Getting Past a Bad Face Day

I received this lovely response to my post about how to feel attractive when you just don't:

Excellent advice, Terry! I can confirm that what you have advised this reader really works. I'm 39 and all my colleagues thinks I'm much younger. When they make comments about age and "me being much younger" (they're mostly 40 or in their early 40s), I keep quiet and don't comment. I look much younger than most 35 year olds and many people actually think I'm younger than 35 too! I affirm every day that "I am a wise, sexy, and beautiful woman" and you know what happens? I FEEL like a sexy and beautiful woman! It really does work.

I was especially happy to receive this message yesterday when I, myself, was suffering a Bad Face Day of the highest order, having spent Easter weekend in a succession of restaurants. Let's face it; even some so-called better eateries boost the taste of their food with MSG and God-knows-what-else.

So I woke up yesterday looking like I'd been shot out of a cannon: Puffy eyes, swollen cheeks, a pimple the size of Michigan on my chin (I'm serious; you could stake a flagpole on it).

It's so easy to get down in the dumps about this stuff, especially since I had to go to the dentist yesterday morning and lie under a honking fluorescent light. But, as I sat in the waiting room, I leafed through one of those supermarket rags, Star, that I usually scoff at. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I was attracted by the cover story, "Stars Without Their Makeup." (Did I mention that I'm ashamed to admit this?)

Most of the stars actually looked pretty much the way you'd expect them to without makeup, a little sleepy, perhaps, but not bad. However, two photos really struck me.

The first was of the biggest model in the universe today, and (again, not proud to admit this) it thrilled me to see that she really does benefit a great deal from the judicious application of makeup and false eyelashes.

The second photo was of a major reality TV star, who's normally downright bewitching. But, without makeup, her complexion is riddled with dark spots and shadows.

And then, when I got back to my computer, I found the lovely message from a reader, which really buoyed me and reminded me to take my own advice. Which I did.

I'm glad to report that I look and feel much better today, although the pimple remains stationed on my chin and will probably not retreat until the weekend. Eyes are no longer puffy and cheeks have deflated to their normal proportions, though, thank God.

Fie on restaurants who use MSG and chemical spices and hydrogenated oil! If that poison makes you look bad on the outside, what's it doing to you on the inside?

Stay far, far away.

Lessons From a Master Flirt

My friend is an amazing flirt.

Here's what she's not: Trashy, vulgar, in-your-face, or desperate. Here's what she is: Attractive, kind, and confident. She has an open and pleasant face, but after two children, she doesn't possess a figure like any of the women on NBC's fright fest, The Age of Love. She looks like a woman, not a girl.

A couple of weeks ago, she and I and a bunch of other female friends headed to a tapas bars for, well, tapas. Oh, and mojitos.

The host came over to seat us, but he refused to make eye contact. So Master Flirt made a joke (nine times out of ten, she gets people to loosen up this way), but he was resolute. He wasn't going to look at us.

At that point, I admit, I'd have given up. Hey, she tried. But the girl did not give up. Instead, in an act of sheer genius, she sidled up to the guy. She was careful not to invade his space frontally, but moved over to his side gently in a way that conveyed, "Hey, Buddy."

And guess what? He smiled at her. He smiled at her all the way over to the table.

Then the waiter came over. He, too, refused to make eye contact. So she made a comment about the weather (I'm an idiot at small talk; while I'm trying to come up with something clever to say, she blurts out something benign, and it usually works. But this guy, like the last one, was a tough customer). When that didn't achieve the desired result, she brought up the subject of the bandage on his arm.

"Hey, what happened?" she asked.

The waiter involuntarily arched his back, surprised that she even noticed. "Eh, I just scratched it pruning a tree," he said. And then he smiled. And he smiled at her for the rest of the evening.

At the school where she works, she's known as the "hot teacher," even though she doesn't own a provocative article of clothing. She's also over 40.

The woman knows how to draw people in and make them feel important.

At her house for lunch one day, I spied How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie in her bookcase. While I've read that book, she absolutely lives it. Winning friends and influencing people is not about manipulation; it's about making people feel good about you and, more important, themselves.

And that's what a master flirt does. Everybody just loves her for it.