Friday, December 05, 2008

Have Her Chances for Love Passed Her By?



Terry-

You are so fortunate to have found your life partner and have a nice life. I am almost sixty years old and have waited patiently all of my life for my life partner.

A college graduate from a private women's college, I returned home to find my classmates married. I live in a small town and have worked in a variety of fields and eventually worked my way up from teller to vice president in a local bank. I currently am a caregiver to my 93 year old father. Have always been the caregiver to my parents and siblings. Also take care of an animal shelter by myself.

Do not get asked out because most of the men are married (they flirt a lot). The single men are divorced and too scared to get into another relationship (they can barely talk).

I really expected to have a husband and family, but no one ever chose me. I am approachable and speak to people. People whom I don't know even speak to me for advice when I am out shopping. I have worked with women who got divorced and the next day there was a line of guys wanting to date them. Meanwhile I was totally ignored by men.

About three years ago, a guy who I have known for twenty years made his move. He is a very intelligent doctor who has a practice nearby but lives an hour away. He seems to care about me but never asked me out or gave me any flowers or gifts. He has been divorced three times but that was before I knew him. He told me about his parents and siblings (he has no children) but didn't show me his house or introduce me to his family.

Two years ago I broke my collarbone and he was the first doctor to treat me. Then he never checked on my progress - no calls, did not come by, no soup, nothing. I was shocked that he wasn't concerned. He also treats my family and wants to make sure I can reach him and have all of his phone numbers.

Well, this relationship is hopeless and in the past two years I have aged a lot. It is the holidays and once again I must go through them alone.

I have prayed to God for years and sat in church with all of the married men and jealous wives. Just think that God forgot me. I don't get anything for Valentine's Day and I usually buy my own birthday gifts. Don't get to celebrate anniversaries and go on nice trips. Mainly just work all the time. This past Spring I did make an effort to go to several concerts by myself for a change of pace. Just have a lot less energy now. It amazes me how so many people found their life partners.

-D.


Dear D.-

You didn't ask for any advice, so I won't give you any.

I will say this, though: I don't believe God forgot you (I don't believe he forgets anybody). I do believe that age is irrelevant. If you're in good health, age doesn't matter. (My husband's aunt is vital and healthy at 104; my husband's brother, an athlete, died of an aneurysm at 20.)

As far as finding my life partner, it was less about finding someone to choose me and more about determining what I wanted in a man, and then deciding that I "had" him.

This took concentrated effort. It meant acting as if, thinking as if, believing as if the guy truly existed on a daily basis in my life, house, and car. For example, I stopped sleeping in the middle of the bed to make room for him.

This may sound like hocus-pocus, but I conditioned my subconscious mind to believe this man and our relationship existed. What the subconscious mind accepts as reality, it brings to pass. There are lots of good books on this subject, including Positive Imaging: The Powerful Way to Change Your Life
by Norman Vincent Peale.

Just so you know: Prior to meeting my husband of 16 years, my longest relationship lasted nine months. And it was a disaster.

I don't believe for one minute that love is out of the question for you.