Friday, May 23, 2008

Who Cares If You Look Like Hell? Smile, Dammit!

Hey, Terry!

You're f^cking right about feeling good about yourself being the best way to get guys' attention! Did you ever notice even when you look like total crap that if you have that 'smiley attitude' thing going on that guys are on you like bees to pollen? I will NEVER forget the night a friend and I went out for a couple of quick cocktails, and this extremely attractive and well-built school basketball coach (divorced) was already in there when we arrived.

I had on bleached-out jeans, a black shirt with white paint stains on it (my friend couldn't believe I left the house dressed like that!) and black sneakers. My hair looked like I went through a cyclone in Kansas!

This guy smiled and talked to me all night (too bad I was already in a relationship and couldn't take it further!).

I guess the point is that I went out that night with the intention of having fun and totally succeeded, albeit feeling a tad homely. Man, this dude hit on me all night! Terry, seriously, I almost blew off going out that night because of my mirrored distortions!

To hell with that!

This classic moment brought to you by...

-The Girl from Queens

Hello, Girl from Queens-

Your letter brings to mind the time I went out after my grandmother's funeral, and my eyelids were so puffy I looked as if I had chromosomal damage.

Since I'd already lined up the friends and desperately needed a change of scenery from a funeral home and cemetery, I went out anyway. I told myself exactly what you told yourself: The goal is a good time. Who cares what I look like.

I went out, had fun, laughed all night. Ended up getting the attention of one very Bono-esque Irishman. Wound up dating him for a spell.

Funny how that works.


A Side Benefit of the Postal Service

Stop me if I told you this one already:

I was in a doctor's waiting room when this Australian guy and I started talking. I asked him what brought him to this country, and he told me:


He'd been living with an American sponsor family while he was doing an internship here. The family had a bunch of children, including a young girl who seemed like a really nice kid.

He went back to Australia and found a card in the mailbox from the really nice kid. He wrote back to her. She wrote to him. He wrote back. She got older. Suddenly, she was no longer a really nice kid but a really nice woman.

A romance blossomed. He said that it meant a great deal to him that this person on the other side of the planet would take time out of her life to put a pen to paper, and then put a stamp on the envelope, and put it in the mailbox.

Real mail is so much more meaningful than email, he said.

He decided to come back to the US to see if his feelings for this woman were real. They were. Now they're married and have a son.

"My wife is the most geniune person I've ever met," he said.

There's a lesson here: Expanding one's social circle is the way to make new friendships and fortify existing ones. Sending a card or letter to a new is one way to do that. Friendships have a ripple effect. They lead to more friendships and opportunities.

I don't suggest (no, no, no!) that you ever send mail to stay on some guy's radar.

That backfires, big time (although the 'really nice kid' is definitely an exception). But do be the woman who sends thank-you notes. Drop a card in the mail to the sick lady you used to run into in the elevator at the office. Remember to send a birthday card to your ex-boss. Successful salespeople do this; they know that remembering people tends to pay off in the long run in unexpected ways.

If you show other people love and attention, that love and attention will come back to you a thousandfold.

If you want love, be its source.

Photo credit: Richard H. Stone, from his and Viveca Stone-Berry's line of Dog Captions greeting card line. Proceeds go to benefit animal charities.

Supporting Our Troops

Here's an entertaining video on the many ways we can do it: