You Can Meet Men and Get Married

The following is my response to a young woman who responded to my previous post, in which I promised to answer questions about meeting men:

Just when I thought I'd run out of things to write about meeting men and attracting happy relationships, you come along and remind me why I ever started doing this.

I checked out the gorgeous, compelling, thought-provoking photographs on your Flickr account and was blown away. Beautiful, beautiful stuff!

My thoughts about normal young women who don't date: Well, one of the captions on your photos says it all. You say you struggle with being comfortable with yourself. Men pick up on that.

Look, you're an attractive woman. You may not be TV thin, but who is? Furthermore, you're right; lots of overweight women get married, have no trouble getting dates, etc. They feel good about themselves, and so does everybody else.

And then there are the thin, pretty girls who don't feel comfortable about themselves and wonder if people are only interested in them because they fit the current beauty standard. If they were to be disfigured in an accident, would all the attention they've come to expect and enjoy suddenly evaporate?

Understand that you are not alone in the struggle to be comfortable with yourself (most of us are in it to a degree). At one point in my life, the men I attracted were pretty substandard (they picked up on my feelings of inadequacy like a radio signal). And then there were times when I just didn't attract any men at all.

And then, after a guy broke up with me because, as he said, "I was a treasure yet to be discovered," I decided to treat myself as a treasure yet to be discovered. I decided that I deserved love, affection, and to be treated well. And guess what? Once I adopted this mindset, I started to attract more-- and better-- men. I simply didn't have time for the losers.

You must hold yourself in very high regard to attract attention and good treatment from others!

Easier said than done, right? Well, Louise Hay recommends that you repeat the following affirmation at least 30 times a day:

"I love and approve of myself."

Chances are, you'll feel like a complete jackass the first few days you do it, but keep it up. (If you're really brave, you can say it in front of a mirror. Look yourself in the eye). After a couple of weeks, something inside you will start to shift. You'll notice that you're attracting better things.

You also might want to write a list of all the things you have going for you. What do you have to offer? It really helps to know. Keep the list in your wallet, where you can refer to it often.

Furthermore, it wouldn't hurt to check out Jennifer Weiner's blog (http://jenniferweiner.blogspot.com/). She, as you may know, is the author of the very successful novel "In Her Shoes" and once struggled with body image.

She's feeling pretty good about herself today, is happily married, has a child, and is probably rolling in money. Scroll down to the second post, which addresses "American Idol" and the Mandisa issue. Mandisa is the very talented singer who was rebuked by Simon Cowell for being overweight.

How to Meet Men: Tell Me What You Want to Know

Email your questions to me at terry@marrysmart.com, and I'll get back to you.

The Day of Enforced Love and Loneliness

I can really do without Valentine's Day. If married people stopped waiting for a commercially mandated holiday to express their love for one another, there would be fewer divorces. Valentine's Day also manages to make people who aren't in relationships think there's something wrong with them.

It's really rather sad. That said, Peter will show up with a card this evening, so I probably should go out and buy him one, too.

I slipped the requisite chocolate into the offspring's lunches this morning, which they promptly removed to prevent being expected to share with their classmates. The day of love, indeed!

I have to admit, though, my parents loved to celebrate Valentine's Day. They'd hit the stationery store after Mass the Sunday before and pick out the mushiest cards for each other. Last year, when my mother was sick, my father brought her one with a passage in it that nearly knocked me off my feet.

This morning, he had a Mass said for her.

Meet New Men

It's Saturday night. What are you doing at home?

You should be out among the living. Prince Charming is not going to climb through your window to watch the Olympics with you.

Grab a friend and head to your nearest coffee house. Most of them feature live music on weekends. Hang out. If you don't have a friend, go anyway. Order a cup of coffee in a to-go cup and then stick around.

If there's a seat at an empty table, take it. As the place fills up, somebody will probably ask you if they can drag off the other chair. Smile and say, "Sure." If anyone asks what you're doing out alone, just say you popped in for a quick cup of coffee but the music was so captivating you decided to stay. Look approachable.

Sure, it is a bit scary to put yourself in new and uncomfortable situations, but this is how you meet new people.

Meeting new people is the key to meeting "the one."

Pop Culture This Week

Some observations:

The unstoppable Madonna stole the Grammys show.

Two words for Mick Jagger regarding his Super Bowl performance: Long sleeves.

Somebody should tell Katie Couric that encouraging pigeons to eat off her head does not make, as she claimed, "Good TV." It makes "You Are So Desperate to Be Cute I Feel Sorry for You TV".

About that Salmon You're Eating...

Salmon is loaded with heart-healthy Omega-3s, but it may also be teeming with other garbage that could kill you.

This morning's Today Show featured a "flirtologist" who advocates following men around supermarkets. The last man I followed was my Sixth Grade teacher, when my friend Karen and I hid out in the dumpster in front of his house.

Gotta hand it to Dear Abby. She kicked ass today.

State of the Union, Part 2

Be sure to catch the repeat broadcast of last night's Colbert Report at 2:30/EST this afternoon or at 8:30/EST this evening. Colbert's take on the plight of today's American worker is priceless.

State of the Union

Today's contestant on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire hopes to win so that he can pay off his $100,000 student loan.

How to Get Dates

Interesting article on how people are getting dates without a lot of effort.

Dating, Dear Abby, and John Cusack

Interesting comments from guys about dating in today's Dear Abby, particularly one about women traveling in packs, thus intimidating potential suiters. It just goes to show that you gotta go out, but you gotta look approachable, too.

Since nobody likes hanging out among strangers, it's good to bring along a friend or two. But it can scare off the menfolk, so definitely put a pleasant expression on your face. If you accidentally bump into somebody on your way to the Ladies' Room, say 'Excuse me' and smile with your eyes. No matter how bad your day was, don't stand around sniping about your coworkers or your jerk boss. Evesdroppers will mistake you for a bitter shrew, so limit those discussions to the car.

Enjoyed reading The Huffington Post today, which quotes John Cusack, one of my favorite actors.

Huffington says she does yoga while watching Meet the Press. Whatever gets you through it, I guess. I like to listen to George Harrison while watching Meet the Press , or during reports that politicians who scare me have been elected.

Confessions of an Indiscriminate Dater

The Today Show covered the fun and not-so-fun adventures of a woman who said yes to every guy who asked her out.

Dating the Fun Way

Found a fun, free dating site based in England. The benefit is you might hook up with a lovely American man, but if you're so inclined, you can search the site for a British guy, too.

If you've ever dreamed of having an English accent tickling your ear when you wake up in the morning, this could be your ticket.

The Secret to Happiness

Worthwhile information from Michael J. Fox's father-in-law.

In other happy news, I received the following letter from a satisfied reader of my ebook, How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams:

Hi Terry,

Just thought I'd send you an update. After reading your book and following your advice, I finally got an "I love you" from my boyfriend. "Boyfriend," that's new too. He's finally broken down and started calling me his girlfriend, and he refers to himself as my boyfriend. Only took eight months! He's very much worth the wait. He's still wonderful. We haven't even had a single arguement yet. Believe me, if I marry him, you'll have another wedding invitation to add to your treasures.

Thanks for writing your book.

-D.

Letters like this make my day!

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt

All I have to say is, God bless Jennifer Aniston. And that's all I'm going to say.

Saw a segment on yesterday's Today Show that utterly and completely freaked me out. Check under Top Stories for Prevention Magazine's report on why watching too much Conan O'Brien might kill you.

Jesus Who?

After a Christmas that seemed it would never end (not the actual day, which was fun, but the ancillary crap that was not), I got hit with not one, but two rotten colds. And, even though I went to church Christmas Day, Jesus seemed beside the point.

I've been in bed for three days. I have not written a single New Year's resolution. I barely had the ambition to sit through The View.

Did catch David Letterman mop the floor with Bill O'Reilly the other night. Oh, that was great.

Stood Up, Part 2

More on dealing with a No-Show Joe from Sarah Tanner.

Turn up your speakers. It's quick, and it's worth a listen.

He Stood You Up?

You met a guy. He asked you out. He never showed up.

Sarah Tanner will tell you how to fix him.

Meet Men the Easy Way

Today's Dear Abby featured a letter from a woman who met her husband (and best friend) of 15 years through "Operation Dear Abby," the program where civilians email letters of support to American servicemen.

Granted, not everybody is going to meet the man of her dreams this way, but it's a nice option for getting to know somebody new. It's free, and you don't have to dress up.

This week's Attracting True Love newsletter will probably go out today. Want it? Sign up now. It's free, too.

Damage Control Has Gotten Old

For the second time in two days, President Bush has been up on his podium pulling our patriotic heartstrings on the subject of freedom. I wonder how free the displaced former residents of New Orleans feel, especially the ones FEMA plans to kick out of hotels. They're pretty much free to sleep on the streets. I wonder how people without healthcare feel about freedom; they can't get help when they're sick, so they're not free. They're stuck. Same goes for all the people who lost their pensions due to corporate wrongdoing.

So, no Mr. President, I don't think it's okay that you wiretap my phone in the interests of freedom. In fact, I respectfully submit that you stop using the word "freedom" in your speeches (is that word even still polling well?).

And, if you're really so gung-ho on ending atrocities all over the globe, why don't we ever hear you utter the word, "Darfur?"

Dating Tip for the Day

Smiling, yes, just smiling, is an excellent way to communicate friendliness, interest, and openness to possibilities. Once I learned to smile sincerely, even if things weren't going my way, I attracted all sorts of great circumstances (and more and better men to choose from).

For some reason, people like people who smile easily.

So, today I'm forcing myself to follow my own advice. I'll smile even though it's snowing ponies, and my offspring are shouting advice to the oil truck driver whose wheels spin desperately in front of my house.

I'll smile even though I had one measly business call to make all day and, surely, my children are too big, responsible, and considerate to fly in, wailing about what "she did!"

Yeah, right. I hate snow days.

But I'm smiling! I'm smiling!

What time is it? Is my husband on his way home from work yet?