Thursday, September 18, 2008

More About Law of Attraction and Love

Dear Terry:

I've been reading your book, in which you suggest setting a wedding date in your mind before you do the exercises.

I do not want to set a wedding date because I will have my hopes crushed, and I will accuse myself of self-sabotage. Any thoughts on this?


Dear Skittish-

I have a few thoughts on this.

First off, I wish you would not accuse yourself of anything, let alone self-sabotage. Just go about the exercises satisfied that you're doing you're best. I suspect you tend to be hard on yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself.

If you don't want to "set" a wedding date, don't do it. When you do the rest of the exercises, be present, use all your senses, etc. See the scene from the outside (as if you're watching a movie), and then feel it from the inside (put yourself in the movie).

As far as self-sabotage is concerned, self-awareness is helpful (as opposed to accusation and condemnation). If you put a wedding date on paper, and you find yourself getting scared, make sure the fear you're experiencing is fear of failure and not fear of success.

A lot of women who say they want to be married are indeed very, very fearful of being married (I was, that's for sure). Marriage for a woman implies a possible loss of identity, freedom, or that they'll end up in something that resembles their parents' relationship, so definitely explore the possibility that you may be afraid of commitment.

And if you discover this is true, it's a good thing because you can face your fears (do you have to lose your identity, for instance? Are all married couples really bored out of their minds?)If you identify your fears, you can face them and ultimately eliminate a lot of them. Use your fears to help you discover what you want in a marriage or a relationship. If you know what you want, you exponentially increase your chances of getting it.

Let me emphasize that you don't have to set a wedding date. I set one because it helped ground the exercises for me and gave them a heightened sense of reality. Please know that I did not get married on the date I set on paper (it functioned merely as a ballpark figure).

But do ask yourself: What do I want in a man? In a relationship? Write out a scene of an ordinary day together. Visualize it. Feel it. Smell it. Hear it. Taste it.

And feel yourself thanking God for it.