I Never Miss the Oscars

I loved seeing Martin Scorcese win last night, especially since he was born in Flushing. I thought Ellen DeGeneres struck a perfect pitch; she knows how to make people laugh without being mean.

I rooted for Helen Mirren (even though I haven't seen The Queen yet), but I'm not sure what she meant when she held up her statuette and shouted, "This is the Queen!" Did she mean, "This is for the Queen!"? It doesn't matter; she's gorgeous, and I loved the song and dance number with the little tribute to her by Will Ferrell, Jack Black, and John C. Reilly.

Meryl Streep was the picture of cool, as usual. Forrest Whitaker's speech blew me away. He's not classically good looking, but he's strangely attractive. Kate Winslet stopped traffic.

Nicole Kidman looked svelte and elegant in her red dress, but she could barely move her face with all the stuff she's had injected into it. I hate to see beautiful young women screwing with their faces. Come to think of it, I hate to see beautiful old ones screwing with their faces, too.

Does Jack Nicholson suffer from cataracts? It's been a long time since I've seen him photographed without dark glasses.

If you're tired all the time, you can feel better.