Mock of Love

It came down to Heather and Jes on the finale of Rock of Love last night. At long last Bret made his decision, but not until he spread his man-seed around one last time.

Parts of last night's episode proved truly revolting. After spending the night with Bret, Heather warned Jes, who was on her way out for her date with Bret, to remember where his mouth had been the night before. Jes made some allusions to Heather needing a shower earlier on, complaining that she smelled of "rotten _______."

My stomach is still turning.

Jes "won" Bret (as if anyone really considers him a prize) when she passed his last and final test. As she and Heather stood before him for the ordination phase of the show, he asked if they'd consider sharing him.

Our hero requested Heather's answer first. Poor fool probably figured that saying 'yes' would ensure her safety; after all, Bret confessed to finding girl-on-girl action hot in a previous episode, and by the way he'd been throwing his bod around, monogamy didn't appear to be his strong suit.

"I'd love to," she told him.

Wrong answer.

Jes told him what he wanted to hear, that she could never share a man she loves. It just wasn't "in" her.

And so Bret told Heather their love was not to be, which sent her running to her limousine, probably back to the strip club whence she came. She launched into a hilarious tirade about what an a-hole loser he turned out to be, and worried what the hell is she going to do with his name tattooed on her neck.

Meanwhile, the rest of us are left wondering exactly what vinyl-like hair substitute our hero had peeking from behind his bandana. Surely, VH1 could have thrown the guy a decent toupee.