Every time I find it in my mailbox, I put it aside until I have time to fully savor its condescending tone and out-and-out stupidity.
The cover of the new issue, dated June 19, features 'Summer's Best Party Cake So Easy to Do' (no semicolon required, apparently). Upon seeing it, my 12-year-old exclaimed, "Wow, that looks like one partially-hydrogenated oil fest." Reading the recipe inside didn't disappoint: The thing includes two tubs of vanilla frosting, vats of assorted food coloring, Cocoa Puffs cereal balls, Green Fruit by the Foot, a Gummi ring, and Keebler Bug Bites. (Ever read the label of a Keebler product? Back away from that crap slowly.)
After taking in the list of ingredients, the kid muttered, "That is just one big loaf of death."
The mag also offers a "Summer Survival Guide," which is not, as you might expect, about keeping the family safe from bear attacks on camping trips. According to the subhead, "Who says you can't look dazzling when the mercury climbs?"
Well, since you mention it, the Amazing V was just telling me this afternoon, "You know, Terry, you cannot look dazzling when the mercury climbs."
Good thing I subscribe to Woman's Day to tell me the truth, that I can smooth out thigh and derriere dimples with a massaging hand tool, and that a large-brim hat will not only protect my skin from the sun (I had no idea) but also keep my hair color from turning.
A "Got Milk" ad featuring new parent Mariska Hargitay assures us that, "Motherhood brings fulfillment, and a new focus on getting back into shape." I don't want to disillusion anybody, but "fulfillment" isn't the first word that comes to mind when I think about motherhood. And, yeah, I do love my children and can't imagine life without them. But if I had never given birth, trust me, I'd have found something else to do with my life.
One of the high points of the issue was a short piece entitled, "Sweat to an A-list Playlist," that informs us that "Julianne Moore gets motivated with help from rocker David Bowie." Rocker David Bowie? As if my grandmother who would have been 104-and-a-half in March didn't know who David Bowie is.
Hell, she even knew who Keith Emerson is. Like him, she was a pianist and organist but never shared his compulsion to attack a keyboard with a pocket knife.
Herewith for your viewing and listening pleasure, Rocker David Bowie performing one of my favorites. Merry Christmas.
Um, I mean, Happy Memorial Day.