The Man Presumes Too Much

Hi, Terry-

I'm not sure if this is the right place to pose a dating dilemma....if not, I apologize.... I find after about 5 months of spending time with a truly glorious man....he is going to take orders across the country in about 6 months...this is not something we previously discussed, and came as a surprise because I know he is due to retire in 2 yrs time and assumed his current duty station was his last... Being a rather direct woman, and realizing I'd made a faulty assumption....I asked what I wanted to know, "are you open to something long term or we just dating till you leave?" It occurred to me that since he'd known all along he was leaving, we might have been looking at all this differently.... His response was that he'd previously been married for 16 yrs and was still very cautious....that he wasn't experiencing the depth of emotion that I was....that he didn't think he was moving as quickly as I was and was concerned that because of that I'd be hurt....he also wondered whether I would resent he hadn't proposed yet...but of course he still wanted to see me.... I was horrified, said very little during the whole exchange.....yes, I've been out of dating for a while, but I'd never point blank ask someone if they were in love with me, or did they want to marry me!!!!....I only wanted to know if he'd been looking at the relationship as limited from the start, you know? I do like him tremendously (and sure, I think he's got great marriage potential)....which is why I'm even more concerned that this whole situation has crossed some line that you should never cross...can things be normal after things like this are said? Is this a lost cause?

-Wondering

Hello, Wondering-

Communication is vital in any relationship. Asking this guy whether he wanted to continue your romance or break it off when he relocates qualifies as a natural and justifiable question.

You did nothing wrong.

He overreacted when he presumed that you are more emotionally involved than he (not to mention clamoring for a marriage proposal!). He should be ashamed of himself.

It floors me that he knew all along that he'd be leaving. It's a bit dishonest, don't you think? Put it this way: If you knew you'd be hitting the highway in six months, would you have waited until now to spring it on him?

I wonder if he's ever heard of The Golden Rule.

I don't think there's any point in discussing this matter further with him. He certainly has a very high opinion of himself.

Whether you continue to see him until he heads off in six months is entirely up to you. I'd be friendly but keep him at arm's length myself.

To your happily ever after,

Terry

Attract a man who's worthy of a change.