Monday, March 03, 2008

Bret Michaels Plays the Hapless Victim

Rock of Love 2 is so sad I can barely force myself to watch it anymore.

I fell asleep during both broadcasts of the latest episode last night, so here I am in front of the TV for a third time, trying to wrap my brain around it.

For those of you who are just joining us, a dwindling group of scantily clad women is competing on national television for the affections of a has-been rock musician. Every week, the show's producers come up with fresh ideas for competitions to humiliate the women.

This episode's victorious duo entertained vets by reciting the Preamble to the Constitution while wiggling inside hula-hoops. Of course, they wore bikinis. To start their act, they gave each other a good slap on the rump with American flags. Now, that's taking patriotism to a new level.

Because women serve in the US military, the audience did contain a good number of females, some of whom laughed self-consciously. Others just looked horrified.

Afterwards, Bret, who has moved beyond covering his fat head with a bandana and now wears a hat on top of a bandana, sat down for dinner with his Ladies of Low Self-Esteem. He threw out a question: "In your opinion, which of the other girls is here for the wrong reason." Not wanting to betray another contestant, a couple of LSEs skirted the question.

Bret got angry. He demanded answers.

He maintained that he had to know who was in it for real (uh, like he's even in it for real), but clearly the guy was pushing for a fight.

Eventually, Ambre pointed her finger at Kristy Joe. Curses flew. Bret threw his napkin down and left the table. Later in the show, he claimed to be "physically and emotionally exhausted."

What a cretin.

I'm waiting for these women to smarten up and tell this guy to take a flying leap. Now there would be a drama I could stay awake to watch.

Life Keeps Getting Better

We've all heard the garbage about a woman over age 35 meeting a decent man being about as likely as her dying in a plane crash. Yesterday, I met yet another woman who defied that nonsense.

She's 53, positive-minded, active, and an enthusiastic newlywed, but she could have been a real sad sack. She had plenty of cause to feel sorry for herself. In April 2007 (11 months ago), she was hit by a car and told she would ever walk again. Doctors said they'd have to amputate her right foot.

She refused to believe them. Call it faith in God, call it the Law of Attraction, call it whatever you want: She determined that a power mightier than modern medicine created her and would heal her foot. She would walk again.

Do I need to tell you that she did not lose her foot? That she was walking fluidly-- without a limp -- 11 months later? Now, I can't say what her foot looks like under the sleek high-heeled boot she wore; she did say it's been fortified with pins.

But whatever it looks like, it's not stopping her. As I said, she's newly married and clearly enjoying life. I wish I'd had the chance to ask her about her new husband, especially how she met him.

My guess is she did it the same way she healed her foot. She surely wouldn't be the first person who succeeded in meeting the man of her dreams this way. Click here to learn how another woman did it.