Tuesday, October 20, 2009

He Broke Up With Her to Please His Family

Hello,

I'm so confused about something. My ex-boyfriend, and I "broke up" about a month ago. We had a great relationship - very healthy. I know his family had a lot to do with his decision (our culture is very complicated when it comes to dating/marriage).

Anyhow, it doesn't feel like we've even broken up. Everything has stayed the same. I know he has very strong feelings for me - and I for him. We talk everyday, we hang out a few times a week, we take trips and everything. He still tells me he loves me. Even when he goes out without me he's constantly texting me.

This situation is making me crazy. I want to be with him, but I just don't know how to handle things this way. Why is he like that? And how should I handle it? HELP!

~Turning Nutty


Dear Turning-

You say your relationship ended because his family had "a lot to do with his decision." Clearly, he wants to continue your relationship, but he does not want to offend his family. At this point, he is trying to have it both ways.

So, he is getting what he wants. His family is getting what they want. The only person who isn't getting what she wants is you.

You need to protect yourself.

He broke it off, so break it off. Don't go out with him or take trips with him. When he tells you he loves you, tell him, "That's great, but you broke up with me. Remember? You have given up the right to tell me anything of the sort."

He has also given up his right to text you and expect you to talk to him every day.

I'm afraid that if you continue to let things go the way they're going, you're going to get hurt. And he'll be able to wriggle out of it by saying, "But I never led you on. We were broken up."

Please take very good care of yourself. Bury yourself in something you've wanted to do but have put off since you starting seeing Family Man. Treat yourself as a treasure he's lost and a better man will be lucky to discover.

That's what you are: A treasure yet to be discovered. Stop letting this guy waste your time.

Please don't refer to yourself as 'Turning Nutty.' From now on, say you're 'Turning Toward Something Better.'

3 comments:

Monalisa said...

Dear Terry,

What a brilliant piece of advice, especially the words you used to convey the message show your marvellous intellect.

>>So, he is getting what he wants. His family is getting what they want. The only person who isn't getting what she wants is you.You need to protect yourself.

It's simply brilliant the way you analyzed the situation, and put it in words. How do you do that ? :-)

>>He has also given up his right to text you and expect you to talk to him every day.

Very well said !

This is why Dating Advice(Almost) Daily is my most favourite blog, and you are my most favourite blogger ! May God bless you, Terry !

Dear Turning, I'm from Asia, so I understand how in some cultures, the family also plays a major role in the
marriage decision. I've been in your place where my boyfriend broke up and behaved like he didn't,it's going to hurt the longer you prolong this.

When you think of it, he's not a jewel of a person to mourn for, he knows he's not committing to you, yet he doesn't think of your well being by keeping in touch with you.He knows he'll break this one day(may be when he gets married to a lady his parents approve of),or may be he wants to keep in touch even after that, but he doesn't care/think of how much you'd be hurt by breaking off and keeping in touch.If I broke up with a man for any reason,I wouldn't do this, and I guess you wouldn't too.Please don't let him do this to you, you'll find someone much better and you deserve it.

Love,

Monalisa.

Terry said...

Monalisa-

I really appreciate your perspective on this. Thank you for the kind words.

Jenny said...

"That's what you are: A treasure yet to be discovered. Stop letting this guy waste your time."
^
^
This is what I love the most of what you have said to Turning Nutty. I agree with this one so much because life is too short to be wasted on craps. Hence, one must live life to the fullest because each and every one of us deserves the ultimate happiness in our life.