Friday, May 21, 2010

Why Didn't Her Boyfriend Invite Her to His Party?

Hi Terry,

I've been an avid reader of yours. I've never come across this situation and wanted to contact you before ruining anything!

What do you do when your boyfriend ignores you? I've never had this issue before!

Some background information: We've only been dating a month but have known each other for about 10 years (we went to high school together). Well, usually I get a text midday saying "hi beautiful" from him. Yesterday, no text. I figured I'd say hi to him since he was always pursuer he probably wanted to see that I could do the same for him. I had just finished getting my hair done and texted, "Wait til you see my hair!" And he wrote back "Oh really," and I wrote back "Really!" keeping it short and sweet.

Well, I got home an hour later and saw that on Facebook he had a status post that said "Bags, beer, and bbq, come one come all byob - call if you need directions," so I texted him, "Having a party and didn't invite me? thanks..." His best friend chatted me up at this time, and I mentioned to his friend how I was disappointed he didn't invite his own girlfriend to his party. Best friend was very casual about it and goes, "He didn't invite me personally either, you're his gf just assume you're invited and show up."

During this time I got a text back from my boyfriend who said, "Everyones invited thats why I put it on fb" I'm like "What if i didnt check fb," and he's like "I was gonna call when we finished setting shit up." I respond "Weak," to which he didn't respond.

This was last night around 6 or so. He still never said anything about asking me to come, so I figured it didn't mean that much to him that I wasn't there and didn't go. I made plans with coworkers instead. Well it's 7pm now and no word from him.... I know hes ok based on facebook status updates and such, but I'm kind of weirded out. Is he doing this to test me? Is he angry I didn't show last night? I was going to just brush it off and see what happened. I figured I'd eventually get a text asking me how my day's going. And if he asked why I didn't show I'd just say, "Well it didn't mean much to you for me to be there so I made other plans."

Would you say to let him have his tantrum (so to speak) and just wait for a text? And how long would you say to wait before taking action? I know it's best to let the man be pursuer, and I really don't want to become pursuer by sending out the first text. What would you do in my situation? I'm so confused!

Any help would be GREATLY appreciated!


Hello, Waiting-

It is a bit unusual that a guy who you consider a boyfriend wouldn't personally (I mean eye-to-eye) invite you to a party. Which brings me to vital question: In the month you've been a couple, how much face time have you two actually had? Too many of us confuse a series of texts with a relationship. Let's face it, it takes virtually no effort to text.

Consider this scenario: You are somewhat interested in three different guys. You need somebody to come over and caulk your windows. You send a text (unbenownst to the others) to all three guys that goes like this, "Hey, Handsome. In a pickle and could use your big, strong arms to get me out of it. ;-) "

Then you sit back and see who replies. If you get a taker, great. If you get more than one taker, you find a project for each of them -- on different days.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

It's possible this guy likes you and is just utterly and completely stupid about keeping a woman in his life, but I fear this is more a case of "He's not that into you." (Seriously, you are thinking way too much about this person. And you are thinking too much about his motivations. Do you really think God put you on the planet to read men's minds? Hint: No, he did not. He gave men their very own mouths to express thoughts and feelings.)

I would not waste my time talking to his friends to extract their genius insights. I would certainly not text this guy or try to engage him in conversations about why he didn't personally ask you to his party. You're way too good for that, are you not?

Also, this business of checking his status updates on Facebook is death. Stop checking, wondering, planning. Forget it!

Bottom line: If I were having a party and wanted to be damn sure a special someone showed up, I wouldn't rely on them catching a blanket invitation on Facebook. Would you?

Stop settling for so very little.

Get busy and stay busy. Go out and have some serious fun. If he texts you again, I wouldn't respond. If he can't figure out how to step up his game, he's strictly minor league.

And you're ready for a major leaguer, right? (A guy who loves you, makes your happiness a priority, and never lets you forget it?)

Well, come on then. Hold out for a major leaguer.