Tuesday, April 27, 2010

He Likes Her, But He's Not Willing to Move Forward


I am 29-year-old female. I have been seeing a guy for about six months. He is 29, as well. He is a great guy, and although we have not said that we are boyfriend and girlfriend, we have talked about dating exclusively. We have the same circle of friends, and we attend our friends' parties together.

We see each other at least twice a week. I know he is going through a lot because he lost his job last year and barely got a new one about a month ago.

Here is my problem. I asked him how come he never texts me or calls me all the time and he says, just cause I don't text you or call you does not mean I am not thinking about you. I have so many things going on in my life right now, and I feel like I have nothing to offer you. I am interested in you, and I am not dating or talking to anybody else. I respect you, and if I didn't like you I would not want to hang out with you at all.

His best friend is married to my friend, and he tells me that he feels bad because he got that new job, but he is not making what he use to make before. I make way more than him, and he knows that.

I don't know what to do anymore. Should I wait for him or let him go?

Please help me.

-Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

Dear Should-

The first thing you should do is take a step backward.

This guy sounds pretty great. He's spoken openly to you. He likes you, but he fears he has little to offer. He's reeling from a job loss, and the fact that he's making quite a bit less than he once did.

I admire his honesty.

At this point, I would give him a little time. I'd also give him space. I'd let him make the next move. I wouldn't ask him when he thinks he'll be ready to make that move. After a while, if it becomes apparent that he's not going to make it, I would let him go.

But, right now, enjoy his company. See how it goes.

He Broke Up With Her Because His Children Don't Like Her


What do you do with a guy who lets his daughter lie, and then he breaks up with you because he believes her lies -- screaming at me like a maniac --meanwhile, I have clothes shoes coats and more stuff at his house, and I don't want to go there to get them.

I have been with him for 7 years, and his children have been trying to break us up for all that time --his daughter is a jealous sick girl, but he idolizes her and stand at attention on her every word -- please answer this for me --what is my next move?

-Free at Last

Hi, Free-

Since he broke up with you, I'd ask him (calmly and rationally) to drop off your belongings. If you don't want to see him at all, you could suggest he send them to you via UPS.

If you don't trust him to return everything you left with him, your best bet is to call him and tell him you're coming around to gather your things. If possible, make an appointment to go when his children will be nowhere in sight.

Whatever you do, don't raise your voice or be pulled into an argument. It's not worth it.

From the situation you describe, it sounds like this guy did you a huge favor. I'm thinking good thoughts for you.

Wishing you all the very best,