Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Picturing the End Result

Dear Terry,

I have met men who either were never into me, or when they were, I wasn't into them. The former were the charming, successful ones, and the latter, you guessed it.

Now I am desperate to be loved and get married. My younger sister has found someone, and it's really painful to see myself all alone. Please help me and tell me if this system will work for me. Please assure me that it will.

Thank you.


Hi, K-

When you mention "a system," I imagine you're referring to my ebook and audio, which women have told me has completely changed their love lives around. It certainly changed my life around.

But, like any system, it only works if you work it. I've received letters from women who've complained the book is too short, only to find out later they never did the exercises it contains and didn't listen to the audio. So it didn't work for them.

But let's talk about you and your situation.

You say you're desperate to be loved. This is the wrong way to attract a man who will love you and make you happy.

Please be glad for your younger sister that she's found someone special. In 2008, I hope we've moved beyond the idea that an older sister is some kind of failure if she's "beaten to the altar" by a younger sister.

My youngest sister married before my other sister and me, but by the time she did, I'd learned to discount (and limit my time with) people who made stupid comments about us "not getting any younger." (And we were pretty young!)

One of the things that worked for me in attracting the right man was by picturing and feeling the end result.

I'd read about basketball players who'd won games by practicing in their mind's eye instead of on the court. They'd "see" themselves making the shot. They'd "feel" the ball leaving their hands. They'd "see" the ball slipping easily through the hoop. They'd "hear" the roar of the crowd.

I decided to use this method to lose weight. I "saw" myself thin in the mirror, "felt" myself slipping into a small dress, I'd "hear" people telling me how good I looked.

It worked.

I later used the method when I was ready to attract the right man. A lot of my friends were getting married, my sister was getting married. I'd attracted similar guys to the ones you describe, and I'd come to realize that my own ambivalence about relationships caused this.

I rightly figured that, on some level, marriage and relationships scared me. I set out to find out what scared me, and I faced those fears. By figuring out what I did not want in a marriage, I could easily see what I did want. And then I "saw" myself in such a marriage with the right man man, "felt" myself with him, "heard" him, and so on. I came to believe that I was actually in a relationship with such a person, and it came to pass.

This method works because you're operating from faith and expectation. You're not acting from desperation.

Desperation always brings bad results, whether you're looking for a new house, a job, a friend, or a partner. Not only will you attract substandard circumstances, you'll likely settle for them. So choose the opposite path.

I do recommend you limit exposure to so-called friends who suggest you're a failure because you've yet to hook a live one. Write a list of your best qualities and refer to it often. Always look your best. Remind yourself that you have much to offer. You should never settle for a man who's less than you deserve just to get gossips off your back.