Wednesday, September 16, 2009

She Doesn't Want to Seem Too Eager

Hi Terry,

I have to say, after reading your (amazing!) e-book I feel like I've opened Pandora's box haha!. Seriously though, all my wishes and desires are manifesting almost magically and I couldn't be happier. So as to stay on the right track, I have a question about pacing.

I know that Mimi Tanner advocates going slow and playing "hard to get". I completely understand the thinking/purpose behind that in the long run. Here's my question, what do you say when you are newly dating a guy (about 1 month), have yet to have the relationship/exclusivity talk, and he begins asking questions about your past and/or feelings about marriage/kids etc.

Specifically, he is asking about my past marriage. My thoughts are to place things in a positive light and cite it as a learning experience. Of course, I don't want to seem anti-marriage in ANY way as I certainly AM NOT but I also don't want to seem too eager with someone so new. Do you see where I'm coming from? Please tell me Terry, how do I navigate these waters successfully and with grace?

Thank you SO much....I look forward to hearing your advice!

All the best,


Dear Graceful-

Thanks for the kind and encouraging words. They mean a great deal to me.

I think your instincts are right. Do place your former marriage in a positive light and say that you learned from it. There's nothing eager about being clear about the fact that you're open to the possibility of getting married again, but you could say, "The next time I do it, I want it to be right. I learned a lot the last time around." And if you hope to have children one day, say so.

You're not telling the guy, "I WANT TO MARRY YOU. I WANT TO BE THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN!" You're merely saying you're open to the idea of getting married to the right person in the future.

I hope this helps.