It Worked For Me (How to Get Over an Old Boyfriend)

Some women have a knack for bouncing back from a bad breakup. It seems they give themselves a day or two to mourn the loss of the relationship before hitting the dating scene with gusto. Then they never look back. Their motto: Nothing helps you get over the last guy like the next guy.

Unfortunately, many women can't shake a lost love because they're unwilling to accept that the relationship is over. They replay old conversations in their heads. They obsess over what they should have done to avoid the breakup. They arrange to bump into the guy and convince him he's made a mistake. They fantasize about him constantly. They believe that he's "the one," and that the relationship was "meant to be." They fear that if they let go emotionally, they'll have thrown away their shot at true love.

But, really, it's holding on emotionally to an old boyfriend that amounts to throwing away true love. Two objects cannot inhabit one space at the same time. Giving an ex free room and board in one's heart makes it impossible for a new one to move in.

How does a woman get over an ex-boyfriend?

She must make a decision to get over him, and then she needs the discipline to carry it out. She must throw out every material item that reminds her of him. She cannot afford to entertain a single pleasant thought about the relationship. Instead, it helps to write a list of the things he did that drove her crazy (the way he kept sniffling instead of reaching for a tissue, for example, or his habit of using unnecessarily big words) and refer to it often. If a friend brings up his name, it's imperative that she change the subject. By all means, she should avoid speaking of him at all.

Certain smells (his cologne, or the fragrance of a special food she enjoyed with him) and sounds, particularly music, will bring him back into her head at the most inopportune times. Her best bet is not to remove herself from the triggers, but to immerse herself in them until they no longer remind her of him.

It helps if she hits the social scene often by meeting friends, taking classes, and going to bookstores. If a woman makes a point of meeting new people, she will meet new men. When she meets a guy with potential, it's critical that she give him a fair chance. Mentally comparing him to her ex is a mistake. She'd have been better off staying home watching Seinfeld reruns.

A woman can get over a lost love, but only if she's willing. She must consciously block him from her heart and mind. It's not easy at first, but it does get easier. Once she evicts the guy for good, she can move on to the passion and happiness she deserves.

Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.

Coughing Hurts

Had a great Christmas, but I'm suffering from the worst cold in the world. Peter is on his way home, having stopped at Stop & Shop after work to pick me up some organic chicken broth.

Child One gave me the Corinne Bailey Rae CD yesterday, and it's beyond great. Listening to it now.

Lindsay Lohan's Sex Life

This is such old news, but since the TV heads keep bringing it up, I feel compelled to comment.

Lindsay maintains, "Sex and the City changed everything for me, because those girls would just sleep with so many people."

So Lindsay sleeps with a lot of people.

And the media responded by calling her "loose" and "Firecrotch" and advising her boyfriends to get tested for STDs. This is a hilarious double standard. Nobody ever suggested that Colin Farrell's girlfriends get tested for STDs.

Sex and the City is pretty much b.s. (nobody I know who lives in Manhattan or anywhere else in New York City carries on like that). It's hardly a guide to modern living. It's entertainment, Lindsay.

However, Lindsay's disdain for monogamy may have less to do with her being like "a man," as she herself has suggested. It probably has more to do with the fact that she's 20 years old.

Sleeping around is not a great idea, but who the hell wants to settle down at 20 years old?

Attract a better man than Colin Farrell.

My Favorite Gift...

...is an Amazon gift card.




The cool thing is you don't even have to wait for it to ship. You can send it via email, allowing the recipient to order sundry items after discovering what's missing from his or her pile of Christmas loot.

In my case, it'll probably be a book. I love books, but Peter tells me he is buying me a laptop, so I'll have to get my own damn books. Right now, I'm lusting for Mysteries of the Middle Ages by Thomas Cahill. His Desire of the Everlasting Hills, a history of Jesus, blew my mind.

<

My very good friend, Daisy, planned to get me Enya's Amarantine for Christmas, but she's decided to get me something else instead.

Boo.



I bought her this one:

I got The Best of Morrissey on Saturday, and it's brilliant.

I'm dying to play "I Have Forgiven Jesus" from You Are the Quarry for my bible study group, but I'm pretty sure they'll throw me out.



It really would have helped to know this stuff when I was dating.

Dating a Married Man?

If it's such a bad idea, why do so many women keep on doing it? There's gotta be a payoff.

Not finished Christmas shopping yet, believe it or not, partly due to the fact that I hate malls and parking lots that force you to take chances trying to get out. I meant to do most of my shopping online, but I lost track of time.

I'll pull something off, I'm sure.

Attract a better man in 2007.

George Clooney Never Did It For Me...

...until now.

I tell you, I like him more and more all the time. So what if he doesn't ever want to get married? At least he knows it, is honest about it, and isn't wasting anybody's time.

I am so cranky today I cannot stand myself. I wanted to pop into Walgreen's to buy a Build-A-Bear gift card for some little kid, but the traffic was so bad, I gave up. Some old guy cut me off coming out of T.J. Maxx, and that was the end.

I came home, placed an order with Build-A-Bear's website, and keyed in the wrong shipping address. Oh! I had to call the 800 number to change the order and waited on hold for eight full minutes, while being subjected to some saccharine-crap song about the wonder of stuffed bears (which were no doubt manufactured by some 7-year-old Chinese kid who wasn't allowed to use the bathroom all day and was paid 10 cents for 12 hours' work).

It might be time for a nap.

If you need a good laugh like I do right now, check out Jim Gaffigan. He's hilarious.

Attract a man who makes you glad you were born.

Is Your Cell Phone Killing Your Sex Life?

Let's hope not.

I'm very proud of myself because, not only are my Christmas cards written, I've taken a halfway decent photo of the offspring to send with it. (My brother, who is single, jokes that if he receives one more photo of somebody's kids, he is going to start responding by sending photos of himself.)

Christmas parties are fun when you know how to get noticed.

Poison 'Em Some More

I found this novel in a store yesterday and immediately picked it up, attracted by its striking cover. The synopsis on the backside read something like: "What are the chances of meeting a man who's straight, single, and willing to commit?"

Judging by the reviews on Amazon, the book is entertaining. But give me a break! Single, straight, and willing to commit men are hardly an endangered species, and I'm so tired of women's fiction that insists otherwise.

I know a cute single guy with a good job whose dates consistently ask him if he's gay (in case you're wondering, he doesn't possess any gay characteristics). Then they tell him that he has commitment issues because he isn't married. The fact is, the guy would dearly like to meet "the one" and get married, but he's hardly going to ask a woman who insists that he's gay or suffers from commitment issues for a second date. Who needs it?

He keeps asking me why women are so paranoid. I keep telling him it's because too many of them pore over In Touch Magazine every week and buy into the lack-minded crap promoted by the chick lit crowd.

Face it. If you don't believe that good men exist, you're going to dismiss the ones who are as as gay, commitmentphobic, boring, or too nice. If you can't see an opportunity, you'll miss it every time.

The world is full of wonderful men.

Poison 'Em Young

If you've ever wondered why some women are obsessed about having a man, keeping a man, when he's going to call, what he's thinking, and on and on and on, you need only check out the current issues of teen magazines. Girls are programmed to fixate on men from the time they get an allowance.

Teen's cover shouts, "How to Decode Your Crush," as if a girl should handle a boy the way MI6 deals with The Kremlin. I suppose actually talking to the boy would be out of the question. Read his mind instead. Then grow up and wonder why men can't "open up." Why should they open up when women have been trained to carry on entire relationships in our minds?

And then Seventeen counsels, "Make Your Crush Want You," as if that's possible (I know because I was a 13-year-old Seventeen subscriber once, and I tried). Forget about tips for getting into college; the magazine's other cover stories include, "405 Ways to Look Hot (At Every Party)," "Dress Like a Celebrity," and "5 Signs You're Addicted to Attention." Paris Hilton and a depressed-looking kitten serve as cover models.

CosmoGirl! tells impressionable readers how to "Party Like a Celebrity" (the cover features Party Girl Lindsay Lohan, hugging her little sister) and gives them "10 Ways to a Healthier, Hotter Body." My pick for the best cover blurb? "She Says She Was Raped...But Could She Be Lying?"

These magazines promote the idea that girls should take lifestyle and fashion cues from celebrities (the current Teen and Seventeen cover models are renowned for giving crotch shots to paparazzi) and drive themselves to distraction over some dork. If they have the misfortune of being sexually assaulted, they might be better off keeping their mouths shut. Who's going to believe them, anyway?

Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.

Cameron Diaz Is a Commitmentphobe

Apparently, Cameron Diaz told Ellen DeGeneres that she won't marry Justin Timberlake because she's a commitmentphobe. Since the media and society in general assume that it's always the man in a relationship who avoids sealing the deal, I'm so glad Cameron set the record straight.

A lot of women fear commitment. I was one of them, but I only had the vaguest sense of it at the time. I had a gift for attracting (and being attracted to) men with similar issues.

Nobody has to get married. Let's face it; too many women end up with the wrong guy because other people imply they're losers until they have rings on their fingers.

I remember a newly engaged friend's father asking me, "And when are you going to get married?"

"I'm too young," I protested.

"Too young?" the man hooted. "You're already 24!"

You'd think I was hobbling around in orthopedic shoes.

At 27, I realized that I had a full-blown terror of commitment. Seriously. I took steps to resolve it, and I did resolve it. (My book has the details.)

But, unless they're inclined otherwise, people like Cameron Diaz don't have to conquer commitmentphobia. I'll say it again: Nobody has to get married. The last time I looked, it wasn't in the Ten Commandments.

How I got over my fear of commitment.

Do You Have a Vacation to Plan?

The following is an article I sent to my mailing list last year around this time. I've since contacted a reputable cruise planner and am thinking of organizing a short singles' trip to the Bahamas, possibly in the summer.

"The world is a book, and those who do not travel, read only a page."
- Saint Augustine

Does your employer owe you vacation time? If the answer is yes, you have an excellent opportunity to meet exciting new people! Travel for singles has become a booming industry, and for good reason.

Do you love art? History? Picture yourself strolling the ornate halls of Edinburgh Castle with the man who could become your husband. Love to ski? If you sign up for a singles' ski weekend, you could wind up finding the love of your life on the slopes (it happened to Nancy and Mike!). Does romance on the high seas sound appealing? Get thee onto a singles' cruise.

Men who travel tend to be educated and successful. Take Gary, a C.P.A who likes to see the world on two wheels and frequently signs up for singles' bike tours. In July, he rode alongside the crystalline waters off Nova Scotia's Cape Breton Island with scores of like-minded people.

And that's one of the great thing about singles' travel: You're bound to meet others with whom you have something in common. Check out a couple of tour providers, see what they offer, and discern the average age of their participants (make sure you don't end up with the under-30 crowd if you're hoping to meet a man over 40, and vice versa!).

Check the Better Business Bureau to ensure the provider has a record of excellent service, kept promises, and happy customers. Then, take a deep breath, decide where you want to go, and book a trip.

What if you don't have a friend to drag along with you? Swallow hard and book anyway. When I was single I took two vacations by myself (they weren't singles' tours per se, but I stayed in Bed and Breakfasts, forcing me to socialize over rolls and coffee in the morning). I had the time of my life, met fascinating people, and learned a great deal about myself at the same time.

Afraid of looking like a friendless loser by traveling solo? Worry not. You'll look every inch the winner who takes advantage of life's opportunities. If anybody asks (and I truly doubt anyone will) why you're traveling alone, you can say, "I needed a vacation." Who doesn't?

To get started, do a search for tour operators who cater to singles, or query your own friendly neighborhood travel agent for advice. Make sure the tour operator you choose has an excellent safety record, especially if you will be traveling alone.

Will you meet the man of your dreams on a singles' vacation? Maybe. But, chances are, you'll make exciting new friends, who'll introduce you to more new friends, new men, and happy new experiences. You'll also learn a lot about an attractive, confident, smart woman (you!) in the process.

Go for it!

Get noticed.

NBC's Warped Priorities

Although I'm sorry to hear that Greg from The Wiggles
is sick and quitting the group, I am a bit surprised that The Today Show ran the story at 7:20 this morning.

I somehow doubt that the children of Darfur are very banged up about Greg's departure when their parents, friends, and neighbors are being massacred every single day. (To be fair, NBC's Ann Curry is one of the few American journalists who's even covered the genocide.)

If you'd like to help, you can sign an online postcard and ask President Bush to promote peace in the region.

The Aladdin Factor

I bought this book several years ago, put it on a shelf, and forgot about it.

I developed a sudden urge to read it last week, so I scoured my 96 bookcases to find it. I have to say, it's absolutely amazing. If you're like me and sometimes hesitant to ask for what you want (for whatever reason), this book will help you. The first exercise alone blew my mind.



Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.

She Wants Her Ex Back

Dear Terry:

I have one for you: I was married to my ex for 25 years, and our divorce was tragic because we still loved each other. He remarried about two years ago, during which he and his wife have only lived in the same house for six months. They have issues regarding him and me.

Ex and I still love each other and have made an agreement to renew our friendship. I want him back as my husband, and I think he wants the same. We both got hurt very badly. I am able to forgive all that has occurred, yet I don't have a clue on how to regrow a friendship when, for me, the friendship never ended. We are both are cautious, and neither us desires to be hurt.

I have asked him to allow us to set new boundaries, and I could use some help. We are both are very opinionated and strong willed. We have four children and four grandchildren, and at one time we had a wonderful family and marriage. I need help in getting honest communication without manipulation. When my marriage ended, it was due to infidelity.

-D

Dear D-

I understand that you and your ex-husband may very strong feelings for one another. What concerns me is that he is married. If he were to leave his present wife to be with you, would this be a good thing? Would this raise doubts in your own mind about how capable he is of a successful marriage?

You don't say who was unfaithful in your marriage, but if it was he, has he ever examined his reasons for hurting you so profoundly? If it was you, have you thought about your reasons for hurting him?

Would he be willing to communicate more effectively, or at least learn how to do so? You say that you would be, which is a good first step.

If you and he decide that you do want to pursue a love relationship, counseling would be your very best hope. A good counselor could help you communicate and determine the reasons for the infidelity in your marriage, so that you are both less likely to be hurt again. He or she may be even able to help you develop the trust necessary for a happy relationship.

Since you do have children and grandchildren together, family counseling is probably a good idea. You'll probably have to see each other regularly regardless what type of relationship you pursue.

I realize that you're in pain, and I hope this helps.

Terry

Turn his head.

Dazzle 'Em Cheaply

As we kick off party season, it always good to head out in one's black velvet coat with sparkling white teeth. For many years, I was what my dentist calls, "a good candidate for bleaching," due to my love for tea and red wine (which I am not willing to give up).

I thought about bleaching but decided to try drugstore remedies first. I tried the whitening strips, only to end up wandering around the house lisping and feeling as if I had eaten a roll of scotch tape. Then I tried all sorts of toothpastes, starting with the more expensive ones because I assumed they'd be more effective.

While visiting a friend in September, I happened upon a copy of Consumer Reports, which named Ultra Brite toothpaste the best stuff on the market. I immediately wheeled over to my local retailer and picked up a tube for about two dollars.

Sure enough, people are now complimenting me on the whiteness of my teeth. Child 2 has stopped complaining, "Man, Mommy, your teeth are yellow."

Ultra Brite works.

If you can't get to the store, buy it from Drugstore.com for $2.19.

Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.

Rocky Horror and Sugar Plums

Tension reached operatic proportions on Thanksgiving when Peter and I got lost in the night rain near Route 22 in New Jersey. The sign at the state entrance should include a photo of Peter with a red circle and a slash across it. Peter hates New Jersey, and by the number of times we've gotten lost there, the feeling is mutual.

He winds himself up into a frenzy before we even leave the house about going to "that godforsaken state" (even though one of his oldest friends and much of my family lives there). If you believe in the Law of Attraction, as I most certainly do, the guy set us up for disaster on Thursday.

We ended up getting cut off on Route 1-9, careening up a curb, and mangling our front right rim and tire. The scene reminded me of the one in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, where Brad and Janet's tire blew out, necessitating their visit to the Frankenstein Place. But Brad and Janet didn't have two freaked out children quivering in their back seat.

We made a call to Aunt L's and asked her to start dinner without us, but she wouldn't. Peter managed to creep the car into a Daffy's parking lot, so my cousin, K, and her boyfriend the podiatrist (both of whom knew the area well) offered to drive over and fish us out. We made it to a lovely dinner about an hour later without additional drama, although I did pour myself a monster glass of wine as soon as we arrived.

Yesterday morning at breakfast my cousin, K2, told me a story: His mother (my aunt) used to make him stepdance at assemblies at his school on Staten Island. For the rest of the year, all the other boys--who descended from cultures that did not include males hopping around in skirts--would knock him against the wall in the boys' room and shriek, "Dance for me! Are ya gonna dance for me?"

Eventually, K2 had an idea. He made a deal with his mother that if he made the basketball team, he could quit stepdancing. Fortunately, he was a natural athlete and had almost closed in on his full height of 6'5 3/4 inches. (He didn't tell me this, but he later became a team star and local celebrity.)

I guess you can overcome just about anything if you can overcome being a male stepdancer on Staten Island.

I'm told my brother-in-law is currently perched atop a ladder decorating his house for Christmas, so the holiday season is officially upon us. Be good to yourself and stay away from sugar. It's worse than I thought.

Before you go to the party, you must be able to do this.

His Parents Don't Approve of the Relationship...

Hi, Terry-

I just downloaded your e-book and am going thru it. I got the right man, and I am dating him for the past year. But the problem is his family is not accepting for our marriage, and he doesn't want to go against his family. But I want to marry him because I feel he is Mr. Right for me. Please guide me.

Thanks,
-S

Hello, S-

I am very sorry that your man's family is resistant to your marriage. I know of two couples who weathered similar circumstances with different results:

E and R's parents opposed their marriage due to religious differences. Neither E or R wanted to hurt their families, so they broke off their relationship. It hurt, but they did it.

B and L also came from different backgrounds. All of B's family's marriages had been arranged, including his parents' and his two sisters.' B explained to his parents that, as much as he loved them, L was the woman he was going to marry, and they would have to accept her into their family. They did, and now L and B are expecting their fourth child.

The thing is, S, there is nothing you can do to convince your boyfriend to stand up to his parents. He must make that decision on his own.If he doesn't want to "go against" them, then why is he wasting your time? You deserve better than this.

It would be sad if you missed out on an opportunity to meet and marry a wonderful man because you have been distracted this one.I understand that you care a great deal for your boyfriend and cannot just turn off your emotions, but he has a decision to make. And once he makes it, you need to make a decision, too.

I hope this helps.

Terry

Hi, Terry-

Thank you for taking time and writing to me.

Yes, I was reluctant to accept the fact, but after reading the book How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Drams, I made up my mind that I will follow all your principles and wait for the right man to come into my life. Please keep up your emails.

Thanks.
-S

Flirting made easy.

Hungry Girl

While surfing local newspaper sites in search of reviews for the recently released movie, Fast Food Nation, I came upon this recipe for a slimming version of sweet potato pie. It looks absolutely amazing, except I would substitute stevia, a natural sweetener, for Splenda.

Intrigued, I followed the link a the bottom of the article to Hungry Girl, a website offering "tips and tricks for hungry chicks." Which would be me.

Subscribers to my mailing list know I live to entertain. Unfortunately, I also love to eat and fought a weight problem for years. So Hungry Girl and her site seem to be right up my alley.

HG seems to emphasize being able to enjoy food while looking great and staying healthy, rather than trying to compete with Eva Longoria to slip into the teeniest bikini on Rodeo Drive.

By the way, I'm taking the advice I give my readers this Saturday. I'm throwing a little football gathering, and we're rooting for Notre Dame!

Stop dating bad boys who hurt you and nice guys who bore you blind. Attract a man who'll actually make you happy for the rest of your life. You deserve nothing less!

Learn the Rules of Attraction

These books changed my life. I'll bet they'll change yours, too.



"So let's be reminded that whatever we fix our thoughs upon or steadily focus our imaginations upon, that is what we attract. This is no mere play of words. It is a fact which anyone can prove to his own satisfaction. Whether the results come through magnetic or electrical energy is something still undetermined; while man hasn't been able to define it, manifestations of thought-attraction can be seen on every hand."

-From The Magic of Believing, by Claude Bristol



"When you open your eyes in the morning, say to yourself, "I choose happiness today. I choose success today. I choose right action today. I choose love and good will for all today. I choose peace today. Pour life, love, and interest into this affirmation, and you have chosen happiness."

-From The Power of Your Subconscious Mind , by Dr. Joseph Murphy



"There are so many ways that affirmations can be used powerfully and effectively to give you a more positive, creative outlook and to help you achieve specific goals.

Remember, it's important to feel relaxed as you affirm. Do not be addicted to getting results. Remember that you already are everything you need; every improvement is just icing on the cake."

-From Creative Visulization ,by Shakti Gawain



"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

-Matthew 7:6-8, New International Version

Even shy girls can learn how to do this.

She Made My Day

Received this letter in response to a tip I sent to my mailing list.
earlier this week. This smart woman offers great advice and describes her triumph after getting rid of an insecure, oppressive man:

Hello there, Terry:

How right you are on every count.

I was madly in love (or so I thought) with a man who hated that I was being promoted (as we worked together). I thought it was just macho jealousy and tried hard to down play all my ideas, and all he did was be moody. I got rumours that he had indeed cheated on me one weekend, but as I had no proof, and I did not want it to be true I choose to ignore it.

Fast forward two years, a move to another country, a dying father and then finding out I was pregnant, we see a man competing with my father for my affection, would not let me go out with friends alone as he was so insecure and gave me no emotional help when my father died or help in getting things ready for our child. In fact, he looked in disgust at everything remotely to do with children. Then he not only had an affair but brought the girl back to our house for some fun when I was 8 months pregnant. That killed it off for me, but it took another two years for him to be truly out of our lives.

I was a person with good social skills who was well liked, very attractive, and had a wonderful, full life. So it shows you can be really dumb and blind and pay for it in a huge way. Now my daughter is four, and I am finally finding I have a life again. I advise anyone with a insecure man to dump him before you forget who you are and then have to fight just to get your life back. I'm on my own now and loving every free, peaceful, wonderful moment to do simple things without having to hide everything just to live.

Would I let someone in my life again? It would have to be someone really, really special and secure, because I deserve nothing less. EVER.

Thank you for your advice, wish I got it four years ago in one sense, but in another I have an incredible little girl, who was never in my plans. I can't even begin to imagine having lived without her adorable smile.

Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.

Beautiful Skin is In

In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a skin care fiend. This is nothing new; I've been at it since 7th grade. Learned something else about rosacea this morning when my friend, C, emailed me this revealing article.

The irony is that another woman and I met yesterday at Panera Bread and discussed this very subject, how one's PH balance affects health. I understand that low PH levels invite all sorts of disease, including cancer. After reading the article I understand that they also affect one's complexion, which makes sense.

Fortunately, diet plays an enormous factor in determining PH.

I followed the link at the bottom of the article to learn which foods are low PH (or acidic) and which are high (or alkaline) and came up with this.

Apparently, every single thing I ate and drank at the Amazing V's Silpada party last night was deadly acidic, so I tested my PH this morning with the strips that had been languishing in a my file drawer. I am indeed scarily acidic.

Will devour a pile of lemons momentarily (they're alkaline)!

In another freakish twist, Rosie O'Donnell is right this second discussing her battle with rosacea on The View . She said it disappeared after she took Ayurvedic pills that were recommended to her by a man sitting next to her at a Barbra Streisand concert.

Attract the man of your dreams.

People Have Gotten Married After Doing This

In my zeal to tell you about a great idea to meet men in the post below, I neglected to tell you to click here to sign up for this free and very fun service.

Sorry!

Isn't it time someone threw you a shower for a change?

Meet Men By Mail (It's Not What You Think)

You don't have to be Irish to take advantage of the free Irish penpals program. You don't even have to write to an Irishman if you don't want to. I've made French, German, and English friends through it, and they're all women.

But you can request a male friend. The following testimonial appeared in the September issue of the entertaining Information About Ireland Site Newsletter:

Hi. My name is David, and about 4 years ago, I visited your site. I read a message from a woman in Germany and replied to it. We found that we had a lot in common and wrote to each other for about a year. We were both divorced, and neither one of us were looking for any kind of relationship other than emails. To make a long story short, I met the love of my life through your web site and we have been married for two-and-a-half years now.

Thanks,
David Ison
Miami, Florida

Bewitch him.

Clear Skin to Break Into Dance Over

Note: This post has nothing to do with dating. If you'd rather not read about my complexion or my social life, please scroll down.

Went to the dinner-dance I mentioned last week and felt fantastic. I finally got to wear the dress my mother and I picked out for another event that didn't come off, and it was just gorgeous (Mom was diagnosed with brain cancer shortly after our shopping trip and died last summer).

Rosacea update: I'm happy to report that a combination of probiotics, omega-3 softgels, and Arbonne's Rejuvenating Cream have produced good results. I haven't experienced any new breakouts, and my skin absolutely glows. I am still saddled with three small dots next to my mouth; they're slowly healing, but they're definitely healing.

Just so you know: I never had "bad skin," but in the past few years, I developed rosacea, which necessitated the use of a good powder to cover it. I feared that I would end up on a desert island, and the truth would come out. I'd eat something (like a spring sausage, for instance), and my face would sting and go bright red. Little red spots would sprout all over my face. It was really demoralizing.

An earlier post describes how I happened upon the idea of alleviating this drama by supplementing my diet. I've also read good things about the Arbonne Rejuvenating Cream. Until last week or so, it remained one of those unsexy products my eye skipped over on my way to the cosmetics and antiaging skincare in the catalog.

More about the dance: Excellent food! Met some friendly new people, and the band played "Play That Funky Music, White Boy." I am a dancing fool for "Play That Funky Music, White Boy."

No cameras allowed!

Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.

Britney Calls It Quits

While we contemplate the demise of the Spears/Federline union, it's a good idea to remember never to marry a man who has a pregnant girlfriend.

At Toastmasters today, a woman gave a lovely talk about her husband, a man who gets up at 3AM to go to work. He kisses her before he leaves and tells her to drive safely. Then she tells him to drive safely.

She's an executive who doesn't get home until after 8PM, so her husband falls asleep on her side of the bed to warm it up. Just as she's about to drop into bed, he rolls over onto his side.

As I left, I asked her how they met. She said it was in grammar school, and it's evident that she's still madly in love with him. Then she mentioned that her 25-year-old-son is frustrated because he has not yet met "the one," especially since his parents knew who they'd spend their lives with from such an early age.

Makes Britney and Kevin seem kind of silly, doesn't it?

Sick and tired? Feel like your old self again in 8 simple steps.

Paul Newman Called Me...

...and half the rest of the state in a recorded message reminding us it's Election Day. I'm just back home from the polls myself and am enjoying that euphoria I always get after a good vote.

If you haven't gone yet, please do. If you've managed to tune out the evil campaign commercials that have plagued us for weeks (and the half-truths contained therein), do a search for "League of Women Voters." You can look up your state chapter's website for non-partison information about candidates' positions on the issues.

Want to get a guy's attention? Here's how.

Skinny Bitch

Last night, Peter and I got a call asking us to go to a formal dinner next Saturday. Ordinarily, I would be over the moon at the prospect of dressing up and would have looked forward to it for weeks.

But I'm expected to yank myself out of squirrely writer mode on six days' notice?

And we have to find a babysitter pronto, andI think I've gained a pound or two since the last dinner-dance we attended. I've a gorgeous, never-worn dress hanging in my closet (my mother, who has since died, helped me pick it out for an event that ended up being canceled).

Oh! I have gained a pound or two.

Well, we can fix that in a hurry. I'll drink oceans of lemon water this week and eat organic. No meat! No dairy! (A week without cheese will be a real challenge, especially since I hadn't time to psych myself up for it. I am a fool for cheese.)

I'll pull my favorite food book off the shelf for inspiration:



WARNING: If profanity offends you, stay away from this book! But if you don't blink at swear words, and you could use some novel advice on how to get healthy and take the pounds off, check it out. It's a riot!

Can Plastic Surgery Buy You Love?

Why do women have plastic surgery? To look younger? Prettier? Or is it for something much deeper? It smacks of masochism, and the result is rarely positive. Most plastic surgery victims end up looking, well, plastic. They do not look younger, and they certainly don't look prettier.

I've read about women who can't stop scheduling surgeries once they start. It becomes an obsession. Doctors report that renovations to private parts increasingly crowd their calendars.

Middle-class women jeopardize their retirements by paying for such operations with plastic, not cash.

Back in the day, a friend and I hit a club in Great Neck, where we met a male acquaintance of hers. "I'm impressed," he said. "You girls are the only two in here with their original noses." Trust me, healthy men do not want to date the Barbi Twins.

Plastic surgery cannot buy you love, self-respect, or happiness. If you think your ankles are too thick, consider your lengthy lashes or your gorgeous skin. Focus on your attributes. Accept the fact that you are not perfect, and you never will be.

Be open to the possibility that someone will love you and your fat ankles. Somebody will be fascinated by the bump on your nose. These are some of the things that make you you. Be glad you have them.

Sick and tired? Former fatigue sufferer can help you get your groove back.

Desperate Brad Pitt's Heartbreak!

When was the last time you read a headline like that? I don't remember ever seeing one, but I've read plenty like these:

JENNIFER DUMPED AGAIN! CAN SHE EVER FIND LOVE?

NICOLE BREAKS DOWN AFTER LEARNING OF KEITH'S AFFAIR

BRAD CAUGHT WITH HOOKER! SHATTERED ANGELINA IN TEARS

I read similar crap yesterday (the third example is a real headline from the National Enquirer), as I checked out a bunch of organic bananas at the supermarket. It occurs to me that women are always the victims of heartbreak in the tabloid press. Men are invulnerable.

My 10-year-old daughter once commented to me that "Britney is really mad at Kevin because he goes out with his girlfriend all the time." When I asked her where she'd heard that, she told me she'd read it on a magazine cover at the supermarket. I have to wonder what damage such nonsense has inflicted on her psyche.

Will she grow up believing that love is dangerous, that she is destined to be heartbroken, that she should accept it as fact that men always cheat because they, as Goldie Hawn once told the women on The View, are programmed to do it?

I am making it my job to ensure she does not. I want her to know that love may be a many splendored thing, but it should never be the only thing. I will encourage her to disqualify men who sleep around. I will teach her to treat men as she would have them treat her, and to discard those who do not treat her similarly.

Beliefs determine reality.

If she believes that good men exist and that she is worthy of being loved by one, she will be. But if she believes the message promoted by tabloids, women's magazines, and pop songs--that no man can ever love one woman for very long--she'll attract men who prove her right every single time.

You can get his attention. Learn how to flirt.

Attracting True Love: Your Holiday Action Plan

Holiday season will soon be upon us. Here's a quick course to help ensure you spend a romantic, magical new year with the kind of man you've always dreamed about:

1) Love yourself. It's been said that you can't love anybody else until you love yourself. Well, I'll go one further: Nobody can love you until you love yourself, either. Until you do, you will continue to attract losers, abusers, schmoozers, and No-Show Joes. Love yourself, and you will attract men who love you and make you happy. It's that simple.

2) Bring to mind all the frogs you've kissed over the years. Write a list of the qualities you didn't like about them. How did they disappoint you?

3) Turn that list around. Write the opposite quality for every bad quality you listed. For example, if your former boyfriends were unfaithful, dishonest, manipulative, unreliable, you'd turn the list around to read: faithful, truthful, respectful of my feelings, and reliable.

4) Write an affirmation around your new list using the present tense. For example, "I am happily married (or involved with) a faithful, truthful, reliable man, who is fun to be with and respectful of my feelings." (Add the word "fun" to ensure you don't attract the nice but boring type.)

5) Write your affirmation 10-15 times a day for at least 30 days. It helps to conjure the sensation of how you'd feel when you are actually with the person you've described (feeling the affirmation helps convince the subconscious that what you're writing is fact). If you're feeling ambitious, try writing your affirmation with your non-dominant hand three to six times.

6) For the next 30 days, speak your affirmation: In the shower, in the car, while you're cooking dinner (but not on the bus or in a restaurant; people will laugh at you). Again, allow yourself to feel it. This may take time, but keep at it.

7) Be the person you want to marry. If you want a truthful man, be truthful. If you want somebody who resists playing head games, don't play them. If you want somebody polite, turn your cell phone off before you go into a movie theater.

8) Love yourself. Yes, I'm repeating myself, but loving yourself ensures you attract good men (as well as good jobs, good friends, good parties). What's more, you'll be more likely to recognize all this goodness when it appears.

9) Become aware of inner changes. After a while, you'll begin to attract a different kind of man. More important, you'll be attracted to a different type of man. Man-meeting opportunities will suddenly become abundant. Take notice.

Want more? Get more.

Sexy, Not Slutty

The Huntington Street Cafe in my neighborhood will throw a Halloween party tonight. I don't remember name of the band they hired, but the cover is a mere five dollars. Such a deal!

Check the newspaper for information about a party in your neighborhood. Then grab a friend and go.

If you don't show up as a French Maid, a short-skirted nurse, or a "hot" prison guard, you'll probably stand out in the crowd. Besides, slut-wear attracts men without imaginations, and you can do better.

Wear a costume that makes you look beautiful-- not scary, ugly, or desperate. Don't overwhelm 'em with skin. Keep your makeup slightly more dramatic than usual (false eyelashes are always fun), but make sure people can see you when they look at you. You don't ever have to scream for attention.

Now, get out of here and have some fun!

The world is full of wonderful men.

My Quest to End Rosacea

A longtime reader posted a comment suggesting that antibiotics can be useful in fighting rosacea (those of you who are not interested in reading about my quest to end this annoying skin problem can just scroll down for dating stuff). Antibiotics scare me, though.

Her comment prompted me to remember that during the summer of 2005, a very good skin summer indeed, I had been eating FAGE yogurt by the boatload. What I didn't remember was that I was also mixing two tablespoons of ground flax seed into it.

A light went on.

I may no longer be able to get my hands on FAGE yogurt, as I mentioned in an earlier post, but I do have a full bottle of flax seed oil in my refrigerator. I did a Google search ("flax," "rosacea") and found that other sufferers have found taking several thousand milligrams daily to be helpful. I also did a search on "probiotics," "rosacea" and came up with a similar finding (the bacteria in yogurt is probiotic).

So I hopped over to my favorite Internet supplement source and ordered a bottle of probiotics. Will let you know how it goes.

If you haven't tried flax seed or probiotics, be sure to ask a doctor first, will ya?

Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.

After the Breakup

Breaking up sucks. Whether you're the one doing the dumping or the one being dumped, it's never easy.

After the breakup, it's imperative that you treat yourself as you would a beloved child. Make a point of doing something nice for yourself every single day. It doesn't have to be expensive (please do not rack up a lot of credit card debt; that's self-destructive). Buy yourself a bouquet of your favorite flowers. Take yourself out to a movie. Make (or learn to make) a favorite meal and enjoy it with a glass of wine.

Talk to yourself kindly. Make a list of your good qualities and read it when you feel down. Don't waste time with anyone who doesn't treat you with the love, tenderness, and respect you deserve.

When I was single and suffered a breakup, I really believed I'd never get over the guy. I tended to fall hard and just couldn't comprehend being able to love anybody else. If this sounds like you, take heart.

Last week, a lovely, educated, attractive woman told me that her first husband left her for her brother's girlfriend -- while she was three months' pregnant. Can you imagine getting over that?

She is now happily married to a much worthier man. She is also the successful owner of a mortgage company that specializes in helping women who are coping with divorce.

Take good care of yourself and better things will come your way, too.

Attract and marry the man of your dreams.

Freaking Rosacea!

After using it for a couple of weeks, I can confidently say that the anti-rosacea skincare line I tried doesn't work any better than the RE-9 system by Arbonne (which is an effective anti-aging line and not even recommended for rosacea sufferers). I guess the lesson here is not to pay $20.00 plus shipping for a product sample. I'm such a sucker.

My friend, L., alerted me to the fact that Arbonne does have a product recommended for people with rosacea, so I've ordered it today and will give that a try. I'm very satisfied with the Arbonne line; those bags I used to get under my eyes have been eliminated, thanks to their magic eye cream.

But the rosacea is getting to me. I was one of those people who never got a pimple as a teenager, and now I get these little breakouts. It must stop.

I've read that rosacea is a widespread affliction that affects millions of people, especially those of Northern European descent. I also understand that it may be attributed to some sort of digestive disorder called "leaky gut" (nice, huh?), in which case there must be some sort of dietary solution. I wonder if probiotics would help.

During the summer of 2005, a yogurt by the name of FAGE became a mainstay of my diet. It tasted delicious and contained all sorts of live bacteria that the usual brands didn't. My skin looked stellar every single day. I mean, just amazing.

Unfortunately, my supermarket stopped carrying FAGE, and I stopped eating it. The rosacea re-reared its ugly head some weeks later and has been a problem ever since.

I wonder if there's a connection....

Attract and marry the man of your dreams.

Love and the Subconscious Mind

"Practice this process of impregnating your subconscious mind. Then, you will have the joy of attracting to you a man possessing the qualities and characteristics you mentally dwelt upon. Your subconscious intelligence will open up a pathway, whereby both of you will meet, according to the irresistible and changeless flow of your own subconscious mind. Have a keen desire to give the best that is in you of love, devotion, and co-operation. Be receptive to this gift of love which you have given to your subconscious mind." -Joseph Murphy, author of The Power of Your Subconscious Mind

1. Write a list of qualities you don't want in a man. Use your ex-boyfriends and your friends' substandard husbands for inspiration.

2. Write a list of the opposite qualities. Now you know what you do want in a man. Congratulations! This knowledge dramatically increases your chances of getting it.

3. Visualize a relationship with a person who embodies these qualities. Don't worry if "he" seems sketchy at first. Visualize this relationship several times a day, consistently, and he will become clearer over time.

4. Know that this person exists somewhere and is on his way to you.

5. Get out of the house. Smile more.

6. Be the type of person you want to date (see step 1). Think about the The Law of Attraction: Like attracts like.

Want more? Check out my ebook.

When It's Just Sex...

Last week I had the good fortune to watch the first season of the Showtime series, Weeds. I'm a huge fan of the star, Mary Louise Parker, and I like Kevin Nealon as the ridiculous pot-smoking town councilman.

Some of the show's characters fall into bed with each other at the drop of the hat, which makes for great drama and even greater comedy. I'm crazy about this show and its wry observations about people who keep up with the Joneses.

While I'm confident that Weeds won't spark an epidemic of widows entering the marijuana trade, I do wonder if showing strangers enjoying sex on a car hood encourages viewers to give it a try. I once heard a story about a woman who said her entire perspective on sex changed after watching Sex and the City. Now she sleeps with everybody.

Which, I guess, is fine if she avoids pregnancy and disease, and if she knows from the outset that what she's doing is having sex. She's not actually dating. She's not getting to know anybody.

A very attractive newscaster once told me she used to get into such disappointing situations with men because she kept "confusing feelings below the waist for feelings of the heart."

I understand that. Women are conditioned to believe that it's okay for men to have tons of sex whenever--and with whomever--they want. Women who engage in such behavior, we're told, are sluts. So some women rationalize having slept with a guy by telling themselves they love him.

This usually results in confusion, self-loathing, and an obsession for a guy who's just not worth it. If you find yourself in this situation, eliminate the drama. Tell yourself the truth. You don't love the guy, and he probably doesn't love you. Don't harbor expectations.

Sex causes angst for men, too. A good-looking, well-employed guy complains that every girl he goes out with suffers from paranoia. "Each and every one of them refuses to believe I'm seeing her and only her. They're convinced I bang everything that isn't nailed down."

He can't get a relationship off the ground, which is what he truly wants. He's frustrated and disappointed.

The thing is, he always gets into bed too early with women, and it's difficult to build a relationship on sex. Face it; if you sleep with somebody on the first or second date, he's going to assume you sleep around. And you're going to assume he does, too.

Now you have a dilemma: You haven't established trust between you, so how can you determine if Backseat Bob would make a decent friend, let alone a loyal, loving, fun, supportive boyfriend? How do you know the dude won't be exposed as a pedophile on Dateline?

Are there exceptions? Yeah. A good friend of mine once slept with a guy after leaving a bar with him and a bottle of borrowed Korbel. They've been married for 18 years and have three kids.

But she's the only person I've ever known to pull it off. The rest of us are better off remaining vertical for longer periods.

If You Don't Know How to Flirt...

A woman told me over the weekend that she met her husband on a church-sponsored hiking trip. He'd spotted her a couple of times before then, and while they hiked, he made a point of keeping pace with her and starting a conversation.

Sounds great, I thought, except had I been in the same situation some years ago, I would probably have blown it by stuttering, or worse, not saying much of anything at all to the guy. I have always been shy, something I fight to this day (people often accuse me of being an inpenetrable snob, and I work to counter this impression. Why do you think I joined Toastmasters?).

Some years ago, a friend's aunt took it upon herself to teach me some flirting techniques. "It's all in the eyes, Terry," she said (that and in the willingness to undo the top button of my blouse). This woman bore a striking likeness to a scarecrow, but I gotta admit, she had a way with the menfolk.

I've lost touch with this auntie, but I've since come across an excellent flirting program by Mimi Tanner. Mimi and I don't agree on everything, but her book is great fun to read and full of workable tips I wished I'd known about years ago.

She offers a guarantee on the program, as well. It's definitely worth a look.

How She Met Her Husband

A woman told me yesterday she had once been fed up of single life in Manhattan. She decided to "pack up and move back home to England."

Then her sister, an executive with a cosmetics company, invited her to an industry event at the Hard Rock Cafe. Without any expectations, she went and got to talking with an organic chemist there.

They fell in love, got married, and moved to Connecticut, where now they have a lovely house and a 7-year-old daughter.

Office Romance Pays Off

The workplace continues to be a great place to meet people of the opposite sex. At a party on Saturday, the hostess' newly engaged sister showed up with her fiance. They told us how their romance secretly burgeoned under the glare of fluorescent lights (and suspicious coworkers).

I once had a fun job where I worked shoulder-to-shoulder in an all-women office, and those women remain good friends to this day. But we all went for long periods without dates. I realized that if I wanted to meet men, I had to get out and be among them.

If you're serious about meeting "the one," go where the men go. Say yes to more invitations. Throw a party. Change jobs. Take up a sport. Go on vacation by yourself.

Shake things up.

My Soul Hurts

After successfully avoiding it for 13 years, I finally caved in and watched Schindler's List this morning. In high school, we were forced to see a documentary of the horrors of the Holocaust, and I never wanted to feel those emotions again.

A couple of times this morning, every muscle in my body started to go, and I nearly collapsed into a heap.

I drove home after the movie and passed out on the couch. Then I viewed a repeat of last night's Colbert Report in a hopeless attempt to laugh.

Time for another nap.

Desperate Housewives' Desperate Beau

Last night's episode had Susan's new boyfriend asking her how many men she'd been to bed with. Susan told him. Naturally, he didn't like the answer.

A correct response to the "how many" question simply does not exist. Depending on the inquisitor, zero may indicate the respondent is a prude, and any number above zero could mean she's a slut.

My response would be, "Why do you ask?" Then I'd change the subject. If the dude had the bad taste to bring it up again, I'd think twice about dating him.

It's one question that reveals more about the person who asked than the one who answered.

Don't Confuse Slow Death for Romance

Fifteen years ago, a good friend of mine was driving around with a man she had fallen in love with. Suddenly, the guy swerved to the side of the road and cut the engine. Then, in that most romantic of gestures, he took her face in his hands.

"You will be the mother of my five children," he announced.

My friend swooned. She flushed with excitement: The man she loved loved her, too. Her every romantic fantasy had come true!

Fast forward to the present: She and this guy, who is now her husband, fight all the time. Just last week, he gave her the back of his hand. Before leaving for yet another business trip, he signed up their children (after her repeated protests) for numerous after-school activities, to which she is the sole provider of transportation. She is also up to her eyes helping a 12-year-old, a 7-year-old, and a 4-year-old with homework.

While she only has three children, as opposed to the five Mr. Romance hoped she'd produce, she knew she'd had it after just two. She told him as much, but he insisted that she have a third child and took steps (I won't go into detail) to ensure she did.

Well, she's miserable. She's a mess. She has asked him to go to marriage counseling, but he informed her that she's the one with a "chemical imbalance" and refused. My friend is overwhelmed and has confessed she has contemplated suicide (we're doing what we can to prevent that).

The point? Do not confuse a man's controlling behavior for romance! If a guy tells you that you're going to be the mother of his children, you might want to think about the fact that he hasn't even asked you if you want any.

Also, if a guy starts badmouthing your friends, your family, or your co-workers, he could be trying to drive a wedge between you. Beware! Once he's cut off your support system, you'll be completely under his power.

Never confuse possession for love. Never confuse control for love. A man who truly loves you will give you your freedom. He will support your dreams and ideas. He will not be threatened when you take a promotion. He will not show up in the bar when you're out with the girls.

If you're dating a guy, and you get a creepy feeling in your stomach, don't confuse it for butterflies. Don't tell yourself you're getting up in years, and all your friends are getting married, and you don't want to be left on the shelf, and all that other garbage women tell themselves to marry the wrong men.

You have one life to live. Please don't screw it up.

Do Men Baffle You?

Then you'll be encouraged to know that we baffle them, too. The funny thing is, we're more alike than we've been led to think. Scroll down to check out The Guide to Not Pissing Women Off. If you substitute "men" for "women," the similarities become crystal clear.

Just ignore the bit about the double standard, will you? I loathe double standards.

More Fun for Singles

An earlier post from today detailed my love of travel.

When I was single, one of my favorite things to do was to check out the airfare deals in the New York Times, especially during an arduous day in the office. I'd sit back and dream of being anywhere but there, listening to my shrill sales manager screaming, "It's Tuesday! The week is almost over. What do you have to show for yourself?"

Most of the time, I had the good fortune to scare up another thrill-seeking traveler, usually my roommate or a colleague. My friend Cathy and I once arrived in Dublin without even a hotel reservation. Our M.O. was to book bus tours to various cities (Galway, Kilkenny, and Cork) and find a family-owned Bed & Breakfast once we got there. We never had any trouble finding a decent place; breakfast the next morning invariably turned up hot, hearty, and delicious.

The great thing about staying in B&Bs instead of a hotel was being able to meet real Irish people, rather than uniformed clerks behind counters in huge lobbies. I once stayed in a B&B in Stratford-upon-Avon in England and had a pleasant experience there, as well.

One particularly sad and lonely summer, I was desperate for a change of scenery but couldn't find a travel companion. Undeterred, I flew to San Francisco by myself and stayed in The Red Victorian Inn on Haight Street. It wasn't quite a B&B, but breakfast was served in a common room, which forced me to talk to people I would never have met had I stayed in, say, The Saint Francis.

The result: I saw an independent film with a dancewear designer from South Africa. I walked around the city with an English woman who'd sold her business to travel around the world. I also had dinner and drinks with a man who owned a publishing company. Very exciting!

I came home a new woman, let me tell you.

I recommend the B&B experience wholeheartedly, especially when you want to expand your horizons and meet people.

You're Single, So Live It Up

I'm tethered (happily, I'll admit) to a husband, two children, and a cat, so I don't get to fly off to distant locations for fun and adventure the way I once did. We take vacations, but I'm not booking them on a whim like I did in the old days. I did go to Orlando last month for business, which was definitely a blast, but, hey, it was business. I never even made it to Disney World.

I dream of travel. Real travel. I want to go to Ireland again! And England! And I've never been to Italy (I sent for the Perillo promo DVD, though, and actually viewed it one day while waiting for Heckle and Jeckle to get off the school bus).

So, I'm not heading to the airport for the time being, but you probably can! I subscribe to a free ezine from Travel Zoo (no, I'm not affiliated with them). Today's issue contained a couple of dealies that took my breath away, especially this inexpensive one to dreamy London. Please go and tell me about it when you get back!

In the meantime, a little family of Cheerios is staring up at me from under my desk. I'll bet there are no Cheerios under your desk.

Clearing Your Beliefs About Men and Money

EFT is a free and valuable tool for changing your life. Today my inbox included this fascinating article by EFT practitioner Carol Tuttle. It includes a audio link to a lengthy--but very worthwhile--session in which Carol describes how she paid off $35,000 in debt in just one year.

In a particularly exciting segment, she helps a woman who has never attracted a decent boyfriend.

Blew It? Recapture His Interest!

Oh, no! The guy you're crazy about finally gave you a little attention, and you swooped on him like a parakeet fighting for the last cracker left in the cage. Now you're horrified, humiliated, and praying that you never see him again.

Hold on.

Believe it or not, there's hope. It is indeed possible to save face and even kindle the man's interest by doing one simple thing the next time you run into him: Be cool. In other words, smile, wave, and keep moving.

Make this your mantra. Smile, wave, and keep moving.

Put yourself in his place: You're out one night, and an otherwise attractive guy showers you with undivided attention, tries to impress you by bragging about his job, and so on. You're flattered but turned off. The guy's obviously a jerk, but you flounce home feeling good about yourself. You've got the goods, and men are noticing.

But the next time you run into the guy, he plays it cool. Instead of rushing over and gushing all over you, he merely smiles, waves, and keeps moving. It's not exactly a blow off, but it does throw you. Did you have him all wrong? Maybe you'd only imagined his interest. How much had you to drink, exactly? Did you do something to turn him off?

His sudden lack of passion intrigues you. You find yourself wondering about him. You ask around. You decide that his job did seem pretty interesting. He really wasn't bad looking. It suddenly occurs to you that you could definitely do a lot worse.

Do you see how this works?

While it's never a good idea to deliberately come on too strong to a guy (ideally, you should be friendly and confident), most of us have done it. Play it cool the next time you see him, and you may recapture his attention. At the very least, you'll recover your dignity.

Smile, wave, and keep moving.

Test-driving a Cure for Rosacea

For the past six months or so, I've been using the remarkable RE-9 anti-aging skincare line by Arbonne. The eye cream has done wonders for those filthy bags that have plagued me since my early 20s, so much that I no longer have to travel with a cache of tea bags. I've also eliminated the very beginnings of crepey neck with other products in the line.

What the RE-9 apparently can't do is get rid of the rosacea that erupted on my cheeks about 10 years ago. It did seem to lessen the redness, but the little spots refuse to budge. So, I've been surfing the 'net in search of some relief. A dermatologist recommended a prescription topical by the name of MetroGel, which offered minimal results. Taking alpha-lipoic acid internally definitely reduced symptoms but didn't get rid of them altogether.

Now I'm trying a line of skincare (still using the RE-9 around the eyes and on the neck!) touted to stop rosacea in its tracks. If it works, I will name names. If it doesn't, I won't (but I will tell you what I think of it).

If you're interested in the RE-9, let me know, and I'll give you some more information (I've signed up as a wholesale consultant, which may help you if you live on the Eastern seaboard, where Arbonne is not yet a household name. If you live anywhere else in the country, your next door neighbor is probably already a wholesale consultant).

In the meantime, if anyone knows of a safe rosacea soother (or, better yet, a cure!), please clue me in.

Don't Date Him!

Where was Don'tDateHimGirl.com when I was dating? I can think of one or two clowns who should've been on it with their names in lights. They're probably still out there--with one or two STDs under their belts--and may get their comeuppance yet.

Especially interesting to me is this guy, Malcom, who is, I'm sorry to say, the type I once fell for.

I dated a guy who excelled at the "overlap" game Malcolm likes to play. He also liked to hit the bar scene in a suit to make him feel (and look) like a power player. I don't know that my former fling shares any of this jerk's other peculiarities. I really and truly hope not.

I'm referring to the thing with the webcam. Eeeew.

Love, Life and The Law of Attraction

Just because I wrote a book detailing how to use the Law of Attraction to achieve romance and happiness doesn't mean I don't forget to use it myself every now and then.

I refer to those times when I get a whopping oil bill in the mail, or when one of my children brings home bad grades, and I start worrying that she'll never get into college (when I think rationally, I remember that a college education hardly guarantees success in life).

When I start dwelling on limitations, I tend to mangetize bad situations. I did not attract a happy marriage by mentally replaying painful scenes from old relationships, for example.

For two decades I have devoured every book I came across on The Law of Attraction, including Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain, The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy, The Magic of Believing by Claude Bristol, and Positive Imaging by Norman Vincent Peale.

A couple of years ago, I came across an offer for a free ebook on the subject, The Science of Getting Rich, by Wallace Wattles. It sounded pie-in-the-sky, but I figured what the hell. It was free, so I ordered it.

I read it, enjoyed it, copied down some pertinent quotes from it in a notebook, and forgot about it.

Fast forward to two weeks ago: After viewing the amazing movie, The Secret, I read that The Science of Getting Rich served as its inspiration. I heartily recommend that you watch The Secret, and I suggest you download SOGR and put its principals to work.

Right now, I can think of one or two areas in my life that could stand improvement. It's time to stop looking at what is and visualize what could be. Once again, I am using the Law of Attraction.

Attracting a Man Who Actually Makes You Happy

"Everything's in the mind. That's where it all starts. Knowing what you want is the first step toward getting it."

-Mae West

Do you know what you want in a man? Do you know that it matters? If you want to meet a guy who'll leave the last meatball you dated in the dust, ask yourself a few questions.

First: What don't you want in a man? Write it down.

Second: Turn it around. Write down an opposite quality for each of the ones you don't want. Now you know what you do want.

The next time--or the next few times-- you go out with a guy, you'll have a checklist to help you determine whether he's worth your while. (No need to break it out over dinner, mind you.) The key is to date only guys who are capable of a joyous relationship. Give 'em a chance and then decide.

It's funny. If you stop dating men who aren't worth your time, eventually the ones who are will start showing up.

It happened to me.

Meet Men Without Trying

My amazing friend, V, tells me she is meeting attractive guys every day now that she has a dog. She insists that they're falling out of trees to talk to her. Too bad she's married.

I'm a cat person myself, but I never met a man through a cat.

Coordinated people can meet other coordinated people by joining local co-ed sports teams. If there's not a co-ed team in your area, join a women's team (a teammate may introduce you to a handsome stranger!).

This is a great time of year for Oktoberfests and other fun events that tend to attract upbeat people in search of a good time. Get out there.

At a Crossroads

I'm sorry I haven't posted about my new adventure. You probably don't care, but I do. I hate saying I'm going to do a thing and then not do it. It interferes with my sleep.

But, after giving it much thought, I think I'd like to keep this blog focused on dating.

I attended a baby shower Friday night (nighttime showers, I notice, facilitate the consumption of a fair amount of wine, which is fine with me. I ordinarily hate showers. This one was actually fun).

A new acquaintance asked me where I met my husband.

"A bar," I answered somewhat sheepishly.

"So did I," she answered.

"So did I," answered someone else.

Turned out the majority of us did meet our husbands in bars, and all but one of us are happily married. The one woman (a wonderful friend) who recently asked her husband for a divorce met her husband through church. He's a horror show.

I mention this not to put down churches (I'm a Catholic and raising my children in the Church), but to emphasize that meeting a guy at a church event does not guarantee that he's a good, or even decent, man.

Some people will turn their noses up at the concept of meeting a guy in a bar; they don't want to be saddled with an alcoholic. And I am here to tell you that you will easily meet as many alcoholics in church as you ever will in a bar.

The point is, take people as you find them, not where you find them. If your gut tells you something doesn't add up about a person, it does not matter if you met him in a bar, or after he saved your mother's life on the operating table.

Wipe the stars from your eyes until you're sure a guy is worth your time.

It's Man-Meeting Season

Oh, yes.

The air is getting crisper, and the fellows will soon be huddled jovially at the local tavern to watch Monday Night Football. If you want to meet a great guy, this is one place to do it.

The bonus to meeting a guy during a sports event in a bar: You get to see how he drinks and how he reacts when his team wins or gets slaughtered. Better to find these things out now than after you've waltzed down the aisle and bound yourself to him for life.

I also just happen to have handy the adult education brochure for my neighborhood, and it's chock full of classes that men are likely to attend. No doubt the one in your neighborhood is, too.

My favorite picks are Guitar for Beginners (likely to attract the guy eager to release his inner Jimi Hendrix), Auto Shop, How to Buy and Sell Real Estate Wisely, and Golf for the Beginner. Personally, I would avoid Line Dancing and Learning to Read the Tarot.

My adult ed brochure also features Basic Auto for Women-Men Invited, which will be taught by a man. I wonder if said man is single. If so, he'll be meeting a group of new women. What a great idea!

What can you teach that other people want to learn? If can whip up an enchilada to die for, you (yes, you!) could offer a course entitled, Mexican Cooking for Men. Or you can offer a co-ed class and see who turns up. One of your students just may turn out to be a woman with a gorgeous brother she'd like to marry off.

I've told you how my male friend, B., set out to meet females by taking a gourmet cooking course. He didn't meet anyone in class, but he did meet his future wife at a party he held at his home to show off his new skills. He invited a select group of people and asked them to bring along a friend, which resulted in introductions to many women.

Before you try any of this, of course, you'll need to believe that good, eligible men actually exist and want to meet a wonderful woman like you (you do know you're wonderful, don't you?).

To facilitate the process, I suggest you study the Law of Attraction. You can buy my book, How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams, or view the absolutely brilliant movie, The Secret (I don't make any money on this one, but it'd be a crime to hold out on you).

Tomorrow (well, I hope it'll be tomorrow), I'll tell you about my recent adventure.

No More Panic Attacks (No Drugs Necessary!)

Over the past several decades, I've suffered from insomnia and panic attacks. They usually hit during a big episode in my life, like the night before the 8th grade dance, after the birth of my children, or during the illness and subsequent death of my mother.

About a month ago, a couple of opportunities presented themselves that would make a normal person leap with joy. But they resulted in more scariness and sleepless nights for me. For instance, a national writers' group invited me to be on their TV show. No writer in her right mind would refuse such a gift. I didn't, but I didn't sleep, either.

Enter Alison Held, a practitioner of EFT, a remarkable method that has been useful in ending panic attacks, weight problems, dyslexia, ADD, and a host of other physical or emotional troubles.

I had enjoyed some success using EFT on my own (it's simple to learn), but I couldn't believe the results I got from working with Alison. After just one session, I've slept peacefully every night since our meeting 13 days ago.

I taped the TV show on Monday without sweating, stammering, turning red, or generally freaking out. I arrived at the studio calmly. When I learned that the host had gotten stuck in traffic and would be late, I remained unruffled. Then the crew suffered technical difficulties with the new equipment. I still managed to stay preternaturally calm.

The benefits of one session with Alison just amaze me. I wholeheartedly recommend EFT, and if you'd like to check it out, you can download a free instructional ebook at EFT founder Gary Craig's website.

If you're interested in working with Alison, she does sessions in person and over the phone.

Why do I mention this on a blog devoted to dating? Well, when I was stuck in the groove of dating one unsuitable man after another, I could have used a technique that would have freed me from the limiting beliefs (or emotional blocks) that kept me there.

Your beliefs about yourself determine your destiny, and you can change your beliefs with EFT.

I am off to Florida tomorrow morning. I am embarking on another exciting adventure and will tell you about it when I return.

The World Is Full of Wonderful Men. I Swear.

She sounds like one of those women who hates other women, but she does make a provocative point about how to treat a man.

If you have an opinion, I'd love to hear it.

What's the Point of Getting Married If You're Going to Drop Dead of a Heart Attack?

I have not stepped foot in a McDonald's in years. The food is crap. It's fattening, artery-clogging, and downright bad for my health. Now the fast food giant is enticing future fat asses of America to eat its garbage by offering Happy Meal versions of the #1 gas guzzler.

Register your protest here:

Why Are Women So Eager to Hate Themselves?

That's the question my husband asked me once. (He also asked, "Why do women have such low expectations of men?" but that's a subject for another post).

Yesterday's New York Times Book Review featured a piece on Nora Ephron's new book, I Feel Bad about My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman .

Nora Ephron is a funny, talented woman (she wrote Sleepless in Seattle, among other things), and it's a damn shame that she would waste ink and paper on this drivel. I cannot fathom who in their right mind would pony up $19.95 to read it.

Would you bemoan the state of your thinning neck to a kid in a cancer ward? Only the lucky get old, so get over it. In the meantime, stay out of tanning salons and wear sunscreen.

I'm Not Paying You to Flirt With Me

Hi, Terry-

I met a guy; he's my karate instructor. I see him about four times a week. From afar, I thought he was cute, but he was married. One night he tried to set me up with his friend but ended up flirting with me instead. He was going through a divorce and did not want a rebound relationship. He kissed me and stayed over the night. No, we did not sleep together.

He called the next day to make sure everything was cool between us. He said he was attracted to me and liked me, but he needed to get his stuff together. We went out to lunch with friends the next day. He has not asked me out or called me. I only see him when I go to my training. He still flirts with me all the time.

Since the outing, he makes comments that are a little more than just friends -- for example, do you want my number, you can grab me anytime (it was during a karate move). During another karate move, he started acting like we were dancing. I also catch him looking at me during class.

Is he sending me messages that he wants more than he said, or he is just having fun and figures I am safe to flirt with? I was under the impression he does not want anything right now, or maybe ever.

Thanks-

K

Hi, K-

He said he's attracted to you but wants to get his stuff together. That's fine, but he shouldn't be flirting with you.

He says one thing, and then does another. You can be straight with him and say, "Look, I'm attracted to you, too, but since you don't want a relationship, I'd really appreciate it if we kept things professional. You're the teacher, and I'm the student. Don't play games with me."

Then see what happens. If he continues to flirt, you may have to find another instructor. I have a feeling you'd rather not, but it beats being treated like a yo-yo, especially if you're paying the guy.

You deserve better.

He Doesn't Know What the Hell He Wants

Hi, Terry-

I met a guy. He wants to get married and have kids. He broke up with his girlfriend a few weeks ago. He was up-front about it. He does not like to be alone and goes from one relationship to the next. He admitted that he is a serial monogomist. I told him up front I wanted to take things slow. He said no problem. He was very interested, and we dated for a few weeks until his ex-girlfriend kept calling him. I told him he needed some closure with her. He got back with her, but we had contact again and went out.

He told me he is confused, but I am the type of girl he wants to be with. He knows deep down she is not for him but can't seem to let go. He is the type that likes to be told what to do. I told him that he needs to make his own decision. We hung out and had fun. He kept asking about getting married. etc. I said, slow down; I just want to date and get to know you. Who knows what the future brings? The next day, we text one another, and now I have not spoken to him in four days. I know he saw the on/off girlfriend. He is very honest and always responds, but now he has not.

Is this the typical guy behavior? I do know all about the actions speaking louder than words. I guess I figured he would give the courtesy of calling saying he is staying with the ex.

-K

Hello, K-

No, this is not typical guy behavior. It is behavior typical of someone who doesn't know what he wants and is probably never going to sit down long enough to figure it out.

You sound like a sensible person; you told him you wanted to take things slow, and he told you he wanted to get married and have children. Then he flitted back to the ex-girlfriend he knows is "not for him."

After the disappearing act, the guy couldn't even manage to give you the courtesy of a clear-cut "I'm going back to the old girlfriend." Do you really have room in your life for such an individual? I think you deserve quite a bit more than what he can offer.

Repeat: This is not typical guy behavior.

When dating, use this rule: Treat others as you would have them treat you, and if they don't treat you as you would treat them, hit the highway.

To your happily ever after,
Terry

How Old Is Too Old for Love?

Hello, Terry-

I am 57 years old. Can you still find true love at my age? I sometimes go the psychic fairs and was told I will meet a widower. When I cut my front lawn, I notice a lot of older men drive by in their cars. Also, there a lot of men who shop in grocery stores too.

Thanks,
Sharon of Ohio


Hi, Sharon-

You can find true love at any age! My 68-year-old uncle, who was widowed in November of 2003, married a 61-year-old woman on July 15 (they met while fishing).

Keep getting out of the house, go where the men go, and put a smile on your face. You'll meet somebody!

To your happily ever after,

Terry

Do You Believe in Love at First Sight?

I do, and here's why.

And here's how to tell if that guy who claims he's in love with you is even worth it.

My Poor Brady

Tomorrow marks the broadcast of Christopher Knight's marriage to Adrienne Curry on My Fair Brady. You can catch the episodes leading up to the big event during a marathon starting at 4:30PM.

Former Brady Bunch star Christopher Knight, 48, has visibly aged since he took up with Curry, who's 23. The guy's living proof that shacking up with a woman 25 years younger won't keep you young. Adrienne is going to kill him.

In a past episode, when he admitted his burgeoning feelings for her, she ridiculed him. The fact that he had fallen in love with her wasn't enough; the way he expressed it simply didn't live up to her bubblegum fantasies.

The woman is incapable of remaining clothed for extended periods and enjoys lathering up in the near buff with female friends, which may sound like every man's fantasy, but it seems to be turning into a serious nightmare for poor Chrissie (as Adrienne calls him). His family hates her, and even his former TV mom, Florence Henderson, has expressed reservations.

I am expressing reservations, too. Don't do it, Chrissie. Oh, right; the show is already in the can, which means you probably already did.

The Benefits of Unattachment

My brother and I discussed the positives of being single last night. Number one would be not negotiating with a significant other about where you're going to spend the holidays. You can enjoy Christmas with your own brothers and sisters without fending off cries of, "We went to your freaking family's last year!"

This is only a plus, of course, if your relatives comprehend that being umarried means your existence remains full of possibilities; you are not some perpetual adolescent whose life is jigging past like Michael Flatley in Lord of the Dance. Singles saddled with unenlightened relations would do well to celebrate Christmas alone in Hawaii.

Another great thing about being single: You will probably not discover an email from Amazon confirming your order for fart pens. What, pray tell, is a fart pen? Well, Dear Reader, I wondered the same thing.

Turns out one of my darling offspring got into my Amazon account while I sawed away on my Nordic Track this morning. She ordered said fart pens, which Amazon describes as thus:

"It's a real pen shaped like a finger and when you pull on it, out will come farting sounds. Great for that boring night of homework or maybe make your friends laugh at this very comical pen."

In case you're wondering, I changed the password on my Amazon account. This should be an interesting summer.

Toastmasters and You

Dating tip: If you want to meet ambitious people set on improving themselves, join a Toastmasters group. Chances are, many members will be spoken for, but you never know who they know.

Expanding your social network is key if you want to meet exciting new people. And, at Toastmasters, you'll develop a valuable new skill, which will certainly come in handy when you thank guests for coming to your wedding.

Senior Citizen Dating Tragedies

Yeah, I know. I haven't been here for a while. Here's the conflict: This is a dating blog. Sometimes I want to write about things other than dating, like movies or food or somebody's husband who pisses me off (actually, there are a few of those).

Peter and I have been out and about lately, in restaurants, bars, and such, and I can tell you a few things:

Senior citizens are clueless about dating.

Case #1: The age 70-plus geezer who came into the bar where Peter and I were waiting for a table with a lovely woman around his own age. Turns out, the guy was out celebrating his birthday. Somebody at the bar offered him three wishes. The birthday pensioner exclaimed, "Every woman here is now a blonde."

Since none of the women present had blonde hair, including the elegant woman he came in with, it's safe to say that the rest of his date didn't go as well as he might have hoped.

Case #2: Squeezed into a small table at a hotspot in Monroe, Connecticut, next to an elderly woman wearing pearls and her date, Peter and I listened to her blather on about "my son," "my daw-tah," her ailments, her landlord, and so on. The poor bastard she came in with didn't get a word in edgewise.

At one point, she bellowed, "I'm gonna get drunk. Do you mind? I wanna get drunk." The guy mumbled, "I don't mind." At this point, Peter raised his eyebrows. How'd we get stuck sitting next to her?

When the check came, the guy sitting next to me sighed with resignation and signed it. His date screamed, "Are you drunk? Awww. You're sobah? That's too bad 'cause I'm really drunk!

Case #3: The recently widowed older man who told me, "I don't understand women. I never have." Here's a tip, Buddy: Treat other people as you'd have them treat you, and you should be okay.

Saw The Breakup last night with H. and V. Hilarious and right on the money! What I probably will avoid is the movie featured in a trailer starring Kate Hudson, Matt Dillon, and Owen Wilson. It looked like it might have a few dumb laughs, but Kate Hudson appeared half-dressed in almost all the shots. You might as well do Playboy videos, Kate. What you're doing ain't acting.

A movie called Acceptance, featuring one of my heroes, Lewis Black, looks promising. I will see it. I will also see Clerks 2 before I see the thing with Kate Hudson.