It's Almost Halloween: What Would Audrey Hepburn Wear?

Halloween's a week away, and the pressure's on to find the perfect costume.

If you Google "women's Halloween costumes," you'll come up with myriad "sexy" (depending on your definition of sexy) items that manufacturers claim will make you the most desirable babe at the keg. According to the TV show Extra, short skirts, high heels, and cropped tops (be sure to show that navel) are de riguer.

Wear 'em or be square.

Funny thing is, since this hoochie Halloween trend heated up a few years ago, comedians have taken notice. "Halloween is an excuse for women to dress up like sluts," I've heard more than one male comic say.

Well, we all want to be noticed. We all want to be considered attractive. But it's becoming clear that showing up in the "Gangster Garter Dress with the Rhinestone Money Sign Clip Tie" is probably not the way to a man's heart. (On the other hand, it's definitely the way to some guy's nether region.)

A young friend of mine turned up last Halloween in an-up-to-there skirt and sky-high heels. I can't remember what she was supposed to be (a sexy pirate, a sexy candy striper, a sexy cop -- who the hell remembers?), but I do remember the effect she had on people. The night started badly. She stopped at a gas station, where a bystander requested sexual favors. For the rest of the evening, she continued to get the wrong kind of attention.

If you want love, look lovely. When all else fails, ask yourself: What kind of costume would Audrey Hepburn wear? But if you just want sex, by all means squeeze that hot bod of yours into a sexy cop costume.