Meeting Men With Brains

I recently received an email from a woman whose friends and family have told her she's too picky, and that she should worm her way into men's hearts by baking them little treats. In 2008!

She said she tried it, and it didn't work (of course it didn't work; talk about begging a guy to take you for granted).

She describes herself as successful, shy, and introspective. She doesn't want to meet men in clubs. I don't blame her; it's impossible to tell if a guy is worth your time when you can barely hear him over thumping music.

I neglected to recommend that she spend more time in bookstores (I'll write to her again to remedy this). Bookstores are perfect for meeting people because you never look funny going in alone, or even sitting alone in the cafe looking through a book and listening to music. And books make great conversation starters.

Interestingly a cruise planner, with whom I hope to put together a getaway for fun-oriented females, told me today that the manager of a major chain bookstore informed her that his busiest 'adult nights' are Wednesdays and Thursdays.

If I hoped to meet an intelligent guy, I'd make a point of popping into my favorite bookstore on an 'adult night,' finding a couple of books to look through, and sitting down with a big fat latte. And I'd become a regular.

My favorite bookstore happens to be a newly-opened independent, and already it's becoming a hub for fun and interesting people. In addition to books and good coffee, the owner offers a roster of author appearances and a weekly workshop for fiction writers.

Today Wants to Fix You Up

According to Today's website:

"If you or someone you know is single and wants to be matched up, we want to hear from you! Tell us about yourself or your friend or family member, including location, interests, hobbies and ideal qualities for a partner to have. Then, with the help of matchmakers, TODAY will send some lucky singles on a date with a hand-picked mate! Please also attach a photo of the hopeful single to the personal e-mail message that appears and send."

Despite the use of the terms "hopeful single" and "hand-picked mate," I guess it could be fun. If you're interested, click here.

How to Get Over a Bad Breakup

Hi Terry,

I have enjoyed your blog for a long time - and enjoyed your ebook - that is, until it disappeared from my computer when I moved!

But the concepts of visualization and firm planning that I recall you describing helped me become more focused on how the type of person with whom I could forge a wonderful future with- until I found him, but it didn't work out.

I currently face the challenge of having to fall *out* of love with him - with the man who was *perfect for me* -and for whom I was the same. I'm divorced and 49- we've been friends for 20 years, but for the past three, a flame that surprised us both burned steadily between us, deepening our friendship and sense of mutual trust. Until he ended it.

Do your concepts work to fall out of love? Is it even possible? How can I *un*visualize the perfect future with the perfect man for me? And handle the devastating fallout in a healthy way?

-Challenged

Hi, Challenged-

I'm very sorry about the breakup with your boyfriend.

One of the toughest things about getting past a breakup is visualizing the future without the one you love. You may feel like you're staring at a brick wall. You may feel like your life is over.

It isn't! To see over that wall (and get through it):

1. Write a list of all the things you loved to do by yourself or with the old boyfriend (surfing, reading, talking to your plants, dancing, going to the theater, travel).

2. Do them. Regularly. Do not wait for a friend to become available. Do them by yourself, if necessary. (Solo travel, for example, is great for putting things in perspective; I know because I've done it!).

3. Write a list of your ex-boyfriend's bad qualities. Be honest; he had a few. Put them on paper. Bring to mind a particularly boring, unsettling, sad memory about him that has nothing to do with the breakup.

4. Every time his adorable face pops into your head, bring that memory (or one of his unattractive qualities) to mind.

5. Remove all reminders of him from your house, your car, and your wallet. If he drank from a particular coffee mug, for example, throw it out. Get rid of all photos immediately.

6. Slightly (or completely) rearrange the furniture in your house to make a conscious break from the past. Paint a wall.

7. Write a list of your very excellent qualities. Tape it to your bathroom mirror to remind yourself how happy some lucky man is going to be to get you one of these days.

8. Eat nourishing food. Stay away from energy-depleting, depression-inducing fast and processed food (if it has partially hydrogenated oil, MSG, or high fructose corn syrup in it, it is not for you!). Eat cleansing foods like organic fruits and vegetables.

9. Speak to yourself as you would a beloved child. Use the affirmation Louise Hay recommends, "I, ____________, unconditionally love and accept myself." (This works. Say it out loud in the shower and while you're putting on your makeup. Say it at least 25 times a day. After about a week or so, you should feel a shift in your feelings and in the circumstances you attract.)

10. If a song reminds you of your ex, get rid of it. If a smell reminds you of your ex, get away from it.

11. Look at your new life as a blank page. Be open to the possibility that your last relationship wasn't "the one" for you. Be open to the possibility that it was the dress rehearsal for something so much better.

12. Write an affirmation about your new life and, if you can do it without thinking of your ex, your next relationship (hint: use of the qualities you didn't like about the last relationship and use its opposite to write an affirmation for the next one).

13. Read nourishing books. Listen to nourishing CDs. Keep your mind in the present and out of the past.

14. Treat yourself as a treasure that's yet to be discovered.

Give yourself 30 days to follow this program and then see how you feel. If you fall off the wagon (you find yourself daydreaming about him or driving past his house), get back on again immediately. Remind yourself that setbacks can be overcome, but they do slow you down from finding the peace of mind and happiness you deserve.

Also: If loverboy has an epiphany and decides he doesn't want to end things between you after all, please do not fall back into his arms without careful consideration. The relationship is not to be just on his terms. Don't be overly available.

For instance, if he asks you out for Saturday, make plans to do something alone or with a friend that day. Tell him you can meet him for lunch on Sunday. Limit your time with him to 60 minutes (yes, this will take discipline) and get the heck out of there.

It'll kill you to do it, but you'll be glad you did later.

The rest of the time, continue to use the 14-point plan. Treat yourself with love, respect, and kindness. Limit time with people (friends, family) who want to discuss the old boyfriend or the breakup. Tell them, "I'm moving on, and I prefer not to discuss it."

By the way, I found your order for my book and audio. I've resent you the download.

Thanks for writing. I wish you the very best!

-Terry

She's Afraid of Commitment

Hi Terry,

I am commitmentphobic.

Why? Well, when I dated the guys who wanted to get married, they one had low-paying jobs, wanted to spend all day in church (please), wanted to get married within three months, or had mental health issues.

One man I dated had lost his job in NYC. I met him through Eharmony (or Eharmon-not). By the third date he told me he was madly in love with me. I was not in love with him. He started tell me about 9/11. Funny thing is, his story kept changing. He was always the hero of the story. Then he told me about how he would save different branches of the bank he worked for. The branches were always failing, and he would save the day.

I finally broke up with him when he demanded sex, and then said that we committed a sin and would have to get married. Right. Why I dated for a year is beyond me. I guess I kept hoping I would start to have some feeling for him. I guess I want to know what falling in love feels like. Never been there.

After the break up, things start to happen to me. Including my Dachshund being poisoned (he died). I think he was doing this things to get me to call him so he could save the day. HUMMMMM

Also, the man was always sick, had some new disease. He was always going to the doctor or Emergency Room. HUMMMM. I believe he had Munchausen Syndrome.

I am still commitmentphobic.

My question is how to I stop dating the mental cases? The guy I am dating now is kind and fun to be with. Marry him, I do not know.

-Help Me

Dear Help-

Once a man demonstrates psycho tendencies, it's time to say goodbye. The author Somerset Maugham said, "It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."

It's the truth.

As soon a guy does something to seriously turn you off (like ask you to marry him after just meeting him, for example), it's time to smile sweetly and thank him for a lovely evening. It's uncanny; when you start saying 'no' to unacceptable people and circumstances, they tend not to show up as often.

You say you don't know why you hung around with the man you suspected of poisoning your dog for as long as you did. This is something you really, really need to think about.

As soon as the 9/11 stories started, I'd have put my guard up. I lived in New York at the time of the attacks, and I notice that most of the people who were really and truly witnesses to the event don't talk about it much. They're not eager to relive the experience.

Also, any person who casts himself as a hero is usually the one who knocked down an old lady while making a break for the stairwell.

About your fear of commitment: Well, at least you have the insight to recognize it. Ask yourself what bothers you about long-term relationships? What are you afraid of?

If you're happy being single, great. Two of the happiest women I know (and the most fun to be around) are in their 70s and have never been married. Men proposed, but the arrangement didn't interest them.

But if you're single, and you want to be married, and some unearthed reservation holds you back from giving your heart to a worthwhile recipient, you have to start digging.

Ask yourself, "How would my life be different if I woke up next to the same person every day? If I shared dinner with him every night?"

Figure out what attracts you to that situation. More important, figure out what repels you from that situation. Whatever it is (boredom, always being stuck cleaning the toilet), think about how you can turn that around.

Can you be open to the possibility of marrying a man who makes you laugh and considers it his responsiblity to clean the toilet once in a while?

Terry

How to Juice Up Your Dating Profile

This was pretty amusing, although I could have done without the "fudging it" bit.

When It Comes to Meeting Men, Your Best Bet Is a Woman

Has this ever happened to you?

You're minding your own business when some knucklehead tips you off that you're not quite as good-looking as your sister or friend.

This happened to me a few weeks ago. At a party for my daughter, a guest informed me that my youngest sister was better looking than me. This is nothing new; people used to stop my mother on the street when we were small and coo over my sister while I stood there like an organ grinder's monkey.

(What does this have to do with meeting a great guy? I'm getting to
it....)

I am the mother of two girls now, and it boggles my mind how people
judge little females by their looks, as if we're participating in a never-ending Miss America contest.

It's so old.

Still, it manages to divide women, to make us suspicious of each other, and to compete over nonsense (like jewelry, for instance). Ultimately, it isolates us.

A few weeks ago, I came across this gem in magazine for teenage girls:

"Subtly stand out in a sea of cousins--and send the message
that you're the cutest--with a swipe of a bright pink lipstick that's perfect for your skin tone."

So, a lot of us girls grow up disliking other girls. We view them as threats, or hang around with them only until a man appears on the horizon.

And it's a shame.

One of the very best ways to meet decent, fun, good men is through our friends, especially friends who happen to be girls. No, not 'girlfriends' we merely put up with until we snag some guy, but real friends who love us, support us, and want what's best for us.

Real friends come in handy when you're falling for a guy who may hurt
you. They'll wake you up.

I'm sure I don't have to tell you that a fool who says your sister is "hotter" than you isn't someone you should waste time with (although a friend's sister actually dated some loser who told her, "If I could put your sister's head on your body, you'd be perfect!").

I happened to be out with friends when I met my husband. Years later, these friends and still talk on the phone all the time.

Just yesterday, I took four trains (I hate driving) deep into a bordering state for one of those friend's twins' Communion party. (Where was Peter? He stayed home to wait for our older daughter to get home from a school trip -- and steam-cleaned the kitchen and bathroom floors while he waited. Now, that's my kind of man!)

One of the best pieces of advice about guys came from one my friends who happened to be a girl. She told me this when I was seriously kidding myself with a Mr. Not-Very-Likely:

"Terry, you have to picture yourself married to this guy 10 years from now. Ask yourself, is he really going to make you happy?"

The answer was no, and I broke up with him.

Thank God for friends who happen to be girls.

How to Detect a Lie

This video by comedians Taige Jensen and Ryan Hunter cracked me up, although the statistic at the end made me a little sad. It doesn't mean you have to put up with it, though.

As for me, I'd stay home and read a book rather than hang out with a liar any day of the week.

The Law of Attraction in Love and Weight Loss

Good Vibe Coach Jeannette Maw sent a link to the video in which The Biggest Loser winner Ali Vincent explains how she used visualization, acting 'as if,' and other Law of Attraction methods to lose 112 pounds.

What does this have to do with dating, you ask? Well, I used these very same methods to attract the house I live in, my children, and--oh, yeah--the man I married.

Check out the video by clicking here.

The Dating Chameleon: She Becomes Whatever He Wants

Hi Terry,

I have friend who becomes whatever her boyfriend wants her to be. Her last one hated anything Science Fiction, so she hated anything Science Fiction. He collected guns, so she went from supporting gun control laws to saying, "God and Guns made us Free." He wanted her skinny, so she starved herself. He wanted a redhead, so she dyed her hair.

To my friend, her boyfriend's word was the law, she believe everything he said. But, she never meet his coworkers, his family called her a gold digger, and she has and is still dating him after 13 years. She keeps telling me he is the one, the one God sent to her.

Why do women do this? I have talked to men, and overall they do not like it. Did we learn this from our mothers, our female teachers, our pastors (who preached submission) what is the reason, and why?

I have a degree in Human Behavior, so things like this interest me.

-Gotta Know

Dear Gotta-

This kind of thing has always interested me, too. I'm no psychologist (or human behaviorist), but your friend's problem is low self-esteem. In other words, a man's never going to love her for who she really is, so she must mold herself to fit his expectations.

It sounds exhausting.

And you're right. Healthy, normal, well-adjusted men are pretty freaked out when a woman comes along and transforms herself into what she thinks he wants. The control freaks, the losers, and the abusers just love it, though. It makes them feel powerful.

Back to the question of low self-esteem: A lot of it does develop in childhood. I took some pretty wild abuse from nuns that took some conscious effort to get over, for example. But I did get over it. It can be done.

Your question about pastors is a good one. Church is great, but I don't know that it's the best place to meet men. Certain churches are a magnet for guys with a "Wives submit to your husbands in all things..." mentality that Christ did not preach but St. Paul did. (I would argue that St. Paul was a man preaching to certain people in certain times, and he was not Christ.)

And then the media program little girls from the time they can figure out the remote to believe they need a man and should cater to him mentally, emotionally, and physically. My husband often asks, "Why are women so eager to hate themselves?" I tell him, "Turn on the television."

I do hope your friend will think twice about blaming God for sending this guy her way, especially since, after 13 years, his family calls her a gold digger (nice one, by the way), and he clearly isn't interested in introducing her to other key people in his life.

If she's willing to work on her self-esteem, I recommend a brilliant book by Louise Hay called You Can Heal Your Life. She might also look into a method called EFT to help her let go of the belief that this sad relationship is the best God has in store for her. She can download a free ebook and check out a short video about the process here.

-Terry

Bret Michaels, Peter Pan Man

Between events of the Pope's visit (I flipped it on for a millisecond, and a miracle occurred: The old guy hooked me), I tuned into the Rock of Love 2 reunion yesterday afternoon.

I don't know how much of it was staged, but it really doesn't matter. The way Bret behaves, the way some of these women behave (hello, Heather) never fails to astonish me.

I particularly enjoyed the way Wildebeast Heather reinforced the double standard by calling Daisy a whore for having sex with Bret. As for Bret having sex with Daisy? Hey, that's cool. He's a guy.

Daisy may be a highly gifted actress, but I did feel sorry for her when she said she'd become vulnerable after falling for Bret. I actually had to admire the girl when she called him on banging her yet again after he knew damn well he'd choose her rival, Ambre, to be his so-called rock star girlfriend (Bret's not really a rock star. He's a circus act).

Bret's response? Something along the lines of, "I'm a man. I couldn't help myself."

You may be a man, Dude, but you're not a nice man. Do you even have a soul?

And have you looked in the mirror lately? You look like a freaking moron in your poseur clothes and cheesy headgear. You look like you're posing, always, whether you're playing your guitar or riding a motorcycle.

You're not the real deal.

You're 45 now and still living a rock star pipe dream, but you're not Robert Plant. You're not David Bowie. You're not even David Crosby. And you sure as hell aren't Adam Levine.

You are no longer relevant.

When you're on your deathbed, will you regret not having banged just one more woman? What exactly is your purpose in life, anyway? You are the epitome of the saggy, orange-faced Peter Pan Man that no woman in her right mind should sleep with, let alone date.

Don't feel too bad. You may be woefully repellent, Bret Michaels, but you do possess a unique power:

You made an 81-year-old Pope look sexy.

Has Your TV Programmed You to Be Disappointed in Love?

I wrote this article a while ago. The previous question prompted me to post it here:

Are you a fan of the fun new American TV show, My Boys, which chronicles the life and dating adventures of an attractive 20-something woman?

Do you still watch Sex and the City?

A lot of women do. A factor these shows have in common, like most fiction, is that the protagonists are rarely satisfied in their quests for love.

For instance, on an episode of My Boys last season, the main character, PJ, met up with her old flame, which sparked warm memories. She discovered she was still wildly attracted to him. He seemed to return her interest.

She got her hopes up.

He asked her out for dinner, leading her to believe they'd get together again. But, over drinks, he lowered the boom: He'd just gotten engaged--to someone else.

Like My Boys, Sex and the City is loaded with romantic disappointment. It drives the show. Face it, nobody would be tuning in for all these years if Carrie married Mr. Big in Season One and gave birth to triplets in Season Two.

Who'd care?

Drama--conflict-- makes for great TV. It makes for good books, good movies, good art. Happiness is boring.

The problem? Take in enough of this stuff, and we start believing that happiness is unattainable (or, more important, boring). We automatically assume that love must disappoint us. We subconsciously seek out drama. We go for less than we deserve.

But just because PJ and Carrie (and Charlotte and Samantha and Miranda) can't find love, you can.

You can be happy in love (even if your friends aren't, your parents aren't, your sister isn't). You can be lucky in love. Look to people in your own life who are happily married. Use them as role models.

Boredom is hardly inevitable!

By all means, enjoy television, but keep in mind it's drama. It is not reality. Write your own script when it comes to the romance you desire. What, for example, will make you feel happy and secure in a relationship?

Do you even know? If not, it's time to give it some thought. Make it concrete by writing it down. Start envisioning yourself in the relationship you desire with the kind of man who'll make you happy.

This works.

You may wonder: What's more important? Visualizing your perfect relationship, or getting out and finding it? I'd been getting out for a long time and ending up with all the wrong men until I started visualizing. The right men didn't register on my radar screen until I did.

Please do not discount the power of visualization. It works. And it doesn't cost you a dime. To attract the right man, visualize first. Then get out of the house.

Do the things you love to do (I have a theory that if everybody who claimed to love taking long walks on the beach actually took them, online dating would cease to exist).

There's a man out there who's dreaming of a woman like you. If you want him, you can have him.

Men Scare the Hell Out of Her

Hi Terry,

I have used your techniques, and they have worked. Right now I am dating someone.

However, I have a friend who is the same age (well she is a few months older) as me, but she has never been out on a date. Never!

She has always given excuses as "I am not ready to date." "My parents fought all the time, and I am afraid the same will happen to me." "I know what men want." "I will be raped on my first date." "I am good girl, and men do not want good girls in this day and age."

One time my friend and I went out to a restaurant and bar near where we live. On Friday night this restaurant and bar had quite a few single middle-aged men. Several men spoke to me, bought me Margaritas, and I had a great time. They also tried to have conversation with my friend. She quickly and rudely told them, "I do not drink!" "I am not interested in talking to you." "I am not easy, if you are thinking that way."

I am embarrassed by the whole situation. Not only was she rude, she dressed sloppy and out-of-date. Her excuse: "I dress this way to let men know I am not a loose woman, I am a good girl, and probably the only virgin in the southern half of the state."

I do not know what to do with her. I no longer invite her anywhere. She has not even met the man I am dating. I am afraid she will let him know she is perfect.

No matter what I say, she will stick to her beliefs. I have tried telling her she is wrong, and denying herself a wonderful part of her life.

What can I do to help her get over herself, and her perception of men? She is in her early 50s.

Her fear of meeting men is greatly out of hand. She even turned down attending her company Christmans party for fear one of the single men would ask her to dance, or join her at her dinner table.

Your response is greatly appreciated.

-She's Outta Hand

Dear She's Outta-

What we focus on in life is what we tend to get. So, if your friend believes all men are goons, she'll prove herself right every time. This, despite the fact that for every goon out there, there's also a decent man who just wants to find the right woman to love.

So, if your friend keeps believing what she believes, she'll die happy in the knowledge that her instincts about men were excellent. That's the thing about us humans: We do like to be right.

It's kind of you to want to help this woman, but she can only help herself. I'm no psychologist, but the comments she made about her parents fighting and how she's a good girl (not to mention her pride in remaining a virgin after the age of 50) lead me to think she endured some pretty wild programming in her childhood.

Programming can be overcome with the help of a good therapist, but the question remains: Is your friend willing?

Until she is, continue living your life to the fullest. If she calls and asks why you don't invite her out anymore, it wouldn't be unkind to point out that she embarrassed you and may have hurt the feelings of the men who tried to talk to her that night over margaritas.

If you feel like seeing her again, you may be better off doing it privately, but take care that her bizarre ideas don't color your own relationships with men.

He Doesn't Know What He Wants...

Hi Terry,

I have been seeing this guy since December. He is 31, and I'm 33. The relationship started very well, but a few weeks back, he sent me a text saying he doesn't want to hurt me because I've been faithful, but he hasn't, and he'll prefer if we are just friends. I felt really bad.

He keeps calling, he still wants us to hang out together. It seems to me he doesn't know what he wants. I don't know what to do. Do I ignore his calls or what?

-Baffled

Dear Baffled-

I would definitely ignore his calls. Instead of giving you the courtesy of telling you face-to-face, this 31-year-old man texts you to say he just wants to be friends. Then, he starts calling you again to hang out, which will probably involve activities that go beyond the usual parameters of platonic friendship.

It's true; he may not know what he wants. Chances are, five years from now he won't know, either. Unfortunately for him, you weren't put on the planet to help him figure it out.

You can do better.

Terry

More About Rock of Love 2 (But Only If You Can Stomach It)

Just came upon some interesting intelligence via Reality Blurred.

Turns out Bret Michaels isn't really in love with Ambre, despite assuring us schmucks in TV Land that he starred in Rock of Love 2 to find true love. Not only that, he doesn't rule out doing a Rock of Love 3, but he'd prefer to do "a show called ‘Bret Michaels Big Rock Road Show,’ which is just rockers gone wild on the road."

Whee.

Bret might need to do something. He could need the cash now that the owner of the "house of lies" he and the LSEs inhabited is suing him for "intentional destruction of property."

At last, Bret Michaels Chooses His 'Rock of Love'

In last night's finale of Rock of Love 2, Bret Michaels, Self-Proclaimed Rock Star, chose between two finalists, a stripper named Daisy and a TV hostess (whatever that means) named Ambre to be the recipient of his "like, lust, and love."

A hopeless slut, Bret decided between the two remaining Ladies of Low Self-Esteem after going for a roll in the hay with each of them. In TV Land, viewers endured uncomfortably tight shots of his tongue swabbing their eager tonsils.

In the end, the TV hostess won Rock of Love 3, giving her the last laugh.

At 37 (eight years younger than Bret Michaels), Ambre had been maligned by her rival as being "80 years old" and "500 hundred years old." Another 22-year-old contestant Bret booted a couple of weeks ago dismissed Ambre as an "old lady."

Which really cracked me up. Obviously, these Mensa candidates didn't look long enough at Bret and his hair extensions (or whatever that phenomenon is dangling from his head) to realize that life in one's 20s is fleeting.

Now that Our Hero has at last chosen his Lady of Like, Lust, and Love, we wonder what's next for them. Are they still a couple, or has Bret already signed to do Rock of Love 3? Will we discover he's inked a deal to design a line of rockin' bandanas for Walmart? Will Ambre's star ascend? Will she go from being TV hostess to perhaps a guest corpse on Law and Order SVU?

Search engines may sieze trying to answer all our questions.

Getting What You Want Again

If you're having trouble getting the 'Getting What You Want' video to load from my post dated April 10, you can see it by going directly to the Today site.

Click here.

She Wants to Live Together, But He Doesn't

Terry-

I have known my boyfriend for 8-9 years, although the majority of the time we have been just friends. In the last six months, our relationship has gone to a one-on-one intense love.

He keeps saying that he does not want to get married, but then he started saying he didn't know if we would get along in a live-in relationship. My comment was that all we have to do is give a bit more time and to leave all our options open. Now he is saying we get along better when we are together than when we are apart but communicating by phone during the week. He knows I love being with him.

When we spend the weekends together, I have started doing half the cooking. He keeps commenting again that I am bucking for a permanent position because my cooking is so good. And he states I am doing a good job of it. But on the other hand he insists no live-in or marriage. He keeps sending mixed signals.

I tell him I love I him and love being with him. What is your opinion? I would love to live together. What you think?

-Wondering

Dear Wondering-

This man is not giving you mixed signals. He's been honest. He likes you, he likes your cooking, but he does not want to get married or live together.

I'm sure you are a great cook and otherwise wonderful company, or else he would not be spending his weekends with you. But he seems to be content to continue your current arrangement until one or both of you gets sick of it.

I understand that you harbor intense feelings for him. Even so, my best advice to you is to limit your time with him. See him just every now and then, not on weekends when it works for him. Start filling your free time with friends, movies, travel, family, books, concerts, etc. Anything but him!

Oh, and stop telling the guy you love him. Let him wonder why you don't say it anymore.

He will do one of two things:

He'll either miss you and realize that you have an increasingly full life which he may find himself squeezed out of, or he'll fade out of your life altogether.

I realize that the possibility of letting him fading out of your life seems horribly painful to you now, but, remember, no other human on the planet can make this guy change his mind about moving your relationship forward.

Eventually, he's going to do what he wants to do, and it might as well be sooner than later. It's time for you to get on with your life and find the love and happiness you truly deserve.

Terry

Getting What You Want

I'm not usually a big fan of Cosmo, but the following video intrigued me, particularly the bit about "accidentally" touching a date's hand over dinner:

Are You Getting Heat to Get Married?

One of the most dangerous things women face is outside pressure to get married before they're ready. This "marriage-at-all-costs" mentality often pushes them to legally bind themselves to the wrong men.

Which can either be dangerous or downright boring, depending on the wrong men they end up with.

Furthermore, it forces women to start thinking of every date as a potential husband, which is a sure recipe for appearing desperate and unattractive.

It's 2008, and still the pressure persists!

While perusing the rice aisle at Stop & Shop yesterday morning, I heard the most depressing conversation:

Smartly dressed woman: "I don't understand what these girls are waiting for. I was married at 21, and I've been married 37 years now."

Frumpily dressed woman: "I know. They all want to focus on their careers."

Smartly dressed woman: "It's ridiculous. My daughter is 23, and she
doesn't even have anybody yet."

It drives me crazy!

People with this bizarre "females must be married as soon as possible" philosophy jeopardize women's -- particularly their own daughters' -- health, happiness, and general well-being. How many women have stayed with an abuser, for instance, just because they felt they were not quite female without a man?

I distinctly remember times when I was happily single, and some clown would come up to me and tell me I would be truly happy if I was married.

When the father of a friend asked me at the age of 24 when I was going to "finally find a husband," I told him I was too young.

If people are giving you the heat to hook up and find the right guy already, I advise you to tell them the same thing, and I don't care if you're 71.

You will attract the right man only when you are ready. And I mean peacefully ready, not desperately ready.

More About Rock of Love 2

I clicked off the TV last night too soon. I missed the death notice for Destiney's father.

Very sad news.