In my post of January 2, Meet Better Men in 2008, I recommended that women write and keep a list of the qualities they want in a guy. One reader took me up on it and sent me what she came up with:
"Great sense of humor…Kind…Loves his job… he is his own boss…didn’t sell his soul to the man…Honest… Into Wellness…Fit…Athletic but not a jock…Hike bike tennis all around athletic but not obsessed…Easy going…Intelligent but not a brainiac…Never stuffy…Treats everyone with respect and compassion. Never snubs people…Doesn’t want any new offspring…Soft hearted…Big into relaxing and taking a hiatus from phone, TV, cell, laptop etc...Not a big political guy but knowledgeable…not a perfectionist…Handy, do it yourselfer…Fetish free…Eyes like Jim F…Wrinkly eye smiley face…Affectionate…Good Hugger…5 o’clock shadow…physique like Barry, Robbie, Drew…good dresser…appreciates the arts, music, musician…guitar, piano, sings, reads music…good cook…into food but not snobby…more like mark BITTMAN and naked chef…not at all effeminate by any stretch of the imagination…likes to go out to restaurants…knows wine but not in a snobby way…not a momma’s boy…not a washerwoman…helpful…energetic…laid back…not hyper…makes me laugh…makes me blush….makes me feel safe…makes me feel attractive….loves God…knows scripture…Christ-like lifestyle and approach…not an annoying pompous type church dude…good host, entertainer…nice home…unfettered by past relationships…likes dogs…not a cat guy…not status conscious…well read and nice handwriting…good with words…into green living…loves NYC…Knows NYC…GETS NYC…geographically available…neat and clean but not OCD about it…lots of good friendships…loving family…exceptionally kind to wait staff etc…thinks my kids rock…can handle being friends first…but when I am ready won’t budge from this point in his life until I agree to come along for the ride…gets me…multi-faceted…confident..empowered…empowering…a big motivator…encourager…great friend to get clarity from…lives a balanced, harmonious existence…never tries to give me something I don’t want…never tries to tell me what I want after I just expressed what I wanted…joyful...optimistic...peacemaker...likes the beach all year round...no agenda...not meticulous or fussy in any way...."
Will she get everything on her list? Probably not; maybe she'll have to accept less than good handwriting. None of us is perfect. But the fact that she's determined what she wants means she'll recognize the right guy when he comes along. It also dramatically increases the likelihood that he will indeed come around.
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6 comments:
wow...well, I hope she gets what she's looking for. That's quite the list! What if he shaves his five o'clock shadow or doesn't have eyes like Jim F.? Will she dump him? Frankly, we all want Mr.Perfect, but I believe the bigger things are MUCH more important than whether he has a five clock shadow or not. I think some people are just a little too picky to see the perfect guy in front of them.
Nah.
She knows nobody's perfect, and she'll probably give up the 5:00 shadow or eyes like Jim's (I've spoken to her) if she has to. She probably won't give up "never tries to give me something I don’t want…never tries to tell me what I want after I just expressed what I wanted…joyful...optimistic."
And she shouldn't.
Some of the stuff she listed is critical and some of it is clearly disposable.
However, it will certainly help her to have an idea what'll make her happy before she gets out there. I'm confident she'll recognize the right guy when he shows up.
my dilema is what do you do when you get the guy and lose him? I wrote such a detailed list at a personal development seminar a few years back. Then last year i met 'him'! He had everything on my list! Things were great until I fell ill and being an idiot didn't tell him just pushed him out of my life with no explanantion. Now I am better I don't know what to do. Does the universe give you what you want twice?
not looking for "perfect guy" but looking for "real guy"
he can shave...he can grow a beard...he can trim a goatee..just find a little scruffiness a little sexy.
this was less of a list and more of a mental painting...
And it was an excellent mental painting (nice term, by the way), freeme.
At least you put your mind to the exercise, instead of sitting around whining that things never go your way. I respect that.
I'll try to get back to teela tomorrow!
106! I have currently 106 qualities in a man that I have sitting on my gongyo alter in my home. (I'm Buddist) The funny thing about this what I caught myself doing is, when I meet a potential.. if they say s something right off the bat I tell myself. Thats not on the list.
I woman in my Buddist womans group made a list of 250 characteristics.
And she said that her current finance has met all of them except one, which was playing an interestment.I think that there maybe one that won't be fullfilled.. but then again I do not belive that there is such of a thing caled Musames.
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