I Met Him in a Bar

Hi Terry,

I have read your book and I love your emails. One detail that I have not read about and am very curious about is how you met your husband. How did you meet him? Where, what circumstances? Was it how you visualised it or different?

Look forward to your reply!

Regards,
S.

Hello, S.-

Thanks for the kind words.

I never actually visualized meeting my husband. I did regularly visualize the relationship (for instance, what a day with a person whose qualities I specified might look, smell, taste, feel, and sound like). I visualized dancing with him at our wedding, I also visualized dancing with him on our tenth and twentieth wedding anniversaries.

But I never actually visualized meeting him.

And when I did meet him, I was out with friends in a bar. He was friendly with some of my friends, and I thought he was attractive. He asked me out, and I immediately (no hesitation) said yes. The word just came out of my mouth.

And I instantly regretted it because I thought to myself, "He's cute, but you will have nothing in common with him. You idiot. What have you gotten yourself into?"

Then he asked me, "Great. What night are you free to have dinner?"

And I responded, "Wednesday."

I didn't mean throw him by saying I'd meet him on a weeknight, but I did, and I could see it. He later admitting to thinking I'd say, "Saturday," but I was at a point in my life where I wasn't going to throw a perfectly good weekend away on some guy when I could be out having a good time with my friends.

So, I was doing the techniques I describe regularly, and I was getting out of the house, but I was not going from place to place looking for Mr. Right. I was just out having fun. And what happened was I attracted Mr. Right.

If I hadn't been visualizing, I doubt he would have been attracted to me, and I also doubt that word "yes" would have left my mouth; I would have put him off because I would have screened him out as "cute but not my type."

Interestingly, we did go out for that Wednesday dinner and ended up having so much to talk about that we decided to extend the night and meet up with some friends afterwards. I ended up getting home much too late for a work night!

He asked me out again, and from then on, things went very smoothly. I had never had a relationship that went beyond nine months (and even then, it was extremely rocky) before I started dating him.

We've been together for years now.