She Wants to Live Together, But He Doesn't

Terry-

I have known my boyfriend for 8-9 years, although the majority of the time we have been just friends. In the last six months, our relationship has gone to a one-on-one intense love.

He keeps saying that he does not want to get married, but then he started saying he didn't know if we would get along in a live-in relationship. My comment was that all we have to do is give a bit more time and to leave all our options open. Now he is saying we get along better when we are together than when we are apart but communicating by phone during the week. He knows I love being with him.

When we spend the weekends together, I have started doing half the cooking. He keeps commenting again that I am bucking for a permanent position because my cooking is so good. And he states I am doing a good job of it. But on the other hand he insists no live-in or marriage. He keeps sending mixed signals.

I tell him I love I him and love being with him. What is your opinion? I would love to live together. What you think?

-Wondering

Dear Wondering-

This man is not giving you mixed signals. He's been honest. He likes you, he likes your cooking, but he does not want to get married or live together.

I'm sure you are a great cook and otherwise wonderful company, or else he would not be spending his weekends with you. But he seems to be content to continue your current arrangement until one or both of you gets sick of it.

I understand that you harbor intense feelings for him. Even so, my best advice to you is to limit your time with him. See him just every now and then, not on weekends when it works for him. Start filling your free time with friends, movies, travel, family, books, concerts, etc. Anything but him!

Oh, and stop telling the guy you love him. Let him wonder why you don't say it anymore.

He will do one of two things:

He'll either miss you and realize that you have an increasingly full life which he may find himself squeezed out of, or he'll fade out of your life altogether.

I realize that the possibility of letting him fading out of your life seems horribly painful to you now, but, remember, no other human on the planet can make this guy change his mind about moving your relationship forward.

Eventually, he's going to do what he wants to do, and it might as well be sooner than later. It's time for you to get on with your life and find the love and happiness you truly deserve.

Terry