Sunday, April 03, 2005

Sex and the City: Wrong About Dating

"I don't want to have sex for the sake of having sex. I'm looking for an emotional connection."

Okay, who said it? A lovelorn woman who can't find the right guy?

Nope. It was a guy -- a physically fit, blond, educated, good-looking, well-employed straight guy who happens to own a co-op in Manhattan. He told me this last night and, no, he wasn't hitting on me. I'm married, for one thing, and I've known this man most of my life.

So much for the crap they're selling on Sex and the City, eh?

In recent weeks, I've read reviews of the recent crop of dating manuals, whose authors seem to agree that men and women are different species. Some of the authors purport that men are little more than sex-crazed animals who must be manipulated.

Maureen Dowd (and I usually love Maureen Dowd; she's my favorite thing in The New York Times) published a column about how XYs are a lower life form than XXs and quoted some guy (I don't remember his name) who also claims that we are different species.

Get over it! Men are not from Mars. Women are not from Venus.

You want to succeed at dating? You want to achieve a fun, healthy, angst-free relationship? You want to get married?

Stop treating people of the opposite sex like science experiments. Treat a person as you would have him or her treat you. If the schmuck doesn't treat you as you would treat him or her, hit the highway. Don't try to to force a circle into a square. Move on, Darling.

Dear Abby used to publish a column (or perhaps it was her sister, Ann Landers) that started with "Love is friendship that has caught fire..."

Go for the friendship first. Then worry about the fire.