Monday, January 18, 2010

She Wants to Get Him Out of Her Head

Hi, Terry-

I have been struggling to get out of a relationship that is going nowhere with a man who I know in my heart can't commit. I am relocating thousands of miles away, but the situation is killing me.

Trying to move on and let go. Can you help?

-Set Me Free


Dear Set-

Really sorry about this. Great about the physical move, but I don't have to tell you it's critical to get him out of your head, too.

Since we tend to idealize people we're in love with, It will really help to think about habits, traits, speech patterns, or clothing he might have worn that annoyed you. Blow those things up in your mind. Think about them often.

Here's an example: I was crazy in love with this very successful, handsome Wall Street banker. One night we were talking, and it became clear to me that he didn't know that Cairo was the capital of Egypt. For some reason, it bothered me, but I chose to forget about it.

After we broke up, that little detail helped me every time I was on the verge of building him up in my head as the man who could never be replaced. Sure, he wore nice suits, but who doesn't know that Cairo is the capital of Egypt?

Maybe your guy had questionable breath, had a hobby that bugged you, was rude to your friends, or something else. Maybe he wore baseball caps in restaurants (a big peeve of mine). The guy was not perfect. Use that to your advantage. Write down things about him that annoyed you and bring them to mind any time you're tempted to fantasize about him or the relationship.

Also, while I've never used EFT to get over a guy (I did use it to get over the trauma of my mother's death, and the resulting insomnia), I understand it's helpful in getting over a broken heart. Try emofree.com and put 'breakup' or 'broken heart' in the search engine for free info.

WARNING, WARNING:

Even though some people resist commitment, they still want to stay on your radar. If the guy starts texting or calling you 'just to say hi,' and that kind of nonsense, it's in your best interest to discourage that. The sooner you get him off your brain, the freer and happier you'll be.

I hope this helps. Congratulations on your move thousands of miles away!

Very best wishes,
Terry

2 comments:

The Singlutionary said...

I'm not sure if this is healthy or not, but once I've decided that I'm through with someone, I tend to (without really realizing that I'm doing it) throw myself into a project that I was putting off for a long time. The more physical the project, the better. I painted my bathroom in the days right after my last breakup. I was sweating away in the summer and the lights had to be on in there so I could see what I was doing. It was a sauna. But it helped. It was that first step towards separation.

taiwan girls said...

It's up to you which move you adopt but it difficult for sometime to get someone out of your head even if he/she is far away from you.