Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Project Misogyny

My new hero, Guy Trebay of The New York Times, wrote about a bunch of losers who still haven't gotten over the girls who dumped them in high school.

Stumbled upon a "Christian" website today that tells why it's the woman's responsibility to agree to have sex with her husband even if she's not into it, and why it's her responsibility again to turn him on when he's not into it.

My favorite tip?

"Buy (or make) panties that tie on the sides - you can untie and remove them discreetly in a theater or at a restaurant table."

I must have been out sick the day the nuns addressed that subject.

You Can Meet Men and Get Married

The following is my response to a young woman who responded to my previous post, in which I promised to answer questions about meeting men:

Just when I thought I'd run out of things to write about meeting men and attracting happy relationships, you come along and remind me why I ever started doing this.

I checked out the gorgeous, compelling, thought-provoking photographs on your Flickr account and was blown away. Beautiful, beautiful stuff!

My thoughts about normal young women who don't date: Well, one of the captions on your photos says it all. You say you struggle with being comfortable with yourself. Men pick up on that.

Look, you're an attractive woman. You may not be TV thin, but who is? Furthermore, you're right; lots of overweight women get married, have no trouble getting dates, etc. They feel good about themselves, and so does everybody else.

And then there are the thin, pretty girls who don't feel comfortable about themselves and wonder if people are only interested in them because they fit the current beauty standard. If they were to be disfigured in an accident, would all the attention they've come to expect and enjoy suddenly evaporate?

Understand that you are not alone in the struggle to be comfortable with yourself (most of us are in it to a degree). At one point in my life, the men I attracted were pretty substandard (they picked up on my feelings of inadequacy like a radio signal). And then there were times when I just didn't attract any men at all.

And then, after a guy broke up with me because, as he said, "I was a treasure yet to be discovered," I decided to treat myself as a treasure yet to be discovered. I decided that I deserved love, affection, and to be treated well. And guess what? Once I adopted this mindset, I started to attract more-- and better-- men. I simply didn't have time for the losers.

You must hold yourself in very high regard to attract attention and good treatment from others!

Easier said than done, right? Well, Louise Hay recommends that you repeat the following affirmation at least 30 times a day:

"I love and approve of myself."

Chances are, you'll feel like a complete jackass the first few days you do it, but keep it up. (If you're really brave, you can say it in front of a mirror. Look yourself in the eye). After a couple of weeks, something inside you will start to shift. You'll notice that you're attracting better things.

You also might want to write a list of all the things you have going for you. What do you have to offer? It really helps to know. Keep the list in your wallet, where you can refer to it often.

Furthermore, it wouldn't hurt to check out Jennifer Weiner's blog (http://jenniferweiner.blogspot.com/). She, as you may know, is the author of the very successful novel "In Her Shoes" and once struggled with body image.

She's feeling pretty good about herself today, is happily married, has a child, and is probably rolling in money. Scroll down to the second post, which addresses "American Idol" and the Mandisa issue. Mandisa is the very talented singer who was rebuked by Simon Cowell for being overweight.