Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Marriage: Is He Running Out Excuses?

Dear Terry,

I've been trying to collect some courage to ask you something. Now maybe I can.

My story goes like this:

I've been going out now with my boyfriend for 3 years and living in for 2 years, and we know what we want, like getting married, having children, etc. A lot of his friends are getting married, some are pregnant and also a lot of my friends, really puts us under pressure.

Today he just wrote a friend an e-mail (I was in the distributions list) for some business stuff and also private stuff, like to go out for dinner once again.

So, my boyfriend's friends started teasing him about not getting married yet, then, my boyfriend agreed like, yes, he knows that and he's the only bachelor now in their circle of friends. He wrote he's running out of excuses. I didn't write any comment, just want to know what he meant about it, and how am I going to react on this one.

Thank you for your help.

-Concerned Girlfriend


Dear Concerned-

It's possible your boyfriend was joking. It's also possible that he wasn't.

But it's entirely possible that he was!

Let me ask you an important question:

Do you really want to get married, or are you happy with your current situation? If you're happy living together, then please don't let your friends pressure you into any marriage you may not be ready for.

However, if you do want to get married (truly, because you love this man and not because "it's time" or other silly stuff that presses people into doing things that aren't in their best interests), then you'll want to consider whether this man plans to ever meet you at the top of the aisle.

This is your life we're talking about, after all.

Since it's very possible your boyfriend was just joking around, make a joke about it yourself. Say, "Hey, about that comment you made about "running out of excuses" to your buddies on that email this morning --what the heck was that supposed to mean?"

Then stop talking. Look him in the eye. Listen to his answer. Then decide what you do from there.

Whatever it is, be sure to do it with grace and good humor.

Thank you for writing. I hope this helps, and I hope it finds you feeling much, much better.

Terry