Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Does He Love Her?

Hi, Terry-

I need your advice. Do you think I'm desperate when I'm saying now I'm mature, and I want a steady relationship, have a child and get married?

The problem is I don't think my boyfriend is ready. He's always busy at work, doesn't call or calls only when he feels the need to do so. Do you think he loves me? Please help.

-Needing Clarification

Hello, Clarification-

Here's the good news: You know what you want, and it does not make you desperate.

Let's look at it this way: When you get up in the morning, you may say to yourself, "I want a cup of coffee."

You know what you want, and you get it. You probably don't go to the coffee counter and ask for a glass of tomato juice. So the first step in getting what you want is knowing what you want. Sounds simple, eh?

But here's where it gets complicated: You say you're ready to get married, but you're pinning your hopes on some guy who doesn't even call you half the time. The guy is a glass of tomato juice.

I don't know if he loves you, but it seems to me there are more attentive men in the world, and you would do well to set your sights on one of them. Getting married and being married is fun only if you're doing it with the right person. A person who is too busy at work or only calls when it suits him may very well not be that person.

Having a child will exact physical, emotional, and mental demands on you, and you deserve a hands-on partner who's not going to treat the kid as some sort of a hobby he gets around to in free moments.

Congratulations to you on discovering that you are ready for marriage and children. Please write out exactly what qualities you'd like in the man who decides to join you on this journey. This way, you'll recognize him when you see him.

Most important, don't tell yourself that convincing your current boyfriend to marry you is your only hope for love and happiness. Continue to see him if you must, but definitely keep your eyes peeled for much better opportunities.