Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Dating and Jesus In a Box

In an earlier post, I declared that I do not believe James Cameron's claim that he has Jesus' bones in a box, and apparently I'm not alone. A guy named Bruce Feiler, who's not even a Christian, doesn't buy it, either. An expert on the bible and archaeology, he posted his feelings today at the blog at the Huffington Post.

What exactly does Jesus being in a box have to do with dating?

Over the past few days, the media have tried to disprove Christianity, and then The Law of Attraction. Both require faith. I don't suggest you need to be a Christian to benefit from The Law of Attraction, but you certainly do need faith. And if you want to attract a thrilling relationship, you need it, as well.

Check out these verses from the New Testament:

"According to your faith, be it unto you."-Matthew 9:29

"If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth."- Mark 9:23

"If God be for us, who can be against us?"-Romans 8:31

Look, if you don't believe there's a decent soul for you to love who's going to love you back and make you happy for the rest of your life, guess what? You're right. And if you believe there is such a person, you're right. According to your faith, be it unto you.

Do you perform better (in a job or behind the wheel of a car, for instance) when you have faith in yourself, or when you don't? Do people respond to you more when you have faith that you're attractive, or when you feel ugly?

Have faith in what you want (presumably a faithful, successful, healthy, fun man), not in what you don't want (that all men cheat, all the good ones are dead or married, etc.).

I, for one, have faith that nobody's ever going to find Jesus in a box.

Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Today and Me and The Secret

The Today segment on The Secret featured James Arthur Ray, one of the personalities from the DVD, and Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist and frequent Today contributor.

Gail pretty much scoffed at everything James had to say (she rolled her eyes at one point). He continued to make his points politely.

Matt Lauer noted that The Secret creator, Rhonda Byrne, had been invited to participate but backed out at the last minute. We were left to draw our own conclusions as to why. The New York Times reported on Sunday that Byrne and two contributors from the original DVD, Esther and Jerry Hicks (of abrahamhicks.com), have since parted ways.

Today reported that The Secret is nothing new, and it's not. People (Norman Vincent Peale, Catherine Ponder, Frances Scovel Shinn, Robert Collier, Joseph Murphy, and many others) have written about it for decades. I know a woman who joined the sales program at one of the major brokerage firms on Wall Street, and Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill was required reading.

The bottom line for me is this: Many years ago when I started reading these authors, a woman told me that she'd let her psychiatrist know of my burgeoning interest in The Law of Attraction. She said he laughed his head off.

"Tell your friend all she's doing is making somebody else rich," he said.

At the time, I was in a rotten job, living in my parents' basement, and had just come off a series of embarrassingly bad relationships. Today, I'm happily married, I live in my own lovely home, and I'm the mother of two children I hope will leave this world better than they found it. I love my work so much I lose all sense of time.

The woman in psychotherapy is still in psychotherapy. She probably paid for her doctor's house in The Hamptons.

Look, if you need psychiatric help, by all means get it. If you need medical attention, get it. But please don't dismiss the power of knowing what you want and believing you can have it.

Correction About Helen Mirren

I misquoted her in my post from February 26th. She didn't hold her Oscar aloft and exclaim, "This is the Queen!" She said, "I give you the Queen!"

I still don't get it.

Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.

The Truth About the The Secret?

Today is going to do a story on The Secret this morning. Since they revealed yesterday that Jesus' bones may have been found in a box (effectively killing Christianity), this should be interesting.

Just so you know: I do not believe that Jesus' bones are in that box.

More snow on the ground means a late start at school for the girls today. I hope Today doesn't bust The Secret wide open while I'm at the bus stop.

Monday, February 26, 2007

I Never Miss the Oscars

I loved seeing Martin Scorcese win last night, especially since he was born in Flushing. I thought Ellen DeGeneres struck a perfect pitch; she knows how to make people laugh without being mean.

I rooted for Helen Mirren (even though I haven't seen The Queen yet), but I'm not sure what she meant when she held up her statuette and shouted, "This is the Queen!" Did she mean, "This is for the Queen!"? It doesn't matter; she's gorgeous, and I loved the song and dance number with the little tribute to her by Will Ferrell, Jack Black, and John C. Reilly.

Meryl Streep was the picture of cool, as usual. Forrest Whitaker's speech blew me away. He's not classically good looking, but he's strangely attractive. Kate Winslet stopped traffic.

Nicole Kidman looked svelte and elegant in her red dress, but she could barely move her face with all the stuff she's had injected into it. I hate to see beautiful young women screwing with their faces. Come to think of it, I hate to see beautiful old ones screwing with their faces, too.

Does Jack Nicholson suffer from cataracts? It's been a long time since I've seen him photographed without dark glasses.

If you're tired all the time, you can feel better.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Fashions of the Times

Confidence is being able to to riffle through The New York Times Style Magazine (in today's paper), look at the ads with the pin-thin people propped up on high heels, and say to yourself, "I don't look like that, I'm never going to look like that, and I don't want to look like that, either."

Tonight is Oscar night. I never miss the Oscars, mostly because I like to see what people are wearing.

Have your cake and eat it, too.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

How to Win Him Back

If you've been dating a guy, and he's suddenly busy, his calls have dropped off, and he's just not giving you the attention he used to, it's upsetting. It's especially so if he came on strong at first when you weren't even particularly interested in him.

All of a sudden, he's acting as if he's doing you a big favor.

How do you get his attention again? First off, determine if you really and truly want his attention (you may be thinking, 'Of course I do,' but please slow down and think this over).

If you decide he's worth it, here's what you must do: Back away slowly.

This is not for sissies, but trust me, it's the only way you're ever going to get him back. It takes discipline. It takes self-love. And you must do it.

This means you do not, under any circumstances, email the dude. You don't call him to see how he's doing. You don't come up with a scheme to score tickets to opening day of his favorite baseball team and casually invite him to go with you (I've tried this scheme; the tickets were for The Stones. The guy in question took me up on the offer all right, but that was pretty much the last time I saw him).

The key is to keep busy (no waiting for the phone to ring, please). Let him come after you. Yes, I know you've heard this before. Hey, I'd heard it before, but it didn't work until I actually gave it a try. If the guy likes you, he'll miss you. If he doesn't, nothing you say or do or wear is going to change that.

Mimi Tanner wrote two excellent books that give you the nuts and bolts on dealing with men. Check them out: Secrets of Flirting and Calling Men.

Love and the Power of Positive Thinking

Old Dr. Peale was a proponent of The Law of Attraction. In this excerpt from his book, The Power of Positive Thinking, he shows how one woman used it after her husband asked for a divorce:

"She had conquered herself to the extent of being able to receive this request with calmness. She simply replied that she was willing if he wanted it, but suggested a deferral of the decision for ninety days on the ground that divorce is so final. 'If at the end of ninety days you still feel that you want a divorce, I will co-operate with you.' She said this calmly. He gave her a quizzical look, for he had expected an outburst.

Night after night he went out, and night after night she sat at home, but she pictured him as seated in his old chair. He was not in the chair, but she painted an image of him there comfortably reading as in the old days. She visualized him puttering around the house, painting and fixing things as he had formerly done. She even pictured him drying the dishes as he did when they were first married. She visualized the two of them playing golf together and taking hikes as they once did.

She maintained this picture with steady faith, and one night there he actually sat in his old chair. She looked twice to be sure that it was the reality rather than the picturization, but perhaps a picturization is a reality, for at any rate the actual man was there. Occasionally, he would be gone but more and more nights he sat in his chair. Then he began to read to her as in the old days. Then one sunny Saturday afternoon he asked, 'What do you say to a game of golf?'

The days went by pleasantly until she realized that the ninetieth day had arrived, so that evening she said quietly, 'Bill, this is the ninetieth day.'

'What do you mean,' he asked, puzzled, 'the ninetieth day?'

'Why, don't you remember? We agreed to wait ninety days to settle that divorce matter and this is the day.'

He looked at her for a moment, then hidden behind his paper turned a page, saying, 'Don't be silly. I couldn't possibly get along without you. Where did you get the idea I was going to leave you?'"

Keep This Blog Alive!

Only if you like it, that is.


Save the Internet: Click here


If you rely on the Internet as much as I do, beware! A movement is afoot to change it forever. If the cable and phone companies get their way, many of the sites you've come to know and love will be virtually invisible.

For dating advice, scroll down a bit.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Dakota Fanning and Me

The March issue of Vanity Fair includes my letter to the editor regarding a pictorial of the 12-year-old actress.

Your Mind and Your Love Life

Can't find an exciting, faithful, successful man? Wrap your head around this enjoyable free video.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Winter Blues, Indeed

Today I learned that I share the distinction of having graduated from Queens College with Ron Jeremy, a porn star.

Like the death of Anna Nicole Smith (and the non-stop coverage about the state of her remains, her will, and the custodial battle for her daughter) and the shaving of Britney Spears' head (the girl's got a neck like a Vermont maple), I find this news depressing.

Will February ever end? For many years, I've tried to make myself like it, but I think one living in the Northeast can only accomplish this if she can ice skate without taking somebody's eye out. The alternative is to throw parties, but we're tiling the kitchen floor right now. Until it's finished, I can't even toast a bagel.

My grammar school friend did stop down from Massachusetts for a visit yesterday, but she couldn't stay long enough.

Ten days to March and counting...

If God blessed you with the coordination to ski, make sure you stop into the lodge for an Irish coffee. Then find somebody to flirt with, damn it!!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Dating For Looks and Money

This morning's Today featured a segment about speed dating with a twist: To participate, the men must possess lots of cash, and the women must be worthy to mount a catwalk. When asked how he came up with the idea, the founder said, "Well, men want a woman who's beautiful, and women want a man with a lot of money."

Sigh.

I'm aware a market truly exists for this nonsense. I had a good friend who qualified as a perfect 10 (long blonde hair, blue eyes, perfect features, great body, and so on) who rarely dated guys unless she'd inspected their W-2 forms first. Not surprisingly, she went out with a bunch of rich guys who wanted to be seen with a gorgeous girl.

She qualified as the most miserable woman I've ever met. Money didn't make up for the fact that most of the guys she ended up with were hopelessly boring (I'm not saying all rich men are boring, but she tended to attract the ones who were) or had intolerable breath. It didn't help that she had a sneaking suspicion that if she ever suffered a disfiguring accident, they'd dump her in a hurry.

At one point, she fell for a not-rich guy, who just didn't return her affection. When he broke up with her, he told her, "You're drop-dead beautiful, but I don't think we have much in common," which pretty much trounces Mr. Innovation-in-Speed-Dating's theory.

Money and looks are great. Hey, I'd rather have them than not, but I'd take a kind, honest, fun guy over some self-entitled, boring loser with a big bank account. And, as for being beautiful, who among us doesn't want to be? But isn't it better to be wih a guy who makes you happy and loves you for you, and not because you're the human equivalent of a luxury car?

Experience has shown me that all women don't want a rich man. All men don't want a beautiful woman. I remember reading a quote by Gene Wilder about his attraction to one particular woman (it may have been Gilda Radner). He said something to the effect of, "She's not the prettiest one in the room, but she's the one for me."

Charm beats beauty, and it outlasts it, too.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

More on Love and The Law of Attraction...

To further the point of my previous post, I found this email from Mike Dooley in my inbox:

Not events, Terry, but outcomes. Visualize outcomes.

Not the cracking of the bat, but gliding over home plate.

Not the inking of the deals, but the kind of life you'll lead.

Not the scale, the diet or food, but the admiration you have earned.

And not the whens, the wheres, and hows, but the laughter, high-fives, and wows.

Not events, Terry, but outcomes. Visualize outcomes.


--The Universe


After the man of your dreams shows up, know how to talk to him.

Chemistry, Romance, and The Law of Attraction

I love your blog, Terry.

Is it possible to find a man you feel chemistry with, and who is available? Seems like most of the men I find (I'm in my 40s) who are available at my age are boring or losers. I am a romantic and refuse to give up on sexual chemistry and romance. But I'm just not excited about the men I've met. And I don't feel it's because I'm picky. I believe that most of the good men in my age range are taken, and will be unless their wives die. And I WON'T settle!

There are no bargains out there.


I understand where you're coming from. I dated my share of losers, or guys who who were very nice but bored the hell out of me. The only thing that changed things (and it certainly did change things) was:

1. Writing a list of what I did not want in a man (that was easy).

2. Writing a list of the opposites of what I didn't want, which gave me a definite idea of what I did want.

3. Bringing a man with those specific qualities to life in my imagination (using all five senses and really feeling it. It didn't happen at first, but the more I practiced the easier--and more detailed--my vision became).

4. Repeating #3 morning, noon, and night (and whenever I was, say, trying to avoid making eye contact while riding the subway).

It took a little while, but then really attractive, fun, and available men started to come my way. I married one of them. Almost 15 years later, we're still married and actually happy about it.

The Law of Attraction works.

If you believe "there are no bargains out there," that's what you're going to get. You must believe that there's at least one guy on this vast planet of ours who possesses the qualities you want, desires a relationship, and is emotionally and legally available to have one.

Bring him to life in your imagination. Keep it up and see what happens.

I used to hate Valentine's Day.

Icky Men to Avoid

Radar Magazine offers an eye-opening expose on fellows to stay away from (unless you have access to a good supply of penicillin). Click on Colin Farrell's digitally-enhanced bare chest to read it.

Warning: If you're easily offended, do yourself a favor and don't.


How to avoid toxic bachelors.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

How to Get a Second Date

Hey, Terry-

I've had bad relationships in the past, which have broken my self esteem . There is this new guy who is so cute. I feel he is way to good for me, but I know that's the wrong way to think, so please help me. I'm in real need ro rebuild my self-esteem. Thanks so much for your time.

-D.


Hi, D.-

I wrote the following article with people like you in mind:


Okay, you’ve scored a date with a sexy somebody for Saturday night, and you’re terrified you’re going to blow it. Don’t worry; if you follow these tips, you’ll do just fine. The bonus? None of them involves getting plastic surgery or renting a Jaguar for the evening.

1. The key to being a great date is to love yourself. Nothing is more attractive than an individual who regards himself highly. It doesn’t matter of you’re short, fat, bald or hairy in all the wrong places. You’ve heard the maxim, “You can’t love somebody until you love yourself,” and it’s true, but nobody else is going to love you until you love yourself, either. Self-love attracts love like a magnet.

2. Resolve to be yourself and only yourself. Don’t tell me you’re not interesting enough, good-looking enough, smart enough. Ask yourself: Do you want your date to like you for somebody you are or for somebody you aren’t? Right. Now, be yourself, and understand that maybe your date will like you and maybe he or she won’t. Either way, you’ll live. I promise.

3. Visualize quiet confidence. For several days before your date, visualize yourself sitting with him or her and feeling calm, cool, and attractive. Really feel it! See, hear, and feel yourself laughing easily. Feel yourself smiling. Practice this while you’re waiting to order your coffee in the company cafeteria. Do it in the Laundromat. Feel it until it feels real.

4. Make a list of all the things you have going for you. A great sense of humor? Compassion? Beautiful teeth? Are you an executive at an up-and-coming company? Write down your desirable qualities and read the list several times a day. Let it sink in. Knowing what makes you special will give you confidence and an inner glow on the big night.

5. Now that you know what makes you wonderful, keep it to yourself. No need to turn the date into an infomercial: Avoid mentioning that you’re considered the unofficial mayor of your town because you’re so popular. Don’t brag about how you trounced Texas Tess in the chili competition. Allow your date to make little discoveries about you. Trust him or her to see that you’re an excellent catch.

6. View your shortcomings as positives. A healthy person will be drawn to you despite the fact that you drive a 1987 Chevette, as long as you’re kind, considerate, and funny. If you’re ten pounds overweight, there are people who will find you sexy because they’ll perceive you as being slightly indulgent. If you’re a man who’s balding and consider it a disadvantage, decide to make it an advantage. Many women see a disappearing hairline as a sign of virility.

7. Have reasonable expectations of the other person. What’s more revolting than a paunchy guy who expects his girlfriend to look like Paris Hilton? Or, a woman in a dead-end job who turns her nose up at the guy driving the 1987 Chevette? If you want to find somebody who will like you for you, be sure to return the favor.

8. Don’t stereotype. All women are not desperate to get married. All men do not fear commitment. Purge your noggin of the nonsense the media have fed you about the opposite sex. Look your date in the eye and treat him like a human being, not like somebody you must manipulate. Treat your date as you would have him or her treat you. You will be successful beyond your wildest dreams.

9. Remember, it’s a date, not a job interview. Don’t view this person as a potential spouse. Remove the pressure. See him or her as an acquaintance you’d like to turn into a friend. That’s it. Break the ice with a compliment, but avoid making overly personal remarks like, “Wow, you look hot in those pants.” Something non-threatening like, “Nice shirt,” works well because it conveys that you think your date has good taste!

10. Stay away from sex. I don’t care if you’re a man or a woman, sex on the first date is bad news. Don’t even think about it! Having sex on the first date sets up all sorts of weird and uncomfortable expectations. Furthermore, you could end up with a deadly disease. Hit the sheets only after you’re sure you’re both healthy, and that you actually like the other person. It makes for much better sex.

11. Accept the possibility that you’ll be rejected. Maybe you and your sexy somebody will hit it off. Maybe you won’t. When I was single, I often reminded myself that even Bruce Springsteen (the biggest, sexiest rock star of the time) faced rejection by the opposite sex at one time or another. So have Britney Spears, Brad Pitt, and all the other luminaries we’ve been trained to envy. Everybody faces rejection. Everybody. Not just you!

After the date is over, decide whether you’d like to see this individual again. Stop fretting that you didn’t make a good enough impression and ask yourself if you even liked him or her. Review the evening dispassionately. Is he or she someone you would choose for a friend? Did you feel good around this person?

If not, it’s probably best to move on.

If the answer is yes, proceed accordingly.

-Terry

Tongue tied? Learn to flirt with the best of them.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Anna Nicole Smith Is Dead

And it's not funny.

Watching her at award shows two years ago wasn't funny, either, but countless TV and newspaper "journalists" thought otherwise. Hey, the girl sold papers. Guys like Pat O'Brien owe their careers to her.

This morning, Today featured an Anna Nicole Death-a-Thon, for which they brought in a panel of people who never even knew her to speculate about why she died, what the hell was wrong with her to begin with, who would get custody of her new baby, what her relationship was like with her mother, and so on.

Between panel discussions, Matt Lauer implied to Anna Nicole's former boss at Trim-Spa that he'd seen her demise coming all along. Mr. Trim-Spa gently reminded Mr. Lauer that the subject had been a "human being."

Clearly, Anna Nicole Smith had problems. She needed help. She didn't get it. People sure made a lot of money on her, though.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Be a Good Woman

One thing I hate about being married with children are the multitudes of magazine drives I am subjected to on a bimonthly basis. I mean, how many magazines can a person read?

I subscribe to everything from Vanity Fair to Vegetarian Times, and quite frankly, my house isn't big enough to accommodate the deluge of glossy bound paper that Gary the Postman hurls into my box.

Still, my daughters continue to come home with mimeographed guilt trips from various organizations, along with descriptions of rags that will improve my life in countless ways. Like a dutiful parent, I tend to order them.

Just about the only thing I hadn't yet subscribed to the last time around was Woman's Day, so I ordered it. Yesterday, the March 6th issue arrived, and it blew my mind. After I finished reading it, I needed a nap (and I took one, too).

Two articles set my hair on fire:

"Perfecting the Juggling Act," which offered coping strategies for worn-out working mothers. Chief among them: Change your perspective. "Say to yourself, 'I can handle it,'" you little whiner, you.

Don't dare ask your husband to ever wipe the kitchen counter. Do not suggest that the people to whom you gave birth make their own lunches (Woman's Day tip: Do it yourself, Sister--the night before)

and

"Inner You: Ditch the Scorecard," which warns women to stop focusing on what their husbands do wrong. The author offered this charming little story about her aunt, Lois, who endured 42 years of marriage to her uncle, Tip:

"How do you put up with him?" I asked her. "Uncle Tip can be so mean! Remember the time he sold your pretty new car while you were in the grocery store? It was gone when you came out!"

"I know your uncle loves me, and I love him. That trumps everything else," Aunt Lois said. "When I get mad, I say why, then get right back to loving him. I don't keep score, he doesn't either."

Let me tell you, if my husband ever drove over to Stop & Shop and sold my car from under me, I'd consider it my duty to take him in for psychiatric evaluation.

Is it any wonder why two of my good friends are stuck in emotionally abusive marriages when the media consistently reminds them how lucky they are to even be married? Here's the message: It's your job to take crap! Tell yourself you can handle it, and you will handle it!

Interestingly, this very issue also featured a big piece on the number one killer of women, heart disease. It didn't list resentment as a cause.

Attract a man with the cajones to wipe a counter.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Christianity and 'The Secret'

In case you didn't know, Oprah will feature some of the cast of The Secret this Thursday (The Secret is the movie that introduced millions of people to The Law of Attraction).

However, Christians have questioned whether the The Secret endangers the soul.

Energy Therapist Carol Tuttle will address this subject in a free call this Thursday. Here are the details I received yesterday:

"If you are a person that believes in God, prays to God and worships God Christ, I feel it is critically important that as you study the law of attraction that you make sure you include God and Christ in the formula!

If you know others who have stayed away from the writings and works of others and rejected learning about the law of attraction because it seemed "new age" or too metaphysical due to this critically important information not being included in their work, this teleconference call will help you learn more about putting the law of attraction together with your belief in God.

Send me your questions. Please make them only 1 or 2 short sentences. Send them to carol@caroltuttle.com

I will only be taking questions via email and they need to be sent by 5 p.m. MT, Thursday, Feb. 8th.

Join me Thursday evening for "God and The Law of Attraction"

Thursday, Feb. 8th
6 p.m. MT (8 p.m. ET, 5 p.m. PT).

To join the Teleconference call:

Dial 712-432-3000
Enter Bridge # 513200"


When should you pick up the phone and call a guy?

Law of Attraction

Readers ask me if I truly believe in The Law of Attraction. Hell, yes! I have plenty to thank for it, too.

But I'm like anybody else. I occasionally forget about The Law of Attraction and struggle for things. I'll beat my head against the wall for a couple of days (or weeks, or whatever), and then I'll say to myself, "Well, what is it you really want? What outcome are you shooting for?"

Most of the time I haven't given it real thought.

At this point, I decide what I do want. Then I affirm and visualize that I have it. The hardest part is the next part, which is the allowing part. Allowing means trusting. Removing doubt. It means letting go, so that the desired result can come to pass.

It helps me to steep myself in material about The Law of Attraction to get through the dicey doubtful stages. I've already mentioned my affection for Joseph Murphy's The Power of Your Subconscious Mind and Norman Vincent Peale's Positive Imaging, but I just found a wonderful little book that explains how to use The Law of Attraction so simply even a child could do it (in fact, author Michael Losier devotes a chapter to teaching the subject to children).

I definitely recommend you check it out:




Think you can't bewitch a man? Oh, yes you can!

Monday, February 05, 2007

Attract the Love of Your Life

Get Ready For Love Radio Host Viveca Stone-Berry asked me how to do it, and I told her. Listen here.

If you want good love, you gotta make room for it!

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Rejected!

Finally heard from the agent who'd asked to see a partial manuscript of my novel, The Once and Future Sheila O'Connor. She informed me that that my characters aren't "very appealing."

Ouch! I like my characters, particularly Sheila.

I unleashed my angst in a post to an online writer's group and received two lovely reassuring messages, one of which came from Mary Castillo, the published author of In Between Men and the forthcoming Names I Call My Sister.

Mary told me she'd been rejected 17 times before her first book found an agent. Two more rejections managed to crawl their way into her mailbox even then.

Check out her website. Clearly, nobody's rejecting her anymore.

Stop wasting your time with men who don't cut it.

The Man Presumes Too Much

Hi, Terry-

I'm not sure if this is the right place to pose a dating dilemma....if not, I apologize.... I find after about 5 months of spending time with a truly glorious man....he is going to take orders across the country in about 6 months...this is not something we previously discussed, and came as a surprise because I know he is due to retire in 2 yrs time and assumed his current duty station was his last... Being a rather direct woman, and realizing I'd made a faulty assumption....I asked what I wanted to know, "are you open to something long term or we just dating till you leave?" It occurred to me that since he'd known all along he was leaving, we might have been looking at all this differently.... His response was that he'd previously been married for 16 yrs and was still very cautious....that he wasn't experiencing the depth of emotion that I was....that he didn't think he was moving as quickly as I was and was concerned that because of that I'd be hurt....he also wondered whether I would resent he hadn't proposed yet...but of course he still wanted to see me.... I was horrified, said very little during the whole exchange.....yes, I've been out of dating for a while, but I'd never point blank ask someone if they were in love with me, or did they want to marry me!!!!....I only wanted to know if he'd been looking at the relationship as limited from the start, you know? I do like him tremendously (and sure, I think he's got great marriage potential)....which is why I'm even more concerned that this whole situation has crossed some line that you should never cross...can things be normal after things like this are said? Is this a lost cause?

-Wondering


Hello, Wondering-

Communication is vital in any relationship. Asking this guy whether he wanted to continue your romance or break it off when he relocates qualifies as a natural and justifiable question.

You did nothing wrong.

He overreacted when he presumed that you are more emotionally involved than he (not to mention clamoring for a marriage proposal!). He should be ashamed of himself.

It floors me that he knew all along that he'd be leaving. It's a bit dishonest, don't you think? Put it this way: If you knew you'd be hitting the highway in six months, would you have waited until now to spring it on him?

I wonder if he's ever heard of The Golden Rule.

I don't think there's any point in discussing this matter further with him. He certainly has a very high opinion of himself.

Whether you continue to see him until he heads off in six months is entirely up to you. I'd be friendly but keep him at arm's length myself.

To your happily ever after,

Terry

Attract a man who's worthy of a change.