Friday, August 18, 2006

I'm Not Paying You to Flirt With Me

Hi, Terry-

I met a guy; he's my karate instructor. I see him about four times a week. From afar, I thought he was cute, but he was married. One night he tried to set me up with his friend but ended up flirting with me instead. He was going through a divorce and did not want a rebound relationship. He kissed me and stayed over the night. No, we did not sleep together.

He called the next day to make sure everything was cool between us. He said he was attracted to me and liked me, but he needed to get his stuff together. We went out to lunch with friends the next day. He has not asked me out or called me. I only see him when I go to my training. He still flirts with me all the time.

Since the outing, he makes comments that are a little more than just friends -- for example, do you want my number, you can grab me anytime (it was during a karate move). During another karate move, he started acting like we were dancing. I also catch him looking at me during class.

Is he sending me messages that he wants more than he said, or he is just having fun and figures I am safe to flirt with? I was under the impression he does not want anything right now, or maybe ever.



Hi, K-

He said he's attracted to you but wants to get his stuff together. That's fine, but he shouldn't be flirting with you.

He says one thing, and then does another. You can be straight with him and say, "Look, I'm attracted to you, too, but since you don't want a relationship, I'd really appreciate it if we kept things professional. You're the teacher, and I'm the student. Don't play games with me."

Then see what happens. If he continues to flirt, you may have to find another instructor. I have a feeling you'd rather not, but it beats being treated like a yo-yo, especially if you're paying the guy.

You deserve better.