Learn the Rules of Attraction

These books changed my life. I'll bet they'll change yours, too.



"So let's be reminded that whatever we fix our thoughs upon or steadily focus our imaginations upon, that is what we attract. This is no mere play of words. It is a fact which anyone can prove to his own satisfaction. Whether the results come through magnetic or electrical energy is something still undetermined; while man hasn't been able to define it, manifestations of thought-attraction can be seen on every hand."

-From The Magic of Believing, by Claude Bristol



"When you open your eyes in the morning, say to yourself, "I choose happiness today. I choose success today. I choose right action today. I choose love and good will for all today. I choose peace today. Pour life, love, and interest into this affirmation, and you have chosen happiness."

-From The Power of Your Subconscious Mind , by Dr. Joseph Murphy



"There are so many ways that affirmations can be used powerfully and effectively to give you a more positive, creative outlook and to help you achieve specific goals.

Remember, it's important to feel relaxed as you affirm. Do not be addicted to getting results. Remember that you already are everything you need; every improvement is just icing on the cake."

-From Creative Visulization ,by Shakti Gawain



"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

-Matthew 7:6-8, New International Version

Even shy girls can learn how to do this.

She Made My Day

Received this letter in response to a tip I sent to my mailing list.
earlier this week. This smart woman offers great advice and describes her triumph after getting rid of an insecure, oppressive man:

Hello there, Terry:

How right you are on every count.

I was madly in love (or so I thought) with a man who hated that I was being promoted (as we worked together). I thought it was just macho jealousy and tried hard to down play all my ideas, and all he did was be moody. I got rumours that he had indeed cheated on me one weekend, but as I had no proof, and I did not want it to be true I choose to ignore it.

Fast forward two years, a move to another country, a dying father and then finding out I was pregnant, we see a man competing with my father for my affection, would not let me go out with friends alone as he was so insecure and gave me no emotional help when my father died or help in getting things ready for our child. In fact, he looked in disgust at everything remotely to do with children. Then he not only had an affair but brought the girl back to our house for some fun when I was 8 months pregnant. That killed it off for me, but it took another two years for him to be truly out of our lives.

I was a person with good social skills who was well liked, very attractive, and had a wonderful, full life. So it shows you can be really dumb and blind and pay for it in a huge way. Now my daughter is four, and I am finally finding I have a life again. I advise anyone with a insecure man to dump him before you forget who you are and then have to fight just to get your life back. I'm on my own now and loving every free, peaceful, wonderful moment to do simple things without having to hide everything just to live.

Would I let someone in my life again? It would have to be someone really, really special and secure, because I deserve nothing less. EVER.

Thank you for your advice, wish I got it four years ago in one sense, but in another I have an incredible little girl, who was never in my plans. I can't even begin to imagine having lived without her adorable smile.

Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.

Beautiful Skin is In

In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a skin care fiend. This is nothing new; I've been at it since 7th grade. Learned something else about rosacea this morning when my friend, C, emailed me this revealing article.

The irony is that another woman and I met yesterday at Panera Bread and discussed this very subject, how one's PH balance affects health. I understand that low PH levels invite all sorts of disease, including cancer. After reading the article I understand that they also affect one's complexion, which makes sense.

Fortunately, diet plays an enormous factor in determining PH.

I followed the link at the bottom of the article to learn which foods are low PH (or acidic) and which are high (or alkaline) and came up with this.

Apparently, every single thing I ate and drank at the Amazing V's Silpada party last night was deadly acidic, so I tested my PH this morning with the strips that had been languishing in a my file drawer. I am indeed scarily acidic.

Will devour a pile of lemons momentarily (they're alkaline)!

In another freakish twist, Rosie O'Donnell is right this second discussing her battle with rosacea on The View . She said it disappeared after she took Ayurvedic pills that were recommended to her by a man sitting next to her at a Barbra Streisand concert.

Attract the man of your dreams.

People Have Gotten Married After Doing This

In my zeal to tell you about a great idea to meet men in the post below, I neglected to tell you to click here to sign up for this free and very fun service.

Sorry!

Isn't it time someone threw you a shower for a change?

Meet Men By Mail (It's Not What You Think)

You don't have to be Irish to take advantage of the free Irish penpals program. You don't even have to write to an Irishman if you don't want to. I've made French, German, and English friends through it, and they're all women.

But you can request a male friend. The following testimonial appeared in the September issue of the entertaining Information About Ireland Site Newsletter:

Hi. My name is David, and about 4 years ago, I visited your site. I read a message from a woman in Germany and replied to it. We found that we had a lot in common and wrote to each other for about a year. We were both divorced, and neither one of us were looking for any kind of relationship other than emails. To make a long story short, I met the love of my life through your web site and we have been married for two-and-a-half years now.

Thanks,
David Ison
Miami, Florida

Bewitch him.

Clear Skin to Break Into Dance Over

Note: This post has nothing to do with dating. If you'd rather not read about my complexion or my social life, please scroll down.

Went to the dinner-dance I mentioned last week and felt fantastic. I finally got to wear the dress my mother and I picked out for another event that didn't come off, and it was just gorgeous (Mom was diagnosed with brain cancer shortly after our shopping trip and died last summer).

Rosacea update: I'm happy to report that a combination of probiotics, omega-3 softgels, and Arbonne's Rejuvenating Cream have produced good results. I haven't experienced any new breakouts, and my skin absolutely glows. I am still saddled with three small dots next to my mouth; they're slowly healing, but they're definitely healing.

Just so you know: I never had "bad skin," but in the past few years, I developed rosacea, which necessitated the use of a good powder to cover it. I feared that I would end up on a desert island, and the truth would come out. I'd eat something (like a spring sausage, for instance), and my face would sting and go bright red. Little red spots would sprout all over my face. It was really demoralizing.

An earlier post describes how I happened upon the idea of alleviating this drama by supplementing my diet. I've also read good things about the Arbonne Rejuvenating Cream. Until last week or so, it remained one of those unsexy products my eye skipped over on my way to the cosmetics and antiaging skincare in the catalog.

More about the dance: Excellent food! Met some friendly new people, and the band played "Play That Funky Music, White Boy." I am a dancing fool for "Play That Funky Music, White Boy."

No cameras allowed!

Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.

Britney Calls It Quits

While we contemplate the demise of the Spears/Federline union, it's a good idea to remember never to marry a man who has a pregnant girlfriend.

At Toastmasters today, a woman gave a lovely talk about her husband, a man who gets up at 3AM to go to work. He kisses her before he leaves and tells her to drive safely. Then she tells him to drive safely.

She's an executive who doesn't get home until after 8PM, so her husband falls asleep on her side of the bed to warm it up. Just as she's about to drop into bed, he rolls over onto his side.

As I left, I asked her how they met. She said it was in grammar school, and it's evident that she's still madly in love with him. Then she mentioned that her 25-year-old-son is frustrated because he has not yet met "the one," especially since his parents knew who they'd spend their lives with from such an early age.

Makes Britney and Kevin seem kind of silly, doesn't it?

Sick and tired? Feel like your old self again in 8 simple steps.

Paul Newman Called Me...

...and half the rest of the state in a recorded message reminding us it's Election Day. I'm just back home from the polls myself and am enjoying that euphoria I always get after a good vote.

If you haven't gone yet, please do. If you've managed to tune out the evil campaign commercials that have plagued us for weeks (and the half-truths contained therein), do a search for "League of Women Voters." You can look up your state chapter's website for non-partison information about candidates' positions on the issues.

Want to get a guy's attention? Here's how.

Skinny Bitch

Last night, Peter and I got a call asking us to go to a formal dinner next Saturday. Ordinarily, I would be over the moon at the prospect of dressing up and would have looked forward to it for weeks.

But I'm expected to yank myself out of squirrely writer mode on six days' notice?

And we have to find a babysitter pronto, andI think I've gained a pound or two since the last dinner-dance we attended. I've a gorgeous, never-worn dress hanging in my closet (my mother, who has since died, helped me pick it out for an event that ended up being canceled).

Oh! I have gained a pound or two.

Well, we can fix that in a hurry. I'll drink oceans of lemon water this week and eat organic. No meat! No dairy! (A week without cheese will be a real challenge, especially since I hadn't time to psych myself up for it. I am a fool for cheese.)

I'll pull my favorite food book off the shelf for inspiration:



WARNING: If profanity offends you, stay away from this book! But if you don't blink at swear words, and you could use some novel advice on how to get healthy and take the pounds off, check it out. It's a riot!

Can Plastic Surgery Buy You Love?

Why do women have plastic surgery? To look younger? Prettier? Or is it for something much deeper? It smacks of masochism, and the result is rarely positive. Most plastic surgery victims end up looking, well, plastic. They do not look younger, and they certainly don't look prettier.

I've read about women who can't stop scheduling surgeries once they start. It becomes an obsession. Doctors report that renovations to private parts increasingly crowd their calendars.

Middle-class women jeopardize their retirements by paying for such operations with plastic, not cash.

Back in the day, a friend and I hit a club in Great Neck, where we met a male acquaintance of hers. "I'm impressed," he said. "You girls are the only two in here with their original noses." Trust me, healthy men do not want to date the Barbi Twins.

Plastic surgery cannot buy you love, self-respect, or happiness. If you think your ankles are too thick, consider your lengthy lashes or your gorgeous skin. Focus on your attributes. Accept the fact that you are not perfect, and you never will be.

Be open to the possibility that someone will love you and your fat ankles. Somebody will be fascinated by the bump on your nose. These are some of the things that make you you. Be glad you have them.

Sick and tired? Former fatigue sufferer can help you get your groove back.

Desperate Brad Pitt's Heartbreak!

When was the last time you read a headline like that? I don't remember ever seeing one, but I've read plenty like these:

JENNIFER DUMPED AGAIN! CAN SHE EVER FIND LOVE?

NICOLE BREAKS DOWN AFTER LEARNING OF KEITH'S AFFAIR

BRAD CAUGHT WITH HOOKER! SHATTERED ANGELINA IN TEARS

I read similar crap yesterday (the third example is a real headline from the National Enquirer), as I checked out a bunch of organic bananas at the supermarket. It occurs to me that women are always the victims of heartbreak in the tabloid press. Men are invulnerable.

My 10-year-old daughter once commented to me that "Britney is really mad at Kevin because he goes out with his girlfriend all the time." When I asked her where she'd heard that, she told me she'd read it on a magazine cover at the supermarket. I have to wonder what damage such nonsense has inflicted on her psyche.

Will she grow up believing that love is dangerous, that she is destined to be heartbroken, that she should accept it as fact that men always cheat because they, as Goldie Hawn once told the women on The View, are programmed to do it?

I am making it my job to ensure she does not. I want her to know that love may be a many splendored thing, but it should never be the only thing. I will encourage her to disqualify men who sleep around. I will teach her to treat men as she would have them treat her, and to discard those who do not treat her similarly.

Beliefs determine reality.

If she believes that good men exist and that she is worthy of being loved by one, she will be. But if she believes the message promoted by tabloids, women's magazines, and pop songs--that no man can ever love one woman for very long--she'll attract men who prove her right every single time.

You can get his attention. Learn how to flirt.

Attracting True Love: Your Holiday Action Plan

Holiday season will soon be upon us. Here's a quick course to help ensure you spend a romantic, magical new year with the kind of man you've always dreamed about:

1) Love yourself. It's been said that you can't love anybody else until you love yourself. Well, I'll go one further: Nobody can love you until you love yourself, either. Until you do, you will continue to attract losers, abusers, schmoozers, and No-Show Joes. Love yourself, and you will attract men who love you and make you happy. It's that simple.

2) Bring to mind all the frogs you've kissed over the years. Write a list of the qualities you didn't like about them. How did they disappoint you?

3) Turn that list around. Write the opposite quality for every bad quality you listed. For example, if your former boyfriends were unfaithful, dishonest, manipulative, unreliable, you'd turn the list around to read: faithful, truthful, respectful of my feelings, and reliable.

4) Write an affirmation around your new list using the present tense. For example, "I am happily married (or involved with) a faithful, truthful, reliable man, who is fun to be with and respectful of my feelings." (Add the word "fun" to ensure you don't attract the nice but boring type.)

5) Write your affirmation 10-15 times a day for at least 30 days. It helps to conjure the sensation of how you'd feel when you are actually with the person you've described (feeling the affirmation helps convince the subconscious that what you're writing is fact). If you're feeling ambitious, try writing your affirmation with your non-dominant hand three to six times.

6) For the next 30 days, speak your affirmation: In the shower, in the car, while you're cooking dinner (but not on the bus or in a restaurant; people will laugh at you). Again, allow yourself to feel it. This may take time, but keep at it.

7) Be the person you want to marry. If you want a truthful man, be truthful. If you want somebody who resists playing head games, don't play them. If you want somebody polite, turn your cell phone off before you go into a movie theater.

8) Love yourself. Yes, I'm repeating myself, but loving yourself ensures you attract good men (as well as good jobs, good friends, good parties). What's more, you'll be more likely to recognize all this goodness when it appears.

9) Become aware of inner changes. After a while, you'll begin to attract a different kind of man. More important, you'll be attracted to a different type of man. Man-meeting opportunities will suddenly become abundant. Take notice.

Want more? Get more.

Sexy, Not Slutty

The Huntington Street Cafe in my neighborhood will throw a Halloween party tonight. I don't remember name of the band they hired, but the cover is a mere five dollars. Such a deal!

Check the newspaper for information about a party in your neighborhood. Then grab a friend and go.

If you don't show up as a French Maid, a short-skirted nurse, or a "hot" prison guard, you'll probably stand out in the crowd. Besides, slut-wear attracts men without imaginations, and you can do better.

Wear a costume that makes you look beautiful-- not scary, ugly, or desperate. Don't overwhelm 'em with skin. Keep your makeup slightly more dramatic than usual (false eyelashes are always fun), but make sure people can see you when they look at you. You don't ever have to scream for attention.

Now, get out of here and have some fun!

The world is full of wonderful men.

My Quest to End Rosacea

A longtime reader posted a comment suggesting that antibiotics can be useful in fighting rosacea (those of you who are not interested in reading about my quest to end this annoying skin problem can just scroll down for dating stuff). Antibiotics scare me, though.

Her comment prompted me to remember that during the summer of 2005, a very good skin summer indeed, I had been eating FAGE yogurt by the boatload. What I didn't remember was that I was also mixing two tablespoons of ground flax seed into it.

A light went on.

I may no longer be able to get my hands on FAGE yogurt, as I mentioned in an earlier post, but I do have a full bottle of flax seed oil in my refrigerator. I did a Google search ("flax," "rosacea") and found that other sufferers have found taking several thousand milligrams daily to be helpful. I also did a search on "probiotics," "rosacea" and came up with a similar finding (the bacteria in yogurt is probiotic).

So I hopped over to my favorite Internet supplement source and ordered a bottle of probiotics. Will let you know how it goes.

If you haven't tried flax seed or probiotics, be sure to ask a doctor first, will ya?

Attract a man who's worthy of you for a change.

After the Breakup

Breaking up sucks. Whether you're the one doing the dumping or the one being dumped, it's never easy.

After the breakup, it's imperative that you treat yourself as you would a beloved child. Make a point of doing something nice for yourself every single day. It doesn't have to be expensive (please do not rack up a lot of credit card debt; that's self-destructive). Buy yourself a bouquet of your favorite flowers. Take yourself out to a movie. Make (or learn to make) a favorite meal and enjoy it with a glass of wine.

Talk to yourself kindly. Make a list of your good qualities and read it when you feel down. Don't waste time with anyone who doesn't treat you with the love, tenderness, and respect you deserve.

When I was single and suffered a breakup, I really believed I'd never get over the guy. I tended to fall hard and just couldn't comprehend being able to love anybody else. If this sounds like you, take heart.

Last week, a lovely, educated, attractive woman told me that her first husband left her for her brother's girlfriend -- while she was three months' pregnant. Can you imagine getting over that?

She is now happily married to a much worthier man. She is also the successful owner of a mortgage company that specializes in helping women who are coping with divorce.

Take good care of yourself and better things will come your way, too.

Attract and marry the man of your dreams.

Freaking Rosacea!

After using it for a couple of weeks, I can confidently say that the anti-rosacea skincare line I tried doesn't work any better than the RE-9 system by Arbonne (which is an effective anti-aging line and not even recommended for rosacea sufferers). I guess the lesson here is not to pay $20.00 plus shipping for a product sample. I'm such a sucker.

My friend, L., alerted me to the fact that Arbonne does have a product recommended for people with rosacea, so I've ordered it today and will give that a try. I'm very satisfied with the Arbonne line; those bags I used to get under my eyes have been eliminated, thanks to their magic eye cream.

But the rosacea is getting to me. I was one of those people who never got a pimple as a teenager, and now I get these little breakouts. It must stop.

I've read that rosacea is a widespread affliction that affects millions of people, especially those of Northern European descent. I also understand that it may be attributed to some sort of digestive disorder called "leaky gut" (nice, huh?), in which case there must be some sort of dietary solution. I wonder if probiotics would help.

During the summer of 2005, a yogurt by the name of FAGE became a mainstay of my diet. It tasted delicious and contained all sorts of live bacteria that the usual brands didn't. My skin looked stellar every single day. I mean, just amazing.

Unfortunately, my supermarket stopped carrying FAGE, and I stopped eating it. The rosacea re-reared its ugly head some weeks later and has been a problem ever since.

I wonder if there's a connection....

Attract and marry the man of your dreams.

Love and the Subconscious Mind

"Practice this process of impregnating your subconscious mind. Then, you will have the joy of attracting to you a man possessing the qualities and characteristics you mentally dwelt upon. Your subconscious intelligence will open up a pathway, whereby both of you will meet, according to the irresistible and changeless flow of your own subconscious mind. Have a keen desire to give the best that is in you of love, devotion, and co-operation. Be receptive to this gift of love which you have given to your subconscious mind." -Joseph Murphy, author of The Power of Your Subconscious Mind

1. Write a list of qualities you don't want in a man. Use your ex-boyfriends and your friends' substandard husbands for inspiration.

2. Write a list of the opposite qualities. Now you know what you do want in a man. Congratulations! This knowledge dramatically increases your chances of getting it.

3. Visualize a relationship with a person who embodies these qualities. Don't worry if "he" seems sketchy at first. Visualize this relationship several times a day, consistently, and he will become clearer over time.

4. Know that this person exists somewhere and is on his way to you.

5. Get out of the house. Smile more.

6. Be the type of person you want to date (see step 1). Think about the The Law of Attraction: Like attracts like.

Want more? Check out my ebook.

When It's Just Sex...

Last week I had the good fortune to watch the first season of the Showtime series, Weeds. I'm a huge fan of the star, Mary Louise Parker, and I like Kevin Nealon as the ridiculous pot-smoking town councilman.

Some of the show's characters fall into bed with each other at the drop of the hat, which makes for great drama and even greater comedy. I'm crazy about this show and its wry observations about people who keep up with the Joneses.

While I'm confident that Weeds won't spark an epidemic of widows entering the marijuana trade, I do wonder if showing strangers enjoying sex on a car hood encourages viewers to give it a try. I once heard a story about a woman who said her entire perspective on sex changed after watching Sex and the City. Now she sleeps with everybody.

Which, I guess, is fine if she avoids pregnancy and disease, and if she knows from the outset that what she's doing is having sex. She's not actually dating. She's not getting to know anybody.

A very attractive newscaster once told me she used to get into such disappointing situations with men because she kept "confusing feelings below the waist for feelings of the heart."

I understand that. Women are conditioned to believe that it's okay for men to have tons of sex whenever--and with whomever--they want. Women who engage in such behavior, we're told, are sluts. So some women rationalize having slept with a guy by telling themselves they love him.

This usually results in confusion, self-loathing, and an obsession for a guy who's just not worth it. If you find yourself in this situation, eliminate the drama. Tell yourself the truth. You don't love the guy, and he probably doesn't love you. Don't harbor expectations.

Sex causes angst for men, too. A good-looking, well-employed guy complains that every girl he goes out with suffers from paranoia. "Each and every one of them refuses to believe I'm seeing her and only her. They're convinced I bang everything that isn't nailed down."

He can't get a relationship off the ground, which is what he truly wants. He's frustrated and disappointed.

The thing is, he always gets into bed too early with women, and it's difficult to build a relationship on sex. Face it; if you sleep with somebody on the first or second date, he's going to assume you sleep around. And you're going to assume he does, too.

Now you have a dilemma: You haven't established trust between you, so how can you determine if Backseat Bob would make a decent friend, let alone a loyal, loving, fun, supportive boyfriend? How do you know the dude won't be exposed as a pedophile on Dateline?

Are there exceptions? Yeah. A good friend of mine once slept with a guy after leaving a bar with him and a bottle of borrowed Korbel. They've been married for 18 years and have three kids.

But she's the only person I've ever known to pull it off. The rest of us are better off remaining vertical for longer periods.

If You Don't Know How to Flirt...

A woman told me over the weekend that she met her husband on a church-sponsored hiking trip. He'd spotted her a couple of times before then, and while they hiked, he made a point of keeping pace with her and starting a conversation.

Sounds great, I thought, except had I been in the same situation some years ago, I would probably have blown it by stuttering, or worse, not saying much of anything at all to the guy. I have always been shy, something I fight to this day (people often accuse me of being an inpenetrable snob, and I work to counter this impression. Why do you think I joined Toastmasters?).

Some years ago, a friend's aunt took it upon herself to teach me some flirting techniques. "It's all in the eyes, Terry," she said (that and in the willingness to undo the top button of my blouse). This woman bore a striking likeness to a scarecrow, but I gotta admit, she had a way with the menfolk.

I've lost touch with this auntie, but I've since come across an excellent flirting program by Mimi Tanner. Mimi and I don't agree on everything, but her book is great fun to read and full of workable tips I wished I'd known about years ago.

She offers a guarantee on the program, as well. It's definitely worth a look.

How She Met Her Husband

A woman told me yesterday she had once been fed up of single life in Manhattan. She decided to "pack up and move back home to England."

Then her sister, an executive with a cosmetics company, invited her to an industry event at the Hard Rock Cafe. Without any expectations, she went and got to talking with an organic chemist there.

They fell in love, got married, and moved to Connecticut, where now they have a lovely house and a 7-year-old daughter.