To Attract Men, Try This...

The other day, I wrote to my newsletter subscribers about a woman who refused to believe she's too old for love. Sure enough, she found it.

Whatever your age, you can benefit from her winning philosophy:

"Put a smile on your face. Make someone else smile.Do what you love to do. Have fun."

This prompted a response from a reader who has a similar mindset. I've edited her wonderful letter for length, but here's the gist of it:

"You mentioned smiling, and I can't agree with you more. I have just
gotten out into the fishbowl so to speak after 33 years of marriage.
What I noticed in most of the bars/pubs/dance halls right away is
that many of the women had cat faces of jealousy or envy or
something on their expressions. It was as if they were on a mission,
and I had just entered their turf. Wow. I was not quite prepared for
that. They looked evil or almost vengeful, and I noticed that about
several women in several places.

Well, I just thought - I am going to enjoy myself for sure. I have been shocked by the wonderful compliments too as the men noticed. One said to me 'You put the icing on the cake in here tonight.'

A 25-year-old female told me, 'You are so hot,' not as a come-on but a statement of real honesty. Another gentleman called me a 'stellar woman' compared to the others in hereand thanked me for being there.

I was not at all flirtatious or dressed provocatively but just smiled, laughed and was very relaxed. They notice! Many women have come through some very hurtful situations, but if you let that keep you down, the situation is still controlling you.

Be a victor and rise above the ashes and love will find you. So get smiling and be happy, Women. It works!"

--A Reader

Thanks a million, Reader, for the illuminating letter.

It may sound too good to be true, but just by looking happy and being relaxed, this woman set herself apart from so many others who hope to meet the right man.

She hit the nail on the head when she mentioned the creepy looks she got from other females when she "invaded their turf."

The sad thing, for those women, is that it's not just the "invader" who notices the evil looks -- every man in three-mile radius notices, too.

And guess what? Jealousy and sour looks are not attractive. Insecurity is not attractive.

What's attractive?

Confidence. Feeling good about yourself. Knowing what you have to offer. A sense of humor. The ability to laugh and smile easily.

Happiness is attractive. Decide to be happy.

The prettiest girl in the world has nothing on the woman who feels good about herself and can make others feel good about themselves.

It's Friday! What are you going to do with your weekend?

Here's an idea:

Put a smile on your face. Make someone else smile. Do what you love to do. Have fun!

She Thinks She's Ready to Meet a Man

Dear Terry,

I have been receiving emails from you and have learned a lot. I would be happier, though, if I could finally apply them to my life. I have stopped dating for almost four years already since I broke up with my ex-boyfriend. I've already forgotten all about my ex and have forgiven him. I guess I'm just too busy to go out and meet new male friends.

About two weeks ago, I decided to join an international dating site. It was fun at first--sending interests to men who I found attractive and receiving interests and mails from men 50 years old and above (I have included in my profile that I prefer men between the age of 30 and 41). By the way, I'm turning 32 two days from now. Only 3 or 4 of those interested in me are within my age preference, the rest (15 or more) are almost my mother's age.

How can I attract men on that website within my preferred age bracket? Could you also help me or give some tips on how to sustain the interest of those who have expressed their interest in me? I have received a couple of mails from men who I also find attractive. They said that they liked my profile and they find me cute, as I have posted 3 photos there. And then I replied to their mails and have not heard from them since.

Any help from you will be appreciated.

Thanks for reading this. Good luck and God bless.

Regards,
P.

Hello, P.

Happy 32nd birthday! I hope you did something fun.

Okay, you say you haven't dated in four years (after a breakup with a guy you've already "forgotten" and "forgiven"). Did it take you four years to get over that relationship? It's possible you're truly over the ex, but are you really over the pain of the breakup?

I ask because I wonder if you're avoiding relationships altogether on a subconscious level. You mentioned you've been "too busy" to make new male friends.

And now, when you do get around to meeting new men, you choose to do it on an international dating site. Not a local dating site. An international dating site. This implies that the men you connect with would live very far away. It would take some doing to fit them into your already busy life. You might not have to ever see them at all!

A lot of women who can't ever manage to meet the right guy suffer from mighty fears about relationships. They are attracted to -- and they attract--men with similar fears (men who won't commit). Or they don't attract anyone at all.

Ask yourself what scares you about relationships. Write a list. I imagine getting hurt again would be number one, and this is perfectly natural. Ask yourself what's the worst thing that would happen your fears came true. Could you handle it?

If so, stop making excuses and get out of the house. Get out of the office. Go where men your age go: Baseball games, restaurants, bookstores, open mic nights in coffee shops, sports bars. Volunteer for an organization where men tend to volunteer, like Habitat for Humanity.

To keep a man's interest, be yourself. Don't sit by the phone waiting for his call. Stay focused on your own life. See your friends. Be available but not overly available.

Just as we women like to think we're getting a prize in the men we date, men like to think they're getting a prize in us, too. Be a prize.

Good luck, P. I wish you every happiness in the world.

Terry

If You Want to Meet a Guy, Bring a Book

Last Friday, I described how I attracted the attention of a highly attractive fellow on the beach with my head stuck in Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights.

Books are like dogs that way. They attract the attention of the opposite sex. But you don't have to feed them or clean up after them.

On a business flight a few years ago, I overheard a man start a conversation with the woman next to him about the book in her lap, One Hundred Years of Solitude. On another flight, my seatmate, an entomologist proofreading a piece entitled, "The Oviposition of the Onion Fly," inquired about the book I read, which was A Christmas Carol. Then he wistfully told me about how his mother used to read it out loud to him when he was a child.

I once lent a copy of Bright Lights, Big City to a guy I was crazy about. He read it at lunchtime on a pretty spring day in Lower Manhattan, attracting the attention of another woman who chatted him up about it. (As you can guess, that wasn't exactly my intention.)

Even though reading is considered a solitary pursuit, it certainly invites conversation. And you can absolutely learn something about a guy by the books he reads, or by the things he says about the books you read.

Reading in public as a way to meet new men beats going to clubs (they're great for dancing, not meeting), where the emphasis remains on how hot your body is and how you shake it. Unless, of course, you hate reading and prefer sensory overload that prohibits meaningful conversation of any kind. Some people do.