Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Are Men Really From Mars? (Or Just This Guy?)

Terry,

Men ARE from Mars!

In a nutshell..I am on one of those social utility sites (Mybook..lol)..have many friends from overseas and long distance in general...a lot are guys that I have never met, but enjoy the occasional email with. So, BOY, was I surprised to receive a very long email from one of them recently outlining why he couldn't be in a relationship with me (I would have thought that was obvious. The other side of the planet being a little too inconvenient) and going into great detail about his new love..and how he doesn't want to hurt my feelings...you get the idea.

This has given me the feeling that MEN certainly look at things differently from ME.

I showed no romantic interest in this guy at all. Just friendly emails..the same as I have written to my female friends who happen to live overseas.

What's this about Terry? Can you shed any light on this guy's behaviour?

Sian



Hey, Sian-

This has very little to do with you, and everything to do with him.

He mistook garden variety friendliness for romantic interest. Unfortunately, this happens all the time. A guy (or girl) is socially inept, and they misread signs. Or, a guy (or girl) thinks they're 'all that,' and they misread the signs.

And it doesn't take much for them to do it, either.

Here's an example: Some years ago, I ran into a female acquaintance who'd lost a considerable amount of weight. Instead of shouting something insensitive like, "WOW! YOU USED TO BE SO FAT. WHAT HAPPENED?," I remarked, "You look absolutely fabulous." And I smiled at the girl.

(You see, I used to struggle with my weight, too, and suffered the occasional moron who'd run up to me in a public place and bellow, "YOU USED TO BE TREMENDOUS! LOOK AT YOU! WHAT HAPPENED?" So I was thrilled for this individual.)

A few weeks later, a friend said to me, "Terry, there's a rumor going around that someone is gay, who is definitely not gay."

"Really? Who?" I asked.

"You'll never guess. It's so ridiculous."

"Tell me."

"Apparently, Lisa Jones (the girl who'd lost weight) is telling people you came on to her at the Harp & Mandolin a couple of weeks ago."

Of course I was angry, Sian, not because she'd called me gay but because she was presumptuous enough to assume that if I were gay I would be attracted to her.

For a long time, I stopped complimenting people for fear they'd 'take it the wrong way,' but this isn't fair. People want to be noticed, and they should be. We crave love and attention the way plants lean toward the sun.

So, don't worry about this guy and his overkill letter about his new love, and how he nobly and gallantly let you down easily. It was never about you, anyway.