Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Sexy, Not Slutty

The Huntington Street Cafe in my neighborhood will throw a Halloween party tonight. I don't remember name of the band they hired, but the cover is a mere five dollars. Such a deal!

Check the newspaper for information about a party in your neighborhood. Then grab a friend and go.

If you don't show up as a French Maid, a short-skirted nurse, or a "hot" prison guard, you'll probably stand out in the crowd. Besides, slut-wear attracts men without imaginations, and you can do better.

Wear a costume that makes you look beautiful-- not scary, ugly, or desperate. Don't overwhelm 'em with skin. Keep your makeup slightly more dramatic than usual (false eyelashes are always fun), but make sure people can see you when they look at you. You don't ever have to scream for attention.

Now, get out of here and have some fun!

The world is full of wonderful men.

Monday, October 30, 2006

My Quest to End Rosacea

A longtime reader posted a comment suggesting that antibiotics can be useful in fighting rosacea (those of you who are not interested in reading about my quest to end this annoying skin problem can just scroll down for dating stuff). Antibiotics scare me, though.

Her comment prompted me to remember that during the summer of 2005, a very good skin summer indeed, I had been eating FAGE yogurt by the boatload. What I didn't remember was that I was also mixing two tablespoons of ground flax seed into it.

A light went on.

I may no longer be able to get my hands on FAGE yogurt, as I mentioned in an earlier post, but I do have a full bottle of flax seed oil in my refrigerator. I did a Google search ("flax," "rosacea") and found that other sufferers have found taking several thousand milligrams daily to be helpful. I also did a search on "probiotics," "rosacea" and came up with a similar finding (the bacteria in yogurt is probiotic).

So I hopped over to my favorite Internet supplement source and ordered a bottle of probiotics. Will let you know how it goes.

If you haven't tried flax seed or probiotics, be sure to ask a doctor first, will ya?

Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

After the Breakup

Breaking up sucks. Whether you're the one doing the dumping or the one being dumped, it's never easy.

After the breakup, it's imperative that you treat yourself as you would a beloved child. Make a point of doing something nice for yourself every single day. It doesn't have to be expensive (please do not rack up a lot of credit card debt; that's self-destructive). Buy yourself a bouquet of your favorite flowers. Take yourself out to a movie. Make (or learn to make) a favorite meal and enjoy it with a glass of wine.

Talk to yourself kindly. Make a list of your good qualities and read it when you feel down. Don't waste time with anyone who doesn't treat you with the love, tenderness, and respect you deserve.

When I was single and suffered a breakup, I really believed I'd never get over the guy. I tended to fall hard and just couldn't comprehend being able to love anybody else. If this sounds like you, take heart.

Last week, a lovely, educated, attractive woman told me that her first husband left her for her brother's girlfriend -- while she was three months' pregnant. Can you imagine getting over that?

She is now happily married to a much worthier man. She is also the successful owner of a mortgage company that specializes in helping women who are coping with divorce.

Take good care of yourself and better things will come your way, too.

Attract and marry the man of your dreams.

Freaking Rosacea!

After using it for a couple of weeks, I can confidently say that the anti-rosacea skincare line I tried doesn't work any better than the RE-9 system by Arbonne (which is an effective anti-aging line and not even recommended for rosacea sufferers). I guess the lesson here is not to pay $20.00 plus shipping for a product sample. I'm such a sucker.

My friend, L., alerted me to the fact that Arbonne does have a product recommended for people with rosacea, so I've ordered it today and will give that a try. I'm very satisfied with the Arbonne line; those bags I used to get under my eyes have been eliminated, thanks to their magic eye cream.

But the rosacea is getting to me. I was one of those people who never got a pimple as a teenager, and now I get these little breakouts. It must stop.

I've read that rosacea is a widespread affliction that affects millions of people, especially those of Northern European descent. I also understand that it may be attributed to some sort of digestive disorder called "leaky gut" (nice, huh?), in which case there must be some sort of dietary solution. I wonder if probiotics would help.

During the summer of 2005, a yogurt by the name of FAGE became a mainstay of my diet. It tasted delicious and contained all sorts of live bacteria that the usual brands didn't. My skin looked stellar every single day. I mean, just amazing.

Unfortunately, my supermarket stopped carrying FAGE, and I stopped eating it. The rosacea re-reared its ugly head some weeks later and has been a problem ever since.

I wonder if there's a connection....

Attract and marry the man of your dreams.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Love and the Subconscious Mind

"Practice this process of impregnating your subconscious mind. Then, you will have the joy of attracting to you a man possessing the qualities and characteristics you mentally dwelt upon. Your subconscious intelligence will open up a pathway, whereby both of you will meet, according to the irresistible and changeless flow of your own subconscious mind. Have a keen desire to give the best that is in you of love, devotion, and co-operation. Be receptive to this gift of love which you have given to your subconscious mind." -Joseph Murphy, author of The Power of Your Subconscious Mind

1. Write a list of qualities you don't want in a man. Use your ex-boyfriends and your friends' substandard husbands for inspiration.

2. Write a list of the opposite qualities. Now you know what you do want in a man. Congratulations! This knowledge dramatically increases your chances of getting it.

3. Visualize a relationship with a person who embodies these qualities. Don't worry if "he" seems sketchy at first. Visualize this relationship several times a day, consistently, and he will become clearer over time.

4. Know that this person exists somewhere and is on his way to you.

5. Get out of the house. Smile more.

6. Be the type of person you want to date (see step 1). Think about the The Law of Attraction: Like attracts like.

Want more? Check out my ebook.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

When It's Just Sex...

Last week I had the good fortune to watch the first season of the Showtime series, Weeds. I'm a huge fan of the star, Mary Louise Parker, and I like Kevin Nealon as the ridiculous pot-smoking town councilman.

Some of the show's characters fall into bed with each other at the drop of the hat, which makes for great drama and even greater comedy. I'm crazy about this show and its wry observations about people who keep up with the Joneses.

While I'm confident that Weeds won't spark an epidemic of widows entering the marijuana trade, I do wonder if showing strangers enjoying sex on a car hood encourages viewers to give it a try. I once heard a story about a woman who said her entire perspective on sex changed after watching Sex and the City. Now she sleeps with everybody.

Which, I guess, is fine if she avoids pregnancy and disease, and if she knows from the outset that what she's doing is having sex. She's not actually dating. She's not getting to know anybody.

A very attractive newscaster once told me she used to get into such disappointing situations with men because she kept "confusing feelings below the waist for feelings of the heart."

I understand that. Women are conditioned to believe that it's okay for men to have tons of sex whenever--and with whomever--they want. Women who engage in such behavior, we're told, are sluts. So some women rationalize having slept with a guy by telling themselves they love him.

This usually results in confusion, self-loathing, and an obsession for a guy who's just not worth it. If you find yourself in this situation, eliminate the drama. Tell yourself the truth. You don't love the guy, and he probably doesn't love you. Don't harbor expectations.

Sex causes angst for men, too. A good-looking, well-employed guy complains that every girl he goes out with suffers from paranoia. "Each and every one of them refuses to believe I'm seeing her and only her. They're convinced I bang everything that isn't nailed down."

He can't get a relationship off the ground, which is what he truly wants. He's frustrated and disappointed.

The thing is, he always gets into bed too early with women, and it's difficult to build a relationship on sex. Face it; if you sleep with somebody on the first or second date, he's going to assume you sleep around. And you're going to assume he does, too.

Now you have a dilemma: You haven't established trust between you, so how can you determine if Backseat Bob would make a decent friend, let alone a loyal, loving, fun, supportive boyfriend? How do you know the dude won't be exposed as a pedophile on Dateline?

Are there exceptions? Yeah. A good friend of mine once slept with a guy after leaving a bar with him and a bottle of borrowed Korbel. They've been married for 18 years and have three kids.

But she's the only person I've ever known to pull it off. The rest of us are better off remaining vertical for longer periods.

Monday, October 23, 2006

If You Don't Know How to Flirt...

A woman told me over the weekend that she met her husband on a church-sponsored hiking trip. He'd spotted her a couple of times before then, and while they hiked, he made a point of keeping pace with her and starting a conversation.

Sounds great, I thought, except had I been in the same situation some years ago, I would probably have blown it by stuttering, or worse, not saying much of anything at all to the guy. I have always been shy, something I fight to this day (people often accuse me of being an inpenetrable snob, and I work to counter this impression. Why do you think I joined Toastmasters?).

Some years ago, a friend's aunt took it upon herself to teach me some flirting techniques. "It's all in the eyes, Terry," she said (that and in the willingness to undo the top button of my blouse). This woman bore a striking likeness to a scarecrow, but I gotta admit, she had a way with the menfolk.

I've lost touch with this auntie, but I've since come across an excellent flirting program by Mimi Tanner. Mimi and I don't agree on everything, but her book is great fun to read and full of workable tips I wished I'd known about years ago.

She offers a guarantee on the program, as well. It's definitely worth a look.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

How She Met Her Husband

A woman told me yesterday she had once been fed up of single life in Manhattan. She decided to "pack up and move back home to England."

Then her sister, an executive with a cosmetics company, invited her to an industry event at the Hard Rock Cafe. Without any expectations, she went and got to talking with an organic chemist there.

They fell in love, got married, and moved to Connecticut, where now they have a lovely house and a 7-year-old daughter.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Office Romance Pays Off

The workplace continues to be a great place to meet people of the opposite sex. At a party on Saturday, the hostess' newly engaged sister showed up with her fiance. They told us how their romance secretly burgeoned under the glare of fluorescent lights (and suspicious coworkers).

I once had a fun job where I worked shoulder-to-shoulder in an all-women office, and those women remain good friends to this day. But we all went for long periods without dates. I realized that if I wanted to meet men, I had to get out and be among them.

If you're serious about meeting "the one," go where the men go. Say yes to more invitations. Throw a party. Change jobs. Take up a sport. Go on vacation by yourself.

Shake things up.

Friday, October 13, 2006

My Soul Hurts

After successfully avoiding it for 13 years, I finally caved in and watched Schindler's List this morning. In high school, we were forced to see a documentary of the horrors of the Holocaust, and I never wanted to feel those emotions again.

A couple of times this morning, every muscle in my body started to go, and I nearly collapsed into a heap.

I drove home after the movie and passed out on the couch. Then I viewed a repeat of last night's Colbert Report in a hopeless attempt to laugh.

Time for another nap.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Desperate Housewives' Desperate Beau

Last night's episode had Susan's new boyfriend asking her how many men she'd been to bed with. Susan told him. Naturally, he didn't like the answer.

A correct response to the "how many" question simply does not exist. Depending on the inquisitor, zero may indicate the respondent is a prude, and any number above zero could mean she's a slut.

My response would be, "Why do you ask?" Then I'd change the subject. If the dude had the bad taste to bring it up again, I'd think twice about dating him.

It's one question that reveals more about the person who asked than the one who answered.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Don't Confuse Slow Death for Romance

Fifteen years ago, a good friend of mine was driving around with a man she had fallen in love with. Suddenly, the guy swerved to the side of the road and cut the engine. Then, in that most romantic of gestures, he took her face in his hands.

"You will be the mother of my five children," he announced.

My friend swooned. She flushed with excitement: The man she loved loved her, too. Her every romantic fantasy had come true!

Fast forward to the present: She and this guy, who is now her husband, fight all the time. Just last week, he gave her the back of his hand. Before leaving for yet another business trip, he signed up their children (after her repeated protests) for numerous after-school activities, to which she is the sole provider of transportation. She is also up to her eyes helping a 12-year-old, a 7-year-old, and a 4-year-old with homework.

While she only has three children, as opposed to the five Mr. Romance hoped she'd produce, she knew she'd had it after just two. She told him as much, but he insisted that she have a third child and took steps (I won't go into detail) to ensure she did.

Well, she's miserable. She's a mess. She has asked him to go to marriage counseling, but he informed her that she's the one with a "chemical imbalance" and refused. My friend is overwhelmed and has confessed she has contemplated suicide (we're doing what we can to prevent that).

The point? Do not confuse a man's controlling behavior for romance! If a guy tells you that you're going to be the mother of his children, you might want to think about the fact that he hasn't even asked you if you want any.

Also, if a guy starts badmouthing your friends, your family, or your co-workers, he could be trying to drive a wedge between you. Beware! Once he's cut off your support system, you'll be completely under his power.

Never confuse possession for love. Never confuse control for love. A man who truly loves you will give you your freedom. He will support your dreams and ideas. He will not be threatened when you take a promotion. He will not show up in the bar when you're out with the girls.

If you're dating a guy, and you get a creepy feeling in your stomach, don't confuse it for butterflies. Don't tell yourself you're getting up in years, and all your friends are getting married, and you don't want to be left on the shelf, and all that other garbage women tell themselves to marry the wrong men.

You have one life to live. Please don't screw it up.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Do Men Baffle You?

Then you'll be encouraged to know that we baffle them, too. The funny thing is, we're more alike than we've been led to think. Scroll down to check out The Guide to Not Pissing Women Off. If you substitute "men" for "women," the similarities become crystal clear.

Just ignore the bit about the double standard, will you? I loathe double standards.

More Fun for Singles

An earlier post from today detailed my love of travel.

When I was single, one of my favorite things to do was to check out the airfare deals in the New York Times, especially during an arduous day in the office. I'd sit back and dream of being anywhere but there, listening to my shrill sales manager screaming, "It's Tuesday! The week is almost over. What do you have to show for yourself?"

Most of the time, I had the good fortune to scare up another thrill-seeking traveler, usually my roommate or a colleague. My friend Cathy and I once arrived in Dublin without even a hotel reservation. Our M.O. was to book bus tours to various cities (Galway, Kilkenny, and Cork) and find a family-owned Bed & Breakfast once we got there. We never had any trouble finding a decent place; breakfast the next morning invariably turned up hot, hearty, and delicious.

The great thing about staying in B&Bs instead of a hotel was being able to meet real Irish people, rather than uniformed clerks behind counters in huge lobbies. I once stayed in a B&B in Stratford-upon-Avon in England and had a pleasant experience there, as well.

One particularly sad and lonely summer, I was desperate for a change of scenery but couldn't find a travel companion. Undeterred, I flew to San Francisco by myself and stayed in The Red Victorian Inn on Haight Street. It wasn't quite a B&B, but breakfast was served in a common room, which forced me to talk to people I would never have met had I stayed in, say, The Saint Francis.

The result: I saw an independent film with a dancewear designer from South Africa. I walked around the city with an English woman who'd sold her business to travel around the world. I also had dinner and drinks with a man who owned a publishing company. Very exciting!

I came home a new woman, let me tell you.

I recommend the B&B experience wholeheartedly, especially when you want to expand your horizons and meet people.

You're Single, So Live It Up

I'm tethered (happily, I'll admit) to a husband, two children, and a cat, so I don't get to fly off to distant locations for fun and adventure the way I once did. We take vacations, but I'm not booking them on a whim like I did in the old days. I did go to Orlando last month for business, which was definitely a blast, but, hey, it was business. I never even made it to Disney World.

I dream of travel. Real travel. I want to go to Ireland again! And England! And I've never been to Italy (I sent for the Perillo promo DVD, though, and actually viewed it one day while waiting for Heckle and Jeckle to get off the school bus).

So, I'm not heading to the airport for the time being, but you probably can! I subscribe to a free ezine from Travel Zoo (no, I'm not affiliated with them). Today's issue contained a couple of dealies that took my breath away, especially this inexpensive one to dreamy London. Please go and tell me about it when you get back!

In the meantime, a little family of Cheerios is staring up at me from under my desk. I'll bet there are no Cheerios under your desk.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Clearing Your Beliefs About Men and Money

EFT is a free and valuable tool for changing your life. Today my inbox included this fascinating article by EFT practitioner Carol Tuttle. It includes a audio link to a lengthy--but very worthwhile--session in which Carol describes how she paid off $35,000 in debt in just one year.

In a particularly exciting segment, she helps a woman who has never attracted a decent boyfriend.

Blew It? Recapture His Interest!

Oh, no! The guy you're crazy about finally gave you a little attention, and you swooped on him like a parakeet fighting for the last cracker left in the cage. Now you're horrified, humiliated, and praying that you never see him again.

Hold on.

Believe it or not, there's hope. It is indeed possible to save face and even kindle the man's interest by doing one simple thing the next time you run into him: Be cool. In other words, smile, wave, and keep moving.

Make this your mantra. Smile, wave, and keep moving.

Put yourself in his place: You're out one night, and an otherwise attractive guy showers you with undivided attention, tries to impress you by bragging about his job, and so on. You're flattered but turned off. The guy's obviously a jerk, but you flounce home feeling good about yourself. You've got the goods, and men are noticing.

But the next time you run into the guy, he plays it cool. Instead of rushing over and gushing all over you, he merely smiles, waves, and keeps moving. It's not exactly a blow off, but it does throw you. Did you have him all wrong? Maybe you'd only imagined his interest. How much had you to drink, exactly? Did you do something to turn him off?

His sudden lack of passion intrigues you. You find yourself wondering about him. You ask around. You decide that his job did seem pretty interesting. He really wasn't bad looking. It suddenly occurs to you that you could definitely do a lot worse.

Do you see how this works?

While it's never a good idea to deliberately come on too strong to a guy (ideally, you should be friendly and confident), most of us have done it. Play it cool the next time you see him, and you may recapture his attention. At the very least, you'll recover your dignity.

Smile, wave, and keep moving.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Test-driving a Cure for Rosacea

For the past six months or so, I've been using the remarkable RE-9 anti-aging skincare line by Arbonne. The eye cream has done wonders for those filthy bags that have plagued me since my early 20s, so much that I no longer have to travel with a cache of tea bags. I've also eliminated the very beginnings of crepey neck with other products in the line.

What the RE-9 apparently can't do is get rid of the rosacea that erupted on my cheeks about 10 years ago. It did seem to lessen the redness, but the little spots refuse to budge. So, I've been surfing the 'net in search of some relief. A dermatologist recommended a prescription topical by the name of MetroGel, which offered minimal results. Taking alpha-lipoic acid internally definitely reduced symptoms but didn't get rid of them altogether.

Now I'm trying a line of skincare (still using the RE-9 around the eyes and on the neck!) touted to stop rosacea in its tracks. If it works, I will name names. If it doesn't, I won't (but I will tell you what I think of it).

If you're interested in the RE-9, let me know, and I'll give you some more information (I've signed up as a wholesale consultant, which may help you if you live on the Eastern seaboard, where Arbonne is not yet a household name. If you live anywhere else in the country, your next door neighbor is probably already a wholesale consultant).

In the meantime, if anyone knows of a safe rosacea soother (or, better yet, a cure!), please clue me in.