Wednesday, February 21, 2007

How to Win Him Back

If you've been dating a guy, and he's suddenly busy, his calls have dropped off, and he's just not giving you the attention he used to, it's upsetting. It's especially so if he came on strong at first when you weren't even particularly interested in him.

All of a sudden, he's acting as if he's doing you a big favor.

How do you get his attention again? First off, determine if you really and truly want his attention (you may be thinking, 'Of course I do,' but please slow down and think this over).

If you decide he's worth it, here's what you must do: Back away slowly.

This is not for sissies, but trust me, it's the only way you're ever going to get him back. It takes discipline. It takes self-love. And you must do it.

This means you do not, under any circumstances, email the dude. You don't call him to see how he's doing. You don't come up with a scheme to score tickets to opening day of his favorite baseball team and casually invite him to go with you (I've tried this scheme; the tickets were for The Stones. The guy in question took me up on the offer all right, but that was pretty much the last time I saw him).

The key is to keep busy (no waiting for the phone to ring, please). Let him come after you. Yes, I know you've heard this before. Hey, I'd heard it before, but it didn't work until I actually gave it a try. If the guy likes you, he'll miss you. If he doesn't, nothing you say or do or wear is going to change that.

Mimi Tanner wrote two excellent books that give you the nuts and bolts on dealing with men. Check them out: Secrets of Flirting and Calling Men.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good god thank you. you have no idea how much i needed to read this right now. I just got dumped by my boyfriend of two years because he up and decided he wasnt doing anythign with his life and needed to go into the military. Im so upset and didnt know what to do thanks for this advice!

Terry said...

I'm so glad it helped! Thank you for letting me know.

Anonymous said...

Scary, but true. I have printed this little article out and used it as a reminder everytime I go to pick up that phone.

Anonymous said...

My boyfriend just broke up with me, and im really confused right now because he said he didnt want to end it all he wanted to get to know me better, but im confused because now hes not making any effort at all so im goin to try your advice and i hope its successful because i really like this guy alot i dont want to lose him.

Anonymous said...

My boyfriend broke up with me in an email, cause he couldn't stand to stay around and see me suffer.. He tried to leave me two times before, but came back when he saw me suffer.. I now know that using my tears against him was not "the right way".. He says that he doesn't love me, and that he hasn't loved me for the past five months.. I just read your short article, and ironically, it was what I decided to do as soon as I received his email.. I really wish some guys came with a manual.. But let's see if it works.. I mean, would he really have stayed with me that long, if he didn't care..

Anonymous said...

my boyfriend broke up with me. he said that he wasn't treating me the right way because he was always so busy. i want to talk to him. i want to email him. but you said to let him come to me. how do i do that?

Terry said...

When I said let him come to you, I mean you put him out of your mind until he decides to do that. There's a possibility he won't come back; we cannot make anybody do anything he's not inclined to do. But there's also a chance that if you don't call or email him, he'll miss you and come back.

He says he's too busy to treat you properly. It's important that you accept this. Put him out of your mind.

What he does next is entirely up to him, and you shouldn't waste another minute worrying about it. Fill your time doing things you love with people you love.

Put him out of your mind.

Anonymous said...

I just had my boyfriend break up with me because he said he didn't want to hurt me and he wasn't sure how he still felt about his ex wife. But here is the kicker he is still living with me and acting as if we are still together. So i am going to try this and hope that he realizes that I am the one.

Anonymous said...

Thanks very much. This is exactly what am going to do. We dated a few times and after we kissed he suddenly turn busy and no longer online.

Just one thing that I may need you advice... if he calls or sms, how shall I reply?

Anonymous said...

If only it were easy to NOT email or call! :(

I've been talking to this guy every day for 2 months now, and all of a sudden he's fallen off the earth. I want to make a move and ask him what's up... but with your advice, I know I shouldn't! It's just so hard because he fits the mold of Mr. Right so well!

Ugg. Patience and self-control.. I know...

Anonymous said...

I don't know if it will work... I hope this does. He doesn't pay attention to me at all anymore and I miss it...Doesn't text me, call me, ask me to hang out, but we are still together. Don't know why...haha. But I care for him lots.

Anonymous said...

This article is helpful, but I don't know how to be strong...

My boyfriend of 4 1/2 years, my first and ONLY anything, just broke up with me yesterday and I don't know how to deal. He said he needed "space" to find himself, which I know is true... but I can't seem to understand why he needs me to be out of the picture... this is so tragic...

hipmama715 said...

I met someone in class several weeks ago. I didn't notice him for the first six weeks or so, and then I NOTICED him. He told me that he had liked me all along.

Long story short, we spent two weekends together, had a stupid fight and broke up for all of about 15 minutes, went to casual contact, and then he disappeared. I still see him in class, but we don't talk anymore.

He came on to me. I allowed it to happen, but I made him make all the moves. I know enough about body language and psychology that I pointedly made sure that he was the one making all the moves.

And that is what I'm going to do now, as well. I just erased him off of my Facebook, Yahoo, and out of my e-mail. I cried while I did it, but it had to be done.

Yes, he seems like a great guy who is confused as to what he wants in a relationship; and yes, we seem to have an amazing connection...but if he wants me, then he has to come and get me, like he did before.

I would recommend that all of you do the same. Do not allow yourselves to be led around by anyone. I'm not saying you should be rude, just that you command respect from others. It will make you a better woman as a result.