My Problem With Isaac Mizrahi For Target

Warning: The following is another of the author's opinions on things that have absolutely nothing to do with dating. If you're here for dating advice, slide down the page a bit.

Went to Target the other day. Target is the kind of place best approached with your eyes closed. You can't help wanting everything you see. A gorgeous aqua twill party dress by Isaac Mizrahi caught my eye immediately.

I love Isaac Mizrahi. The man knows how to design for a woman's body, particularly this particular woman's imperfect body. The dress in question hung from the rack fetchingly. It spoke to me.

It said, "Terry, if you buy me, I will make you beautiful."

Standing there in my jeans that emphasize the wretched lump beneath my navel (actually, all jeans emphasize the lump beneath my navel), I knew the dress told the truth. Just like the A-line skirt I bought from the Isaac collection a couple of years ago (for, like, $24), the dress would erase all lumpenness from my physique. I would look absolutely smashing in it.

The price tag read $29. A rumble went off in my head, echoing the thundering in my heart: I - have to - have this - dress! I - have to - have this - dress!

And then a small voice said, "But Terry, you don't have any place to wear it."

And the dress countered, "But, I know you, Terry. You'll find a place to wear it."

And I thought to myself, that dress knows me better than my own mother.

So I took the dress off the rack and held it against me, like a boyfriend you love just a little bit more every time you look at him.

I picked at the label inside the dress and read the washing instructions.

I decided I could live with them.

But then I saw the dreaded words, the phrase that makes me shake down to my heels:

MADE IN CHINA.

And I knew I had to say goodbye to my beautiful dress. Because it's made in China, it's possible that somebody else's kid, maybe the same age as my kid, sat for hours upon hours without a bathroom break and perhaps a beating or two, sewing a dress that would make me feel good about myself for a couple of hours. She was paid about twenty-five cents a hour for her trouble.

I wonder why Target won't pay Americans (or fairly treated allies) to manufacture their beautiful things. I'd have paid twice or three times the price for that garment, and you would have too, if you'd seen it.

It killed me to return my beloved dress to the rack. It hated turning my back on it and walking away.

But I did it. I had to.

Cheating A-Rod Only Fools Himself

In the interests of full disclosure, I'm not a Yankees fan. I grew up in Flushing, New York, the home of The Mets.

But the reports about A-Rod, this professional athlete who has gained a reputation for cheating on his wife, intrigue me. This morning, Good Morning America asked why the very attractive Cynthia Rodriguez remains loyal to a man who allegedly text messages strippers from across the country when he isn't dating them.

I'll tell you what I'd do if I were married to A-Rod. I'd tell him not to let the door hit him on his way out. Yeah, I know he makes a lot of money, but who cares? Money can't buy respect, and I couldn't respect a dude who carries on like that. It's just sad.

I'd take comfort in the fact that, since strippers don't come cheap, it won't be long before A-Rod is a fat, washed-up MLB player who blew a fortune paying women who couldn't care less about him for their company. I'd very quietly shut the door, raise my child with dignity, and move on to better things.

What disturbs me most about the A-Rod drama? It perpetuates the myth that all men are compelled to cheat. In other words, Cynthia may be lovely, but she's just one woman. One woman's never enough for a major league no-neck like A-Rod.

Nonsense.

Check out this Boston Red Sox fan's fascinating take on the matter.

My Father-In-Law Died

Nothing to say about dating today, I'm afraid. The envelope on which I scratched some ideas disappeared during the last-minute clean-up for the onslaught of visitors we're expecting in the next couple of days (thank you, Children).

We got word that my father-in-law died on Friday, just before midnight.

My sister-in-law and her four children will be down from Canada tomorrow, my mother-in-law and brother-in-law will be on their way up from South Carolina with Peter's father's remains some time later in the week.

Peter's working overtime to finish the renovations to our main bathroom as I write.

Last night, he downloaded a boatload of Cape Breton and Irish fiddle music for the wake, along with some Enya. He loves Blood, Sweat and Tears but resisted the impulse to include "And When I Die."

Everybody Keep Your Clothes On

The other day someone asked me if she were a prude because she didn't feel like sleeping with some guy on their third date.

According to the box in her living room, Date 3 marks the customary kick-off for a new sexual relationship. If you're unwilling to hit the sheets with a new male by then, you may be branded a frigid loser and tossed onto the reject pile.

Guys have expressed reservations to me about this so-called rule, too. If they don't make a move by the third time out, some women accuse them of being weird or gay. But think about it: What kind of man gets into bed with women from the get-go?

Guys who think James Bond is a real person.

Guys who need to feel better about themselves.

Guys who have absolutely no self-control.

Put it this way, if a guy keeps pushing you, a virtual stranger, for sex right away, chances are he's pushing every other virtual stranger for sex right away. He probably won't make an ideal boyfriend.

I know what you're thinking. Sometimes a couple will click immediately. I do believe in love at first sight. But, most of the time after a third date, a woman doesn't even know if a guy picks his nose at traffic lights, let alone if he harbors a contagious lung disease. As for me, I would probably like to have a fair idea of a dude's hygiene practices before making serious contact. Why learn the hard way he gave up showers for well-targeted squirts of Axe Body Spray?

By the third date, you're just getting to know a person. Sure, you may be really attracted to the guy, but wouldn't you rather know that he still lives in his parents' basement before you sleep with him? Does he possess the characteristics you want in a friend? Is he worthy of your respect and admiration?

In the end, we all need a friend we can respect and admire.

When you sleep with a person you don't know, you don't know him any better afterwards. You don't really know if he likes you, or if you like him (although you may tell yourself you do to justify the sex). You don't know if he's honest, trustworthy, or kind, and he knows none of those things about you.

You're walking around with a big scary question mark in your head, and for what? Everybody keep your clothes on!

Dressing For Dating Success

It may seem like common sense, but it's amazing how many women hit the streets in belly shirts, blouses cut waaaay low, and short shorts. Then they can't understand why they keep attracting men who make their skin crawl.

If you want to attract a decent guy, don't dress for men who subscribe to the Girls Gone Wild DVD series. (Repeat after me: Yuck.) You can be out-and-out sexy without looking like an idiot. Abbreviated clothing tends to attract men with abbreviated imaginations. You can do better than that.

If you're into preppy men, wear a collared shirt with a white skirt, bare legs, and flat sandals. Wear earrings. If you're into bikers, perhaps pair a feminine peasant blouse with a Harley belt buckle or leather pants. If you're into corporate guys, wear a dead-sexy fitted yet conservative suit and a pair of killer shoes.

Whatever you do, emphasize toes, calves, wrists, neck and ears. Squeezed up cleavage is less attractive than you may imagine, and it's catnip for perverts. A neckline that shows off your clavicle is so much sexier.

You've heard the expression, "Dress for the job you want in the long run." It's the same thing with men. Dress for the guy you want in the long run.

And you'll repel losers at the same time.

How Phil Lesh Met His Wife

Online dating certainly isn't the only way to meet Mr. or Miss Right. I often advise people to just be friendly everywhere they go, whether it's to a bar or the dry cleaners.

Apparently this technique paid off for Phil Lesh, the cutish bassist from the Grateful Dead. Here's how he describes how he met his wife in his very excellent book, Searching for the Sound: My Life with the Grateful Dead:

"For some time, I'd been eating my breakfast at a little place in San Rafael (where I'd moved after leaving Fairfax): the Station Cafe, owned by old friends, Mark and his wife, Karen. One morning just before Halloween (during the six-week break between Europe 2 and our East Coast tour), I was sitting at the counter there, gloomily muttering mindrot into a handheld voice recorder I'd brought in Edinburgh. My breakfast arrived, brought in by my regular waitress, Jill, a slim young woman with warm brown eyes whom I'd gotten to know slightly over recent months. Without thinking (or even saying thank you) I pushed the record button, said, 'And here's Jill's phone number,' and held up the little machine for her to respond. After a startled glance, as if she'd never really seen me before, she clearly enunciated a number into the recorder --one that I knew (and she knew that I knew) was the number of the cafe where we were sitting--and finished with a little smile, as if to say, 'Your move.' I muttered something like 'nice save' or 'better luck next time' as I forced a smile and turned to my breakfast. But after that I kept thinking that she was looking at me a little differently than before. Not that I looked like much of a prize, thank you very much, with my booze-for-breakfast habits, puffy face, and thirty pounds of beer belly."

You'll be glad to know that Phil gave up drinking a long time ago. From his account, he and Jill remain in love and have been married for over two decades. They have two sons.

Talk About Objectifying Yourself

Seen at a Memorial Day barbecue: An attractive blonde 17-year-old wearing a 'FUTURE MILF' t-shirt.

I wonder if people would have been so relaxed about it if it had been a 'FUTURE MWLF" t-shirt (by that I mean, Mother Who Likes to...' instead "Mother I'd Like to...").

Somehow I doubt it.

Dating Disasters Undone

Loved this story that arrived today from Jeannette Maw in her Get What You Want ezine:

I rarely meet a client that doesn't experience some sort of struggle, somewhere along the way to their dream come true. Even - or rather, especially - those appearing in the Success Spotlight do a great job of getting past the funk when things go "wrong."

Diana's proven herself an expert at managing the funk. Lately she's manifesting love, and finds herself with one potentially great guy after another. But each time, whether it's a no-chemistry conversation, mention of an existing wife, or a date who regularly forgets his wallet - she found herself with one "frog" after another.

(It's interesting to note Diana's story is that she's known for having awful first dates. Great entertainment for girlfriends; not so good for the love life.)

Then her luck changed. (If we believed in luck.)

An intro to a guy who fit every detail on her list: funny, handsome, easy to talk to, successful in his field, interested in her and great mutual chemistry. Before their first official date, Diana invested lots of energy in imagining things going very well in their future. Which they did, right up until he invited her over for a sleepover at the conclusion of date #1.

Which for Diana meant there was no date #2. This is where many would throw in the towel, reinforcing their story about how impossible it is to find love these days.

Certainly she had moments (maybe even hours) of despair. But like any good rodeo queen would, Diana got back on the horse. She found her way to thoughts that kept her out of Funkville for long. She made up good meanings about what her past experiences were. And kept an eye to a happy future.

You know how this ends, right?

No, you don't! (Sorry, trick question.) Because this stuff never ends! Right now Diana is too busy to email with updates, since she was swept off her feet less than a week later by someone in her line of work who encompasses just what she wanted in her next guy.

And yes, our "happily ever after" might last a few days or weeks or decades, but what's important is that we enjoy the journey, right? To know that things unfold in our best interest, and that it only gets better as time goes on. As we think, so shall it be. :)

Diana, yoo hoo!! You out there?! Way to set the example for releasing the struggle and getting back to good. You go, girlfriend!

Pole Dancing As the Key to Happiness

Natalie Morales of Today revealed in a report this morning that housewives are gathering in living rooms across America to enjoy tropical drinks and explore the magic of pole dancing.

I think I'll stick with my book club.

How They Met

Just back from Massachusetts, where I visited my grammar school and post-college roommate and her husband. She's a nurse, he's a cardiologist, and they met while in the employ of Booth Memorial Hospital (now known as New York Hospital-Queens). Both my daughters were born there.

Over the weekend, we had fun eating, drinking, and discussing politics. Cathy and I watched her son score three hits in a baseball game, before going to Barnes & Noble (where I bought Kurt Vonnegut's A Man Without a Country) before hitting a local farm for ice cream.

I took the train to and from Massachusetts. I've been licensed to drive for ages, but I've never liked it. In fact, I hate it. I'd much rather read and stare out a train window. I realize I'm in the minority, judging by all the auto traffic we saw while Cathy drove me to the station this morning.

On the train, I managed to nearly finish one of several books I'd been reading. Unfortunately, I don't put 'em away at home the way I used to; I feel guilty sitting still. I figure I should be doing something else (like folding laundry or stirring tomato sauce), but on a train there's really not much else to do but read and relax.

How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?

EFT practitioner Alison Held suggests you start by reading this article.

I suggest that you view the following video for more information, and then download the free how-to manual offered at the end of it:

Don't You Love Being a Woman?

I just received the latest issue of Woman's Day. I only subscribe to this rag because it was one of the few magazines offered in the annual Parent Teacher Organization fundraiser that I didn't already subscribe to.

Every time I find it in my mailbox, I put it aside until I have time to fully savor its condescending tone and out-and-out stupidity.

The cover of the new issue, dated June 19, features 'Summer's Best Party Cake So Easy to Do' (no semicolon required, apparently). Upon seeing it, my 12-year-old exclaimed, "Wow, that looks like one partially-hydrogenated oil fest." Reading the recipe inside didn't disappoint: The thing includes two tubs of vanilla frosting, vats of assorted food coloring, Cocoa Puffs cereal balls, Green Fruit by the Foot, a Gummi ring, and Keebler Bug Bites. (Ever read the label of a Keebler product? Back away from that crap slowly.)

After taking in the list of ingredients, the kid muttered, "That is just one big loaf of death."

The mag also offers a "Summer Survival Guide," which is not, as you might expect, about keeping the family safe from bear attacks on camping trips. According to the subhead, "Who says you can't look dazzling when the mercury climbs?"

Well, since you mention it, the Amazing V was just telling me this afternoon, "You know, Terry, you cannot look dazzling when the mercury climbs."

Good thing I subscribe to Woman's Day to tell me the truth, that I can smooth out thigh and derriere dimples with a massaging hand tool, and that a large-brim hat will not only protect my skin from the sun (I had no idea) but also keep my hair color from turning.

A "Got Milk" ad featuring new parent Mariska Hargitay assures us that, "Motherhood brings fulfillment, and a new focus on getting back into shape." I don't want to disillusion anybody, but "fulfillment" isn't the first word that comes to mind when I think about motherhood. And, yeah, I do love my children and can't imagine life without them. But if I had never given birth, trust me, I'd have found something else to do with my life.

One of the high points of the issue was a short piece entitled, "Sweat to an A-list Playlist," that informs us that "Julianne Moore gets motivated with help from rocker David Bowie." Rocker David Bowie? As if my grandmother who would have been 104-and-a-half in March didn't know who David Bowie is.

Hell, she even knew who Keith Emerson is. Like him, she was a pianist and organist but never shared his compulsion to attack a keyboard with a pocket knife.

Herewith for your viewing and listening pleasure, Rocker David Bowie performing one of my favorites. Merry Christmas.

Um, I mean, Happy Memorial Day.

You Can't Date If You're Dead

Just when I was completely grossed out by the number of cats and dogs killed by tainted food, I find out that humans are even more vulnerable to food contamination than I thought (and I wonder how many people, in the wake of September's Dole spinach debacle, have sworn off greens for life).

After reading this charming bit of information, I threw out fresh new box of Chinese green tea.

My mother died of cancer. My father-in-law is dying of cancer as I write. I don't want to die of cancer. Green tea is supposed to prevent cancer, not cause it, but Chinese imported leaves have been dried with leaded gas fumes.

Stephen Colbert and Bob Deans Slam Us Damn Yankees

Well, not really us Yankees. One hundred years ago, my family didn't live in this country. We were the sort of people Lou Dobbs wants to keep out.

Law of Attraction For the Love of Your Life

Get a free 10-minute Law of Attraction meditation for the happy, healthy love you want when you order Viveca Stone Berry's nicely priced 8 step Fatigue Be Gone program.

I lost a few stubborn pounds and saw normal triglyceride and LDL results (for the first time in four years) after following it. Viveca has just released a new edition, which is nicely priced (did I say that already?) at less than ten dollars. Investing in it entitles you to a bunch of cool bonuses, including the 10-minute Law of Attraction meditation.

Snatch up this deal while it's hot (or until Viveca comes to her senses and raises the price on her very excellent program).

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Order now to sign up for the great bonuses, including the Law of Attraction meditation, which you can use to attract the love of your life -- before you get out of bed in the morning, after you put your head down at night, and even while you're parked in your car.

Success In Love Leaves Clues

I once heard some dumb "personality" on TV saying that The New York Times wedding section is the women's equivalent of the sports page for men. She claimed that competitive females scour it to keep score on who made it to the altar before they did.

Well, I don't know any woman who reads it for that reason, but I'll tell you why I do: It's fun to find out how people met and fell in love.

On Sunday, I enjoyed several stories, including Sophia Chaknis and Joseph Levy's. They met just as Sophia's online dating account was about to expire. She had planned to let it lapse and "take the summer off from dating."

On their first evening out together, Joseph ordered calamari.

"I had never been on a date with a guy who had eaten, much less voluntarily eaten, calamari," the bride recalled thinking. She said to him, "I love calamari. I'm going to have to marry you."

And she did.

I also got a kick out of Alexandra Guarnaschelli and Brandon Clark's story. Romance blossomed between them when the groom took a class the bride, a chef, taught about cooking fish.

Dating Tip From a Reader

"I heard a simple little expression that really changed my attitude toward men. I used to cry and get upset all the time over men who treated me poorly...[The expression] goes: 'No boy is worth crying over, and the one who is won't make you cry.' Enough said."

-Leslie

After the VH1 Debacle, He Gives Me Hope

Once upon a time when I was in college, I met a fine, well-built, and handsome fellow. We discovered that his mother and mine taught Religious Ed together years before. They'd remained friends. He and I also became friends and shared a fondness for going out for lunch, discussing politics, and goofing on various professors.

We took a fiction writing workshop together, and I could always count on him to give me an honest (sometimes blistering) opinion on one of my characters, or their behavior (let's put it this way, they didn't believe in the double standard. I learned later that my friend hadn't been sexist; he just didn't believe that people should carry on as if life was a giant episode of Grey's Anatomy).

Our fiction workshop included a man who once served as Editor-in-Chief of the school newspaper and had publicly drawn and quartered me over a piece I'd written lampooning celebrity culture. As this former editor earnestly read his latest story to our class, my friend muttered, "I can see Scatman Crothers playing that role."

This resulted in shoulder-quaking hysteria. We could not stop cackling and snorting and hooting to save our lives, which earned us sharp looks from both the editor and our esteemed professor, William S. Wilson, III (recipient of a Best American Short Stories award in 1975 and the author of Why I Don't Write Like Franz Kafka).

Since then, my friend and I have kept in touch loosely. No romance ever existed between us, and we've since married other people. Yesterday, he responded to my email wishing him a happy birthday by saying he'd recently passed the bar. Fourteen months ago, he and his wife adopted not one--or two--but three girls ranging in age from eight to 10 from Russia.

He attached photos from their baptism, which took place last month.

When women tell me that decent men don't exist, I always think of this guy. He was funny, handsome, smart, and definitely decent. If he exists, surely others like him exist, as well.

Kill Your Television (Before It Kills You)

I happened to stay up the other night, really late, and I put down Searching for the Sound: My Life with the Grateful Dead and turned on the TV, hoping to catch a repeat of The Best Week Ever, which I'd missed on Friday. This turned out to be an unfortunate move.

Instead, I found The Fabulous Life Of: Celebrity Sex, which probably qualifies (after Grey's Anatomy) as the most depressing show in the world. In it, I learned that Penn of Penn & Teller fame once had an S&M room in his apartment, which was converted to a nursery after his daughter, Moxie CrimeFighter was born (yeah, "Moxie CrimeFighter" really is the poor kid's name; it must be great having morons for parents).

I also found out celebrities love vibrators (as long as they're platinum or 24K gold, that is), and that there are plenty of merchants who are willing to discuss with the media who digs what and why.

Check out this sad little detail from the show, which also appears on the VH1 website:

"...a mere plaything compared to the sexy gift David Beckham bestowed upon his posh wife, Victoria. Because nothing says, 'I love you' like a $2 million platinum vibrator with a 10-carat diamond encrusted base linked to a 16-carat diamond necklace-one of only 10 in existence in the entire world."

Gross.

A smarter person would have snapped the TV off at that point, but like any good tragedy, I had a hard time turning away from it. After a 30 minutes (or 60; I really can't remember), I felt oddly bored (and maybe a bit scared, in the case the mental picture of Penn Jillette wearing nipple clamps) by the very idea of sex.

As for Grey's Anatomy, it's flown so far off the rails, it's at the bottom of the ocean. If real people slept around the way they do on that show, they'd be too busy nursing running sores to continue taking on new sex partners.

I, for one, may sue ABC for the murder of millions of my innocent brain cells during the season finale of Grey's Anatomy.

Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert--One Sweet Presidential Ticket

We could do worse. Hell, we've already done worse.

The Law of Attraction, Norman Vincent Peale, and the Grateful Dead

Today's USA Weekend includes an interview with Bernie Siegel, M.D., the renowned author of the classic Love, Medicine & Miracles.

Dr. Siegel, along with Spiritual Literacy: Reading the Sacred in Everyday Life co-author Mary Ann Brussat, lists five books that have inspired legions--and will continue to do so for years to come. "Each generation thinks somebody new is starting the process," says Siegel, "but we keep repeating the wisdom of the sages and ages."

Siegel includes Norman Vincent Peale among those sages and recommends his book, The Power of Positive Thinking . You may already know I'm a big fan of Dr. Peale's; his Positive Imaging is a great primer on the Law of Attraction, especially for those who fear it's New Age or "not of God."

You may also know that I believe the Law of Attraction is key in attracting the love and romance (and every other good thing) you deserve.

After lunch on Tuesday, E. and I popped into the Marble Collegiate Church on 5th and 29th Street, where Peale used to be a pastor. I used to walk past it every single day on my way to work and always meant to stop in but never did. On Tuesday, the Director of Media Relations took us around the lovely old church and gave us its history.

As for my own book recommendations, right now I'm reading Searching for the Sound: My Life with the Grateful Dead. I bought it for Peter for Father's Day 2005, and he loved it.

I never liked The Dead when I was in high school; years later, when I met Peter, his passion for them gave me pause. I'd stepped over hundreds of Dead Heads in Penn Station over the years. Few of them appeared to be on the frequent bather's program.

Peter took me to my first Dead show at Madison Square Garden in 1990, and I 'got' them. They were more than "Casey Jones" and "Shakedown Street" and the crap they kept in constant rotation at WNEW-FM. "Terrapin Station," which I heard for the very first time on April 7, 1991, blew my mind.

I've since become a fan of The Dead, especially Phil Lesh. Aside from the amazing music he makes, he comes off as a generous, kind, and genuinely good man.

Our friend, Mike, made a CD of one of Phil's recent shows (historically, The Dead couldn't care less about their fans recording and distributing their music, although I read that some of Jerry Garcia's heirs aren't thrilled about it).

I had it on yesterday at the gas station while Peter filled his ecologically unfriendly beast with petrol. Phil went into his frequently repeated plea for the crowd to consider organ donation. He added, "Every day I pray for the soul of the young man," whose liver now resides in his body.

Brought tears to my eyes.

Peter has just come back from dropping Child One off at a Bat Mitzvah; the other child and I will see Beauty and the Beast at a birthday party at the Downtown Cabaret Theatre this afternoon.

We'll carpool with the Amazing V and her offspring as soon as they get home from church.

A Clear Sign He's Not a Good Prospect

Today's Connecticut Post states that almost three of every four battered women report that their animals are beaten, killed, or threatened by their abusers. Three out of four!

During my early 20s, a guy kept coming around who had a habit of throwing small animals against walls. I refused to date him, and for the life of him, he couldn't understand why.

About 12 years later, I read in the New York Daily News that he'd stabbed his latest girlfriend to death, rolled her up in a rug, and left her on the side of the Clearview Expressway.

Yeah, he's in prison.

Losers like this are more prevalent than you'd think: When I was a teenager, a local high school coach bragged to me that, as a kid, he liked to flush kittens down toilets and watch them scramble for their lives. After I had my first daughter, Peter and I met a guy who crowed about befriending a pig ("I had the thing eating out of the palm of mah hand"), and then putting a bullet to its head.

Sure, I was eating plently of ham sandwiches myself at the time, but the story--and the glee with which the jerk told it--made me kind of sick. Oh, and by the way, this guy always had a girlfriend.

It may seem like common sense, but I'm going to say it anyway: Animal abusers don't make good boyfriend material.

Overheard At the Big Y Supermarket in Monroe, Connecticut

Man to three-year-old daughter in book and toy aisle: "Hey, stop touching that. Those toys aren't for you! Those toys are for boys!"

What I Learned Today

If you eat meat after not having eaten it for three months, you will wake up the next morning looking and feeling like crap.

Yesterday, I showed up at a monthly luncheon I'd given up in January and consumed various meat products with a limp salad in a chemical dressing. Between the food and the boring speeches, I've concluded that I'm better off using the time to write.

Overheard In Manhattan

Yesterday I met E. for lunch to celebrate my birthday (which was April 26th. Welcome back my friends, to the show that never ends). We went for sushi in the Flatiron district, in a restaurant conveniently located near two buildings where I once toiled in the publishing and advertising industries.

Our tiny table put us shoulder-to-shoulder with two publishing people in their 20s and early 30s, who were meeting for the first time. After the preliminaries ("Did you have a hard time finding the place?" and establishing they both had parents who grew up in the Bronx), the elder asked the younger, "Do you really think TV sells books?"

The younger responded with an anecdote about a book she'd worked on that had been featured on Today (I'd seen the segment but didn't buy the book).

Then the elder went in for the kill:

-How old are you?
-Do you have a boyfriend?
-How long have you been seeing him?
-Do you think you'll get married?

Such a strange line of questioning, particularly for a first meeting! Particularly for a business meeting. Trust me, the two guys sitting to my right did not mention their love lives. After having a laugh about one guy's two-and-a-half hour commute to Manhattan, they talked about getting customers, keeping customers, and making money. At no point did Wally inquire of Sam, "Do you have a girlfriend? Do you think you'll marry her?"

And I doubt that if Wally were lunching with the younger woman (who we learned will be 26 next month), he'd ever subject her to questions about plans for marriage. He would have been pegged a creep.

At one point, the older woman (who could not have been older than 31, if that) lamented that she wished she'd taken more time with her wedding. I'm not sure if she meant the event or the union.

Perhaps, when she was just a tender sprout, some woman (or gang of women) made her sit through inquisitions about her plans for marriage. Maybe she couldn't take the heat. Maybe she jumped too soon.

I really wish women would stop pressuring each other about this crap. Half the married couples in the world are bored out of their minds, so what's the hurry? Better to take your time and marry a guy you can have a laugh with.

Later on, E. and I popped into El Rio Grande for margaritas and spotted columnist Liz Smith. She's over 80, but you'd never know it. She looks exactly like her picture.

Fix a Broken Heart

Check it out, and when you're finished, download the free manual.

According to EFT practitioner Alison Held :

"As a single woman, I know the emotional challenges that come with breaking up with a boyfriend. These traumatic events can impact future relationships and hold us back from being the powerful women that we are! EFT works wonders on resolving past hurts by using the power of forgiveness, love and more.

It is my recommendation that we forgive anyone who may have done us wrong in the past yet many times we aren’t ready or willing to forgive these people. Luckily, in using EFT there are ways to work around any resistance related to forgiveness.

Also, when we notice repetitive negative patterns in our relationships or find ourselves drifting off and thinking about past lovers this may be a signal that our emotional body needs our undivided attention. I have found EFT to be a quick, simple way to aid in our emotional discomfort and release some of the negative stuff that we are holding onto. I always encourage everyone to give it a try on their own, with a friend, or by hiring a practitioner because there is absolutely nothing you can lose!"

I've had great success using EFT for a variety of issues. Get the free manual and decide for yourself.

Faith For Love and Romance

"By believing passionately in something that does not yet exist, we create it."
-Nikos Kazantzakis

Online Dating Works

According to Karl Fisch, one out of every eight couples who got married last year in the U.S. met online.

For more fascinating facts, check out this video.

glumbert.com - Shift Happens

Self-Acceptance

"You will not always feel confident; sometimes your stomach will be tied up in knots and perspiration will break out all over your face. Your nervousness will be visible to other people; they may look at you curiously. Or, you may do something rash, injuring your own interests or rudely stepping on someones else's toes. Your imperfections are many--everyone is imperfect, really--and your must learn to accept this. You must understand that your blunders are not your total personality; they are just a part of you, and this is a part which you must accept to be successful. Otherwise you will dedicate your days to an avalanche of self-castigation which will leave you miserable, head bowed, a failure at almost anything you try. You must not look to others for acceptance; this is something you must give yourself."

--Maxwell Maltz, M.D., Creative Living For Today, Pocket Books, 1967

How to Meet New People Without Leaving the House

You know I recommend Irish Penpals as a means to make a new friend of either sex. It's free, and the friend you make doesn't have to be Irish. The site boasts members from all over the world.

But another site that caught my attention is TUT's Village, from Mike Dooley, who calls it a spiritual community for friends or for dating. It's also free. Click here. Once you get there, click 'Resources,' and finally, 'Village.'

Glen Colello recommends GreenFriends.com, which bills itself as the "best and largest site in the world for progressive singles and friends interested in vegetarianism, environmental protection, peace, and animal rights."

Worth a look.

Catching a Healthy Habit

Had a great time with Alison and Kristen at The Dressing Room Restaurant. I had a sashimi salad for lunch, which included mixed greens and a bed of quinoa, cooked just so. Really good. It's a cozy place, too.

Alison demonstrated the new kinesiology technique. That was fun, and I've seen benefits already. Her goal is to replace limiting beliefs with better ones; people usually work on self-esteem, health, and prosperity issues.

Peter is still in South Carolina with his family. His father is not doing well. Peter's not so hot, either; he's not saying it, but I can hear it in his voice. He always looked up to his father, and it must be difficult to see him helpless.

On Saturday night, I went to dinner at Kristen's. Her brother, Glen Colello, is a raw food chef, so he and his partner, Lisa Storch, provided the meal. I never knew raw food could be something you'd crave after eating it just once. I certainly didn't know I could get full on it.

They served a caesar salad, and then a pasta made from zucchini and covered with an out-of-this-world tomato and pesto sauce. We had a chocolate pudding for dessert. Everything was organic and vegan.

Some people, like my friend, B, don't understand my interest in healthful living. "You gotta die of something," he says. But my goal is to die happily in my own bed at an advanced age, instead of hooked up to an IV in a hospital full of strangers. I don't want to die of cancer, a stroke, or heart disease. They're horrible ways to go.

And the more I read about meat production, the less I want to be party to it. So I gave up meat for Lent and haven't looked back. I don't ever use the word "vegetarian." I just avoid meat. Peter made lamb for Easter, and I just ate the potatoes and the green bean casserole (prepared with Campbell's cream-of-whatever soup and Durkee onions; healthful indeed!). I didn't feel it necessary to make an announcement about it.

It's not like I'm a card-carrying member of PETA, either. While growing up, I made a point to avoid TV shows about animals, like Wild Kingdom. Even today, if I'm up late with Jay Leno, and a guest turns out to be one of those guys who hangs out with monkeys, I change the channel. It's not that I don't like animals. I'm just not particularly interested in them.

But when I worked for Routledge, Chapman & Hall, we distributed a book about the connection between meat consumption and violence. At Kristen's house, the vegans agreed that they react differently to situations since giving up meat.

Glen reports a 100% improvement in his once-troubled back since giving up dairy (a pretty daunting prospect for an Italian kid brought up on ricotta and mozzarella) because it's highly inflammatory. I'd like to summon the courage to give up dairy. I've tried once or twice before.

Yeah, I know this post has nothing at all to do with dating. Moving along now.

Visualization Is Key to the Love You Want

Just realized that the trip to Ireland I wrote about in the previous post occurred 19 years ago last week. The reason for that trip was a wedding in Clare.

Kristen Colello, who will have lunch with Alison and me tomorrow, is writing a book about healthful eating entitled, No Strawberries, Please. She dropped over yesterday with Living Nutrition, a magazine she reads.

In it, an interview conducted by David Klein, Ph.D. included a lovely testimonial about the power of visualization by an author named Susan Smith Jones:

"I recommend that people start with very easy-to-achieve goals so they an experience success and feel empowered. Visualization is a very important part of the process. You must be able to see yourself achieving your goal.

When I am visualizing a goal, I accept it and give thanks that it is already part of my reality. Simply put, act 'as if.' You don't want to push your goal into the future. And I always end my visualizations with, 'This or something better I now accept in my life.' I do that because even thought I may be clear on what I want, I am always living in the presence of a Higher Power that knows my highest good."

Visualization is integral to success in all aspects of your life, especially relationships. Please do not ever discount it.

Matt Lauer, an Aran Sweater, and Clearing Limiting Beliefs

Matt Lauer of Today reports from Ireland today, and it's hard to pull myself away from the television. I haven't been to Ireland in years, but I hope to go again soon. I'd like for Peter to see Scotland, too, since that's where his family emigrated from when they settled in Nova Scotia.

Tomorrow, I'm going to see Alison Held at her new office. She's going to demonstrate a kinesiology technique she recently studied. I'm to bring along a limiting belief I'd like to release.

I have two in mind:

-I suffer from the metabolism of a caterpillar

-I will never enjoy clear vision again without contact lenses

I'm sure if I think hard enough, I can come up with a couple of others, but Alison says we must concentrate on just one. I believe wholeheartedly that uncovering and evaporating limiting beliefs is the key to success in every area in one's life.

If you believe that every man you date will ultimately disappoint you, guess what? He will.

After Alison and I succeed at puncturing the belief of my choice, we'll be off to the Dressing Room restaurant. I do not know the owners personally, but they are my heroes (along with Stephen Colbert and Julia Butterfly Hill).

Tomorrow Peter and I will celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary. He wants to go out for dinner; the plan is to ditch the offspring. Since we take them out for dinner once a week, it shouldn't traumatize them.

Prayer request: Peter's father was diagnosed with cancer last week. Peter will fly to South Carolina on Friday to be with him and his mother.

Matt Lauer is now discussing Aran sweaters with the people in Galway. I had an Aran sweater once; a man named Dan Flaherty drove my friends and me in his Michael Hernon tour van to Michael Hernon's pub. Dan then steered us to his house to meet his wife, Sarah, who made Aran sweaters for a living. I bought one for not much and wore it every day to my job at Routledge, Chapman & Hall in New York, where they kept the temperature around 40 degrees.

And then, one morning, I went into my office drawer and found it had been stolen.

More About the Imus Flap

Yeah, by now it is old news, but this is the most intelligent piece on the subject I've read so far.

Why I Won't Introduce Him to My Single Friends

I know a guy who most women would find desirable if they saw him listed on a dating website. He's not bad looking, is educated, has a well-paying job, and owns primo real estate.

He's always asking me, "Don't you know any nice single women?" Of course I do. They're everywhere. But I'm reluctant to introduce him to any of them.

He's stuck in a groove of work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, complain about being single, work, eat, sleep, quick vacation, work, eat, sleep, buy a new car, work, eat, sleep, complain...

The dude needs to climb out of it. Take more than one vacation a year, for instance, and stop taking it with the same lame-o friend who hates women. Put yourself in a place where you'll make some new friends who'll introduce you to other new friends and new experiences.

The guy always drives a beautiful car, but he never goes anywhere. He lives in an incredible house, but he rarely invites anyone over. He did have an excellent party (he's a great cook and a good host) several years ago, but everybody on the guest list was married. Surely some of those married people had a single friend or two they could have brought along.

He should take a little more initiative. It would make him more attractive, for one thing. What woman wants to date a guy she has to drag around like a sack of bricks?

The other thing that holds me back from introducing him around: He's moody as hell. If his basketball team loses, he goes into a funk. He's just ridiculous to be around. Other things, little things, set him off as well.

I'm just not willing to take responsibility for hooking a friend up with a landmine. Maybe if he ever decides to stop being so willing to be bummed out, I'll reconsider.

A friend of mine did introduce him to a lovely woman, but he rejected her for not being "good-looking enough." This set the friend who'd made the connection on fire. The lovely woman, while not a great beauty, hardly qualified as repellent. She fit safely into the average category, as does this guy. My friend vowed never to set him up again.

Today Is My Birthday...

...and I am younger than springtime.

Someone said to me a couple of years ago, "Oh, you mustn't like having birthdays, anymore," as if I were some sort of fossil. I'm not, by the way, anything close to a fossil. But I've had friends who started complaining about feeling old at the age of 25.

One such friend is B, who is two months and two weeks older than me. He is forever saying, "Well, I'm old now." His wife, who is even younger than me, says things like, "It's over for me, so I'm living through the kids now."

This is just not my attitude.

Anybody who has ever met my father knows that he is not the most positive human in the universe ("Why must you always be so negative?" my mother used to ask him), but one good thing he taught me was to not talk yourself, or let yourself be talked into, old age. This man, who scoffed at positive thinking and described himself as not a pessimist but a realist, went around the house telling us, "I'm younger than springtime."

"Getting a little gray there, Dad," we'd say.

"My hair isn't gray," he'd answer. "It's sandy."

Today, this guy is 75 and swims every morning. He lives in Manhattan so he can walk everywhere, and he does. He does not take cabs under any circumstances. He walks down and across town to visit my brother. He will take the subway to visit one of my sisters in Queens, or to visit some old priest at Fordham University in the Bronx.

Age really doesn't mean much. Peter's brother, an athlete, died of an aneurysm at the age of 20. His great aunt still lives on her own, shops, cooks, and throws dinner parties at the age of 102.

For many years, we didn't know what her age was because she kept it a secret. She wasn't ashamed of it, but she knew that if it were common knowledge, people would treat her differently. They would limit her.

I choose not to be limited. Every day is a gift, whether you're 20 or a 102. Today is my birthday, and I am younger than springtime.

EFT Can Help Clear the Beliefs That Blow Your Chances At Love

To attract a love that truly makes you happy, it helps to give up limiting beliefs about men and relationships. I've written extensively about the seemingly intractable ideas that once hampered my own efforts. I eventually succeeded at "overwriting" them through affirmation and visualization.

But I've had beliefs about other areas of my life that subsided after using a method called the Emotional Freedom Technique. I experienced big changes in my confidence, for one thing.

Also, while my mother was dying of a brain tumor (and for a year afterwards), I functioned well during the day, but I suffered from insomnia and panic attacks at night. Amazingly, after one session with Alison Held, an EFT practitioner and founder of Healthful Direction, I slept peacefully. I can't say enough about her.

If you're interested in working with Alison, and you don't live in Connecticut, she can help you achieve results over the phone.

I'm very excited to be meeting her next Wednesday, May 2 (my wedding anniversary) to clear yet another pesky limiting belief.

For a free ebook about EFT and how to use it, check out Gary Craig's very excellent website.

I'm Not Slow, Really I'm Not

But I finally have a Technorati Profile.

Russell Simmons Discusses the Law of Attraction With Stephen Colbert

The entrepreneur promotes his new book, Do You!: 12 Laws to Access the Power in You to Achieve Happiness and Success, on The Colbert Report. If you listen carefully, you'll hear him mention the Law of Attraction.

Great Law of Attraction Resources

On Saturday, I had the good fortune to find a package from Viveca Stone-Berry in my mailbox. It contained a copy of Catherine Ponder's Dynamic Laws of Prayer.

Catherine Ponder is a favorite author of mine, but I'd never read this one of her many books. Her Dynamic Laws of Prosperity helped me out of a couple of jams, and Viveca enjoyed much improved health after reading Dynamic Laws of Healing.

Here's a list of some other books I've found extremely helpful in achieving success in love and other matters:

Creative Visualization: Use the Power of Your Imagination to Create What You Want in Your Life (Gawain, Shakti) (I've given this wonderful, so easy-to-follow book as a gift to friends and strangers.)

Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting: The Astonishing Power of Feelings

Law of Attraction: The Science of Attracting More of What You Want and Less of What You Don't

The Magic of Believing

The Power of Your Subconscious Mind, Revised Edition

The Attractor Factor: 5 Easy Steps for Creating Wealth (or Anything Else) from the Inside Out ( Jessica Biel says she used this book in attracting her role in The Illusionist).

I definitely recommend Summer McStravick's wonderful CDs, which guide you through the attraction process. Very convenient. Try Flowdreaming for Happy Relationships.

Another Plug For Irish Penpals

I received an email today from a German friend I made through Irish Penpals about seven years ago. She and I started writing when her daughter was nine; the girl is now 16.

I made another friend in England, and we've been writing since her son was 16. He's now in his early 20s. This friend and I exchange Christmas and birthday presents every year. We've also exchanged books, and she made a tape of a Steve Coogan show for me that somehow got destroyed by the postal service.

One of the perks of Irish Penpals is that you can indicate the sex and approximate age of a friend you'd like to make.

A guy from Florida wrote to the site's founder, Michael Green, to say that he'd met his wife, a German woman, through the program.

It's fun, it's free, and you have nothing to lose. Take a look.

More About the Man Surge in New York City

From yesterday's New York Times article by Sam Roberts:

"Since 2000, men, mostly between the ages of 25 and 44, have accounted for more than three-fourths of the population increase in Lower Manhattan. As a result, according to a special census calculation, the sex ratio there increased to 126 men per 100 women in 2005, from 101 men per 100 women in 2000."

Where the Boys Are Now

"Men now outnumber women in Lower Manhattan by a ratio of 126 to 100, a disparity usually seen only in towns with prisons or military bases."

--The New York Times, Sunday, April 22, 2007

Cruise For Singles

We're no longer accepting reservations for the cruise in August. Please check this space for news of the next one!

A River Still Runs Through It

Last Sunday's storm hit us hard.

We still have a river running through our basement and garage; it'll remain there until the water table drops. The Amazing V was housesitting for L, who's in England visiting in-laws, and stayed up until 3 AM shop vacuuming L's giganto basement.

Then she went home and cleaned up her own.

I'm not getting too worked up about our water situation. I have to look at it positively. Now that we know where the house is vulnerable, we can fix it.

On Thursday, I took Child One into Manhattan to visit my brother and to see Blades of Glory. The kid is a Will Ferrell addict. For Easter, I bought her SNL: The Best of Will Ferrell, and I've seen the cow bell skit at least 46 times now. I know Will Ferrell's body better than my own husband's.

Peter says Will must have a clause in his contract that allows him to strip down to his BVDs at least once in every movie (athough I think he remained clothed in Stranger Than Fiction). During Blades of Glory, it occured to me that the man must stay up nights thinking up ways to make himself repulsive.

The most hilarious part of that movie was, for me, when Will gave Jon Heder a tour of his tattoos.

The weather has finally broken here in New England. I am absolutely thrilled.

About Love and Relationships

This morning Ronnie Ann Ryan will interview me for a podcast she'll make available to her audience.

Saving Graces

My friend, H, recommended Elizabeth Edwards' Saving Graces: Finding Solace and Strength from Friends and Strangers.

I admire Elizabeth Edwards.

I saw her speak at a town hall meeting on C-SPAN during the 2004 election, and she blew me away with the depth of her understanding on every single issue that affects average Americans. She has a particularly interesting perspective because she grew up in a military family and spent much of her childhood on bases.

She knows firsthand what it means to have a loved one (in her case, her father) out on some mission and wonder if he's ever coming back.

She also describes what set her husband apart from the other guys she dated. It's easy to see why she fell for him.

As for me, I'm falling more for the guy every day.

Kate Winslet's Great Relationship Advice

Rented The Holiday the other day with Kate Winslet, Cameron Diaz, and Jack Black. It's diverting, slow in parts, but ultimately worthwhile for the lesson about unrequited love Kate Winslet's character learns, and then teaches Jack Black's.

Have you signed up for the cruise yet?

It's for fun, achievement-oriented single people with souls.

Relationships Start With You

"I recall a woman who was sixty-five when her husband died. After his death, she was lonely, missed male companionship, and wanted to remarry. The first thing she told me was: 'There aren't any good men.' Her very words sentenced her to a life without a new mate. The words you speak become your personal laws because of the creative power of the subconscious. Start listening to what you say, and you will become conscious of what you are affirming and the cause behind the results in your life."

-Terry Cole-Whittaker, from her book, What You Think of Me is None of My Business

Out With the Girls

Last night I met the girls for drinks at The Metro. Peter and I eat there quite a bit, but I'd never set foot in the bar before.

I was pleasantly surprised to find a cozy atmosphere, a fairly attractive crowd, and decent music. I was seated with my back to a table of five cutish guys who smiled nicely at us on their way out.

Our waitress, however, was a bit chilly (although she served us well), no doubt anticipating a lousy gratuity from a group of women. We tipped her lavishly.

That put a smile on her face. I hope we made progress in killing the stereotype that women are cheap and deserve bad service.

I got to talking to one of the newer women in our group, and like me, she met her husband in a bar (he's extremely successful, by the way; you could slip three houses like mine into hers).

Our friend, L, who couldn't join us because she's in England visiting her in-laws, met her handsome, successful husband in a bar, as well.

Nice Girls Shouldn't Finish Last In Love

People pleasers tend to get hurt. Fortunately, you can cure yourself of the disease to please.

Here's help.

Where I've Been

The last week has been a whirlwind, but mostly in a good way. I've been out and about promoting the cruise for single people, and then Peter and I had the whole family up for Easter.

One relative stayed for a few days (which is what I most definitely wanted). Unfortunately, she's forgetful and increasingly confused, which concerns me because she lives alone and insists on driving. (She told me point-blank that I have no right to tell her to do otherwise.)

I said goodbye to her yesterday with my fingernails in my palms, and then headed off to an appointment in Manhattan with my cardiologist/internist (part of my commitment to Fatique Be Gone).

Today I went to a couple of meetings and came home to a ringing phone. A teacher called to say that my daughter's progress at school "concerns" her. (The kid is perceptive, creative, and smarter than most people I know, but she does suffer from some undiagnosed learning problem; I've scheduled yet another appointment--this time with an ophthalmologist who specializes in Vision Therapy--to see if we can get to the root of it).

Tomorrow I plan to glue myself to my desk for most of the day. Fortunately, we're expecting bad weather, and I won't be tempted to be anywhere else.

What Don Imus Said

You can't defend Don Imus' stupid comment about the Rutgers Women's Basketball Team, but women are called 'ho' every day of the week on network television.

Last week (or the week before), Jay Leno made a joke about a poll revealing that women want more money and men want more sex. The punchline? If women would give men more sex, they'd get more money.

As far as I know, nobody called him out on it.

India Arie - Ready for Love (and Using the Law of Attraction to Get It)

When using the Law of Attraction, you gotta set an intention. Here's the song Viveca Stone-Berry used to set hers and attract her husband. Read the story here.

Abusive Relationships

They're more common that you might think. According to Safe Horizon, an organization devoted to "moving victims of violence from crisis to confidence," the signs of an abusive relationship can be difficult to recognize.

A partner who accuses you of cheating and being disloyal is just one. Take a look at this list for the rest.

More About the Singles' Cruise

Click here for Cruise Planners' website.

I'm excited!

Singles' Cruise This August!

I'm doing it!

For a couple of years now, I've been telling Peter I wanted to put a cruise for single people together. I didn't know how to go about it, though. Last June, I met Virginia DeDad, a longtime expert in cruise travel, who gave me the push I needed.

Here's the deal:

Escape the dog days of August! Join us for a 4-day cruise for singles, ages 30-50, to Canada’s breathtaking St. John, New Brunswick. We’ll leave New York on Thursday, August 16th and return Monday, August 20th.

This trip is a terrific value (rates are $489, $549, and $599). We’ll sail the Carnival Victory, one of the world’s largest and most popular cruise ships. A true floating resort, the Victory offers all this and much, much more:

 Singles Meet and Greet
 Live music (at least 3 bands and orchestras)
 Multiple whirlpools
 Volleyball on Sports Deck
 Dance classes
 Water slide
 Golf lessons
 Art auctions
 Fine dining, including late night buffets
 Casual dining
 Spa dining (healthful low-fat and low-cal cuisine)
 Sushi bar
 Swimming pools
 Full casino
 Internet Café
 Duty-free shopping
 Bars and lounges
 Comedy acts
 Spectacular stage shows
 Complete state-of-the art fitness center
 Yoga and Pilates classes
 Library
 Sumptuous beds with high-thread-count linens
 Nightly turndown service


Give Cruise Planners a call at 800-794-0741, and Virginia will get you on board. She's organized sea travel for more than 20 years, and cruises are her passion. Book before April 13 and save 5%.

Note: New regulations require travelers to Canada to have a passport, so make sure yours is current. We’ll see you on August 16th!

When the Dude Stops Calling

Mimi Tanner pulls no punches on this subject. Here's an excerpt from her book, Calling Men:

You can certainly judge a relationship by the frequency of phone calls. When you're seeing him as much as you want to; when he's regularly initiating contact; when you feel cherished and appreciated, then you know things are going well.

If the calls start becoming much less frequent - or worse, if the calls completely stop - then you have an entirely different situation on your hands.

Something is definitely wrong. Your man is either losing interest in you, or gaining interest in someone else, or both.

When your man stops calling you and emailing you as he was before, it's a bad feeling. It's also a reality that must be faced and diagnosed accurately, if you want the best chance for restoring the closeness you had with the man you have
been dating. But women often do not want to see their man's behavior for what it is.

Women Tend to Go Into Denial When Their Man Stops Calling

It's very hard to accept the plain and unpleasant fact that this change in your man's calling behavior almost always means he is losing interest in the relationship.

When this happens, women so often say things like, "Things were wonderful between us. Then he stopped calling. What does this mean?"

What does it mean? You won't have to call in the FBI to figure it out.

You'll save yourself precious weeks, months, and years of putting your life on hold if you learn to interpret a man's not calling you (or calling you less) to mean exactly what it does mean: he is moving away from your relationship. Better to face the facts early and plainly, so you can respond in the way that gives you the best chance to keep your relationship with him - if staying with him is what you want.

Otherwise you'll find yourself calling him to ask him the same question, "What does this mean?" Trust me; that will not improve matters! That's not how to handle this situation.

No relationship stands still. It's either getting closer or getting farther apart. Your actions will affect the relationship even now, when his interest seems to be waning.

Judge men's feelings by their actions - whether your man admits that he's losing interest or not.

Your man may not be sure of his feelings just yet. He doesn't want to hurt your feelings or get into a heavy discussion, either. He may also want to hang on to you to at least some extent. But if you're smart, you'll base your opinions entirely on your man's actions - nothing more and nothing less.

If you don't, you'll spend valuable time waiting and waiting with false hope.

You could also change the situation from one where your man was considering backing away from you to a breakup that is now written in stone - if you make the wrong moves now.

You cannot force a relationship by calling him.

One reason that women want to call men - and are sorely tempted to
call their man when they are not hearing from him--is because women think that by calling him, it will further their connection withhim. It will keep their relationship going. It will make their relationship happen. No calls, no contact = no relationship.

But the problem is that you cannot force a connection and a relationship by making that call, as painful as that can be. Calling him will not make it happen; nor will writing letters or sending emails. The same goes for sending letters, cards,
or emails to your man's friends or family. (Oh, no, there goes another backdoor attempt to sneak our way into his heart - make his family adore us! That will not make him adore us. It may make him want to avoid us even more, since he sees this ploy for what it is.)

...Could there be another explanation for his not calling me?

Dear Mimi,

Could it be that the guy might be interested in a woman, but is
thinking it through when he doesn't reply to her emails or calls?
Should it always mean he isn't interested? --A.

No, that is just plain old wishful thinking. It's an example of the denial women go through when a special man in their lives stops calling them.

When it comes to women, men don't sit around and ponder. They act!

Women sometimes try to interpret an apparent lack of interest as something more positive - in other words, they make excuses for a man's lack of calls. Women who talk themselves into believing that a man is just "thinking things over" are living in a dream world. What's worse, they waste valuable time waiting for the man who is not calling them.

What NOT to do when your man does not call...

...and on that cliffhanger we'll end that excerpt!

I certainly have been receiving wonderful emails from readers,
and I am saving them for sharing here, as always.

With love,
Mimi Tanner

Massage Therapy Is On the Rise

I have a theory it's for the same reason old women go to the hairdresser so often.

Get Ready For Love founder Viveca Stone-Berry offers an incisive take on the subject.

St. Patrick's Day Season Continues

So say the good people at Guinness.

In honor of the season, I offer this bit o' amusement:

How to Lose at Love

I have a friend (let's call him Jimbo) who is a total loser with women. He's not the greatest-looking individual, but he's hardly repellent. He's a kind soul, he's intelligent, and he comes from a good family. He also makes a decent living.

He's also extremely generous, which is his downfall. The minute he comes home from a first date, he calls a florist to send the woman an enormous bouquet of roses. He follows up with gifts of jewelry, and in one extreme case, he bought a woman a car.

The person on the receiving end of this largesse reacts in one of two ways. Either she smells desperation and hits the highway, or she takes him for all he's worth and dumps him. The guy can't win.

Jimbo watches shorter, balder dudes with unfortunate complexions marry and have children, and he decides that God must have it out for him. Nobody (and, believe me, plenty of us have tried) can convince him that it's his clear lack of self-esteem that puts women off.

Certain females suffer from the Jimbo Affliction, too. They kill whatever attraction a man felt for them by buying him gifts too early in the relationship. They anxiously offer to babysit his sister's kids in a sad attempt to show that they're excellent mother material (in which case the guy will be turned off, or worse, he'll figure he's found an excellent slave and propose).

My brother once dated a young woman who made his bed, but he pined for another who didn't know how to cook and didn't care to learn. He came to find the bed-maker about as exciting as an old slipper.

This isn't to say that, if you're dating a person, you shouldn't be kind, help out with children, make a good meal, or buy a lovely present when it's warranted. But being overeager kills love and romance every time.

Everybody wants a prize. The prize has to be you, and not just the things you buy or do.

The Freshness of Ireland Brings Out the Lasses

The new Irish Spring commercial advises men, "Smell like you're worth exploring."

This ad campaign gets my vote for the smartest and funniest since Guinness decided to turn the month of March into St. Patrick's Day Season.

Fatigue Be Gone

I've been on Viveca-Stone Berry's program for two weeks now and have lost three pounds with minimal effort.

I've integrated the changes she recommends into my diet, and I actually enjoy her recipe for Blueberry Oatmeal Energize. She suggests taking a magnesium supplement, as well. I bought the stuff, but I keep forgetting to take it.

Goal For Week: Remember to take magnesium supplement.

My doctor called to reschedule our appointment, so I won't see her until the 10th. When I do, I hope to see an improvement in my triglycerides and LDL!

As for energy, well, I'm crackling with creative ideas. I've started a new short story, and I wrote a speech I'm due to give in a couple of weeks.

I continue to take my afternoon nap, but I'm finding that I'm not able to fall asleep every time.

Women As Pieces of Meat

The April issue of Vanity Fair came in the mail the other day. My 10-year-old objected strenuously to the cover (which features James Gandolfini and David Chase of The Sopranos) and suggested I cancel our subscription.

Dixie Chicks Shut up and Sing Trailer

Child One and I watched this movie last night and loved it. It's a shame the Dixie Chicks had to go to England to exercise their freedom of speech.

'The Best Week Ever' Takes On The Law of Attraction

Watched Best Week Ever on VH1 last night. I just love that show (it repeats today at 11AM ET and 6:30PM ET).

Last night's episode included commentaries on Ann Coulter's attack on John Edwards, Jared Leto's concert injury, and a hilarious bit on The Secret, the DVD about The Law of Attraction that's really very worthwhile, despite what The New York Times and Dr. Gail from Today say about it.

With that in mind, here's a delightful quote from the late Norman Vincent Peale in his life-changing book, The Power of Positive Thinking:

"To change your circumstances, first start thinking differently. Do not passively accept unsatisfactory circumstances, but form a picture in your mind of circumstances as they should be. Hold that picture, develop it firmly in all details, believe in it, pray about it, work at it, and you can actualize it according to your mental image emphasized in your positive thinking."

There's a stark difference between wishful thinking and positive thinking. Wishful thinking requires virtually no effort. Positive thinking requires concentrated effort. Wishful thinking will get you nowhere, but positive thinking--or using The Law of Attraction--will get you everywhere.

So, if there's a guy you like who you think is out of your league, picture yourself being in his league. Picture yourself in his company. Picture him enjoying your company.

Now, if he's dating, married, or engaged to someone else, clearly you should not employ the Law of Attraction to break up his relationship. That would be evil.

But, if the guy's single, he's fair game. Use The Law of Attraction to open opportunities for you to get to know him better. Use it to become the attractive, fun, kind, charismatic person you want to be.

Addiction to Blonde

Why does NBC's Natalie Morales seem to get blonder every morning? She looked gorgeous the way she used to be, which would be brunette. Back off, Producers: The woman's starting to look like tinsel.

I am the lone non-blonde from a family of natural blondes. I can tell a hairdresser doesn't have my best interests at heart when he suggests I go blonde, that I have the perfect "base color" for it, and other nonsense.

Once you go blonde, it's hard to go back, and it requires frequent and expensive maintenance. So, I liken certain hairdressers to crack dealers; once they hook you, you become a new stream of income.

I recently glimpsed a long line of women with gold tresses, all flat-ironed and exactly the same shade, waiting for coffee in a Manhattan deli. I really dislike it when attractive women ruin their looks by joining the Blonde Brigade. I've seen redheads with pink complexions transformed into tomato faces with yellow hair, and I've seen olive-skinned beauties turned beige and boring.

Since I do come from a family of blondes, I hate blonde jokes. Hate them. But, because my family was born that way, fair hair suits them.

As for me, if God wanted me to be a blonde, He would have made me one.

Hooking Up and the Shattering Revelation That Women Enjoy Sex

Right now, media heads are babbling again about how casual sex damages women's bodies, psyches, and their potential to achieve long-term relationships.

It's always about the women. The idea that women are sexual creatures who enjoy sex for its own sake continues to freak out American society even in 2007. As Amber Madison, the author of Hooking Up, rightly pointed out on Today on Monday, many young women are afraid to get into relationships. They've been brought up to believe that men don't want them, so why should they make themselves vulnerable?

They disconnect sex from emotion, which is what a portion of the male sex has done for eons. Society has long assumed (or wanted to assume) that only men are capable of this, but that's dead wrong.

That said, using another human being as your own personal disposable sex toy may have short-term benefits. But whether you're a man or a woman, it's not usually satisfying in the long run.

Take my old friend. We'll call him Bill.

He mastered the art of the hook-up and hardly ever went home alone. We marveled at him. One night, I asked him his secret. He told me, "Hang around, and I'll show you."

His technique involved learning the interests of the evening's potential bedmate. He'd approach her, get her talking, and before long she'd reveal her undying love for The Beatles, The Mets, flyfishing, or whatever.

A newspaper reporter, Bill knew a little about a lot of things and could discuss her passion with the right dose of enthusiasm. Within an hour, she'd found a kindred spirit, and off she went to his bed.

In one case, the woman sent Bill flowers the next day.

But, he later told me that his encounters ultimately left him feeling "empty." He said, "You'd be surprised, Terry, but the sex is never that good, either."