Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Are You Still Reading Minds?

Do you ever find yourself asking:

-I wonder if he'll call

-I wonder if he likes me

-I wonder what he meant when he said

-I wonder why he says he doesn't want a relationship, but he keeps showing up where I hang out

-and so on?

If so, you may suffer from the infamous Woman's Mind-Reading Syndrome. It's possible you acquired this afflction from a steady diet of reading women's magazines (the ones with cover blurbs like HOW TO CRACK A MAN'S SECRET CODE and WHY HE CAN'T TALK ABOUT HIS FEELINGS--AND WHAT YOU CAN DO TO DECIPHER THEM!).

Or perhaps you acquired this affliction when someone told you that--since you're a woman--you're naturally more in touch with your feelings, his feelings, the whole world's feelings, and you must take tender care of everybody else's feelings, lest you hurt feelings, which would mean you're a crappy person.

Here's the bottom line on feelings. You treat a man as you would have him treat you. He treats you as he would have you treat him.

If he's not treating you as he would have you treat him (i.e., letting you wonder about his feelings instead of expressing them, saying he doesn't want a relationship before bouncing into bed with you, lying, not calling or showing up when he says he will), then it is time to hit the highway.

Stop wondering why he does the things he does. Stop reading his mind. God knows, he's not reading yours.

Know this:

Happy relationships consist of two people who actually enjoy communicating with each other. One person cannot be--and should not attempt to be--solely responsible for the transmission and analysis of verbal and non-verbal expression.

Happy relationships consist of two people who are equally committed to the relationship. They do not consist of one person who will do whatever it takes to make the other person appreciate her, love her, respect her, desire her, and so on.

Either the guy is in, or he's out.

The guy who's in will let you know he's in. The guy who's out will run hot and cold, and he'll disappoint you whenever he gets a chance.

If the guy you're stuck on falls into the latter category, I'll say it again: Hit the highway.