Tuesday, January 23, 2007

How Much Drama Do You Need?

If you're in a relationship with someone who treats you like garbage, stop making excuses for him (or her!). Cease crabbing about him to every poor soul with the misfortune to possess a pair of ears.

Unless the guy is willing to get counseling, he's not going to get better. Talking about him, or analyzing his behavior with your friends will not ever make him a) be nicer to you, b) appreciate all you do for him, or c) love you. Admit to yourself that you have absolutely no control over anybody but yourself.

It's time to flee, Sister. Do what you have to do and get away from the guy. Stop telling yourself you "love him to death." Stop making him the air you breathe. You will never be happy until you do.

Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change..


Cathy said...

I just broke up a exhausting relationship of 3 years with a man. In the beginning he was kind, affectionate and attentive, he even baked me my birthday cake! As time went on and I started to wonder about our future plans (he had me pick out an engagement ring but 10 months later still hadn't given it to me) he became increasingly critical. First it was about my "selfishly needy" mother, then it was my subpar cooking skills and then my homemaking skills, my interactions with his parents, my gluten allergy and finally his statement of doubt was whether I kept him as my first priority. I tried so hard to show him I could do all these things exactly as he wished and finally he seemed happy, but still no marriage commitment.
One day I was on my computer and ran across an e-mail of his discussing a trip to NYC with his parents to go to a dance for people from his village in Greece. The plans included how to get away with not bringing me. I broke up with him within 5 min. of reading that e-mail. He had said all of the issues he had with me were resolved, so why did he feel the need to go to social functions without me, my assumption is to meet someone else. He later tried to explain that I misunderstood and that he just didn't want to explain to people in front of me why we weren't engaged yet when they would ask at the dance. He said he was ready to marry me but I always did something that made him doubt me and this time it was that I read his e-mail and that I didn't trust him.
My questions are; how does someone go from being kind and attentive to non-commital and critical over time, was I wrong in jumping to conclusions over the dance, did I do the right thing to break up with him and will he treat the next woman like he did me?

Terry said...

Sorry it took me so long to respond.

I want you to pretend that I'm you. What advice would you give me if I questioned whether I made the right decision in breaking up with a man who belittled me and criticized my family?

What would you say to me if I told you this man had asked me to pick out an engagement ring and, ten months later, hadn't produced it?

As for your subpar cooking and housekeeping skills, if he's such an expert why didn't he take charge?

People don't tend to change for the better after they get married. Not only would you have to deal with him, you'd also have to put up with his family, and they don't sound like a bargain.

The guy almost certainly didn't intend for you to find the email, but, face it, he did you a favor.

I do not know why he went from being kind to non-commital. I am quite sure he will treat the next woman he dates exactly the way he treated you. God help her if he marries her.