Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Are You Getting Heat to Get Married?

One of the most dangerous things women face is outside pressure to get married before they're ready. This "marriage-at-all-costs" mentality often pushes them to legally bind themselves to the wrong men.

Which can either be dangerous or downright boring, depending on the wrong men they end up with.

Furthermore, it forces women to start thinking of every date as a potential husband, which is a sure recipe for appearing desperate and unattractive.

It's 2008, and still the pressure persists!

While perusing the rice aisle at Stop & Shop yesterday morning, I heard the most depressing conversation:

Smartly dressed woman: "I don't understand what these girls are waiting for. I was married at 21, and I've been married 37 years now."

Frumpily dressed woman: "I know. They all want to focus on their careers."

Smartly dressed woman: "It's ridiculous. My daughter is 23, and she
doesn't even have anybody yet."

It drives me crazy!

People with this bizarre "females must be married as soon as possible" philosophy jeopardize women's -- particularly their own daughters' -- health, happiness, and general well-being. How many women have stayed with an abuser, for instance, just because they felt they were not quite female without a man?

I distinctly remember times when I was happily single, and some clown would come up to me and tell me I would be truly happy if I was married.

When the father of a friend asked me at the age of 24 when I was going to "finally find a husband," I told him I was too young.

If people are giving you the heat to hook up and find the right guy already, I advise you to tell them the same thing, and I don't care if you're 71.

You will attract the right man only when you are ready. And I mean peacefully ready, not desperately ready.

5 comments:

Jeff Mac said...

Ugh. This one and the "when are you going to have kids?" one are un-effing-believable to me. It's like saying, "Well, come ON! When are you going to hurry up and do that thing that I want you to do -- that will affect literally every second of your life?"

Ugh. Get a life, people. You know -- your OWN life.

My ideal response would be, "Well, I was thinking about waiting to do it until after you died. Any thoughts on a timeline for that?" But alas, I'm from Connecticut, where such things can not be spoken, for fear of blushing until you have a stroke.

Susan at One-Woman Show said...

I think if my daughter told me she wanted to get married at 21...or 24...or 30, I'll tell her NOT to do it!

And I second Jeff's "ugh". People really should be more concerned with their own lives and not everyone else's.

Jack Attack said...

That's quite a comeback. I'm 26 and whenever I get the, "Why don't you have a boyfriend? HOw can you NOT have a boyfriend!" My response is usually, " Because I'm out of your league"

Rina said...

It's especially bad when you have, have to marry this guy because "he's the only one available to you and you might not get a better one and it's the best for you".

Terry said...

Oh, yes, Rina! The deadly "this may be the last chance you get"
pressure!

Excellent comeback, Jack Attack.