Don't Date Him!

Where was Don'tDateHimGirl.com when I was dating? I can think of one or two clowns who should've been on it with their names in lights. They're probably still out there--with one or two STDs under their belts--and may get their comeuppance yet.

Especially interesting to me is this guy, Malcom, who is, I'm sorry to say, the type I once fell for.

I dated a guy who excelled at the "overlap" game Malcolm likes to play. He also liked to hit the bar scene in a suit to make him feel (and look) like a power player. I don't know that my former fling shares any of this jerk's other peculiarities. I really and truly hope not.

I'm referring to the thing with the webcam. Eeeew.

Love, Life and The Law of Attraction

Just because I wrote a book detailing how to use the Law of Attraction to achieve romance and happiness doesn't mean I don't forget to use it myself every now and then.

I refer to those times when I get a whopping oil bill in the mail, or when one of my children brings home bad grades, and I start worrying that she'll never get into college (when I think rationally, I remember that a college education hardly guarantees success in life).

When I start dwelling on limitations, I tend to mangetize bad situations. I did not attract a happy marriage by mentally replaying painful scenes from old relationships, for example.

For two decades I have devoured every book I came across on The Law of Attraction, including Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain, The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy, The Magic of Believing by Claude Bristol, and Positive Imaging by Norman Vincent Peale.

A couple of years ago, I came across an offer for a free ebook on the subject, The Science of Getting Rich, by Wallace Wattles. It sounded pie-in-the-sky, but I figured what the hell. It was free, so I ordered it.

I read it, enjoyed it, copied down some pertinent quotes from it in a notebook, and forgot about it.

Fast forward to two weeks ago: After viewing the amazing movie, The Secret, I read that The Science of Getting Rich served as its inspiration. I heartily recommend that you watch The Secret, and I suggest you download SOGR and put its principals to work.

Right now, I can think of one or two areas in my life that could stand improvement. It's time to stop looking at what is and visualize what could be. Once again, I am using the Law of Attraction.

Attracting a Man Who Actually Makes You Happy

"Everything's in the mind. That's where it all starts. Knowing what you want is the first step toward getting it."

-Mae West

Do you know what you want in a man? Do you know that it matters? If you want to meet a guy who'll leave the last meatball you dated in the dust, ask yourself a few questions.

First: What don't you want in a man? Write it down.

Second: Turn it around. Write down an opposite quality for each of the ones you don't want. Now you know what you do want.

The next time--or the next few times-- you go out with a guy, you'll have a checklist to help you determine whether he's worth your while. (No need to break it out over dinner, mind you.) The key is to date only guys who are capable of a joyous relationship. Give 'em a chance and then decide.

It's funny. If you stop dating men who aren't worth your time, eventually the ones who are will start showing up.

It happened to me.

Meet Men Without Trying

My amazing friend, V, tells me she is meeting attractive guys every day now that she has a dog. She insists that they're falling out of trees to talk to her. Too bad she's married.

I'm a cat person myself, but I never met a man through a cat.

Coordinated people can meet other coordinated people by joining local co-ed sports teams. If there's not a co-ed team in your area, join a women's team (a teammate may introduce you to a handsome stranger!).

This is a great time of year for Oktoberfests and other fun events that tend to attract upbeat people in search of a good time. Get out there.

At a Crossroads

I'm sorry I haven't posted about my new adventure. You probably don't care, but I do. I hate saying I'm going to do a thing and then not do it. It interferes with my sleep.

But, after giving it much thought, I think I'd like to keep this blog focused on dating.

I attended a baby shower Friday night (nighttime showers, I notice, facilitate the consumption of a fair amount of wine, which is fine with me. I ordinarily hate showers. This one was actually fun).

A new acquaintance asked me where I met my husband.

"A bar," I answered somewhat sheepishly.

"So did I," she answered.

"So did I," answered someone else.

Turned out the majority of us did meet our husbands in bars, and all but one of us are happily married. The one woman (a wonderful friend) who recently asked her husband for a divorce met her husband through church. He's a horror show.

I mention this not to put down churches (I'm a Catholic and raising my children in the Church), but to emphasize that meeting a guy at a church event does not guarantee that he's a good, or even decent, man.

Some people will turn their noses up at the concept of meeting a guy in a bar; they don't want to be saddled with an alcoholic. And I am here to tell you that you will easily meet as many alcoholics in church as you ever will in a bar.

The point is, take people as you find them, not where you find them. If your gut tells you something doesn't add up about a person, it does not matter if you met him in a bar, or after he saved your mother's life on the operating table.

Wipe the stars from your eyes until you're sure a guy is worth your time.

It's Man-Meeting Season

Oh, yes.

The air is getting crisper, and the fellows will soon be huddled jovially at the local tavern to watch Monday Night Football. If you want to meet a great guy, this is one place to do it.

The bonus to meeting a guy during a sports event in a bar: You get to see how he drinks and how he reacts when his team wins or gets slaughtered. Better to find these things out now than after you've waltzed down the aisle and bound yourself to him for life.

I also just happen to have handy the adult education brochure for my neighborhood, and it's chock full of classes that men are likely to attend. No doubt the one in your neighborhood is, too.

My favorite picks are Guitar for Beginners (likely to attract the guy eager to release his inner Jimi Hendrix), Auto Shop, How to Buy and Sell Real Estate Wisely, and Golf for the Beginner. Personally, I would avoid Line Dancing and Learning to Read the Tarot.

My adult ed brochure also features Basic Auto for Women-Men Invited, which will be taught by a man. I wonder if said man is single. If so, he'll be meeting a group of new women. What a great idea!

What can you teach that other people want to learn? If can whip up an enchilada to die for, you (yes, you!) could offer a course entitled, Mexican Cooking for Men. Or you can offer a co-ed class and see who turns up. One of your students just may turn out to be a woman with a gorgeous brother she'd like to marry off.

I've told you how my male friend, B., set out to meet females by taking a gourmet cooking course. He didn't meet anyone in class, but he did meet his future wife at a party he held at his home to show off his new skills. He invited a select group of people and asked them to bring along a friend, which resulted in introductions to many women.

Before you try any of this, of course, you'll need to believe that good, eligible men actually exist and want to meet a wonderful woman like you (you do know you're wonderful, don't you?).

To facilitate the process, I suggest you study the Law of Attraction. You can buy my book, How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams, or view the absolutely brilliant movie, The Secret (I don't make any money on this one, but it'd be a crime to hold out on you).

Tomorrow (well, I hope it'll be tomorrow), I'll tell you about my recent adventure.

No More Panic Attacks (No Drugs Necessary!)

Over the past several decades, I've suffered from insomnia and panic attacks. They usually hit during a big episode in my life, like the night before the 8th grade dance, after the birth of my children, or during the illness and subsequent death of my mother.

About a month ago, a couple of opportunities presented themselves that would make a normal person leap with joy. But they resulted in more scariness and sleepless nights for me. For instance, a national writers' group invited me to be on their TV show. No writer in her right mind would refuse such a gift. I didn't, but I didn't sleep, either.

Enter Alison Held, a practitioner of EFT, a remarkable method that has been useful in ending panic attacks, weight problems, dyslexia, ADD, and a host of other physical or emotional troubles.

I had enjoyed some success using EFT on my own (it's simple to learn), but I couldn't believe the results I got from working with Alison. After just one session, I've slept peacefully every night since our meeting 13 days ago.

I taped the TV show on Monday without sweating, stammering, turning red, or generally freaking out. I arrived at the studio calmly. When I learned that the host had gotten stuck in traffic and would be late, I remained unruffled. Then the crew suffered technical difficulties with the new equipment. I still managed to stay preternaturally calm.

The benefits of one session with Alison just amaze me. I wholeheartedly recommend EFT, and if you'd like to check it out, you can download a free instructional ebook at EFT founder Gary Craig's website.

If you're interested in working with Alison, she does sessions in person and over the phone.

Why do I mention this on a blog devoted to dating? Well, when I was stuck in the groove of dating one unsuitable man after another, I could have used a technique that would have freed me from the limiting beliefs (or emotional blocks) that kept me there.

Your beliefs about yourself determine your destiny, and you can change your beliefs with EFT.

I am off to Florida tomorrow morning. I am embarking on another exciting adventure and will tell you about it when I return.