Tuesday, January 22, 2008

If You Want Him Back, Don't Scare Him Off

It's amazing the stupid things some women will do when they want to reunite with a former boyfriend (and, to be fair, men do the same stupid things when they want an old girlfriend).

Some of us drunk dial. Some of us do the late-night drive-by. Some of us get really bad and do the drunk late-night drive-by. But none of these methods have been shown to be effective in rekindling romance. On the contrary, sometimes they result in the guy taking out a restraining order.

Last weekend, my sister told me of a mutual friend who's recently been harrassed by her brother's former girlfriend. Since the break-up, the ex has been dropping in on our friend, making nightly calls to his mother and brothers (one of whom is the father of small twins and doesn't need the phone ringing at 9PM).

The woman's goal is to win allies. She imagines that by remaining in frequent contact with his family she establishes herself as an integral member. She thinks she can get the others to prevail upon the ex on her behalf.

She's crazy.

Here's what's really happening: The mother says to her son, "Will you tell that woman to stop calling me?"

The sister says, "Thank God you broke up with that psycho. She's like something out of Fatal Attraction."

One brother says, "I never liked that girl."

The brother with twins says, "Make her stop calling or I'm changing my number, and you'll never hear from me again."

Okay, the woman is hurting, and hurting people do hurting things.

I've been there.

When we've been dumped, we all want the guy to realize he's made a mistake, but enlisting his family's help is bound to backfire. Think about it: Have you ever been indifferent about a guy that your parents were crazy about? Did their enthusiasm change your feelings for him?

You may have given him a second look, but your feelings had to develop of their own accord.

Now, imagine that some guy you're done with starts calling your friends and family. Would you be intrigued by that? Or would it turn you off?

If he kept it up, would you be convinced that he was the guy for you? Or would you think about calling a lawyer?

It's easy to lose your head when you've been rejected. Rejection can cut you to the core. It's not the time to come up with hairbrained schemes to regain a guy's affection. It's the time to lie low, keep busy, and maintain your dignity.

If you hope he'll have a change of heart, it's the only way to go. And if he doesn't have a change of heart, well, he never was going to have one, anyway.

Do yourself a favor and move on.