Thursday, January 17, 2008

She's Doing Everything Right But Still Meeting Losers

Hi Terry,

I must tell you how much I enjoy reading your e-mails, and I find your advice and honesty about your own dating experiences invaluable. I admire you.

I have been practicing for 11 months the Law of Attraction, and so many wonderful things are taking place in my life, but still when it comes to my love life and finding a soul mate, I am still no further along.

I have a list I carry with me and read every day all about the qualities I am looking for in him. I am on a dating web site, and I am a member of a high-priced matchmaking service and have just been meeting one loser after another.

I am visualizing,and every night before I go to sleep I read the list out loud. As I have stated, all other aspects of my life are coming together great. What am I doing wrong?

I am a very young looking 50-year-old woman, divorced with no children, and have a good job and also own a home. I work out on a regular basis and have been told I look 40.

Eagerly awaiting your reply.

-An Excellent Catch

Hi, Excellent-

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. It sounds to me that you're just about doing everything right. You sound positive-minded, you obviously take good care of yourself, and you don't sound at all needy. You sound like a real catch.

Since you do have a list (I commend you for this, by the way), do you bring up emotion when you visualize your ideal relationship? It helped me to write an "ideal scene" of my ideal relationship. I included all sorts of sensory detail: rain drops on my husband's glasses, the metal smell of the swing he pushed me on, the temperature, the sounds of birds, and so on. I used to read it whenever I got bored, and then closed my eyes and brought all the sensory details to life in my imagination.

I got so good at it I could do it with my eyes open in a restaurant. It made me happy whenever I got discouraged.

About your bed: Do you sleep in the middle? I used to, and then I read somewhere that to bring a man into your life, it helps to make room for him. I started sleeping on one side of the bed. I cleared out one night table and used just one. This definitely helped.

Some time after I got married, I hosted an Internet radio show and interviewed Terah Kathryn Collins, a Feng Shui specialist who backed me up on this. She writes in her book, Feng Shui for Romance:

"If you're single and would like to be partnered, act as if the love of your life has already arrived by moving the bed away from the wall and giving your "one night stand" a partner. You don't want to hold your singleness in place by having a bedroom that comfortably accommodates only one! Clear the bed of delicate "guardians," such as lacy pillows and stuffed animals, and update with enhancements that accurately refect your current romantic intentions. Remove pictures of solitary people or things; and arrange decorations in pairs, like two flowers, candles or poetry books. Design an approachable, sensuous bedroom that invites a partner to join you without a 'single' care."

As you can imagine, this is all about manipulating energy, and not about going out and roping someone into sharing your bed with you. You're merely making room for someone in your life. You're also subtly convincing your subconscious that he's already there.

I'm concerned that you're spending lots of money on matchmaking services and still meeting losers. Would you be better off saving your money or using it to do something you really enjoy, perhaps traveling or learning a new language? It's possible that if you pursue your interests, you'll only meet women, but it helps to meet women because they often know available men. I met my husband in a bar, but it turned out he was a friend of the boyfriend of one of the friends I had come in to hang out with.

Turns out he grew up on the other side of town. Our paths must have crossed over the years, but we didn't become acquainted until after I became clear about what I wanted in a relationship and started believing I already had it.

I hope this helps. Thanks for writing.