Saturday, September 30, 2006

Don't Date Him!

Where was Don' when I was dating? I can think of one or two clowns who should've been on it with their names in lights. They're probably still out there--with one or two STDs under their belts--and may get their comeuppance yet.

Especially interesting to me is this guy, Malcom, who is, I'm sorry to say, the type I once fell for.

I dated a guy who excelled at the "overlap" game Malcolm likes to play. He also liked to hit the bar scene in a suit to make him feel (and look) like a power player. I don't know that my former fling shares any of this jerk's other peculiarities. I really and truly hope not.

I'm referring to the thing with the webcam. Eeeew.


aisling said...

Terry, you were much younger when you met Peter in a sports bar? Please, please, tell me, where are the good men when you are 45???

I am active, attractive, outgoing, and...I don't meet anyone even general ballpark!!!! Please let us know where these men are hiding. If a man is available at my age , there is a good reason. I think your advice is sound, but there is also that small issue of reality for women over 35! Please don't tell us there is a plethora of good men available at my age....well, they are single for a GOOD reason!!!

I love your message but wonder how practical it is for women like me who are very attractive for our age, intelligent, educated, and don't want to date a 60 year-old!

Terry said...

I definitely do not suggest you date 60-year-old men, Aisling.

But maybe you're right. Maybe there are no good men for women over 35. If this is the case, what are you going to do with the rest of your life? What is going to make you happy to get out of bed in the morning?

Whatever it is, I suggest you go for it. And, then, if by any fluke of nature, a decent man should appear, it'll just be frosting on your cake.

I do not know where good men hide. I do believe that, since you are active, attractive, outgoing, and so on, there may actually be an eligible man on this planet of 6,547,855,878, who shares those qualities and actually wants to spend the rest of his life with a woman like you.

But that's just me. I'm an optimist.

I did meet a handsome, educated, and divorced 43-year-old guy while out and about a couple of months ago. I met another guy around the same age three weeks ago. Also divorced (his wife left him), he told me he likes his job because he can make his own schedule. He has custody of his children and likes to walk his daughter to school.

A woman I know met her husband through a Fairfield County chat room. Turns out there was no chemistry between her and the guy she was corresponding with, but he did introduce her to the man she fell in love with and married. Another woman married a wealthy widower around her age; she met him on a fishing trip. Another over-35er started dating an old classmate after a high school reunion and married him. My husband's friend met his over-35 wife after throwing several parties expressly to meet women.

By the way, I just received the new issue of "Information About Ireland" newsletter. It contains the following testimonial about its free penpal service (I can't attest to the writer being over 35, but it's definitely worth a look):


Hi my name is David and about 4 years ago I visited your site. I read a message from a woman
in Germany and replied to it. We found that we had a lot in common and wrote to each other for
about a year. We were bothdivorced and neither one of us were looking for any kind of relationship other than emails. To make a long story short I met the love of my life through your web site and we have been married for 2 and a half years now.


David Ison


(I, Terry, "met" a woman penpal through this site six years ago, and we still exchange birthday and Christmas gifts. She is the woman who married a high school classmate that I referred to earlier.)

So, while I can't say I know for sure where the men are, I am fairly certain they exist.

I hope I have not rambled too long, and that I have answered your question.

Aisling said...

Thanks for your thoughtful reply, Terry. I guess I was just in one of my pessimistic, hopeless moods, but I definitely like your way of looking at things much, much better!

I agree that a man should be the frosting, and my life is much better than most. Even if I never do find anyone, I'll have a better life than so many of the women I see who settled because they panicked....the type of situations you describe in your book.

Thanks again. I need to work more on that positive attitude, I'm afraid.

Terry said...

You're welcome.

It's not so much that you have to work on being positive. Ease into it.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" is what the bible says (Hebrews 11:1). And it's also what a lot of the books I read (Norman Vincent Peale, Shakti Gawain, Joseph Murphy, etc.) led me to understand in my dark moments.

When you were a runner, did you ever see yourself running a race in your mind before the actual event? I've read that basketball players make more shots when they "practice internally" before a game. Once I started doing the same thing with regard to weight loss, finding the perfect house, attracting the right man, my life changed.