Raise Your Standards to Stop Attracting Substandard Men

Terry-

My boyfriend is very open with me and loves, as well as respects me. He treats me exceptionally well, and you can see he loves me. We spend a great deal of time together in pretty much one place - the sports bar.

We attend sporting events, and if we can find anything else to do, we will. I live with my parents and don't quite know where he lays his head now that he supposedly moved out of the house he shared with an ex-girlfriend. I decided it was time for me to have my own place to live and began my search. Just when I decided on the right apartment, I lost my job.

So now we are at a point where the need is still present for us to have a home to spend time in (his or mine), and neither of us have that. He knows where I live however, after we leave each other, I don't know where he goes to. I have dealt with it for a very long time, patiently waiting for him to tell me the things I know he hasn't said. I don't always want to be so patient. I don't know what to do.

-Waiting for Answers

Dear Waiting-

A couple of things stick out for me from your message. Here's one:

"I live with my parents and don't quite know where he lays his head now that he supposedly moved out of the house he shared with an ex-girlfriend."

The phrases that trouble me in that sentence are:

"...don't quite know where he" and "...supposedly moved out."

Here's another sentence that bothers me:

"I don't know where he goes to. I have dealt with it for a very long time, patiently waiting for him to tell me the things I know he hasn't said."

Now, I get it that he treats you extemely well when you're in the sports bar. He probably treats you as if you're the only woman on earth. When you're together, you're walking on air. You're absolutely tingling.

But when you're not together, you're walking around with giant question marks in your head:

WHERE DOES HE GO AFTER HE LEAVES ME?
WHERE DOES HE LIVE?
IS HIS EX STILL IN THE PICTURE?

You get scared. Then you get sad. Then you try to line up evidence to make your case that he does, indeed, love you. Then you get happy. And then you remember that you don't know where the hell he goes after he tells you goodnight. Yout get scared again. You can't sleep. You don't know what to do. You can't concentrate at work. You can't take it anymore.

And then you see him again, and everything's beautiful. The birds are singing, the stars are winking just for you.

You are on a roller coaster, and you must get off.

If you don't know where a man lives, you do not have a relationship (or, if you know where he lives, but he refuses to let you in, you do not have a relationship).

Right now, you are meeting a guy in a bar who seems to really, really, really like you. He may say he loves you and appears to be 'open' with you in every other way, but if he does not let you know where he lives, he is not being straight with you.

In other words, his words and actions are one big jumble.

I know you don't want who hear this (who does?), but here' s the good news. YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS.

YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS.

You deserve a guy who not only lets you know where he lives, he actually invites you there. He never makes you lie awake wondering about why he says one thing and then does another.

Stop torturing yourself. You say you don't know what to do, but I'll tell you what I would do.

I would stop going to that sports bar, and if that man called me to find out why, I'd tell him the truth: "I know where my friends live. I know where my family lives. I don't know where you live. I don't know where you go. I don't know very much about you at all."

Until a man's actions line up with his words, let this be your mantra: "I CAN DO BETTER."

Because you surely can (but only if you believe you can).

Terry

An Effective Way to Find Out If He's Interested

Dating Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan, author of Manifesting Mr. Right, says 'dropping the ball' is the best way to find out if a guy's interested. I agree, although for different reasons (she says it comes down to DNA; I think it comes down to human nature. Both men and women like a 'prize' -- something or someone -- they have to work a bit for).

Whatever. It works. Check out Ronnie's advice here.

I Love You, Man

I liked everybody in I Love You, Man, and nearly everything about I Love You, Man. I reviewed it for Single Women Rule here.

If you'd rather stay home and eat your own popcorn this weekend, check out Forgetting Sarah Marshall on DVD. Just keep the kiddies out.

Law of Attraction for Love, Marriage and Children

Dear Terry:

I find your book and your emails very inspiring. I know my Mr. Right is just around a corner, and I will definitely let you know when I meet him.

The list of qualities I would like in my future partner is quite reasonable. When you met your husband, did he have all the qualities you wanted in your future partner?

I also wanted to ask you a question about children. If I still want children (a bit later in life), should I include that in my list, writing and visualisations? Do you have any children yourself?

Look forward to your reply!

Regards,
S.

Dear S.-

My husband has all the qualities I visualized (honest, loyal, loving, reliable, successful, and fun). He's a great guy.

I want to be careful here and tell you that he's not exactly perfect. He sometimes listens to country music (which I loathe) and, for someone who never watched much prime time TV, has suddenly and inexplicably become addicted to the series, NCIS, starring Mark Harmon.

So while he has the qualities I consider non-negotiable, he's imperfect like me and the rest of us.

AS FOR CHILDREN...

Before we got married, I never did visualize them, but that certainly does not mean you can't. Just be sure to put them in a scene where you and your husband are taking care of them as a couple, still devoted to one another (God forbid you should become one of those poor, overwhelmed women you see lining up for TV makeovers).

In my case, I visualized (and experienced internally) the relationship I wanted with a man first. About a year and a half after we married, we talked about having children. At that point, I started visualizing one child (another person might visualize a houseful of children, but I started with just one).

In addition to visualization, I prayed* that our child would be healthy and leave the world better than she found it (although I never specified a sex). She was born about 13 months later. Around the time she turned nine months, I visualized and prayed for another child. Ten months later, at the age of 19 months, she had a sister.

Now, to be fair, I've never been diagnosed with any kind of fertility issue. Certainly many other people are not so lucky. But I did attend a seminar in Manhattan in 2004 where a woman who once had fertility problems claimed she'd become pregnant and brought a healthy baby to term after visualizing and "feeling" a baby in her arms on a regular basis.

I hope this fully answers your question.

I look forward to hearing from you when you meet your Mr. Right, so please do keep me posted. Thanks for writing.

* Prayer backed by faith, rather than begging, pleading, bargaining prayer, which is counterproductive.

And for the Slow People in the Crowd (That Would Be Me)...

If you're a longtime reader, you'll notice that I finally got with the program and added a FOLLOW button along the top right margin of this blog. So, if you're so inclined, please do click that button to get regular updates of Dating Advice (Almost) Daily delivered to your Blogger dashboard.

I'd like to thank fellow blogger Krissy Knox, who very generously (and painstakingly) pointed out the benefits of getting with said program.

If you take a look at her blog, you'll quickly come to the conclusion that she clearly has more important things to do than counsel clueless people like me.

You can also follow Krissy on Twitter.

Are Men Too Lazy in Relationships?

Not the good ones.

But according to a woman who wrote to Manslator Jeff Mac, men are definitely lazy, and she's had enough of it. She starts her query to him like this:

"This isn’t so much a request for a manslation, as much as it is just a few general questions. I’ve been reading your site for a few weeks now, browsing through archives and such (yeah, I really have nothing to do at work!)…and I’m diggin’ the advice you give. Now, obviously, as this is a MANslation website and women are coming to you with their male issues and how to address them, the scope of advice would be how to address a situation so that a male can “understand it” (I’ll refrain from using the term “man” considering that most males never really amount to more than little boys…real “men” are few and far between). "

Most men are nothing more than little boys?

Yikes.

Jeff gently disagrees with this misguided reader and tells her how to ensure that her experiences with men will improve in the future.

Click here to read his full response.

NY Times Reports Teenage Girls Backing Chris After Alleged Assault on Rihanna

And if that isn't sad, I don't know what is.

According to the story by Jan Hoffman,

"Even after they saw a photo of Rihanna’s bloodied, bruised face, which had raced across the Internet, [girls] still defended Mr. Brown. 'She probably made him mad for him to react like that,' the other ninth grader said. 'You know, like, bring it on?'”

Oy.

Time for yet another chat with my tween and teen (oh, I can just see the eyes rolling already).

Read the full story here.

If You're Tired All the Time

Several years ago, I did a radio show to promote How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams with Get Ready For Love Host Viveca Stone-Berry (that's V in the photo). Over a year later, she contacted me again to get my opinion on an ebook she was writing, Fatigue Be Gone.

I said I'd be glad to take a look. I had been tired a lot and recently discovered I suffered from high triglycerides and high LDL cholesterol. I couldn't understand any of this because I'd been careful about what I eat and exercised four to five times a week.

I put Fatigue Be Gone to work. I had another checkup coming up in a few months, and I wondered if Viveca's program would have any effect on my annoying cholesterol levels.

I came away with impressive results. My doctor informed me that my LDL and triglycerides had fallen to acceptable levels. Oh, and I lost five pounds pretty easily (but I didn't need a doctor to tell me that). I stopped feeling wiped out all the time.

Nice to see that Viveca's guide got a good review over at The Succulent Wife the other day.

If you're chronically tired, check it out. And why don't you read Viveca's wonderful love story, too, while you're at it?

His Ex Specializes in Harrassing Phone Calls

Terry,

I've been building a great relationship with a wonderful man over the past 6 months. On two occasions, we've run into his ex-girlfriend. This lady causes drama and chaos each time she sees us. She somehow found my phone number and after seeing us, she calls me repeatedly leaving foul threatening messages on my voicemail.

Neither he nor I know what to do to get her to stop. Can you offer some advice?

-Enough Already

Dear Enough-

This "lady' you describe is no lady at all.

First off, it's completely inappropriate (not to mention psycho and unattractive) for her to make a scene when she runs into you and your boyfriend. Furthermore, calling you repeatedly and leaving threatening messages is harrassment and could land her in serious trouble with the police.

The next time you or your boyfriend talk to her, warn her to knock it off, or you will report her to the police. If she doesn't back off, please do report her and ask an officer for specific advice on how to deal with her if she rears her scary head again.

Terry

I Met Him in a Bar

Hi Terry,

I have read your book and I love your emails. One detail that I have not read about and am very curious about is how you met your husband. How did you meet him? Where, what circumstances? Was it how you visualised it or different?

Look forward to your reply!

Regards,
S.

Hello, S.-

Thanks for the kind words.

I never actually visualized meeting my husband. I did regularly visualize the relationship (for instance, what a day with a person whose qualities I specified might look, smell, taste, feel, and sound like). I visualized dancing with him at our wedding, I also visualized dancing with him on our tenth and twentieth wedding anniversaries.

But I never actually visualized meeting him.

And when I did meet him, I was out with friends in a bar. He was friendly with some of my friends, and I thought he was attractive. He asked me out, and I immediately (no hesitation) said yes. The word just came out of my mouth.

And I instantly regretted it because I thought to myself, "He's cute, but you will have nothing in common with him. You idiot. What have you gotten yourself into?"

Then he asked me, "Great. What night are you free to have dinner?"

And I responded, "Wednesday."

I didn't mean throw him by saying I'd meet him on a weeknight, but I did, and I could see it. He later admitting to thinking I'd say, "Saturday," but I was at a point in my life where I wasn't going to throw a perfectly good weekend away on some guy when I could be out having a good time with my friends.

So, I was doing the techniques I describe regularly, and I was getting out of the house, but I was not going from place to place looking for Mr. Right. I was just out having fun. And what happened was I attracted Mr. Right.

If I hadn't been visualizing, I doubt he would have been attracted to me, and I also doubt that word "yes" would have left my mouth; I would have put him off because I would have screened him out as "cute but not my type."

Interestingly, we did go out for that Wednesday dinner and ended up having so much to talk about that we decided to extend the night and meet up with some friends afterwards. I ended up getting home much too late for a work night!

He asked me out again, and from then on, things went very smoothly. I had never had a relationship that went beyond nine months (and even then, it was extremely rocky) before I started dating him.

We've been together for years now.

In Some Relationships, There's Abuse and Then There's Abuse

Rihanna and Chris Brown are still big news here in the States.

Allegedly, Brown beat Rihanna, and she had to be had to be hospitalized. Now, according to reports, she's taken him back, and they're going to record a duet together.

It's dumbfounding. The girl's on top of the world (huge record sales, makes loads of money advertising products), and she's going to waste time with a guy who hit her?

While Brown's alleged treatment of his girlfriend is clearly abuse, a lot of times, women date men who hurt them in much subtler ways. These guys play head games, manipulate, cheat, tell the girlfriend she's "fat" or "ugly," and that nobody else will want her.

Other men try to separate girlfriends from friends and family in order to gain control over them. Some pester their girlfriends by cellphone, texting and calling constantly (even while they're at work, jeopardizing their jobs!), to keep tabs.

Other subtle forms of abuse: deliberately and repeatedly ogling other women, or comparing the girlfriend to other women in a way that demeans her and makes her feel insecure and unattractive. Still other ways include refusing to compliment her on her achievements, or to even notice them.

If you're in a relationship with a guy who repeatedly and deliberately makes you feel bad about yourself or tries to control you, tread carefully. This person may light you up every once in a while by assuring you how much he "needs" you and "loves" you, but his behavior has nothing to do with love.

Take a step back. Ask yourself, "Would I treat a person I love like this?" And then ask yourself, "Would a guy who genuinely loves a woman treat her like this?"

The correct answer is "no."

Here's the thing: You do not need a boyfriend like this. You will be better off on your own. Forget about not wanting to be single. You will be better off single.

Yes, the pressure to "be in a relationship" can sometimes be overwhelming. But, please know this: The only way you'll ever attract a man who'll love you properly is to love yourself first. And a woman who hangs around with a man who habitually hurts her doesn't love herself. She'd be better learning to love herself, be happily single, and open to meeting a man who will treat her well.

You're too smart to live your life looking over your shoulder.

She Turns Him On, and He Can't Take It

Hi Terry,

My "man issues" are different.

I met this great guy, and the chemistry's great. We started out well, but my problem is, he's cut me out because of the strong sexual attraction between us. He is afraid of giving in to it because of his religious beliefs and values.

He doesn't even want us to be friends, according to him, seeing me alone is a turn-on for him. So what do I do? I really like him and would love to have a relationship with him.

-Would Love

Dear Would Love-

Here's the thing: If you somehow convince him to embark on that relationship you desire, and he gives into the sexual attraction, he will eventually resent you for it.

He'll blame you for separating him from the values his parents and religion instilled in him. He will come to perceive you as some sort of enemy.

No, this isn't fair. He is attracted to you, and you are clearly attracted to him. It seems such a waste not to be able to be able enjoy a relationship that just seems right and natural, doesn't it?

You want him. He wants you. What's the problem?

But, for him, it's a problem. And God didn't put you on this planet to convince anyone that you and he are meant to be, and that everything will be fine in the long run.

Your best bet is to give the guy what he wants. (Yes, I know you don't want to hear this, but hear it.) He doesn't want your friendship. Well, fine. Walk away quietly and keep your head up.

Please remember: You're (obviously) attractive. There will be other men with whom you enjoy tingly chemistry. Let their gain be this other guy's loss.

Attracting Men When It Seems There Are No Men to Attract

Here's an excellent question a reader sent me last week:

"I know sometimes you respond to letters and was wondering if you would at some point talk about dating in a small town. I love your ideas and think that they are essential to dating, but I get a bit pessimistic about my chances of finding "the man of my dreams" in a town of my size. I meet a lot of people and travel, but I see my pool as pretty limited."

Here's my answer:

Definitely stop seeing your pool as limited. I don't care if you live in a town that consists of just you, a horse, and a post office.

We're going to work with the law of attraction here. We are NOT going to be dissuaded by specific population statistics of a particular town.

First step: Forget about the apparent shortage of men. We're going to pretend that the very air you breathe is bursting with men. You're tripping all over them.

Close your eyes.

Everywhere you go, you see men. What's that like? Bring this image to life in your imagination.

See handsome men. Successful men. Honest men. Funny men. They're stepping aside and opening doors for you.

How does that feel?

Next step: Which of these men appeals to you most? Write down a list of his qualities. Is he honest, loyal, loving, reliable, successful, and fun? (Those were qualities from MY list, but please fill in the ones that matter to YOU.) Is he handsome?

Are you attracted to him? What does that feel like?

Is he attracted to you? What does that feel like? (Feel it in your solar plexus.) Look like? (Man, he looks good coming toward you in that pair of jeans.) Smell like?(He's holding you. Smell the soap in his shirt.) Taste like? (His kiss, or a meal you're enjoying together.)

Again, we're working with the law of attraction here. It works.

It's key to bring this man to life in your imagination twice daily. Please don't do it once and mutter a week later, "It didn't work." Keep up your visualizations. They're critical to your success.

After a while, your subconscious will nudge you: Go here. Do this.

In addition to visualization, you might look into Plentyoffish.com, a free online dating service that a couple of people I know have had success with. You can key in your zip code (or a neighboring zip code) and see if anybody interesting comes up.

But I recommend that you use it-- or any other dating service--only after you've been visualizing (in other words, actively attracting) for a while.

Putting yourself in situations where you can meet new men helps,
but it's less important than visualization.

Here's an email I received from another reader last Thursday (March 5th):

"...like the reader you mentioned in [a previous email], because of you I am getting married to a wonderful man who treats me like a queen. Our wedding is in two months. We met shortly after I tried your visualization techniques and I couldn't be happier with the results. Unlike the previous reader though, I want to continue to read your emails because it helps me to pass on this valuable advice to other women. Also, I want to use the techniques for other things like losing weight, buying a house that's just right for us, etc."

This email made my day. Thanks so much to this reader for sharing
her good news!

Come On, Rihanna -- Just Walk Away!

"If a man hits you once, he will hit you again."
-Oprah Winfrey

Oprah's right about this, of course. My husband is right, too. He tells my daughters, "If a man hits you, he doesn't love you. He hates you."

And now Rihanna, a pretty, talented, once-hugely successful pop star, has -- according to reports -- resumed her relationship with the jackass who allegedly bashed her face in.

I'm praying that Rihanna walks away from this guy, that she asks herself where she wants to be five years from now. Maybe she'd like to still be on the top of the charts, making tons of money through endorsement deals, and in a happy relationship with a fun and gentle man who thrills her and doesn't receive lengthy text messages from other women.

It sure beats losing the respect of her fans (not because she was victimized but because she returned to her abuser), losing endorsement deals, and dodging the blows of a so-called boyfriend who thinks he can do anything he damn well pleases.

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The Right Man to Marry

Dear Terry:

Please help! How do I know the right man to marry?

Which one matters most? Is it love, wealth, education, background, or looks? Can one find at least three of these in one man?

-Want the Right One

Dear Want Right-

The qualities that matter most in a man are the ones you want in a man.

My best advice is to know what you want (and you seem to have that covered) and write it down. Sounds like hooey, but it isn't. (Read how it helped Susan Courtad meet the right man here.) Knowing what type of man you want makes you more apt to recognize him when he floats into your airspace. And, believe it or not, it helps you to attract him.

My next best advice is to bring a man who possesses the qualities you want to life in your imagination (not a particular man; you're inventing him in your imagination). In your mind, feel him, see him, hear him, taste him, smell him. How do you spend your time together? For example, what's a Wednesday like?

You should make a point of bringing this guy to life in your imagination twice a day, preferably before you get out of bed in the morning and just before you drop off to sleep at night. You'll notice that, after a while, additional details will start to fill themselves in.

You asked if it's possible for one man to possess wealth, education, background, and looks. Of course it is.

While you set to work attracting this fellow, I suggest you cultivate in yourself the qualities you value in him. So be loving and kind, make the most of whatever money comes your way, learn something new every day, and look your very best.

In other words, be the type of person you want to marry.

Dating for Two Years, She Doesn't Know if She Should Marry Him

Hi Terry,

I would like to talk to someone about my relationship with my boyfriend of two years.

I need to decide if I should marry him or break up. He had some issues, and he admitted his faults to me last week and promised to listen more to me, speak more from the heart instead of meanly, and a couple more things. I have been intimate with him. I was going to wait, but at 39 I guess I got tired of waiting and thought that he was going to be the one. We are bonded because of the intimacy and the time that has been invested.

However, this man has been stolen from by 6 different people, beaten up when younger, sick with Lyme disease and high mercury poisoning. He and I have different poltical beliefs. He says he just doesn't have the energy to care. I understand he is in survival mode because they almost foreclosed on his house. We also have different religous views, but mine have been changing lately.

Should I break up with him and wait for my ideal mate? He is telling me that he loves me and really wants to marry me and have children. I am not sure what to do. He says he never felt such a great chemistry with any woman before. I need someone who has wisdom and cares about me to hear me listen and give me their thoughts on this. What I should do?

-Not Sure

Dear Not Sure-

Okay, you know I can't make this decision for you, but to help you make it, I will highlight a couple of things that popped out for me from your letter:

- he promises to listen to you more and to stop talking meanly
- promises to listen to you more
- he "doesn't have the energy to care," is in survival mode
- you have different political and religious beliefs
- his financial situation is shaky.

So those are the negatives. These, I'm think, are what you believe are good reasons to stay in this relationship:

- You're over 39
- You had sex with the guy.

Neither of which is a big deal. Just because you had sex with the guy doesn't mean you have to marry him. Sure, I understand this marked a big step for you, but it doesn't mean you have to bond yourself for life to a man you are clearly not sure about. His financial situation may be a concern, as well. If you have the children he wants, will he be able to support them, or will you be lying awake at night wondering how you're going to pay the mortgage?

As for your age, remember this: Only the lucky get older. You may live another 60 years, and wouldn't you be better off single and captain of your own ship than married to a guy who doesn't make you happy?

(Oh, and here's a question: What would make you happy? A man who speaks to you with love and respect? A healthy man who meets life's challenges to the best of his ability? A man who makes you laugh?)

I recommend that you take your time with this man. You don't have to decide whether or not to marry him this afternoon. See if he keeps his promises to listen to you and stop talking meanly (tip: people's behavior generally doesn't improve after they marry; it gets worse). See if he moves beyond survival mode. See what steps he takes to change his financial situation.

After all, this is your life we're talking about.

He Loves a Serially-Abused Woman

Terry,

I have been searching for advice online for men who are in relationships with women who have been in abusive relationships. I have been seeing a wonderful woman. She has always been in relationships where the guy has treated her badly, and the last serious relationship she was in was physically abusive.

She says that she cares about me very much and wants to be with me but is not ready to love again and needs to take things slow. It seems that every time we get closer, she then pulls away. I have been trying to give her all of the space she needs, and I know that the right things to do is show her that I will be here no matter what, and that I understand and respect her need for space. Sometimes I feel like it is hard for me to express my needs to her because I am nervous that she will mistake them as demands or expectations.

She is one of the nicest, most caring persons I have ever met. I want her to be able to trust again, and I know it begins when she is able to trust herself. Do you have any advice that may help make it easier to get through the rough patches?

Sincerely,
A Really Supportive Guy

Dear Supportive Guy:

Let me get this out of the way: I used to have a habit of attracting (and being attracted to) emotionally abusive and -- in one case -- physically abusive relationships. I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, so please take the following for what it is: One woman's opinion.

Now, you sound like the type of man many of my readers would love to meet: Loving, kind, supportive, caring, and so on.

But you're involved with a woman who has a history of being in emotionally and physically abusive relationships. She's established a pattern. Obviously, I don't know this woman, but it's possible she's been attracted to people who hurt her.

Sounds crazy, but it's possible.

Does this mean she can't break the pattern? Of course not. I did it, but I was willing to do it. This means I sat myself down and asked myself what the payoff was in putting up with such garbage, and why I even thought I even deserved it.

I immersed myself in books like Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life. I learned to treat myself as a treasure yet to be discovered. The more I worked on valuing myself, the less I found myself attracted to abusive people.

And over time I stopped attracting them.

I became attracted to healthy men and happy relationships, and I attracted them. (I've been in one for many years now.)

Here's the thing, though. You can buy your friend the book (You Can Heal Your Life), but you can't make her read it. You can't make her do anything.

In the end, it will be up to her to break the pattern of attracting abusive men. You can do it for her no more than you could lose weight for her or make her stop gambling or drinking (I'm not suggesting she has these issues, but you know what I mean).

But do point her in the right direction ("You're a really wonderful and worthwhile person," you can tell her. "But I can't make you understand that. You need to make yourself understand that, or nothing's ever going to change for you").

And take care of yourself.

Be open to two possibilities: 1) That one day she'll be ready to love you fully, or 2) that she never will.

Right now, this woman is emotionally unavailable. Continue to be a good and supportive friend, but make sure you're taking time for yourself and for your other interests. Go out with your other friends. Please do not let her become your whole world until she's demonstrated that she's willing to make you hers.

A Tough Proposal to Swallow

I'm really, really not into stunt proposals.

You know, where the guy hires a skywriter to spell out "LOLA, WILL YOU MARRY ME?" while you're minding your own business on the beach?

Or where the guy gets the lead singer in the bar you're hanging out in to give him the mic? And then pulls you onstage, gets on one knee, and whips out a ring?

You're so startled you don't know what the hell to do. You start blubbering (out of shock and horror and embarrassment, which everyone else in the place mistakes for relief and boundless joy). The word "yes" pops out of your mouth, which means you'll legally bind yourself to him because you don't want to embarrass the poor guy by saying, "no," or the smart thing, "I'll think about it."

Besides, you'd ruin a Saturday night for an entire roomful of people, and who wants that on her head, right?

The folks on Today reported on a recent stunt proposal that went wrong. Did the victim--er, woman--in question end up saying "yes?"

Of course she did.

Check out the video.

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