Tuesday, January 15, 2008

She Met the Right Man Through eHarmony

I'm not an employee or stockholder or affiliate of eHarmony, but I'm intrigued by their "personality profile" approach to matchmaking. My friend, Dating Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan, maintains that no man in his right mind is going to submit himself to answering the numerous questions the company requires. A lot of her clients back her up on this.

At a party over the weekend, though, I spoke with the well-traveled and successful owner of a Manhattan company who met her fiance through eHarmony. Obviously, she felt differently about the service. She said she'd used other online services, too, but the matches she got through them wanted casual fun instead of serious fun (in fairness to eHarmony's competitors, I do know a couple of people who met through them and eventually married). She believes that men who want relationships will invest time in answering questions that improve their odds of meeting the right woman.

I asked her if eHarmony supplied her with an adequate supply of eligible bachelors. I wanted to know if she considered them quality matches, as opposed to a bunch of losers. She said that the company had indeed supplied a number of good matches, all of whom she spent considerable time on the phone with before making coffee dates. The one exception was a high school principal in upstate New York she said she really wanted to meet. Ultimately, she decided against it; she figured a high school principal would be pretty invested in his town, and she has no intention of leaving Manhattan.

She concedes that not everybody she knows has been as succesful as she with eHarmony, though. A relative of hers ended up disappointed. I'll be back with that part of the story tomorrow.


Susan at One-Woman Show said...

Ugh. As you probably have read in my blog, Terry, my go at eHarmony a few years ago did not yield more than maybe 10 matches in the 2 or 3 months I subscribed. And the ones they did offer all were very devout in their religious convictions and faiths, which is perfectly fine -- except that I'm more "spiritual but not religious" and this was one area I specifically marked as not being important to me. Needless to say, I was not impressed with their scientific matching capabilities!

I also just tried Chemistry.com, an offshoot of Match and competitor of eHarmony. It definitely yielded more matches; however, I contacted about a dozen men (i.e., gave the signal I'd want to move to the next stage) and, as you know, the only one who contacted me back was the doofus wet noodle...weeks after I first indicated interest.

In my experience, it has been much better being on a site like Match where I can see exactly who is out there, they can see me, and then do all the matching evaluations myself.

All that said, though...good for your friend. I'm glad it works for someone :)

Terry said...

Thanks for letting me know about your experience, Susan. I definitely appreciate it!

Interestingly, this woman I talked to wouldn't qualify as religious. Her fiance is a lapsed Catholic.

It's compelling how people have such markedly different results from the various services.

Crazy thought: I wonder if indicating that religion isn't "very important" to you flagged you to be matched with zealots in search of converts! (Hey, I said it was a crazy thought.)

Michelle said...

I ended up canceling my subscription early. They were matching me with uneducated men who worked in gas stations and convenance stores. Because they have no selection for I am in the middle of getting my degree. However when I had experimented with changing to a Ba cholers. I ended with another slot of men.

I found nothing on eHarmony that will validate spending that kind of money. As for Match and Chemistry ect... I gave up on internet dating due to some whack jobs that I have met. I would rather have a man approach me and ask me for a date as appose for looking and meeting and finding something that could be possibly dangerous.

Terry said...

Thanks for sharing your experience, Michelle. I'm beginning to think that the woman who succeeded in meeting a great guy through eHarmony is an exception.

Gas station and convenience store attendants? That's just ridiculous!

Sheryl said...

I'm torn. I've been on eHarmony for a few years. Yes, I know---that's a long time. They've given me a great rate, so every month I eventually decide the price of a movie and dessert is worth the hope that the right guy might be out there and on eHarmony.

I have quite a few friends who have met their fiance/spouse on eHarmony. In fact, I'm going to be a bridesmaid in one of their weddings this spring. The "seen it with my own eyes" factor helps increase my hope factor, too. The quality of my matches have gone up in the last few months, so that has been encouraging. The number of matches that have progressed to even coffee dates? Dismal.

So, while I've seen quite a few people in my network of connections find true love, I haven't been one of them.

Terry said...

Thanks for writing, Sheryl! I admire you for hanging in there, despite the disappointing results so far.

Are you meeting people through other sources? Also, are you planning to bring a date to your friend's wedding this spring?

If you aren't seeing anybody you're crazy about by then, I wouldn't. I'd make every effort to look smashing (eh, without upstaging the bride, of course) and plan to have a great time.

Susan at One-Woman Show said...

Terry, in response to your comment, I have thought about whether maybe someone was trying to send me a message -- like "do I really look/sound THAT much like I need to be saved??!" (No. Only my opinion of course!)

I will say that like Sheryl I have met people who have had success with eHarmony, as well as other sites like Match and Yahoo Personals. Somehow I don't think it's going to be my (not so free) ticket to love, so I keep my options open, do the things I like to do anyway, and see what will transpire in the offline world!

Terry said...


No, you don't look or sound as if you need to be saved in any way, shape, or form!

Anonymous said...

i have met wonderful men on eharmony. two wanted to marry before ever meeting. which was a very big flag but both were educated and had secure careers. I have issues with someone wanting to marry me without meeting. These guys got off eharmony for me and were dead serious. I agree to meet first and see how is goes. But both men want me to say i love them....argggg. any comments are welcomed PLEASE!

Terry said...

A man who wants to marry you without having met you is big trouble. Heed the red flag!

I don't care how much money he has, or how secure his job is. How do you know he's honest? How do you know he's not going to show up on "To Catch a Predator?"

Men who are so desperate to marry surely have a few skeletons in the closet. Beware!

If you must meet these men, do it in a crowded, well-lit place. Bring a cell phone and drive yourself (or take a cab) home.

Melissa said...

I was on eHarmony and I didn't meet anyone! The one person I did meet, was a scammer. It seems like the guys I was interested in would close the match based on "other". So I let my subscription end and took a break and now I am on Match.Com. So far I have met one guy and we really aren't a match. I just wish I could figure out what to do to get over the hump so to speak. My friends tell me I am a wonderful person, but I just can't find a significant other. Go figure....