Monday, November 27, 2006

She Wants Her Ex Back

Dear Terry:

I have one for you: I was married to my ex for 25 years, and our divorce was tragic because we still loved each other. He remarried about two years ago, during which he and his wife have only lived in the same house for six months. They have issues regarding him and me.

Ex and I still love each other and have made an agreement to renew our friendship. I want him back as my husband, and I think he wants the same. We both got hurt very badly. I am able to forgive all that has occurred, yet I don't have a clue on how to regrow a friendship when, for me, the friendship never ended. We are both are cautious, and neither us desires to be hurt.

I have asked him to allow us to set new boundaries, and I could use some help. We are both are very opinionated and strong willed. We have four children and four grandchildren, and at one time we had a wonderful family and marriage. I need help in getting honest communication without manipulation. When my marriage ended, it was due to infidelity.


Dear D-

I understand that you and your ex-husband may very strong feelings for one another. What concerns me is that he is married. If he were to leave his present wife to be with you, would this be a good thing? Would this raise doubts in your own mind about how capable he is of a successful marriage?

You don't say who was unfaithful in your marriage, but if it was he, has he ever examined his reasons for hurting you so profoundly? If it was you, have you thought about your reasons for hurting him?

Would he be willing to communicate more effectively, or at least learn how to do so? You say that you would be, which is a good first step.

If you and he decide that you do want to pursue a love relationship, counseling would be your very best hope. A good counselor could help you communicate and determine the reasons for the infidelity in your marriage, so that you are both less likely to be hurt again. He or she may be even able to help you develop the trust necessary for a happy relationship.

Since you do have children and grandchildren together, family counseling is probably a good idea. You'll probably have to see each other regularly regardless what type of relationship you pursue.

I realize that you're in pain, and I hope this helps.


Turn his head.

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