When I opened this email the other day, it brought tears to my eyes. It's from a woman who used to settle for less than she deserved in relationships. I'm reprinting it here in case you're in a similar spot and searching for encouragement.
Thank you, C., for writing and sharing your inspiring story.
Hi, Terry:
I've met a lovely guy who lives nine miles away from me. He's kind, understanding, not too talky, great sense of humour. Looks a bit like a celebrity.
The *next man list* I made out which had about 100 qualities on it seems to have more ticked off it each time I meet him. He doesn't have a string of girlfriends, children, or an ex wife. Last night on about date 4, I discovered another favourite thing of mine, he has a hairy broad muscular chest. None of my friends can believe in this day and age I've met a single 40 year old man.
As I'm 5'10", I wanted a tall man, he's over 6ft. Of course, being well armed with knowledge from your information, I'm pacing it, he's ringing and can't get enough. It's empowering and I'm coming from a more balanced relaxed place. Because he's the only one ringing, no matter how many days go between, I know where I stand with him. If he tries anything slightly disrespectful, like trying to see me with no advance planning, he doesn't get away with it. In fact he didn't get to see me Valentine's Day because he didn't give me enough notice. That taught him a good lesson!!! He really upped his game after that.
You know the trouble I had with my previous 4 years on/off relationship, and the heartache I went through with upsets and unpredictability, me being the underdog. For over a year I read all your advice, would move on, and then keep going back to him. All my friends told me I looked (and I was) miserable. Yet when I finally let go of that rollercoaster relationship, and was totally honest about how dreadfully he was treating me, my life opened out.
Good things started to happen, instead of ever-decreasing circles, I began to find my world expanding and my confidence increasing. And I thank God since the breakup in January I've had none of the previous heartbreak associated with my ex.
I started making a list of what I wanted in a man and relationship about a year ago during yet another breakup. This year 2008, I really began to believe that when I let go of my ex, I would meet the new man on my list.
These are all difficult things to do when you listen to popular thinking like, a woman over 40 has only 1% chance of getting married, there are no good men left, coupled with fear of not meeting anyone again, men wanting younger women etc. Anyway, thanks for all the strong advice on how not to just settle, how to be my best feminine self, how to put myself first. The overall change in thinking didn't happen immediately but now it's becoming second nature.
Even if things don't work out with this new man, I KNOW there are plenty of fish in the sea and there is a perfect man for me out there. It's almost unnerving how many of the qualities in my list this new man has, and look at how soon I've met him. Last Saturday he said he has seen me before over the past few years, but hadn't the courage to ask me out. So as soon as I moved on from the going nowhere scenario, he appeared "as if by magic."
I hope stories like this encourage you to keep helping women, because there are a lot of women who really need to turn their thinking around. If you consistently hear a message with a truth in it, it will change your life.
My friend, who had lived a crazy life, taking speed and clubbing, has totally changed this year too. She says I've had an incredible influence on her. This past weekend she has had two men courting her attention, after years of being Miss-brought-home-from-the-nightout (never brought out)!
Another friend, who is 56, has ended a doormat type of relationship of 20 years since seeing the changes in me and my attitude about how I was too good for the lies, using and crap my ex doled out to me. She was living with this player type guy who golfed with my ex, even after 20 years with her, he wouldn't divorce his ex-wife or introduce her to his brothers and sisters! So you see, Terry, these are very positive knock-on effects in real lives you are having, and I really, really wanted you to know that :)
Thank you so much for all your time, for your dedication to improving women's self respect and their enjoyment of the wonder of their lives. Thank you for taking time to respond to me personally when I felt I was so confused and felt I was worth nothing. Take five minutes to appreciate some things happening on the other side of the world which are significantly better because of you.
XXXXXXXXXX
-C.
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1 comment:
Just received this comment from a reader who asked me to post it for her:
Dear Terry,
I tried to publish a comment to this wonderful email on your page but didn't succeed to, although I'm a Google user.
So here is my testimony (please feel free to publish it should you wish to do so):
This is wonderful! I am truly happy for C.
I had a similar experience, having waited over two years for a man who fed me a lot of crap and gave me no more than two hours of his presence at one sitting, about six times over the whole period !).
I knew I had nothing to expect from this "relationship" but I just couldn't let go of the hope that things would get better some day.
On Twelfth Night, I had an Epiphany ;-) and proceeded to google some of the pseudos he used on the Internet. I had never allowed myself to do it before because I felt it would be like betraying him and invading his privacy (!).
Well, my efforts were amply rewarded. I discovered that he had been consistantly lying to me and was not even living in the part of France he had me believe he was (his way to explain the fact that he couldn't see me very often).
I was in deep shock for one day but then a huge relief came over me and I felt free to put an end to this miserable mockery of a relationship which was leading me nowhere fast.
All it took was reading at least twice a day (first thing in the morning & last thing at night):"I am happily enjoying a lasting, passionate, monogamous relationship", "I am happily dating a gorgeous person who loves me, trusts me, and supports my dreams", "I deeply and completely love and accept myself". Rings a bell? ;-)
Thank you SO much,Terry. Your powerful words gave me the strength to move on from this fatal liaison. I have read your delightful ebook too.
Like C., I did start seeing a new man soon after the break-up (on Valentine's day!). And he gave me nine beautiful red roses. No man had cared enough for me to wish me a happy Valentine since... 1978! (In France, Valentine's Day is only for lovers.)
This new man is someone I had met on a dating site but never chose to see as a potential date because I was hooked on the creepy one. And then, all of a sudden, my eyes opened and I realized that he had lots of the qualities I was looking for in a man. Like C., I don't know where this new relationship will lead me, but I do agree twith her hat there is plenty more fish in the sea should things not work out the way I wish with my new boyfriend. Like her, I have refused to see him without a reasonable prior notice. Now, he makes plans to see me. I never call or send him messages first either. I let him do so. He seems so happy to oblige. A man in love will call, no matter what. Even a very busy man like my new boyfriend is, will always find a few minutes to speak to the woman he loves.
Recently, I let him speak to my voice mails for a whole day because he had said a few things I didn't care for. It looks like men sometimes try to test us to see "how far they can go too far". Well, I think he learned his lesson quite well (without my having to explain my attitude).
Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart, Terry. You are a blessing to all women (and the men who love them ;-).
Best regards,
Charlotte
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