Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Tell Him to Have a Happy Life

Dear Terry-

My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for about 5 years. He is 29, a few months ago he received a scholarship from his work to do Masters Degree in UK, which I found out from the other people. Since then he's been treating me like trash, planning his trip without telling me anything, making long calls to certain woman who is in UK, but from here, he denied having an affair with her.

Three weeks ago he took me to his place, telling me he doesn’t want to be cheating anymore; that woman is his girlfriend, he and I have no future together and when he goes to UK they will be together.

I wrote him an e-mail telling him to have a happy life, and he should stop calling and email me because he can't keep sharing his intimate feelings with me while there is another woman in his life, when we meet we shall smile. He emphasizes that they are so into it; I said nothing.

He began calling me every day after three days sending texts that he has changed his mind he wants to be with me and take me with him.

The funny thing is our parents don’t know about us. I asked him for something formal which he refused, I respect my parents. I can't just go just like that. As of now, I told him that we should never have sex, and I will never visit his place unless he proves he really wants to be with me by introducing me to his parents and visit mine.

I am confused, Terry. Does he love me, or does he just want to use me because he didn’t say the relationship is over with her? I don’t know what to do.

I need your help.

-Confused


Dear Confused-

Would you allow a friend to treat you this way? Wouldn't you have doubts about a friend who refused to introduce you to her parents? Who announced your friendship didn't have a future, and then called and emailed to tell you she'd changed her mind?

I suspect you'd have serious reservations about such a person. I would, anyway.

You were right (and dignified, I might add) when you told this man to stop contacting you, and to have a happy life. The next time he contacts you, please tell him what he told you: "We have no future together."

Does he love you, you ask? I think a man who behaves this way only loves himself. I don't think he is capable of making you happy. I don't believe he is capable of making any woman happy.

Can you imagine being saddled with this person for the rest of your life? He'd make you miserable.

You're better off without him, but I suspect you already know this. Stop building him up in your mind. Evict him! He's just not good enough for you.

-Terry