Rock of Shove

Last night's episode of Rock of Love , featuring Poison singer Bret Michaels, saw the LSEs competing in a sadistic football game, the dopily named "Bret's Mud Bowl." The ladies were forced to show our hero their "athleticism" by beating the crap out of each other, while rolling under a sprinkler in cold mud and dressed in shorts and cropped tops.

After the game, the LSEs stood shivering. Ambre sought treatment for torn-up knees, but she suffered in vain: Her team lost, and Daisy, the opposing team's MVP, won top prize: the coveted Solo Date With Bret.

And where, pray tell, did our hero take Daisy to reward her for her "athleticism?"

Why, a lingerie store, of course.

After Daisy modeled a couple of numbers, Bret treated her to dinner right there in the store. Now that's every woman's dream, eh? One-stop shopping for fast-food and underwear.

Bret's idea (or VH1 producers' idea) of fun dates make me sleepy. I mean, these girls wear lingerie constantly, so where's the appeal in watching them model more of it? Now, if Bret were to take one of them to, say, an Obama rally, I might have reason to stay awake.

After the rockin' time at the lingerie store, Daisy and her temporary man returned to the castle, where he promptly started making out in the sloppiest fashion (seriously; my stomach turned) with Catherine, the 45-year-old he keeps finding himself drawn to.

I wonder if it's ever dawned on our hero that he's attracted to Catherine because she's the one "beautiful girl in the house," who's his age. He might even have something in common with her. Most of the other contestants are barely eligible to vote.

I can't tell you which of the LSEs got the axe this week because I couldn't keep my eyes open through the elimination phase. I fell asleep.