Friday, February 27, 2009

Divorced and Met a Seemingly Great Guy: Should She Go for It?


I reached a point where I thought there no good men since I kept on meeting one loser after another. I was tired of always initiating calls, dates, etc with men. Since I was put on your mailing list, I have changed. I don’t initiate anything with men. I let them do the chase.

I've been divorced for the past 11 months. My husband then was really abusive. I've met a few men then who have been equally losers. They don’t call when they say they will, they are never romantic, they are emotionally distant and always making me feel like am an option in their lives.

A month ago however, didn’t I meet a nice man? He is divorced also. He makes me feel like am the centre of his world. Am the first person he talks to when he wakes up and the last person he calls before he sleeps. He opens doors for me. My happiness is his interest. So far, he makes me feel appreciated. If he says he will call or come to see me and he doesn’t, he calls to apologize. He is like one of those perfect men from a movie or a novel.

Problem is am 27, he is 37. Can this age difference be a problem? Secondly, do you think because we are both divorced, this can be a problem?

-Need to know

Dear Need to know-

I don't think your age difference is a problem at all. A good friend of mine told me just Tuesday about her 43-year-old brother's happy marriage to a 33-year-old woman. She says they're on the same wavelength, enjoy the same things, and laugh all the time.

So if you enjoy this man's company, have a lot in common, and he treats you well, go for it!

Furthermore, I don't think the fact that both of you are divorced necessarily presents a problem. Obviously, you had a good reason for ending your marriage. We hope he had a good reason for ending his, but as you get to know him, it should come out.

Since you were in an abusive relationship before, I recommend that you really get to know this man. Do take it slowly. A lot of us (raising hand here!) have a problem of attracting the same type of person over and over. And while I'm not saying this is the case here, it's only been a month since you met this guy. It's a good idea to give the relationship time to make sure he doesn't exhibit any of your ex-husband's bad qualities.

You deserve the best. Be alert, take things slowly, and above all, enjoy yourself!