He's Divorced, Or So He Says

Dear Terry,

I love your letters! They help navigate us through a maze of confusion! I have been dating a man for almost a year. He has told me he loves me and wants to marry me. He is the man of my dreams.

Recently, I was devastated because I found out his divorce is not final. His wife has been living with another man for many (30+) years. They started the divorce proceedings several years ago but have not finalized the financial aspect of it.

Whenever I would ask him when he got divorced, he'd always be fuzzy about his answer. I asked him to see the divorce decree and he said all right. I finally pinned him down, and he had to admit that LEGALLY the divorce is not final. He says that, for all practical purposes, he considers himself divorced. I feel like he has been dishonest with me, but he says he does not feel that way because he'd always tell me the financial part was not final. Why couldn't he just tell me, "No. I am not legally divorced." Am I being too picky?

-Bewildered

Dear Bewildered:

For "all practical purposes" he considers himself divorced. He says he wants to marry you, but surely he is aware that he cannot marry you until the legal system views him that way.

Do I think you're being too picky?

I most certainly do not. I know you have deep feelings for this man, but I implore you to think seriously about furthering a relationship with a person who can't tell the truth about something as simple as his marital status.

Ask yourself, what had he to gain by lying to you about this little detail? Ask yourself, what else is he capable of lying about?

Please think about this. A healthy relationship depends on trust. You deserve the truth.