grandchildren together, family counseling is probably a good idea. You'll probably have to see each other regularly regardless what type of relationship you pursue.
I realize that you're in pain, and I hope this helps.
Terry
Turn his head.
I have one for you: I was married to my ex for 25 years, and our divorce was tragic because we still loved each other. He remarried about two years ago, during which he and his wife have only lived in the same house for six months. They have issues regarding him and me.
Ex and I still love each other and have made an agreement to renew our friendship. I want him back as my husband, and I think he wants the same. We both got hurt very badly. I am able to forgive all that has occurred, yet I don't have a clue on how to regrow a friendship when, for me, the friendship never ended. We are both are cautious, and neither us desires to be hurt.
I have asked him to allow us to set new boundaries, and I could use some help. We are both are very opinionated and strong willed. We have four children and four grandchildren, and at one time we had a wonderful family and marriage. I need help in getting honest communication without manipulation. When my marriage ended, it was due to infidelity.
-D
Dear D-
I understand that you and your ex-husband may very strong feelings for one another. What concerns me is that he is married. If he were to leave his present wife to be with you, would this be a good thing? Would this raise doubts in your own mind about how capable he is of a successful marriage?
You don't say who was unfaithful in your marriage, but if it was he, has he ever examined his reasons for hurting you so profoundly? If it was you, have you thought about your reasons for hurting him?
Would he be willing to communicate more effectively, or at least learn how to do so? You say that you would be, which is a good first step.
If you and he decide that you do want to pursue a love relationship, counseling would be your very best hope. A good counselor could help you communicate and determine the reasons for the infidelity in your marriage, so that you are both less likely to be hurt again. He or she may be even able to help you develop the trust necessary for a happy relationship.
Since you do have children and grandchildren together, family counseling is probably a good idea. You'll probably have to see each other regularly regardless what type of relationship you pursue.
I realize that you're in pain, and I hope this helps.
Terry
Turn his head.
Dazzle 'Em Cheaply
As we kick off party season, it always good to head out in one's black velvet coat with sparkling white teeth. For many years, I was what my dentist calls, "a good candidate for bleaching," due to my love for tea and red wine (which I am not willing to give up).
I thought about bleaching but decided to try drugstore remedies first. I tried the whitening strips, only to end up wandering around the house lisping and feeling as if I had eaten a roll of scotch tape. Then I tried all sorts of toothpastes, starting with the more expensive ones because I assumed they'd be more effective.
While visiting a friend in September, I happened upon a copy of Consumer Reports, which named Ultra Brite toothpaste the best stuff on the market. I immediately wheeled over to my local retailer and picked up a tube for about two dollars.
Sure enough, people are now complimenting me on the whiteness of my teeth. Child 2 has stopped complaining, "Man, Mommy, your teeth are yellow."
Ultra Brite works.
If you can't get to the store, buy it from Drugstore.com for $2.19.
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
I thought about bleaching but decided to try drugstore remedies first. I tried the whitening strips, only to end up wandering around the house lisping and feeling as if I had eaten a roll of scotch tape. Then I tried all sorts of toothpastes, starting with the more expensive ones because I assumed they'd be more effective.
While visiting a friend in September, I happened upon a copy of Consumer Reports, which named Ultra Brite toothpaste the best stuff on the market. I immediately wheeled over to my local retailer and picked up a tube for about two dollars.
Sure enough, people are now complimenting me on the whiteness of my teeth. Child 2 has stopped complaining, "Man, Mommy, your teeth are yellow."
Ultra Brite works.
If you can't get to the store, buy it from Drugstore.com for $2.19.
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Rocky Horror and Sugar Plums
Tension reached operatic proportions on Thanksgiving when Peter and I got lost in the night rain near Route 22 in New Jersey. The sign at the state entrance should include a photo of Peter with a red circle and a slash across it. Peter hates New Jersey, and by the number of times we've gotten lost there, the feeling is mutual.
He winds himself up into a frenzy before we even leave the house about going to "that godforsaken state" (even though one of his oldest friends and much of my family lives there). If you believe in the Law of Attraction, as I most certainly do, the guy set us up for disaster on Thursday.
We ended up getting cut off on Route 1-9, careening up a curb, and mangling our front right rim and tire. The scene reminded me of the one in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, where Brad and Janet's tire blew out, necessitating their visit to the Frankenstein Place. But Brad and Janet didn't have two freaked out children quivering in their back seat.
We made a call to Aunt L's and asked her to start dinner without us, but she wouldn't. Peter managed to creep the car into a Daffy's parking lot, so my cousin, K, and her boyfriend the podiatrist (both of whom knew the area well) offered to drive over and fish us out. We made it to a lovely dinner about an hour later without additional drama, although I did pour myself a monster glass of wine as soon as we arrived.
Yesterday morning at breakfast my cousin, K2, told me a story: His mother (my aunt) used to make him stepdance at assemblies at his school on Staten Island. For the rest of the year, all the other boys--who descended from cultures that did not include males hopping around in skirts--would knock him against the wall in the boys' room and shriek, "Dance for me! Are ya gonna dance for me?"
Eventually, K2 had an idea. He made a deal with his mother that if he made the basketball team, he could quit stepdancing. Fortunately, he was a natural athlete and had almost closed in on his full height of 6'5 3/4 inches. (He didn't tell me this, but he later became a team star and local celebrity.)
I guess you can overcome just about anything if you can overcome being a male stepdancer on Staten Island.
I'm told my brother-in-law is currently perched atop a ladder decorating his house for Christmas, so the holiday season is officially upon us. Be good to yourself and stay away from sugar. It's worse than I thought.
Before you go to the party, you must be able to do this.
He winds himself up into a frenzy before we even leave the house about going to "that godforsaken state" (even though one of his oldest friends and much of my family lives there). If you believe in the Law of Attraction, as I most certainly do, the guy set us up for disaster on Thursday.
We ended up getting cut off on Route 1-9, careening up a curb, and mangling our front right rim and tire. The scene reminded me of the one in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, where Brad and Janet's tire blew out, necessitating their visit to the Frankenstein Place. But Brad and Janet didn't have two freaked out children quivering in their back seat.
We made a call to Aunt L's and asked her to start dinner without us, but she wouldn't. Peter managed to creep the car into a Daffy's parking lot, so my cousin, K, and her boyfriend the podiatrist (both of whom knew the area well) offered to drive over and fish us out. We made it to a lovely dinner about an hour later without additional drama, although I did pour myself a monster glass of wine as soon as we arrived.
Yesterday morning at breakfast my cousin, K2, told me a story: His mother (my aunt) used to make him stepdance at assemblies at his school on Staten Island. For the rest of the year, all the other boys--who descended from cultures that did not include males hopping around in skirts--would knock him against the wall in the boys' room and shriek, "Dance for me! Are ya gonna dance for me?"
Eventually, K2 had an idea. He made a deal with his mother that if he made the basketball team, he could quit stepdancing. Fortunately, he was a natural athlete and had almost closed in on his full height of 6'5 3/4 inches. (He didn't tell me this, but he later became a team star and local celebrity.)
I guess you can overcome just about anything if you can overcome being a male stepdancer on Staten Island.
I'm told my brother-in-law is currently perched atop a ladder decorating his house for Christmas, so the holiday season is officially upon us. Be good to yourself and stay away from sugar. It's worse than I thought.
Before you go to the party, you must be able to do this.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
His Parents Don't Approve of the Relationship...
Hi, Terry-
I just downloaded your e-book and am going thru it. I got the right man, and I am dating him for the past year. But the problem is his family is not accepting for our marriage, and he doesn't want to go against his family. But I want to marry him because I feel he is Mr. Right for me. Please guide me.
Thanks,
-S
Hello, S-
I am very sorry that your man's family is resistant to your marriage. I know of two couples who weathered similar circumstances with different results:
E and R's parents opposed their marriage due to religious differences. Neither E or R wanted to hurt their families, so they broke off their relationship. It hurt, but they did it.
B and L also came from different backgrounds. All of B's family's marriages had been arranged, including his parents' and his two sisters.' B explained to his parents that, as much as he loved them, L was the woman he was going to marry, and they would have to accept her into their family. They did, and now L and B are expecting their fourth child.
The thing is, S, there is nothing you can do to convince your boyfriend to stand up to his parents. He must make that decision on his own.If he doesn't want to "go against" them, then why is he wasting your time? You deserve better than this.
It would be sad if you missed out on an opportunity to meet and marry a wonderful man because you have been distracted this one.I understand that you care a great deal for your boyfriend and cannot just turn off your emotions, but he has a decision to make. And once he makes it, you need to make a decision, too.
I hope this helps.
Terry
Hi, Terry-
Thank you for taking time and writing to me.
Yes, I was reluctant to accept the fact, but after reading the book How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Drams, I made up my mind that I will follow all your principles and wait for the right man to come into my life. Please keep up your emails.
Thanks.
-S
Flirting made easy.
I just downloaded your e-book and am going thru it. I got the right man, and I am dating him for the past year. But the problem is his family is not accepting for our marriage, and he doesn't want to go against his family. But I want to marry him because I feel he is Mr. Right for me. Please guide me.
Thanks,
-S
Hello, S-
I am very sorry that your man's family is resistant to your marriage. I know of two couples who weathered similar circumstances with different results:
E and R's parents opposed their marriage due to religious differences. Neither E or R wanted to hurt their families, so they broke off their relationship. It hurt, but they did it.
B and L also came from different backgrounds. All of B's family's marriages had been arranged, including his parents' and his two sisters.' B explained to his parents that, as much as he loved them, L was the woman he was going to marry, and they would have to accept her into their family. They did, and now L and B are expecting their fourth child.
The thing is, S, there is nothing you can do to convince your boyfriend to stand up to his parents. He must make that decision on his own.If he doesn't want to "go against" them, then why is he wasting your time? You deserve better than this.
It would be sad if you missed out on an opportunity to meet and marry a wonderful man because you have been distracted this one.I understand that you care a great deal for your boyfriend and cannot just turn off your emotions, but he has a decision to make. And once he makes it, you need to make a decision, too.
I hope this helps.
Terry
Hi, Terry-
Thank you for taking time and writing to me.
Yes, I was reluctant to accept the fact, but after reading the book How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Drams, I made up my mind that I will follow all your principles and wait for the right man to come into my life. Please keep up your emails.
Thanks.
-S
Flirting made easy.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Hungry Girl
While surfing local newspaper sites in search of reviews for the recently released movie, Fast Food Nation, I came upon this recipe for a slimming version of sweet potato pie. It looks absolutely amazing, except I would substitute stevia, a natural sweetener, for Splenda.
Intrigued, I followed the link a the bottom of the article to Hungry Girl, a website offering "tips and tricks for hungry chicks." Which would be me.
Subscribers to my mailing list know I live to entertain. Unfortunately, I also love to eat and fought a weight problem for years. So Hungry Girl and her site seem to be right up my alley.
HG seems to emphasize being able to enjoy food while looking great and staying healthy, rather than trying to compete with Eva Longoria to slip into the teeniest bikini on Rodeo Drive.
By the way, I'm taking the advice I give my readers this Saturday. I'm throwing a little football gathering, and we're rooting for Notre Dame!
Stop dating bad boys who hurt you and nice guys who bore you blind. Attract a man who'll actually make you happy for the rest of your life. You deserve nothing less!
Intrigued, I followed the link a the bottom of the article to Hungry Girl, a website offering "tips and tricks for hungry chicks." Which would be me.
Subscribers to my mailing list know I live to entertain. Unfortunately, I also love to eat and fought a weight problem for years. So Hungry Girl and her site seem to be right up my alley.
HG seems to emphasize being able to enjoy food while looking great and staying healthy, rather than trying to compete with Eva Longoria to slip into the teeniest bikini on Rodeo Drive.
By the way, I'm taking the advice I give my readers this Saturday. I'm throwing a little football gathering, and we're rooting for Notre Dame!
Stop dating bad boys who hurt you and nice guys who bore you blind. Attract a man who'll actually make you happy for the rest of your life. You deserve nothing less!
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Learn the Rules of Attraction
These books changed my life. I'll bet they'll change yours, too.
"So let's be reminded that whatever we fix our thoughs upon or steadily focus our imaginations upon, that is what we attract. This is no mere play of words. It is a fact which anyone can prove to his own satisfaction. Whether the results come through magnetic or electrical energy is something still undetermined; while man hasn't been able to define it, manifestations of thought-attraction can be seen on every hand."
-From The Magic of Believing, by Claude Bristol
"When you open your eyes in the morning, say to yourself, "I choose happiness today. I choose success today. I choose right action today. I choose love and good will for all today. I choose peace today. Pour life, love, and interest into this affirmation, and you have chosen happiness."
-From The Power of Your Subconscious Mind , by Dr. Joseph Murphy
"There are so many ways that affirmations can be used powerfully and effectively to give you a more positive, creative outlook and to help you achieve specific goals.
Remember, it's important to feel relaxed as you affirm. Do not be addicted to getting results. Remember that you already are everything you need; every improvement is just icing on the cake."
-From Creative Visulization ,by Shakti Gawain
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
-Matthew 7:6-8, New International Version
Even shy girls can learn how to do this.
"So let's be reminded that whatever we fix our thoughs upon or steadily focus our imaginations upon, that is what we attract. This is no mere play of words. It is a fact which anyone can prove to his own satisfaction. Whether the results come through magnetic or electrical energy is something still undetermined; while man hasn't been able to define it, manifestations of thought-attraction can be seen on every hand."
-From The Magic of Believing, by Claude Bristol
"When you open your eyes in the morning, say to yourself, "I choose happiness today. I choose success today. I choose right action today. I choose love and good will for all today. I choose peace today. Pour life, love, and interest into this affirmation, and you have chosen happiness."
-From The Power of Your Subconscious Mind , by Dr. Joseph Murphy
"There are so many ways that affirmations can be used powerfully and effectively to give you a more positive, creative outlook and to help you achieve specific goals.
Remember, it's important to feel relaxed as you affirm. Do not be addicted to getting results. Remember that you already are everything you need; every improvement is just icing on the cake."
-From Creative Visulization ,by Shakti Gawain
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
-Matthew 7:6-8, New International Version
Even shy girls can learn how to do this.
Friday, November 17, 2006
She Made My Day
Received this letter in response to a tip I sent to my mailing list.
earlier this week. This smart woman offers great advice and describes her triumph after getting rid of an insecure, oppressive man:
Hello there, Terry:
How right you are on every count.
I was madly in love (or so I thought) with a man who hated that I was being promoted (as we worked together). I thought it was just macho jealousy and tried hard to down play all my ideas, and all he did was be moody. I got rumours that he had indeed cheated on me one weekend, but as I had no proof, and I did not want it to be true I choose to ignore it.
Fast forward two years, a move to another country, a dying father and then finding out I was pregnant, we see a man competing with my father for my affection, would not let me go out with friends alone as he was so insecure and gave me no emotional help when my father died or help in getting things ready for our child. In fact, he looked in disgust at everything remotely to do with children. Then he not only had an affair but brought the girl back to our house for some fun when I was 8 months pregnant. That killed it off for me, but it took another two years for him to be truly out of our lives.
I was a person with good social skills who was well liked, very attractive, and had a wonderful, full life. So it shows you can be really dumb and blind and pay for it in a huge way. Now my daughter is four, and I am finally finding I have a life again. I advise anyone with a insecure man to dump him before you forget who you are and then have to fight just to get your life back. I'm on my own now and loving every free, peaceful, wonderful moment to do simple things without having to hide everything just to live.
Would I let someone in my life again? It would have to be someone really, really special and secure, because I deserve nothing less. EVER.
Thank you for your advice, wish I got it four years ago in one sense, but in another I have an incredible little girl, who was never in my plans. I can't even begin to imagine having lived without her adorable smile.
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
earlier this week. This smart woman offers great advice and describes her triumph after getting rid of an insecure, oppressive man:
Hello there, Terry:
How right you are on every count.
I was madly in love (or so I thought) with a man who hated that I was being promoted (as we worked together). I thought it was just macho jealousy and tried hard to down play all my ideas, and all he did was be moody. I got rumours that he had indeed cheated on me one weekend, but as I had no proof, and I did not want it to be true I choose to ignore it.
Fast forward two years, a move to another country, a dying father and then finding out I was pregnant, we see a man competing with my father for my affection, would not let me go out with friends alone as he was so insecure and gave me no emotional help when my father died or help in getting things ready for our child. In fact, he looked in disgust at everything remotely to do with children. Then he not only had an affair but brought the girl back to our house for some fun when I was 8 months pregnant. That killed it off for me, but it took another two years for him to be truly out of our lives.
I was a person with good social skills who was well liked, very attractive, and had a wonderful, full life. So it shows you can be really dumb and blind and pay for it in a huge way. Now my daughter is four, and I am finally finding I have a life again. I advise anyone with a insecure man to dump him before you forget who you are and then have to fight just to get your life back. I'm on my own now and loving every free, peaceful, wonderful moment to do simple things without having to hide everything just to live.
Would I let someone in my life again? It would have to be someone really, really special and secure, because I deserve nothing less. EVER.
Thank you for your advice, wish I got it four years ago in one sense, but in another I have an incredible little girl, who was never in my plans. I can't even begin to imagine having lived without her adorable smile.
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Beautiful Skin is In
In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a skin care fiend. This is nothing new; I've been at it since 7th grade. Learned something else about rosacea this morning when my friend, C, emailed me this revealing article.
The irony is that another woman and I met yesterday at Panera Bread and discussed this very subject, how one's PH balance affects health. I understand that low PH levels invite all sorts of disease, including cancer. After reading the article I understand that they also affect one's complexion, which makes sense.
Fortunately, diet plays an enormous factor in determining PH.
I followed the link at the bottom of the article to learn which foods are low PH (or acidic) and which are high (or alkaline) and came up with this.
Apparently, every single thing I ate and drank at the Amazing V's Silpada party last night was deadly acidic, so I tested my PH this morning with the strips that had been languishing in a my file drawer. I am indeed scarily acidic.
Will devour a pile of lemons momentarily (they're alkaline)!
In another freakish twist, Rosie O'Donnell is right this second discussing her battle with rosacea on The View . She said it disappeared after she took Ayurvedic pills that were recommended to her by a man sitting next to her at a Barbra Streisand concert.
Attract the man of your dreams.
The irony is that another woman and I met yesterday at Panera Bread and discussed this very subject, how one's PH balance affects health. I understand that low PH levels invite all sorts of disease, including cancer. After reading the article I understand that they also affect one's complexion, which makes sense.
Fortunately, diet plays an enormous factor in determining PH.
I followed the link at the bottom of the article to learn which foods are low PH (or acidic) and which are high (or alkaline) and came up with this.
Apparently, every single thing I ate and drank at the Amazing V's Silpada party last night was deadly acidic, so I tested my PH this morning with the strips that had been languishing in a my file drawer. I am indeed scarily acidic.
Will devour a pile of lemons momentarily (they're alkaline)!
In another freakish twist, Rosie O'Donnell is right this second discussing her battle with rosacea on The View . She said it disappeared after she took Ayurvedic pills that were recommended to her by a man sitting next to her at a Barbra Streisand concert.
Attract the man of your dreams.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
People Have Gotten Married After Doing This
In my zeal to tell you about a great idea to meet men in the post below, I neglected to tell you to click here to sign up for this free and very fun service.
Sorry!
Isn't it time someone threw you a shower for a change?
Sorry!
Isn't it time someone threw you a shower for a change?
Meet Men By Mail (It's Not What You Think)
You don't have to be Irish to take advantage of the free Irish penpals program. You don't even have to write to an Irishman if you don't want to. I've made French, German, and English friends through it, and they're all women.
But you can request a male friend. The following testimonial appeared in the September issue of the entertaining Information About Ireland Site Newsletter:
Hi. My name is David, and about 4 years ago, I visited your site. I read a message from a woman in Germany and replied to it. We found that we had a lot in common and wrote to each other for about a year. We were both divorced, and neither one of us were looking for any kind of relationship other than emails. To make a long story short, I met the love of my life through your web site and we have been married for two-and-a-half years now.
Thanks,
David Ison
Miami, Florida
Bewitch him.
But you can request a male friend. The following testimonial appeared in the September issue of the entertaining Information About Ireland Site Newsletter:
Hi. My name is David, and about 4 years ago, I visited your site. I read a message from a woman in Germany and replied to it. We found that we had a lot in common and wrote to each other for about a year. We were both divorced, and neither one of us were looking for any kind of relationship other than emails. To make a long story short, I met the love of my life through your web site and we have been married for two-and-a-half years now.
Thanks,
David Ison
Miami, Florida
Bewitch him.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Clear Skin to Break Into Dance Over
Note: This post has nothing to do with dating. If you'd rather not read about my complexion or my social life, please scroll down.
Went to the dinner-dance I mentioned last week and felt fantastic. I finally got to wear the dress my mother and I picked out for another event that didn't come off, and it was just gorgeous (Mom was diagnosed with brain cancer shortly after our shopping trip and died last summer).
Rosacea update: I'm happy to report that a combination of probiotics, omega-3 softgels, and Arbonne's Rejuvenating Cream have produced good results. I haven't experienced any new breakouts, and my skin absolutely glows. I am still saddled with three small dots next to my mouth; they're slowly healing, but they're definitely healing.
Just so you know: I never had "bad skin," but in the past few years, I developed rosacea, which necessitated the use of a good powder to cover it. I feared that I would end up on a desert island, and the truth would come out. I'd eat something (like a spring sausage, for instance), and my face would sting and go bright red. Little red spots would sprout all over my face. It was really demoralizing.
An earlier post describes how I happened upon the idea of alleviating this drama by supplementing my diet. I've also read good things about the Arbonne Rejuvenating Cream. Until last week or so, it remained one of those unsexy products my eye skipped over on my way to the cosmetics and antiaging skincare in the catalog.
More about the dance: Excellent food! Met some friendly new people, and the band played "Play That Funky Music, White Boy." I am a dancing fool for "Play That Funky Music, White Boy."
No cameras allowed!
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
Went to the dinner-dance I mentioned last week and felt fantastic. I finally got to wear the dress my mother and I picked out for another event that didn't come off, and it was just gorgeous (Mom was diagnosed with brain cancer shortly after our shopping trip and died last summer).
Rosacea update: I'm happy to report that a combination of probiotics, omega-3 softgels, and Arbonne's Rejuvenating Cream have produced good results. I haven't experienced any new breakouts, and my skin absolutely glows. I am still saddled with three small dots next to my mouth; they're slowly healing, but they're definitely healing.
Just so you know: I never had "bad skin," but in the past few years, I developed rosacea, which necessitated the use of a good powder to cover it. I feared that I would end up on a desert island, and the truth would come out. I'd eat something (like a spring sausage, for instance), and my face would sting and go bright red. Little red spots would sprout all over my face. It was really demoralizing.
An earlier post describes how I happened upon the idea of alleviating this drama by supplementing my diet. I've also read good things about the Arbonne Rejuvenating Cream. Until last week or so, it remained one of those unsexy products my eye skipped over on my way to the cosmetics and antiaging skincare in the catalog.
More about the dance: Excellent food! Met some friendly new people, and the band played "Play That Funky Music, White Boy." I am a dancing fool for "Play That Funky Music, White Boy."
No cameras allowed!
Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Britney Calls It Quits
While we contemplate the demise of the Spears/Federline union, it's a good idea to remember never to marry a man who has a pregnant girlfriend.
At Toastmasters today, a woman gave a lovely talk about her husband, a man who gets up at 3AM to go to work. He kisses her before he leaves and tells her to drive safely. Then she tells him to drive safely.
She's an executive who doesn't get home until after 8PM, so her husband falls asleep on her side of the bed to warm it up. Just as she's about to drop into bed, he rolls over onto his side.
As I left, I asked her how they met. She said it was in grammar school, and it's evident that she's still madly in love with him. Then she mentioned that her 25-year-old-son is frustrated because he has not yet met "the one," especially since his parents knew who they'd spend their lives with from such an early age.
Makes Britney and Kevin seem kind of silly, doesn't it?
Sick and tired? Feel like your old self again in 8 simple steps.
At Toastmasters today, a woman gave a lovely talk about her husband, a man who gets up at 3AM to go to work. He kisses her before he leaves and tells her to drive safely. Then she tells him to drive safely.
She's an executive who doesn't get home until after 8PM, so her husband falls asleep on her side of the bed to warm it up. Just as she's about to drop into bed, he rolls over onto his side.
As I left, I asked her how they met. She said it was in grammar school, and it's evident that she's still madly in love with him. Then she mentioned that her 25-year-old-son is frustrated because he has not yet met "the one," especially since his parents knew who they'd spend their lives with from such an early age.
Makes Britney and Kevin seem kind of silly, doesn't it?
Sick and tired? Feel like your old self again in 8 simple steps.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Paul Newman Called Me...
...and half the rest of the state in a recorded message reminding us it's Election Day. I'm just back home from the polls myself and am enjoying that euphoria I always get after a good vote.
If you haven't gone yet, please do. If you've managed to tune out the evil campaign commercials that have plagued us for weeks (and the half-truths contained therein), do a search for "League of Women Voters." You can look up your state chapter's website for non-partison information about candidates' positions on the issues.
Want to get a guy's attention? Here's how.
If you haven't gone yet, please do. If you've managed to tune out the evil campaign commercials that have plagued us for weeks (and the half-truths contained therein), do a search for "League of Women Voters." You can look up your state chapter's website for non-partison information about candidates' positions on the issues.
Want to get a guy's attention? Here's how.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Skinny Bitch
Last night, Peter and I got a call asking us to go to a formal dinner next Saturday. Ordinarily, I would be over the moon at the prospect of dressing up and would have looked forward to it for weeks.
But I'm expected to yank myself out of squirrely writer mode on six days' notice?
And we have to find a babysitter pronto, andI think I've gained a pound or two since the last dinner-dance we attended. I've a gorgeous, never-worn dress hanging in my closet (my mother, who has since died, helped me pick it out for an event that ended up being canceled).
Oh! I have gained a pound or two.
Well, we can fix that in a hurry. I'll drink oceans of lemon water this week and eat organic. No meat! No dairy! (A week without cheese will be a real challenge, especially since I hadn't time to psych myself up for it. I am a fool for cheese.)
I'll pull my favorite food book off the shelf for inspiration:
WARNING: If profanity offends you, stay away from this book! But if you don't blink at swear words, and you could use some novel advice on how to get healthy and take the pounds off, check it out. It's a riot!
But I'm expected to yank myself out of squirrely writer mode on six days' notice?
And we have to find a babysitter pronto, andI think I've gained a pound or two since the last dinner-dance we attended. I've a gorgeous, never-worn dress hanging in my closet (my mother, who has since died, helped me pick it out for an event that ended up being canceled).
Oh! I have gained a pound or two.
Well, we can fix that in a hurry. I'll drink oceans of lemon water this week and eat organic. No meat! No dairy! (A week without cheese will be a real challenge, especially since I hadn't time to psych myself up for it. I am a fool for cheese.)
I'll pull my favorite food book off the shelf for inspiration:
WARNING: If profanity offends you, stay away from this book! But if you don't blink at swear words, and you could use some novel advice on how to get healthy and take the pounds off, check it out. It's a riot!
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Can Plastic Surgery Buy You Love?
Why do women have plastic surgery? To look younger? Prettier? Or is it for something much deeper? It smacks of masochism, and the result is rarely positive. Most plastic surgery victims end up looking, well, plastic. They do not look younger, and they certainly don't look prettier.
I've read about women who can't stop scheduling surgeries once they start. It becomes an obsession. Doctors report that renovations to private parts increasingly crowd their calendars.
Middle-class women jeopardize their retirements by paying for such operations with plastic, not cash.
Back in the day, a friend and I hit a club in Great Neck, where we met a male acquaintance of hers. "I'm impressed," he said. "You girls are the only two in here with their original noses." Trust me, healthy men do not want to date the Barbi Twins.
Plastic surgery cannot buy you love, self-respect, or happiness. If you think your ankles are too thick, consider your lengthy lashes or your gorgeous skin. Focus on your attributes. Accept the fact that you are not perfect, and you never will be.
Be open to the possibility that someone will love you and your fat ankles. Somebody will be fascinated by the bump on your nose. These are some of the things that make you you. Be glad you have them.
Sick and tired? Former fatigue sufferer can help you get your groove back.
I've read about women who can't stop scheduling surgeries once they start. It becomes an obsession. Doctors report that renovations to private parts increasingly crowd their calendars.
Middle-class women jeopardize their retirements by paying for such operations with plastic, not cash.
Back in the day, a friend and I hit a club in Great Neck, where we met a male acquaintance of hers. "I'm impressed," he said. "You girls are the only two in here with their original noses." Trust me, healthy men do not want to date the Barbi Twins.
Plastic surgery cannot buy you love, self-respect, or happiness. If you think your ankles are too thick, consider your lengthy lashes or your gorgeous skin. Focus on your attributes. Accept the fact that you are not perfect, and you never will be.
Be open to the possibility that someone will love you and your fat ankles. Somebody will be fascinated by the bump on your nose. These are some of the things that make you you. Be glad you have them.
Sick and tired? Former fatigue sufferer can help you get your groove back.
Desperate Brad Pitt's Heartbreak!
When was the last time you read a headline like that? I don't remember ever seeing one, but I've read plenty like these:
JENNIFER DUMPED AGAIN! CAN SHE EVER FIND LOVE?
NICOLE BREAKS DOWN AFTER LEARNING OF KEITH'S AFFAIR
BRAD CAUGHT WITH HOOKER! SHATTERED ANGELINA IN TEARS
I read similar crap yesterday (the third example is a real headline from the National Enquirer), as I checked out a bunch of organic bananas at the supermarket. It occurs to me that women are always the victims of heartbreak in the tabloid press. Men are invulnerable.
My 10-year-old daughter once commented to me that "Britney is really mad at Kevin because he goes out with his girlfriend all the time." When I asked her where she'd heard that, she told me she'd read it on a magazine cover at the supermarket. I have to wonder what damage such nonsense has inflicted on her psyche.
Will she grow up believing that love is dangerous, that she is destined to be heartbroken, that she should accept it as fact that men always cheat because they, as Goldie Hawn once told the women on The View, are programmed to do it?
I am making it my job to ensure she does not. I want her to know that love may be a many splendored thing, but it should never be the only thing. I will encourage her to disqualify men who sleep around. I will teach her to treat men as she would have them treat her, and to discard those who do not treat her similarly.
Beliefs determine reality.
If she believes that good men exist and that she is worthy of being loved by one, she will be. But if she believes the message promoted by tabloids, women's magazines, and pop songs--that no man can ever love one woman for very long--she'll attract men who prove her right every single time.
You can get his attention. Learn how to flirt.
JENNIFER DUMPED AGAIN! CAN SHE EVER FIND LOVE?
NICOLE BREAKS DOWN AFTER LEARNING OF KEITH'S AFFAIR
BRAD CAUGHT WITH HOOKER! SHATTERED ANGELINA IN TEARS
I read similar crap yesterday (the third example is a real headline from the National Enquirer), as I checked out a bunch of organic bananas at the supermarket. It occurs to me that women are always the victims of heartbreak in the tabloid press. Men are invulnerable.
My 10-year-old daughter once commented to me that "Britney is really mad at Kevin because he goes out with his girlfriend all the time." When I asked her where she'd heard that, she told me she'd read it on a magazine cover at the supermarket. I have to wonder what damage such nonsense has inflicted on her psyche.
Will she grow up believing that love is dangerous, that she is destined to be heartbroken, that she should accept it as fact that men always cheat because they, as Goldie Hawn once told the women on The View, are programmed to do it?
I am making it my job to ensure she does not. I want her to know that love may be a many splendored thing, but it should never be the only thing. I will encourage her to disqualify men who sleep around. I will teach her to treat men as she would have them treat her, and to discard those who do not treat her similarly.
Beliefs determine reality.
If she believes that good men exist and that she is worthy of being loved by one, she will be. But if she believes the message promoted by tabloids, women's magazines, and pop songs--that no man can ever love one woman for very long--she'll attract men who prove her right every single time.
You can get his attention. Learn how to flirt.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Attracting True Love: Your Holiday Action Plan
Holiday season will soon be upon us. Here's a quick course to help ensure you spend a romantic, magical new year with the kind of man you've always dreamed about:
1) Love yourself. It's been said that you can't love anybody else until you love yourself. Well, I'll go one further: Nobody can love you until you love yourself, either. Until you do, you will continue to attract losers, abusers, schmoozers, and No-Show Joes. Love yourself, and you will attract men who love you and make you happy. It's that simple.
2) Bring to mind all the frogs you've kissed over the years. Write a list of the qualities you didn't like about them. How did they disappoint you?
3) Turn that list around. Write the opposite quality for every bad quality you listed. For example, if your former boyfriends were unfaithful, dishonest, manipulative, unreliable, you'd turn the list around to read: faithful, truthful, respectful of my feelings, and reliable.
4) Write an affirmation around your new list using the present tense. For example, "I am happily married (or involved with) a faithful, truthful, reliable man, who is fun to be with and respectful of my feelings." (Add the word "fun" to ensure you don't attract the nice but boring type.)
5) Write your affirmation 10-15 times a day for at least 30 days. It helps to conjure the sensation of how you'd feel when you are actually with the person you've described (feeling the affirmation helps convince the subconscious that what you're writing is fact). If you're feeling ambitious, try writing your affirmation with your non-dominant hand three to six times.
6) For the next 30 days, speak your affirmation: In the shower, in the car, while you're cooking dinner (but not on the bus or in a restaurant; people will laugh at you). Again, allow yourself to feel it. This may take time, but keep at it.
7) Be the person you want to marry. If you want a truthful man, be truthful. If you want somebody who resists playing head games, don't play them. If you want somebody polite, turn your cell phone off before you go into a movie theater.
8) Love yourself. Yes, I'm repeating myself, but loving yourself ensures you attract good men (as well as good jobs, good friends, good parties). What's more, you'll be more likely to recognize all this goodness when it appears.
9) Become aware of inner changes. After a while, you'll begin to attract a different kind of man. More important, you'll be attracted to a different type of man. Man-meeting opportunities will suddenly become abundant. Take notice.
Want more? Get more.
1) Love yourself. It's been said that you can't love anybody else until you love yourself. Well, I'll go one further: Nobody can love you until you love yourself, either. Until you do, you will continue to attract losers, abusers, schmoozers, and No-Show Joes. Love yourself, and you will attract men who love you and make you happy. It's that simple.
2) Bring to mind all the frogs you've kissed over the years. Write a list of the qualities you didn't like about them. How did they disappoint you?
3) Turn that list around. Write the opposite quality for every bad quality you listed. For example, if your former boyfriends were unfaithful, dishonest, manipulative, unreliable, you'd turn the list around to read: faithful, truthful, respectful of my feelings, and reliable.
4) Write an affirmation around your new list using the present tense. For example, "I am happily married (or involved with) a faithful, truthful, reliable man, who is fun to be with and respectful of my feelings." (Add the word "fun" to ensure you don't attract the nice but boring type.)
5) Write your affirmation 10-15 times a day for at least 30 days. It helps to conjure the sensation of how you'd feel when you are actually with the person you've described (feeling the affirmation helps convince the subconscious that what you're writing is fact). If you're feeling ambitious, try writing your affirmation with your non-dominant hand three to six times.
6) For the next 30 days, speak your affirmation: In the shower, in the car, while you're cooking dinner (but not on the bus or in a restaurant; people will laugh at you). Again, allow yourself to feel it. This may take time, but keep at it.
7) Be the person you want to marry. If you want a truthful man, be truthful. If you want somebody who resists playing head games, don't play them. If you want somebody polite, turn your cell phone off before you go into a movie theater.
8) Love yourself. Yes, I'm repeating myself, but loving yourself ensures you attract good men (as well as good jobs, good friends, good parties). What's more, you'll be more likely to recognize all this goodness when it appears.
9) Become aware of inner changes. After a while, you'll begin to attract a different kind of man. More important, you'll be attracted to a different type of man. Man-meeting opportunities will suddenly become abundant. Take notice.
Want more? Get more.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Sexy, Not Slutty
The Huntington Street Cafe in my neighborhood will throw a Halloween party tonight. I don't remember name of the band they hired, but the cover is a mere five dollars. Such a deal!
Check the newspaper for information about a party in your neighborhood. Then grab a friend and go.
If you don't show up as a French Maid, a short-skirted nurse, or a "hot" prison guard, you'll probably stand out in the crowd. Besides, slut-wear attracts men without imaginations, and you can do better.
Wear a costume that makes you look beautiful-- not scary, ugly, or desperate. Don't overwhelm 'em with skin. Keep your makeup slightly more dramatic than usual (false eyelashes are always fun), but make sure people can see you when they look at you. You don't ever have to scream for attention.
Now, get out of here and have some fun!
The world is full of wonderful men.
Check the newspaper for information about a party in your neighborhood. Then grab a friend and go.
If you don't show up as a French Maid, a short-skirted nurse, or a "hot" prison guard, you'll probably stand out in the crowd. Besides, slut-wear attracts men without imaginations, and you can do better.
Wear a costume that makes you look beautiful-- not scary, ugly, or desperate. Don't overwhelm 'em with skin. Keep your makeup slightly more dramatic than usual (false eyelashes are always fun), but make sure people can see you when they look at you. You don't ever have to scream for attention.
Now, get out of here and have some fun!
The world is full of wonderful men.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
